[Kenwood27]

I have been a loyal reader of this site for a year now and in my mind I know what I have to do to get girls but my social skills are lacking.... I just moved to Ann Arbor, Mi a few months ago, how and were do I start meeting women? Any advise would be appreciated!

[Ben Kenobi]

(12-09-2008 08:38 PM)Kenwood27 Wrote:  

I have been a loyal reader of this site for a year now and in my mind I know what I have to do to get girls but my social skills are lacking.... I just moved to Ann Arbor, Mi a few months ago, how and were do I start meeting women? Any advise would be appreciated!

I don't know anything about Ann Arbor, but when I lived in New York City volunteering was a great way to meet women. The groups were often 80% or higher women, and most girls who are willing to spend a Saturday volunteering aren't worthless bar sluts. Plus you look like a great guy.

Coed sports leagues would be good also.

[speakeasy]

I always thought volunteering might be a good option. How was the quality lookswise? For some reason when I see some volunteer thing for the homeless on TV or something, I don't see any hotties. They tend to look like the commentators you see on national geographic or something. But it's worth a shot I'd say.

[Kenwood27]

Whats a good way to ask a girl out?

[Roosh]

Kenwood,

What materials have you studied from so far?

[twigman]

Can I say a good word for girls who hang out at bars ?

[Kenwood27]

(12-10-2008 02:23 AM)Roosh Wrote:  

Kenwood,

What materials have you studied from so far?

I've been reading your book but I can't seem to make that first step in talking to women.

[speakeasy]

(12-10-2008 07:06 AM)Kenwood27 Wrote:  

(12-10-2008 02:23 AM)Roosh Wrote:  

Kenwood,

What materials have you studied from so far?

I've been reading your book but I can't seem to make that first step in talking to women.

You're not alone dude. That first step down this path is the hardest. That is, just opening your mouth in the first place. I still can't cold approach. And I've been reading this stuff longer than you. I don't know what it is, I have an involuntary reaction that just shuts down my brain and I literally can think of nothing to say.

Today I was in little Mexican restaurant having a bite. I was at table right next the front door and counter where you ordered. This cute girl walks in, about an 8.5 on my scale. Just my type, brunette, nice figure, olive complexion, cute girl next door type face. She standing like a couple feet away from me for about 7 minutes waiting for her food. I'm just sitting there drolling thinking damn, I wish I could think of something interesting to say. She kept pulling out her smart phone and sending a text message every few minutes. I thought of maybe asking her what kind of phone she has, but then she'd say, "blackberry" or whatever then I had no idea what the hell would come next. So I just sat there like a deer in the headlights for 7 minutes till she left.

That's the hardest situation, where she isn't wearing anything you could comment on, you don't overhear her saying something you could respond to in a funny way. There's no good situational openers because it's just a boring hole in the wall restaurant. I was just completely stuck.

I don't know, I think I may need to find a guru out here who does in the field workshops. I need to see how this shit is done by guys who know what they're doing. You could sit here and read these books on game all day and understand the theory, but that doesn't mean you'll be any good at it. It's like reading books on football strategy all day. It'll help you prepare, but unless you're out on the football field getting real life experience, you're getting nothing out of it.

My sticking point is just having something interesting to say that'll spark conversation.

[mlucasone]

The key to becoming interesting is the become interested. Anybody is 100 times more interested in themselves than anything you have to say about anything else. She sends a lot of texts, so she's interested in texting and fancy phones. That's your key. You could inquire about the phone, what kind it is. Does it have a qwerty keyboard for abnormally fast texting? What phone service does she have? Does that allow unlimited texting, or do you have to pay by the message? Then start teasing, say something about starving kids in africa or something in regards to her phone. haha, "I used to only send text messages, THEN MY MOM GOT A JOB." It isn't that important WHAT you say, just HOW you say it. Be teasing and playful, smile.

If you want to watch stuff done, there are videos on pua on youtube. Actual live videos of guys approaching girls. Real girls.

[Roosh]

speakeasy: you overanalyzed that encounter and it prevented you from saying something.

get the ball rolling by saying just about anything, and then you can adjust mid-conversation

[Prodigy]

I think my sticking point is similar to yours speakeasy. I've gotten over almost all of my approach anxiety in social situations (parties, bars, etc.) However, when I'm in a random place such as the (gym, classroom, grocery store) I have trouble approaching. I'm not really scared, I just don't know where the conversation will go.

For example, I see this HB 8.5 at the gym sometimes. I've gotten eye contact from her few a times....I just don't know how to open her without looking "weird." If I go up to her and say, "Hey, Im just about ready to get out of here and I wanted to come and introduce my self, Hi, Im Prodigy." Dont really know what to say next...Its not like I can go into some routine. It's a lot more natural game which Im not as good at.

[Prodigy]

(Had another thought) Basically what I'm saying is that parties and bars are a lot more loose social situations than everyday locations such as the gym. If I go up to a girl in a bar and open with

ME: "Hey are you confident enough to accept a compliment from a complete stranger"
You: haha sure
Me: Hey, Cool I am too. Go ahead, fire away (pointing at me)

I am going to get a lot better response at a party than at a grocery store or gym.

[speakeasy]

Prodigy I just had a thought. And maybe this sheds light on where the problem is. Let's suppose that 8.5 you saw was a wrinkly old 85 year old woman in the same exact situation. Would you have been able to strike up a pleasant conversation? When the pressure of sexual attraction is gone, do you think your brain would kick into gear? I'm trying to visualize right now if that girl in the Mexican restaurant was an old lady under the exact same circumstances, could I have come up with something interest to say to her while she was waiting in line. It no doubt would've been easier though I'm not exactly sure what I'd have said.

[Trotter]

There's only one thing that can't be taught and that's how to get over your fears of approaching women. There are little techniques to try to help calm those fears, but ultimately you have to believe in yourself and understand that rejection is nothing at all.

The other thing I keep telling guys is one important aspect is try not to think about what you want from that woman. It's always easier to approach and talk to some fugly, fat chick in the check out line and to engage into casual discussion because you're not sexually turned on by her. You see some hot chick and our first instinct is 'sex'... 'i want to fuck her'. And with that in the back of your mind makes it tougher to do the approach because you want something from her and you're afraid to lose that chance.

Instead just wipe it out of your mind completely, or reverse the thought and go with "yeah she wants to fuck me".

[Prodigy]

(12-11-2008 08:01 AM)speakeasy Wrote:  

Prodigy I just had a thought. And maybe this sheds light on where the problem is. Let's suppose that 8.5 you saw was a wrinkly old 85 year old woman in the same exact situation. Would you have been able to strike up a pleasant conversation? When the pressure of sexual attraction is gone, do you think your brain would kick into gear? I'm trying to visualize right now if that girl in the Mexican restaurant was an old lady under the exact same circumstances, could I have come up with something interest to say to her while she was waiting in line. It no doubt would've been easier though I'm not exactly sure what I'd have said.

Haha ya you are right. It is so much easier to talk to people that you are not attracted to because you just dont give a fuck. If the conversation goes no where I could care less with an 85 yr old lady.

[Prodigy]

"Fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind." - Dale Carnegie

If I think that "Yeah she wants to Fuck me" it could work. However, in the back of my head Im still going to think "ya i want to fuck you." Its hard to change the natural thought process

[Trotter]

(12-11-2008 03:36 PM)Prodigy Wrote:  

"Fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind." - Dale Carnegie

If I think that "Yeah she wants to Fuck me" it could work. However, in the back of my head Im still going to think "ya i want to fuck you." Its hard to change the natural thought process

Yeah, that's why it's the hardest skill to learn and it can't be taught. At least I don't think so. It's one of those things where you either get it or you don't.

Today I went to a TGIF for lunch and sat at the bar. There's this really cute bartender and there's this homely looking guy sweating her really bad. It was pretty obvious and he was trying hard to find things to talk about with her to keep her attention. It was very clear to me this guy was thinking "i want to fuck you."

Within EXACTLY two seconds I stole her attention and had it for the entire time I was there. There were a couple of guys off to the right trying to take a shot as well but they weren't getting anywhere either. I fired off my Alphaness and we ended up talking about everything from relationships to Obama. I think I was easily able to do this because I really did not want anything from her. And if I had I would approach it with the same mindset.

[Kenwood27]

Thanks for all the advise, yesterday I asked out this girl that worked at the video store after a week of calming my nerves, turns out she had a boyfriend but it was more about me going for what I wanted and I felt pretty good about that. She seemed very happy that I asked her out, told me that she would if she was single and she opened up about being in a unsatisfied relationship and how she might be back on the market soon.

Yesterday i came to the understanding that the worse thing a girl can say is no and in my case yesterday, plant the seed in her own mind that she could be interested in somebody other than her boyfriend.

Any tips on how to pursue the video store girl further because she is always working and i go at least once a week.

[Trotter]

(12-11-2008 04:37 PM)Kenwood27 Wrote:  

Thanks for all the advise, yesterday I asked out this girl that worked at the video store after a week of calming my nerves, turns out she had a boyfriend but it was more about me going for what I wanted and I felt pretty good about that. She seemed very happy that I asked her out, told me that she would if she was single and she opened up about being in a unsatisfied relationship and how she might be back on the market soon.

Yesterday i came to the understanding that the worse thing a girl can say is no and in my case yesterday, plant the seed in her own mind that she could be interested in somebody other than her boyfriend.

Any tips on how to pursue the video store girl further because she is always working and i go at least once a week.

Now you're getting it. The worst a chick can ever do or say is no. A lot of guys have this idea in their heads that they'll just be completely humilated if they're rejected. That's simply not the case. Perhaps in some rare instances you'll encounter a total bitch and she'll try to make a spectacle out of you, but for the most part the responses are going to be very cordial.

For me the approach was always the first and toughest hurdle. You fired up the guns, approached the girl, and let loose. You're going to do that 100 times before you may get a hit. But once you get that hit everything is going to be so much clearer. Don't forget to work on other aspects of game and to keep refering to 'Bang' and other websites on how to improve it. You'll find that most women will respond exactly the way the Blockbuster girl did.

Bravo. Good job.

[twigman]

I think at this point, you should just relax and talk to her when you're in there if its the natural thing to do. She knows you're interested and you've been up front - very cool for you that you've asked her. You don't have to do anything more. She's not the only girl in your world. If she does break up and wants something from you she should drop the hint. Thats my opinion.

[mlucasone]

It will never be as bad as you imagine it. Just approach. Regardless of what happens, it will go smoother than you imagine.

[zorgon]

(12-10-2008 10:05 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

I don't know, I think I may need to find a guru out here who does in the field workshops. I need to see how this shit is done by guys who know what they're doing.

I took a bootcamp 3 weeks ago and found it to be extraordinarily valuable. I'm way past some of my previous sticking points, and I have a much better idea what I need to do to fix my remaining ones.

I'll refrain from overtly advertising for any particular bootcamp vendor on this forum, but if you're curious you can find more details with the help of Google (hint: I use the same forum name everywhere).

[Roosh]

zorgon: you can mention other gurus/bootcamps. I don't see them as competition.

[zorgon]

Nah it's just that I'd rather people make their own decisions based on their own research if they choose to go down the BC route. There are plenty of options out there... different instructors, styles/methods, prices, cities, etc. What worked for me may not be the best for someone else. For example I have a strong distaste for "indirect game" (I have never once used an opinion opener) and so I was glad to find a program that was based on a more direct/natural approach.

Plus BC may not be right for everyone. If you expect to magically get better without putting in the time and effort, you will be disappointed. Even now, I know that it will be a lot of work to get to where I want to be.

I had an instinctive "this is like admitting I'm a loser" response to the idea of doing a BC, but in the end I have no regrets.

[Hellbound]

(12-10-2008 10:05 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

(12-10-2008 07:06 AM)Kenwood27 Wrote:  

(12-10-2008 02:23 AM)Roosh Wrote:  

Kenwood,

What materials have you studied from so far?

I've been reading your book but I can't seem to make that first step in talking to women.

You're not alone dude. That first step down this path is the hardest. That is, just opening your mouth in the first place. I still can't cold approach. And I've been reading this stuff longer than you. I don't know what it is, I have an involuntary reaction that just shuts down my brain and I literally can think of nothing to say.

Today I was in little Mexican restaurant having a bite. I was at table right next the front door and counter where you ordered. This cute girl walks in, about an 8.5 on my scale. Just my type, brunette, nice figure, olive complexion, cute girl next door type face. She standing like a couple feet away from me for about 7 minutes waiting for her food. I'm just sitting there drolling thinking damn, I wish I could think of something interesting to say. She kept pulling out her smart phone and sending a text message every few minutes. I thought of maybe asking her what kind of phone she has, but then she'd say, "blackberry" or whatever then I had no idea what the hell would come next. So I just sat there like a deer in the headlights for 7 minutes till she left.

That's the hardest situation, where she isn't wearing anything you could comment on, you don't overhear her saying something you could respond to in a funny way. There's no good situational openers because it's just a boring hole in the wall restaurant. I was just completely stuck.

I don't know, I think I may need to find a guru out here who does in the field workshops. I need to see how this shit is done by guys who know what they're doing. You could sit here and read these books on game all day and understand the theory, but that doesn't mean you'll be any good at it. It's like reading books on football strategy all day. It'll help you prepare, but unless you're out on the football field getting real life experience, you're getting nothing out of it.

My sticking point is just having something interesting to say that'll spark conversation.

If she was waiting there you could have offered her a seat after a few minutes (I imagine you were at a table with chairs available?). Then you could have asked what she'd ordered...then maybe asked if she was going out later or something along with complimenting her on her outfit (which you assumed was nice enough to wear out to bars/clubs) and then finally ask if she wanted to chew on your meat... Simple.