[BlurredSevens]

[*note: This post was written Saturday afternoon, but I didn't get a chance to post then. The text below is unchanged from the original writing*]

I'm writing this post while sitting in a coffee shop in Boston, and am about to meet up with an RVF forum member later tonight. I am here for 4 short days in this gray, cold, dreary city. Winter is harsh and unrelenting in Boston. Everyone is wearing heavy jackets and their breath can be seen in the air. And yet today, I feel like I am on top of the world. In a dark, rough city, what could possibly cause this feeling?

The Bad Date
When I landed in Boston, I opened the Tinder app and started talking with a few girls. On my second night in town, a girl agreed to invite me to her apartment to drink wine "before going out." I brought two bottles because I knew we would not leave her place. I thought it was a done deal, but I would end up leaving at midnight with only a makeout. I felt it slip between my fingers. I blamed many things, but I should have blamed myself! I am a young guy in a big city and the world is my oyster! It was a bad date, because I liked her more than she liked me, and it hurt my ego to walk away empty handed.

But Boston is a city of Irish heritage, and the luck of the Irish would soon offer me a blessing.

I get back to my hotel room at 1 a.m. and feel depressed. I want to quit but I'm still wired and have an insatiable energy, so I throw on a blazer and go to a swanky hotel bar nearby. I find a dwindling crowd with one foot out the door. I spot two fly girls at the bar - heels, short dresses, very long hair - and they are surrounded by thirsty guys. Packs of them, from multiple social groups. I am energized but discouraged. I am thinking about the bad date. My head is hanging low. I see one preppy looking guy with his friends, and I decide to chat him up when he walks to the bar. I tell him "I just went on a bad date." To my surprise, he laughs and opens up. The preppy guy starts giving me life advice. He said he could relate, and he told me to be happy for what I did have in my life.

I thought that was cool. He was genuine to me, a complete stranger. It lifted my spirits. A few minutes later I had a similar conversation with the bartender.

The Highball Girl
Now I am feeling social, and the world seems a bit brighter. I notice the two girls again, and see that a tall guy is talking to only one of them, and the other is being ignored, if only for a moment. I move my feet and walk up next to her. Her body language was unwelcoming and stiff, likely from hours of fending off bad approaches. Arms fully crossed. She was closed off. But I had just become carefree! I look at her and blurt out: "have you ever been on a bad date?"

In retrospect it was a cheesy opener, but it was fresh in my mind and it was something I wanted to talk about. I had to get it off my chest, and I didn't care who would listen. I rambled for a long time about the nature of modern dating without really hearing how she responded to me. She drank her highball. Shivers down my spine as the light hit her face and I caught a glimpse of her beauty for the first time. I thought that I should have been more intimidated; she was young and fly and her long hair reached down to the top of her ass and she was…absolutely gorgeous. I do not normally have the balls to approach girls like her. The conversation dies down after five or ten minutes. As I am ready to leave, she surprises me by handing over her phone and asks to add my number. I do this and then call her so she has my number. It is a lame move, and I cringe at myself. I said good night at 2 a.m. knowing I would never see her again.

I get back to my room, settle in, and am surprised to get a text from the highball girl at 3:02 a.m. that read "It was wonderful meeting you, blurred. You have a great soul. May the road rise up to meet you and may our paths cross again in the future." An Irish blessing! Almost. Sort of. But what a sweetheart. I go to bed with a smile.

I call her the next day and invite her out for drinks. She is down and it is on.

Now, here I sit in this coffee shop at 6 p.m., and I think that what happens tonight is irrelevant, because the lessons I've learned are more important than whether or not I hook up with this one girl. I wanted to write this post before the date, because the experience tonight will influence how I remember this moment, and I don't want to forget it. Why?

Why did this even work out in my favor? How is it that my only approach of the night led to a strong hook and a date with an uncommonly high quality girl? I had 80 tinder matches and yet my one approach gives me the best results? I think it is because I arrived at a point in my mood where I wasn't putting on an act, I wasn't being a "player" with canned stories or lines…I was just being me. Beaten down but ready for the next fight. Take me or leave me but there I was. Maybe she liked that out of all the guys to talk to her that night, I was the first to be real with her. It didn't matter what I said but rather how I said it. "Vibe," as many of you say.

The Ever Good Feeling
It is one thing to read about it and another to see it work. To feel it work. I have read that being vulnerable can be bad game, but I walked up to her with no expectations and told her about my life, and that simple act was refreshing for us both. To have a person hear my story...it felt good. I learned last night that to show your heart and soul is better than to show nothing. To hide is to fail. The world can be a negative experience and so a hint of positivity is contagious.

To make a strong connection, you have to put a piece of yourself on the line and speak candidly about your experience in the world - for better or for worse. Last night, it was for the worse. We the people are all very much the same, and we can all relate to the human experience. It is how to you take that experience and process it before putting it back into the world that matters. I accepted the bad date but I was in that bar to turn my night around for the better. My presence was a testament to my own desire for positivity, and people could sense this from me. The highball girl felt it and liked it and wanted more.

Tonight, anything can happen. And tomorrow, I will leave this city and go home. But I will always remember this city and this girl and this moment, right now. I feel genuinely happy for my life and how the game has influenced it. To take nothing and turn it into something…it is a high that I will move mountains to feel again. And I know that if I can do it, so can you. You have the power to go from a place of negativity to one of bliss, and it will require you to be honest with yourself and with the people around you. It is easier than you think. Openness breeds positivity and that is an attractive human quality, whether your intentions are friendship or lust or love.

So I challenge you to go out there and introduce positivity to those in your surroundings. You just might be surprised how the world pays you back.

[Duke Castile]

I think you're still drunk

[BlurredSevens]

^^haha I was going for the stream of consciousness type thing. Giving it a shot. Perhaps it will only make sense to me.

[RexImperator]

I like it. The power of outcome-independence.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

Great story. I wonder if women tend to respond better to rejection or hard-luck-with-women stories and we should give this some kind of name ("Loser game?").

In retrospect, the best I ever did numbers-wise was after my three-year college relationship ended and I was completely depressed and feeding a (legit) sob story to everyone who would listen. It seems like girls threw themselves at me wanting to cheer me up.

Twenty years later I bumped into a girl I'd worked with who was way too tall for me and who I never thought would give me a second look. But she confessed she had a thing for me back then. Why? "Because I had never seen a guy so passionate about a woman before and it made me think you had a good heart." WTF?! Wish I'd known this at the time.

If this really does work as an approach technique, I wish I'd been in better spirits at age 21 when I was inadvertently using it. Because -- as I've written many times before on here -- you don't get the chance to connect with women that young all your life.

Plus, it comes of more sincere than anything Neil Strauss ever came up with.

[RealityCheck]

Cool post, BlurredSevens. I've read a lot of awesome posts from you in the past so don't take this as me hating, it's just my two cents:

I have to say that I disagree with the implied message. Moods and feelings are like the weather, they come and go and don't stay the same forever. Going out looking for that moment of bliss you describe is counter-productive. It's a kind of Zen paradox where you can only achieve that state when you are not trying to.

In the end of your post you say that you challenge us to go out and "introduce positivity," but what you did in this story wasn't "introducing positivity," rather, you conveyed genuineness by willfully exposing a weakness that she could potentially judge you for. By not judging you, it created a bond.

It worked here, but in the end I believe it's a losing bet. By that I mean that if you hit on 18 in blackjack, there's a chance you might not bust, and actually win when you otherwise would've lost, but in the long run it's a bad strategy. In that same vein, vulnerability game might have worked for you here, but I believe that over time it will yield less results than fundamental alpha game tweaked to your personality (so that we're not all robots spitting Mystery Method).

I say this because I've also had success running similar game as this where I was "myself" right off the bat, and while it was nice when a girl was feeling it, it made rejection sting even more. It also made me lose my outcome independency, because I started to care too much about what the girl thought of me. This is the fundamental issue with vulnerability game, it's structured around what she thinks of you i.e. if she doesn't judge, then the connection between you two can become precociously strong, but if she does, now all your weaknesses are out in the open. Also, I think that when you come off as vulnerable in the beginning, it's tougher to maintain frame later down the line, since being vulnerable is a slippery slope that leads you playing into her frame, and then her later resenting you for falling under her spell, but now I'm getting into the theoretical.

I've had moments of bliss like you describe here as well, and I'm sure I'll have more in the future. Whenever I do, I allow myself to enjoy it, but I remind myself that bliss is fleeting and that if I get too carried away with my highs then I'll have a tougher time keeping composure when feeling a low.

BlurredSevens Wrote:

To have a person hear my story...it felt good.

This is the crux of the issue for me. I've come to a conclusion recently, both through personal experience and readings from the red pill community, in regards to female companionship versus male camaraderie. The former is nearly worthless in this day and age, while the latter is still valuable, or should I say invaluable. In other words, I have male friends that are like brothers to me that I know are loyal, trustworthy, and in my corner. These are the guys who I "tell my story to," so to speak, and they're the ones that have opinions that matter to me. I'd hand over all my life savings to them in cash to be given back to me at a later date and not even think twice about it. (On the other hand, I also believe deep down that the only true friend anyone has in this world is himself, but I digress). Would you ever do this with a woman that isn't family? Why is this forum so anti-marriage, which is a similar scenario in many respects?

I've learned that women can only offer one thing, with virtually no exceptions. Based on the writings of those more experienced than me, I believe there perhaps are exceptions, but I believe these exceptions are extremely rare and that whenever you think you may have found that coveted unicorn, you should proceed with extreme caution and self-discipline. In retrospect, I've never even been involved with a woman that might fit this ideal. Quite to the contrary, every time I've sought companionship from a woman (i.e. been vulnerable), I've been burned. Thankfully, it was never that bad in large part due to the red pill community that allowed me to pull the emergency breaks on certain trains that were destined to derail.

You say that what happens with the girl doesn't matter because of the lesson you learned here. So I guess I agree with your conclusion just not how you got to it.

[456]

Blurred -- maybe I misread -- so when you wrote this in the cafe, you were about to meet up with a forum member. But wasn't that also your date night with the girl? Or was that the next day?

I know the point was not how the highball girl date went, but did it happen? (If not, I realize it still must have felt great to turn your vibe around that evening!)

[General Stalin]

Damn I'm in the Boston area wish I'd known.

I appreciate your honest transparency here, and the "hears on my sleeve" methosd has its merits, but I'm in agreeance that it is generally a fool's errand. RealityCheck (who's username is humorously fitting in this context) said it right: that vulnerability-game has a 'chane' of working, but the odds are stacked against you and it makes the all-too-high probability of rejection bun that much more because the woman is actually rejecting your complete honest self.

On the flipside, I think there is something to be said about working this kind of angle on exceptionally attractive girls with relatively decent intelligence. They surely get plenty of attention and a lot of men will peacock to them because that is what men generally assume they want - super good looking dudes with money, fame, fortune, etc. Those types of girls may be more receptive to someone who is unapologetically themselves without trying to impress them. Hmm...

Anyway stop leaving us in suspense and tell us how the date went!

[Duke Castile]

(12-21-2014 11:42 PM)BlurredSevens Wrote:  

^^haha I was going for the stream of consciousness type thing. Giving it a shot. Perhaps it will only make sense to me.

Actually, I agree with you completely about being open.

The only way for you to make a connection is if you're open. That takes more balls than faking some "alpha" persona.

If you're closed, her own barriers will definitely not be down as no female will have the balls to be open ever.

By extension this is true with all people. I've found that there is strength in being vulnerable. Much more so than being guarded.

[AneroidOcean]

I encourage you to write more.

I think those that are saying it was a bad approach and you got lucky are a little too negative in their outlook but I understand the wariness towards "just be yourself" type action.

What we can all take from this:

1. There's nothing wrong with positivity, but you should temper it with reality (just being yourself isn't what got you this, it was the rest of your actions/demeanor).

2. Action trumps wallowing. Instead of being depressed in spirit, you went out and succeeded in lifting your spirits, bonus being that you succeeded in an environment with the odds against you.

3. The "just be yourself" message is a very simple one to shoot down (because of it's main interpretation), but I believe there are many aspects of this ethos that can be useful. Keeping in mind many other game tenets, I think it's useful to realize that accepting yourself is a great thing. Most people would not want to reveal something potentially embarrassing about themselves, but one of the things I've found most powerful and most endearing about successful people is that they have no problem admitting their potentially embarrassing failures as they know that this doesn't really have much bearing on their success as they've had tons of failures and recognize them for what they are, pretty insignificant.

[DVY]

I've kept some idea of boundaries, but like Fisto I believe that if you are open and genuine its easier to connect.

Vibe is an important thing. Girls are good at picking it up. Just let it flow and don't be suprised if it flows back to you

[Travesty]

Going to be the cynic here and say this wasn't because you were so vulnerable.

You had 2 bottles of wine with the other chick and more drinks. You stated you were in a total not give a fuck mindset.

Being totally loose, not caring, and a lucky draw in the numbers game.

Being as hungry as you were for it (you forced yourself out with a second wind, she was hit on by multiple other guys and in complete bitch shield posture) while at the same time not caring about the outcome is a rare and near perfect state for game.

[RexImperator]

That's what I was thinking... It's the IDGAF vibe. Hank Moody style.

[BlurredSevens]

Thanks for the replies, guys. There is some interesting stuff in here.

I hesitate to draw sweeping conclusions about game from my post, since it is a single experience from one guy. My intention was to show how all of these elements came together in a fluid way for me, and my conclusion was that positive thinking was the overall driver of my experience.

My post was more about inner game than outward, on-the-ground tactics. That is why I wrote it pre-date. Because regardless how things played out for me, I felt really good that day. And what is more important than that? Isn't that what we're all searching for? In fact, I felt better that afternoon than after the ONS I pulled the previous week. I felt happy. So the take away isn't some new fangled game technique for closing girls, it's a statement that sometimes, it's ok to let your feelings drive what you do, rather than fighting yourself and trying to be someone you're not. And when that feeling is positivity and openness, then like Fisto said, don't be surprised if it flows back to you.

456 & General Stalin:
The date was really fun, I enjoyed my time with her. I asked her why she came out to see me, and it was the same reason that she had texted me - that she liked my realness and thought I was genuine (said in more words than that, but her response felt honest.) It took good game to drive the date, no question about it, but overall it was a killer vibe between us and I could almost feel the electricity. At the end of the night we went back to hers and I sealed the deal.

[General Stalin]

(12-22-2014 10:43 PM)BlurredSevens Wrote:  

Thanks for the replies, guys. There is some interesting stuff in here.

I hesitate to draw sweeping conclusions about game from my post, since it is a single experience from one guy. My intention was to show how all of these elements came together in a fluid way for me, and my conclusion was that positive thinking was the overall driver of my experience.

My post was more about inner game than outward, on-the-ground tactics. That is why I wrote it pre-date. Because regardless how things played out for me, I felt really good that day. And what is more important than that? Isn't that what we're all searching for? In fact, I felt better that afternoon than after the ONS I pulled the previous week. I felt happy. So the take away isn't some new fangled game technique for closing girls, it's a statement that sometimes, it's ok to let your feelings drive what you do, rather than fighting yourself and trying to be someone you're not. And when that feeling is positivity and openness, then like Fisto said, don't be surprised if it flows back to you.

456 & General Stalin:
The date was really fun, I enjoyed my time with her. I asked her why she came out to see me, and it was the same reason that she had texted me - that she liked my realness and thought I was genuine (said in more words than that, but her response felt honest.) It took good game to drive the date, no question about it, but overall it was a killer vibe between us and I could almost feel the electricity. At the end of the night we went back to hers and I sealed the deal.

[RealityCheck]

BlurredSevens Wrote:

At the end of the night we went back to hers and I sealed the deal.

Good job, bro.

I had a similar night as the original post last night.

I've felt dejected after the last few times going out. It happens. Last night I flew solo, still a relatively new thing for me, and had a great time. My first approach on a 7+ went well and we eventually started making out. She was with a less attractive friend. To my surprise, the less attractive one was being chill, rolling me cigarettes, and not getting jealous that I was hitting on her friend and not her. I went to eat with them and they bought me food.

I didn't close because she claimed that she was on her period. She said that she's as horny as they come and hopes she'll be good to go by Thursday. I didn't make a big deal about it, grabbed the number, and said good night.

I kept going out by myself and got a few bitchy rejections, but I didn't care. I felt like a king. In fact, I felt sorry for the girls for blowing the opportunity to get to know me. I wish I could always have such a bulletproof mental state.

I believe she was being truthful in the moment about wanting to fuck me but not that night because she's on her period, but at the same time I know that between now and when I call her a million things could happen that will make her get cold feet. I also know that my story might be trivial for a lot of guys here. Hell, I didn't even bang her. But for me, to be able to go out solo (something most guys will never do) and create attraction with a cute girl at the bar, make out with her, and almost close the deal, while meanwhile I saw waves of guys get rejected by them, showed me first hand the progress I've made since I first got seriously into game.

Therefore, not unlike BlurredSevens, I felt good about myself in a way where I became independent of the outcome. It felt good to feel good. I really don't care if I end up banging her or not in the end.

[MiscVs]

(12-21-2014 11:21 PM)BlurredSevens Wrote:  

[*note: This post was written Saturday afternoon, but I didn't get a chance to post then. The text below is unchanged from the original writing*]

I'm writing this post while sitting in a coffee shop in Boston, and am about to meet up with an RVF forum member later tonight. I am here for 4 short days in this gray, cold, dreary city. Winter is harsh and unrelenting in Boston. Everyone is wearing heavy jackets and their breath can be seen in the air. And yet today, I feel like I am on top of the world. In a dark, rough city, what could possibly cause this feeling?

The Bad Date
When I landed in Boston, I opened the Tinder app and started talking with a few girls. On my second night in town, a girl agreed to invite me to her apartment to drink wine "before going out." I brought two bottles because I knew we would not leave her place. I thought it was a done deal, but I would end up leaving at midnight with only a makeout. I felt it slip between my fingers. I blamed many things, but I should have blamed myself! I am a young guy in a big city and the world is my oyster! It was a bad date, because I liked her more than she liked me, and it hurt my ego to walk away empty handed.

But Boston is a city of Irish heritage, and the luck of the Irish would soon offer me a blessing.

I get back to my hotel room at 1 a.m. and feel depressed. I want to quit but I'm still wired and have an insatiable energy, so I throw on a blazer and go to a swanky hotel bar nearby. I find a dwindling crowd with one foot out the door. I spot two fly girls at the bar - heels, short dresses, very long hair - and they are surrounded by thirsty guys. Packs of them, from multiple social groups. I am energized but discouraged. I am thinking about the bad date. My head is hanging low. I see one preppy looking guy with his friends, and I decide to chat him up when he walks to the bar. I tell him "I just went on a bad date." To my surprise, he laughs and opens up. The preppy guy starts giving me life advice. He said he could relate, and he told me to be happy for what I did have in my life.

I thought that was cool. He was genuine to me, a complete stranger. It lifted my spirits. A few minutes later I had a similar conversation with the bartender.

The Highball Girl
Now I am feeling social, and the world seems a bit brighter. I notice the two girls again, and see that a tall guy is talking to only one of them, and the other is being ignored, if only for a moment. I move my feet and walk up next to her. Her body language was unwelcoming and stiff, likely from hours of fending off bad approaches. Arms fully crossed. She was closed off. But I had just become carefree! I look at her and blurt out: "have you ever been on a bad date?"

In retrospect it was a cheesy opener, but it was fresh in my mind and it was something I wanted to talk about. I had to get it off my chest, and I didn't care who would listen. I rambled for a long time about the nature of modern dating without really hearing how she responded to me. She drank her highball. Shivers down my spine as the light hit her face and I caught a glimpse of her beauty for the first time. I thought that I should have been more intimidated; she was young and fly and her long hair reached down to the top of her ass and she was…absolutely gorgeous. I do not normally have the balls to approach girls like her. The conversation dies down after five or ten minutes. As I am ready to leave, she surprises me by handing over her phone and asks to add my number. I do this and then call her so she has my number. It is a lame move, and I cringe at myself. I said good night at 2 a.m. knowing I would never see her again.

I get back to my room, settle in, and am surprised to get a text from the highball girl at 3:02 a.m. that read "It was wonderful meeting you, blurred. You have a great soul. May the road rise up to meet you and may our paths cross again in the future." An Irish blessing! Almost. Sort of. But what a sweetheart. I go to bed with a smile.

I call her the next day and invite her out for drinks. She is down and it is on.

Now, here I sit in this coffee shop at 6 p.m., and I think that what happens tonight is irrelevant, because the lessons I've learned are more important than whether or not I hook up with this one girl. I wanted to write this post before the date, because the experience tonight will influence how I remember this moment, and I don't want to forget it. Why?

Why did this even work out in my favor? How is it that my only approach of the night led to a strong hook and a date with an uncommonly high quality girl? I had 80 tinder matches and yet my one approach gives me the best results? I think it is because I arrived at a point in my mood where I wasn't putting on an act, I wasn't being a "player" with canned stories or lines…I was just being me. Beaten down but ready for the next fight. Take me or leave me but there I was. Maybe she liked that out of all the guys to talk to her that night, I was the first to be real with her. It didn't matter what I said but rather how I said it. "Vibe," as many of you say.

The Ever Good Feeling
It is one thing to read about it and another to see it work. To feel it work. I have read that being vulnerable can be bad game, but I walked up to her with no expectations and told her about my life, and that simple act was refreshing for us both. To have a person hear my story...it felt good. I learned last night that to show your heart and soul is better than to show nothing. To hide is to fail. The world can be a negative experience and so a hint of positivity is contagious.

To make a strong connection, you have to put a piece of yourself on the line and speak candidly about your experience in the world - for better or for worse. Last night, it was for the worse. We the people are all very much the same, and we can all relate to the human experience. It is how to you take that experience and process it before putting it back into the world that matters. I accepted the bad date but I was in that bar to turn my night around for the better. My presence was a testament to my own desire for positivity, and people could sense this from me. The highball girl felt it and liked it and wanted more.

Tonight, anything can happen. And tomorrow, I will leave this city and go home. But I will always remember this city and this girl and this moment, right now. I feel genuinely happy for my life and how the game has influenced it. To take nothing and turn it into something…it is a high that I will move mountains to feel again. And I know that if I can do it, so can you. You have the power to go from a place of negativity to one of bliss, and it will require you to be honest with yourself and with the people around you. It is easier than you think. Openness breeds positivity and that is an attractive human quality, whether your intentions are friendship or lust or love.

So I challenge you to go out there and introduce positivity to those in your surroundings. You just might be surprised how the world pays you back.

Amen brother! Thanks for sharing.

It's the presence of your being, the energy you are projecting that affects everyone and everything around you or what we call vibe. That's why vibe is so hard to describe because we are trying to use words to describe something that's ethereal. But we all know it once we see it and experience it. It's just that words are symbols and everyone has different interpretation of each word's meaning based on how we grew up and the experiences we had.

So keep spreading your presence, your being, your authentic self. In the end, that's all that matters.

[BlurredSevens]

(12-24-2014 05:55 AM)RealityCheck Wrote:  

It felt good to feel good.

Yeah, there is something to this. It's one thing to feel good in the moment, but achieving that state through conscious decision making amplifies the feeling.

A lot of people don't know how to make themselves feel good, and that's probably where a lot of hate and bitterness comes from.

Out of curiosity, how old are you man?

[RealityCheck]

(12-26-2014 11:01 AM)BlurredSevens Wrote:  

(12-24-2014 05:55 AM)RealityCheck Wrote:  

It felt good to feel good.

Yeah, there is something to this. It's one thing to feel good in the moment, but achieving that state through conscious decision making amplifies the feeling.

A lot of people don't know how to make themselves feel good, and that's probably where a lot of hate and bitterness comes from.

Out of curiosity, how old are you man?

24.

[RealityCheck]

In continuation of my story, the chick flaked in the end. What a shocker. Her flake method of choice was radio silencing my confirmation text even though I spoke to her on the phone on Thursday and we agreed to meet on Saturday evening (last night).

Conclusion:
The game continues.

[StrikeBack]

^^^

I've had enough of those feel-good in-the-zone experiences to know that it has absolutely no effect on the chance of the chick flaking on you.

It's just good to feel good.