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Getting Wasted on Cum Cocktails
Our new, crazy intern Gabe got a bunch of her girlfriends and guy friends together to drink semen cocktails. Here's how that went.
VICE Staff
Apr 19 2013
https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/jmkbm...-cocktails
Who hasn't had a mouth full of cum at some point of their life? Whether you spit, swallow or gargle you will always be left with that undeniable dick taste after you take your lover in your mouth. Most of the time it's not always a pleasant taste either. It's either too salty, too sweaty, or it just tastes like shame. But never fear! Thanks to Paul "Fotie" Photenhaue's new Semenology: The Semen Bartender's Handbook the taste of semen can be drastically improved. It's literally a book filled with drink recipes to make the perfect, cum cocktail.
I called up Fotie for a chat and he put all my doubts aside when he explained: "We eat eggs, which is chicken menstruation, and milk, which is cow secretion. That's pretty disgusting. Semen is fresh and you know who the producer is." That quote alone inspired me to throw my own cum cocktail party; so I called up some guys who wanted to donate their semen and some girls that wanted to drink said semen, and us ladies got wasted on jizz.
THE RESULTS:
Bruce
(Skateboarding hoodlum and local party boy)
Drink: Semen Bomb
In Bruce's "Semen Bomb" the semen was still warm which almost made us throw up. But as soon as the beer cooled off the cum, he actually didn't taste that bad. We were honestly expecting him to taste the worst—because of his lifestyle—but he was basically as tasty as cum can get. Lex, Victoria and I all agreed.
Jimmy:
(Intellectual, Musician, Vegetarian)
Drink: Macho Mojito
Jimmy's "Macho Mojito" was absolute garbage. I don't even know where to begin with how bad this drink was. It was partly because it was poorly mixed, but also the addition of vegetarian cum was... euchhhh. That's all I can describe it as. Sorry Jimmy but you're going to have a hard time finding some regular head until you start eating some meat.
Tony:
(Batman fanatic, redhead, heavy smoker)
Drink: Jim & Tonic
Tony's "Jim and Tonic" tasted amazing. It was salty, and a little bit tart. Very smooth and super delicious. His smokey cum was a perfect complementary ingredient to the classic gin and tonic that we all love so much. So, thanks for the recipe Fotie; and congratulations to Tony, for having the tastiest cum of them all.
The night came to a close with plenty of cum puns and dick jokes, all which were hilarious but way too tacky. I left feeling good about myself, which got me thinking that it has to be true that sperm releases endorphins in the female brain and that this "liquid of life" is actually amazing. I highly suggest hosting your own Semenology party, because nothing is more fun than drinking your friends' cum.
Quote: (03-30-2018 12:12 AM)Gimlet Wrote:
Satan is alive and well. I was raised a catholic and turned away for reasons I didn't understand but thought were intellectually cool. Truth is, I was indoctrinated, tricked into hated my history and the people before me who had it right. I must call my mom and apologize before she dies, her old school way was right.
Laughing about drinks made from semen is laughing about the basic human life force and making a mockery of it. To joke about your semen is to joke about who you are as a man, your power and purpose. Fuck vice. This is disgusting bullshit.
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