Hey folks! So this is mostly for people familiar with my epic beta oneitis post.:
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-34397.html
On this thread it was strongly recommended that I read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, which I just finished reading (also just read the game for the first time; highly entertaining), and I've decided to reach out to some local psychotherapists through the NMMNG website.
Below is a letter that I plan to send them, which outlines my recent troubles, which include fitness, dieting and medical issues. I wanted to share it here in case anyone has special insight, and also just to provide caution about some of my methods so others can avoid what I went through.
One the specific topic of fitness I want to share another one of my posts on a different site where I was previously receiving some guidance. Half way through the post there is a link to pics of body progress. I'm sharing that in case anyone relates or wants to discuss this particular fitness dilemma:
http://www.4hbtalk.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=39282
Now here is the letter to the NMMNG doctors, which summarizes everything I've been struggling with, and where I am with everything now.
Cheers
--
I'm 33 and 2014 was a difficult year for me. I broke up with my best friend, who I had been close to for 17 years. I realized that I was in love with her and it was creating a lot of turmoil, so I had to let her know. She was sympathetic but didn't know how to react and never gave me a clear indicator of how she felt about it. Many months past with the issue on the back burner, and then I was blindsided by the fact that she'd left her boyfriend of 5 years and was seeing new people.
I told her that our friendship was in serious trouble because I couldn't get over her, or handle watching her date again. She responded that she needed time to reflect, and then never followed up. Then she began seeing a close friend of one of my friends, and I realized the relationship was extremely toxic. After a couple meltdowns I just stopped communicating with her all together one day. She was flabbergasted and sent me a number of dramatic messages. It took every bit of strength that I could muster, but per the advice on a men's online support group (where "No More Mr. Nice Guy" was recommended to me), I resisted the urge to respond until she finally gave up. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
This was a serious personal paradigm shift, so I used it to kick my life into gear with some other changes and goals for self improvement. I had suffered throughout my teens self-conscious and overweight, with many friends both male and female, but never a girl friend, which led to years of low-self esteem, self-hate and binge eating disorder. In college I lost nearly 50lbs, but didn't use the best fitness methods and ended up with what's known as a "skinny-fat" appearance. This always bothered me. It was time to finish the job once and for all and reach the level of fitness I'd always desired.
I began an intensive strength training program on a strict paleo diet with intermittent fasting. I also started meditating, reading more, going for daily walks in the sun, standing at my computer stations at work and at home. After several months I began to see significant changes in my body composition. I could even see abdominal muscles for the first time in my life. The progress continued for several more months, and then my health took an unexpected turn.
It started with overly frequent urination, and then one day my sex drive disappeared by around 80-90%. Everything still worked but there was no spontaneous arousal, morning or nocturnal erections. I began seeing my doctor as well as a urologist to identify the problem and it was eventually determined that this was likely a side effect of a hair loss drug I was taking called finasteride; a condition called post finasteride syndrome (PFS), which for some causes permanent sexual dysfunction. I thought that life was over as I knew it. I was a healthy horny thirty-something man in LA, who could see countless attractive women and feel nothing at all. This was a very dark period.
I stopped taking the finasteride immediately and began taking natural testosterone enhancers, as well as Xanax to improve my quality of sleep. This brought back my libido by around 40%, but I had no idea if I would continue to make improvements, and the urinary irregularities persisted. I continued on my diet and exercise program, but began having more and more relapses of binge eating. I couldn't understand how it was possible to feel such a loss of control over food.
So I began doing research in how to treat BED, and one day I stumbled across some new resources including Avishek Saha's http://www.stopbeingconfusedabouthealth.com/blog/, Matt Stone's 180degreehealth.com, and Jon Gabriel's http://www.thegabrielmethod.com. Through their books, videos and articles I learned about the real dangers of restrictive dieting such as veganism or Paleo nutrition, along with fasting and over-training.
According to this research calorie restriction can cause all kinds of unwanted side effects such as frequent urination, erectile dysfunction and fertility problems in women, after a honeymoon period of rapid fat loss, high energy and muscle gains. Once this period ends many people experience a metabolic crash, which causes their body temperature to stay abnormally low, sending stress levels through the roof, and causing uncontrollable cravings for sugar, starch and fat, which leads to excessive binging and eating disorders. The fitness progress then plateaus, often resulting in a higher amount of body fat than the dieter initially started with, and the destructive cycle continues.
To treat my symptoms I've been using a recommended counterintuitive method called RRARF, or rehabilitative rest and aggressive refeeding, while monitoring my body temperature. This involves taking a break from intensive exercise and consuming large amounts of calorie dense foods, including certain "junk foods" for a period, until your regular body temperature reaches a healthy level and raises your metabolism.
This process does come with a period of fat gain, but ultimately neutralizes your appetite for "unhealthy" foods, promptly eliminating the need to binge, and primes your body for optimal and sustainable fitness, without ever dieting again and using balanced nutrition. More importantly the process is said to fully eliminate the sexual side effects of restrictive dieting and I am relieved to report that my sex drive has now been restored by around 80 to 90%.
So now I am trying to reintroduce myself into the dating scene after 4 years of being single as well as celibate. I have severe approach anxiety. I've decided to make an attempt at "nice guy recovery" to improve this aspect of my life among others, and reach my full potential as a man. As the book recommends I will need help working through some of my baggage that brought me to this point and address some of my deeper psychological issues.
I believe the eating disorder is finally under control with my current diet recovery program. But I still have problems with body image, as I'm regaining some body fat. A part of the recovery process requires that I not let myself worry about it and guide myself towards optimal fitness with visualization, keeping stress levels as low as possible and eating as much as I want to without guilt. The idea is to let go and use the low stress levels to your advantage, raising your metabolism so you become a fat burning machine.
It's just a challenge to get through the initial phase. People like me are terrified of becoming fat. Along with my nice guy issues, these concerns have always plagued me and gotten in the way of reaching any healthy level of confidence.
The other part of my physical recovery and fitness goal that I'm struggling with is sleep. I need to do it a lot more. I'm trying my best, but so far I'm almost always waking up after 6 hours, often feeling anxious and having to eat in order to get back to sleep for an additional hour or two. Ideally I'd be getting 8-10 hours to get the full benefits of the recovery process. It also might be extra difficult because I stopped taking Xanax.
In addition to the sleep issues and disordered relationship with food and body image, I have a marijuana addiction that I probably need to shake as a part of my over all recovery process. I had stopped recently for several weeks and I was feeling good about it. Then an event came up and I ended up with some weed, which I was able to have in the house without smoking, so I felt under control. Unfortunately this didn't last as I began using it to get myself back to sleep, and take the edge off after work, and it's a daily habit again.
I'm sure that this ties in with my other issues, which is why I should probably quit, at least for a long stretch of time. I feel dependent, or at least more than I'd like to. I worry that I'm just not as much fun, or relaxed and witty without it, so I feel pressure to get high for certain social occasions. When I'm fully sober I feel bored and anxious, which makes me less fun, energized or engaging. But it's irrational, because I know I'm the same person either way.
Despite everything, I do feel positive. There is a new sense of hope and self confidence that I've never felt before. I can feel myself changing rapidly after my recent shifts and revelations, and I believe I'm finally moving in the right direction. It's just that I'll probably need a little help along away.
Please let me know if I can schedule a free consultation with you or one of your colleagues and thank you for your time and consideration thus far.
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-34397.html
On this thread it was strongly recommended that I read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, which I just finished reading (also just read the game for the first time; highly entertaining), and I've decided to reach out to some local psychotherapists through the NMMNG website.
Below is a letter that I plan to send them, which outlines my recent troubles, which include fitness, dieting and medical issues. I wanted to share it here in case anyone has special insight, and also just to provide caution about some of my methods so others can avoid what I went through.
One the specific topic of fitness I want to share another one of my posts on a different site where I was previously receiving some guidance. Half way through the post there is a link to pics of body progress. I'm sharing that in case anyone relates or wants to discuss this particular fitness dilemma:
http://www.4hbtalk.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=39282
Now here is the letter to the NMMNG doctors, which summarizes everything I've been struggling with, and where I am with everything now.
Cheers
--
I'm 33 and 2014 was a difficult year for me. I broke up with my best friend, who I had been close to for 17 years. I realized that I was in love with her and it was creating a lot of turmoil, so I had to let her know. She was sympathetic but didn't know how to react and never gave me a clear indicator of how she felt about it. Many months past with the issue on the back burner, and then I was blindsided by the fact that she'd left her boyfriend of 5 years and was seeing new people.
I told her that our friendship was in serious trouble because I couldn't get over her, or handle watching her date again. She responded that she needed time to reflect, and then never followed up. Then she began seeing a close friend of one of my friends, and I realized the relationship was extremely toxic. After a couple meltdowns I just stopped communicating with her all together one day. She was flabbergasted and sent me a number of dramatic messages. It took every bit of strength that I could muster, but per the advice on a men's online support group (where "No More Mr. Nice Guy" was recommended to me), I resisted the urge to respond until she finally gave up. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
This was a serious personal paradigm shift, so I used it to kick my life into gear with some other changes and goals for self improvement. I had suffered throughout my teens self-conscious and overweight, with many friends both male and female, but never a girl friend, which led to years of low-self esteem, self-hate and binge eating disorder. In college I lost nearly 50lbs, but didn't use the best fitness methods and ended up with what's known as a "skinny-fat" appearance. This always bothered me. It was time to finish the job once and for all and reach the level of fitness I'd always desired.
I began an intensive strength training program on a strict paleo diet with intermittent fasting. I also started meditating, reading more, going for daily walks in the sun, standing at my computer stations at work and at home. After several months I began to see significant changes in my body composition. I could even see abdominal muscles for the first time in my life. The progress continued for several more months, and then my health took an unexpected turn.
It started with overly frequent urination, and then one day my sex drive disappeared by around 80-90%. Everything still worked but there was no spontaneous arousal, morning or nocturnal erections. I began seeing my doctor as well as a urologist to identify the problem and it was eventually determined that this was likely a side effect of a hair loss drug I was taking called finasteride; a condition called post finasteride syndrome (PFS), which for some causes permanent sexual dysfunction. I thought that life was over as I knew it. I was a healthy horny thirty-something man in LA, who could see countless attractive women and feel nothing at all. This was a very dark period.
I stopped taking the finasteride immediately and began taking natural testosterone enhancers, as well as Xanax to improve my quality of sleep. This brought back my libido by around 40%, but I had no idea if I would continue to make improvements, and the urinary irregularities persisted. I continued on my diet and exercise program, but began having more and more relapses of binge eating. I couldn't understand how it was possible to feel such a loss of control over food.
So I began doing research in how to treat BED, and one day I stumbled across some new resources including Avishek Saha's http://www.stopbeingconfusedabouthealth.com/blog/, Matt Stone's 180degreehealth.com, and Jon Gabriel's http://www.thegabrielmethod.com. Through their books, videos and articles I learned about the real dangers of restrictive dieting such as veganism or Paleo nutrition, along with fasting and over-training.
According to this research calorie restriction can cause all kinds of unwanted side effects such as frequent urination, erectile dysfunction and fertility problems in women, after a honeymoon period of rapid fat loss, high energy and muscle gains. Once this period ends many people experience a metabolic crash, which causes their body temperature to stay abnormally low, sending stress levels through the roof, and causing uncontrollable cravings for sugar, starch and fat, which leads to excessive binging and eating disorders. The fitness progress then plateaus, often resulting in a higher amount of body fat than the dieter initially started with, and the destructive cycle continues.
To treat my symptoms I've been using a recommended counterintuitive method called RRARF, or rehabilitative rest and aggressive refeeding, while monitoring my body temperature. This involves taking a break from intensive exercise and consuming large amounts of calorie dense foods, including certain "junk foods" for a period, until your regular body temperature reaches a healthy level and raises your metabolism.
This process does come with a period of fat gain, but ultimately neutralizes your appetite for "unhealthy" foods, promptly eliminating the need to binge, and primes your body for optimal and sustainable fitness, without ever dieting again and using balanced nutrition. More importantly the process is said to fully eliminate the sexual side effects of restrictive dieting and I am relieved to report that my sex drive has now been restored by around 80 to 90%.
So now I am trying to reintroduce myself into the dating scene after 4 years of being single as well as celibate. I have severe approach anxiety. I've decided to make an attempt at "nice guy recovery" to improve this aspect of my life among others, and reach my full potential as a man. As the book recommends I will need help working through some of my baggage that brought me to this point and address some of my deeper psychological issues.
I believe the eating disorder is finally under control with my current diet recovery program. But I still have problems with body image, as I'm regaining some body fat. A part of the recovery process requires that I not let myself worry about it and guide myself towards optimal fitness with visualization, keeping stress levels as low as possible and eating as much as I want to without guilt. The idea is to let go and use the low stress levels to your advantage, raising your metabolism so you become a fat burning machine.
It's just a challenge to get through the initial phase. People like me are terrified of becoming fat. Along with my nice guy issues, these concerns have always plagued me and gotten in the way of reaching any healthy level of confidence.
The other part of my physical recovery and fitness goal that I'm struggling with is sleep. I need to do it a lot more. I'm trying my best, but so far I'm almost always waking up after 6 hours, often feeling anxious and having to eat in order to get back to sleep for an additional hour or two. Ideally I'd be getting 8-10 hours to get the full benefits of the recovery process. It also might be extra difficult because I stopped taking Xanax.
In addition to the sleep issues and disordered relationship with food and body image, I have a marijuana addiction that I probably need to shake as a part of my over all recovery process. I had stopped recently for several weeks and I was feeling good about it. Then an event came up and I ended up with some weed, which I was able to have in the house without smoking, so I felt under control. Unfortunately this didn't last as I began using it to get myself back to sleep, and take the edge off after work, and it's a daily habit again.
I'm sure that this ties in with my other issues, which is why I should probably quit, at least for a long stretch of time. I feel dependent, or at least more than I'd like to. I worry that I'm just not as much fun, or relaxed and witty without it, so I feel pressure to get high for certain social occasions. When I'm fully sober I feel bored and anxious, which makes me less fun, energized or engaging. But it's irrational, because I know I'm the same person either way.
Despite everything, I do feel positive. There is a new sense of hope and self confidence that I've never felt before. I can feel myself changing rapidly after my recent shifts and revelations, and I believe I'm finally moving in the right direction. It's just that I'll probably need a little help along away.
Please let me know if I can schedule a free consultation with you or one of your colleagues and thank you for your time and consideration thus far.
