[stavrogin]

Hello guys, 1st post despite watching the space for a long time.

Some background: I am European living in one of the most problematic countries in the southern periphery of EU (it's on the news constantly for the past 5 years for all the bad reasons, economic mainly). Should be easy to guess to which country I refer.

Last summer I met though social circle (classmates from a course) a girl from South America who was visiting the country. Reason for the visit was that she is enamored of the place and the culture. As a result, she speaks the language at a very good level. We just met for 2-3 hours at that time (other people were present as well), as she was leaving the country for home the next day. However, we kept in touch the year after that (mainly texts through apps, emails). Nothing too long, just some short messages every 15-20 days to keep in touch, nothing special. Most of the time she was initiating the discussion.

To make things short, in the beginning of this autumn she moved to the country to attend some university courses in the language in order to improve her skill. 10 days after she moved, she asked me to go on vacation with her during the upcoming public holiday. I did accept and we spent 4 days together. There was immediate chemistry and we ended up sleeping together. Another similar trip (holiday) happened 1 month afterwards. 2 nights together, 2 bangs. All this time, she seemed to be really into me emotionally. She used to call me almost every day, send to me things she has written (short novels), discuss a multitude of things etc.

Coming to now, she is about to visit my city this weekend for 3 nights. Reason is that she is going to travel to another European country for Christmas holidays with a friend of hers who will join her from her country. Yesterday morning she texts me to tell she wants me to call her as soon as I get home from work. After talking for almost half an hour, she decides to reveal that back home she has a boyfriend. Needless to say, it was the first time she did mention that thing to me. She goes on asking me what I want from the relationship and says that she is stressed I will be hurt. Reason is she thinks I want sth serious but she is very confused from what she wants. She goes on telling she is in love with me but she does not want yet to dump her boyfriend back home. However she is thinking about it, cause she plans to stay here for the next 3 years at least to continue her studies.

Then she goes on to tell me that she would like for this coming extended weekend to hang out a lot with me but not sleep together because this creates intimacy and she needs time. Actually, she comes almost exclusively for me as she has no other plans besides. When asked, she responds the reason she comes on Saturday and not Monday (her travel is on Tueday) is me. Apparently I have no intention of hanging out with her if there is no sex included. I trust I will be able to make it happen as the logistics are good (she has rent an appartment downtown through AirBnB).

I am convinced she is really into me. However, as she is not sure what the evolution of the relationship will be, she needs some confirmation that she should not worry about me wanting something long term. As I also suspect that the friend coming to visit her on Christmas is her boyfriend back home, this should be creating guilt to her. What I would like to hear from you now, is what is your opinion about how I should transmit the idea that I don't care about how things evolve and just take our time together, enjoy each other's company (certainly with sex involved). Obviously, I should not come out as jerk either (e.g. caring only about the bang).

To make things clear, this is what I really want to convey. It's not sth I want to pretend only to convince her sleeping with me. I have no intention of having her as LTR as distance relationships can't work. Anyway, it's possible in the very near future I will relocate to another European country. Thing is, for as long as I will continue to be near her, I would like to have sex with her.

Looking forward to your precious feedback.

[Noir]

So you're Greek. Kalosorises!

I won't go into the details of your social climate and how people are very cliquey/complex and speak a lot. I am sure you are aware of this and take this into consideration, given the context of your story.

She did not tell you about her boyfriend because:

a) she did not want to scare you off, she wanted the sex (if it is not broken don't fix it)

b) she is in another country and therefore, if she is to not feel slutty, he does not exist. (Otan tis simferei; when it is in her benefit)

c) she is into you but she knows where she stands so she is initiating a power play. This is the power of pussy. She wants to with-hold sex from you to see if you will still want to spend time. Given this, you must act accordingly. I would personally just friendzone her and not really bother.

You can plead the 5th and go with it. Nod your head and say one thing and do the other. She will rationalize her actions via what you say but your actions will get you where you want, usually. Take the blame and go forth.

As we say in Cyprus, paixe pello.

[sandman972]

As you suspected, its most likely that "friend" is her boyfriend that she travelling with.

I would play it off totally surprised that she thought you were thinking this was a LTR. Stress to her that you have fun with her and you want to keep it at that, and that shes reading to much into it.

Shes trying to friend zone you to save her ass and mend her guilt, but I also think you might not be more desired to her boyfriend (even though you banged her) yet.

Dont let her friend zone you. Meaning, you can be normal with her, but I wouldnt go running to meet up with her on "friendly" terms by any means.

When she tries to plan to meet up with you, tell her you made plans for drinks that night with a friend and you can meet up after. Let her hampster start running while she thinks if you have a date lined up.

When you do meet up, which should be on your terms (also at your place), obviously try and escalate. If she keeps resisting and with holding you sex tell her that its clear shes under alot of pressure with her bf, and you would rather not get involved at all at this point and its best if you guys dont see eachother for now. Casually tell her she should leave.

Then cut all contact. If she wants you bad enough, she will come back crawling with sex in hand.

With all that being said, I think you will still bang her when she comes. Liquor and music at your place and Id say you are golden.