[Tod6264]

Hey guys I'm new here and to pickup, dating, flirting etc. In general. I'm 21 and have an attractive, girls say I'm like an 8/10. But my inexperience is holding me back.

I've been using tinder and had two dates so far, the first was going to result in an F-close but I literally creeped the girl out once it came to sex.

So my current issue is I matched an hb8 and so far have had nothing but friendly conversation and I feel I've been playing too nice with her, when we texted I teased her once but it resulted in her not texting me back until the day we had a date planned and flaked. But said to text her if I'm in her area over the weekend and we'll hang. I texted her back the following week and confirmed a coffe date.

She was using slight kino on my hands as soon as I picked her up and when walking into starbucks she was bumping into me and I did the same back. Issue is I sat directly across from her and couldn't get any kino done. The date was more of a friendly convo, slightly intimate. Talked for 2 hours and told her I had to go. I dropped her off and couldn't get out of the car so I just hugged her. She thanked me and said she had a good time and I said the same.

I texted her when I got back regarding the date and saying I had a good time and we had a small convo for a bit. I talked to her later at night and she asked what I was doing today and I told her I was busy. I asked what she was doing and she said going back home to take care of her dogs because her parents are on vacation. I told her I'm sure the dogs would be glad to see her. No response till 5 hours later at 230am and she apologized for not responding because she fell asleep and she said good night!. I told her it's fine, good night!

So should I try to initiate a date over the weekend with her or ignore and hit her up later in the week?

[Saweeep]

Ok. Your problem is the same as a lot of newbs and young guys…lack of in person escalation and too much beta-friendzone tendencies.

You knew you fucked up by sitting opposite her…why did you stay there for 2 hours without doing something…she'd given you the green light by touching you on the way into the coffee shop. If you ever do this again you have to fix this the moment it occurs to you. The alpha move…grab her chair, drag it towards you and say "come here" whilst looking her in the eye then "that's better" when she's close to you. From there, you can proceed to literally scoop her onto your lap at a later point in the conversation.

Even on daytime coffee dates, if things are going well you must venue change for the same reason as night dates. I like to suddenly do this to people at unexpected points. I just stop them in the middle of speaking and say "I want to go somewhere else, let's go" as I stand up. Girls love following a man in this way. Extend a hand and things are looking up.

She was really into you man. She didn't want to get out of the car. She was begging you to kiss her!

My gut feeling is that you may have blown this. Try and get her out though and be aggressive.

I like to think of game aggression as being like dressing. Being overdressed is far better than being under dressed.

[Tod6264]

That's what I figured. What should I do about texting her though? Should I bring up something sexual? I literally have no experience with sex, and I've only made out with a girl a few times. I've never complimented her looks yet but more of her personality and outlook on life. She probably sensed my nervousness though, later in the date she asked if I was doing anything later I said no, and I asked if she was doing anything and she said she had to study.

[Phoenix]

If there is a chance she is free this weekend, ask her if she is free, then ask her on a date if she is. Any longer and you risk her cooling off on you. Do not bring up 'something sexual'. Not complimenting looks is correct, although specific things you like (such as long hair or whatever) aren't too bad. Only specific is good, and sparingly, because it alays her 'he just wants to bang any girl' fear. General compliments are a bad idea.

CrasheBangWallop's moves, the man handling, might be a bit strong for an inexperienced guy. However if you get her on another date, you must ask her to come home (for an innocent sounding reason, such as watch a movie), probably after an hour tops. If she agrees, once she is home you should kiss her after about ten minutes of chilling there. Once she accepts the kiss, standard escalation (touching increasingly intimate areas, and starting taking off clothes).

To this extent, the date must be reasonably close to your place. Ideally no 40minute train rides etc. Your place must be ready. Bed made, room clean, condoms in draw or pocket etc etc.

[OregonToSoCal]

I don't think you blew it too badly here since it was just a first coffee date. Yes, you should have been more aggressive in your kino, steered the conversation to more sexual topics and brought a more sexy vibe to the meet but I don't think all is lost. Like the others have said you need to get her out again ASAP and really up your kino game with her. If you're both old enough invite her out for a happy hour or to meet for a drink. Keep it simple and be at a venue where you can sit next to each other. After about an hour or so at the bar invite her back to your place for a non sexual reason. Once you're home with her, resume the kino, go for the kiss quickly and head for the endzone.

[Tod6264]

Cool, she said she's at her house and parents are on vacation by herself in texts last night, she's like a 40 min drive. Only issue is I'm busy this weekend. Would 1030pm be too late to do something if not I could meet her before 2-3 because I work at 5. I sincerely see her as being a fwb type of thing so it's worth it to me.

[weambulance]

^

Don't ask if she's free before asking her out. Don't even ask her out, come to that. "I'll be at X at Y time". If she wants to see you, she'll make herself available. If she wants to see you, but she's busy and can't get out of it, she'll offer an alternative. Remember, you want her stepping into your frame; you're going places and she's just along for the ride.

If she is busy and wants to get together a different time that can be a handy way of getting her to your place, incidentally. She's busy Saturday but wants to get together Sunday? Say you're busy during the day (even if you're not), but she can come by for dinner or whatever at your place when you're done. And that opens up all kinds of doors.

Point is, if she's into you she'll make it work on your schedule. If you're moving things around to see her, or letting her set the schedule or venue, you're just broadcasting thirst and telling her she's higher value than you.

[Tod6264]

It sucks because I live with parents. Unless we are at my house around 11pm. I would think the best senario would be her place because she is alone.

[Phoenix]

(10-17-2014 10:07 AM)weambulance Wrote:  

Don't ask if she's free before asking her out. Don't even ask her out, come to that. "I'll be at X at Y time". If she wants to see you, she'll make herself available. If she wants to see you, but she's busy and can't get out of it, she'll offer an alternative. Remember, you want her stepping into your frame; you're going places and she's just along for the ride.

This is overkill for an inexperienced guy, where the girl has already showed interest. There is no need to introduce such complications. He just needs to get her out again.

(10-17-2014 09:59 AM)Tod6264 Wrote:  

Cool, she said she's at her house and parents are on vacation by herself in texts last night, she's like a 40 min drive. Only issue is I'm busy this weekend. Would 1030pm be too late to do something if not I could meet her before 2-3 because I work at 5. I sincerely see her as being a fwb type of thing so it's worth it to me.

Don't know man, I've met girls at both those times and got the lay. Around 8pm is normally ideal, but you work with what you have. A 'lets watch a movie at your house at 1030' is quite forward and could be too pushy (or not, I don't know how into you she is and how horny she is). Meeting for lunch and then suggesting to do something innocent-sounding at hers will have a time-squeeze because of the long drive and your work at 5pm, I personally wouldn't try this.

I cannot gauge how into you she is right now. But if she was into me, and she was all alone in her parents house whilst they were away, I would be sending a 'lets watch a movie at your place after I finish work' type text. A 'yes' is a 90%+ payoff guarantee. A 'no' will probably not affect your ability to get another date with her at another time if she is into you (I'd reply 'ok yeah it's probably a bit late, Ok have a good night').
You'll have to roll the dice.

[weambulance]

(10-17-2014 11:12 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  

(10-17-2014 10:07 AM)weambulance Wrote:  

Don't ask if she's free before asking her out. Don't even ask her out, come to that. "I'll be at X at Y time". If she wants to see you, she'll make herself available. If she wants to see you, but she's busy and can't get out of it, she'll offer an alternative. Remember, you want her stepping into your frame; you're going places and she's just along for the ride.

This is overkill for an inexperienced guy, where the girl has already showed interest. There is no need to introduce such complications. He just needs to get her out again.

And you think the way to get her out is by stepping into her frame?

Right now she has displayed some interest but she's not beating down his door; she could go either way. By acting the way I described he has a better chance of piquing her interest further than by acting like every other overly accommodating shmoe and leaving the decisions in her hands.

It's never too early to establish a strong frame and an image of high value.

[jariel]

I saw the word "kino" and immediately thought we need to rid this guy of all PUA vocabulary and thought processes before we can move forward.

If the guy is a legit 8/10 to most women, most of his game should be showing up and not saying or doing anything dumb.

[Saweeep]

(10-17-2014 11:51 AM)jariel Wrote:  

I saw the word "kino" and immediately thought we need to rid this guy of all PUA vocabulary and thought processes before we can move forward.

If the guy is a legit 8/10 to most women, most of his game should be showing up and not saying or doing anything dumb.

I've exchanged some PMs with him; he's just really young and trying to jump start himself.

He will learn fast around here.

Or crash and burn

[OregonToSoCal]

(10-17-2014 11:51 AM)jariel Wrote:  

I saw the word "kino" and immediately thought we need to rid this guy of all PUA vocabulary and thought processes before we can move forward.

If the guy is a legit 8/10 to most women, most of his game should be showing up and not saying or doing anything dumb.

Not to derail the thread but what's wrong with using the word kino? I hate the hardcore pua terms as well (don't get me started on referring to a woman as a 'set') but even Tuthmosis refers to touching as kino in his first date bang recipe. It feels like we're splitting hairs here...

[lycosidae]

First bit of general advice is to get off the internet/mobile phone dating... this will accelerate your experience and put in you a category above your technologically codependent peers. Approach women in real life.

Second thing is why did you leave the date after 2 hours? I don't understand. Stick it out.

Third thing, I'm against having extensive text message conversations no matter how young the chick. As you can see, you got your own hamster rolling by throwing out a nice guy comment about her dog (which did nothing to build attraction). The only purpose of SMS is to set up and confirm dates when she is unresponsive to actual phone calls. Unless you're extremely witty and confident in your replies, it doesn't really build attraction. Text game has a much smaller margin for error than real life game, so keep that in mind.

I agree with what the other poster said about good looking guys not need to "do much", I'm in that category. It is possible to overgame and destroy your chances by doing hard negs and being too cocky. But even good looking guys need to know how to move the interaction forward naturally.

At this point, I would cultivate some more contacts and let this one go... the bar scene is really set up for people your age so take advantage of the venues in your community.

(10-17-2014 07:24 AM)Tod6264 Wrote:  

Hey guys I'm new here and to pickup, dating, flirting etc. In general. I'm 21 and have an attractive, girls say I'm like an 8/10. But my inexperience is holding me back.

I've been using tinder and had two dates so far, the first was going to result in an F-close but I literally creeped the girl out once it came to sex.

So my current issue is I matched an hb8 and so far have had nothing but friendly conversation and I feel I've been playing too nice with her, when we texted I teased her once but it resulted in her not texting me back until the day we had a date planned and flaked. But said to text her if I'm in her area over the weekend and we'll hang. I texted her back the following week and confirmed a coffe date.

She was using slight kino on my hands as soon as I picked her up and when walking into starbucks she was bumping into me and I did the same back. Issue is I sat directly across from her and couldn't get any kino done. The date was more of a friendly convo, slightly intimate. Talked for 2 hours and told her I had to go. I dropped her off and couldn't get out of the car so I just hugged her. She thanked me and said she had a good time and I said the same.

I texted her when I got back regarding the date and saying I had a good time and we had a small convo for a bit. I talked to her later at night and she asked what I was doing today and I told her I was busy. I asked what she was doing and she said going back home to take care of her dogs because her parents are on vacation. I told her I'm sure the dogs would be glad to see her. No response till 5 hours later at 230am and she apologized for not responding because she fell asleep and she said good night!. I told her it's fine, good night!

So should I try to initiate a date over the weekend with her or ignore and hit her up later in the week?

[Tod6264]

Yeah you said it right, I should stop texting unless we are planning something. I thought she wanted to talk because she said she'd text me after her class and she did.

I didn't stick it out because I was getting tired and wanted to end it on a good note.

But perhaps I let this weekend slide unless she texts me and I'll hit her up next week if I go to her college because I go over there on ocassion to meet friends.

I did realize when I was driving her back she was asking If there are places to go hiking, which now I wish I took that as an opportunity to say we should go hiking when I was with her.

Ultimately she had attraction and had to have seen my inexperience so that is a good thing.

I'd let her go but why give up if we have a lot of similar interests and are physically attracted to each other. It could be a friends with benefits type of thing.

[lycosidae]

Hit the bars and meet other women. There are a lot out there, lots to see and experience... not just this one. That's the point of all of this. That's how you get experience.
No experience is lost... you can always find another.

Similar interests has nothing to do with game. I've dated doctors, lawyers, cashiers, science PhDs, feminists, hipsters and even a homeless girl. I have nothing in common with any of these people. Game rules.

(10-17-2014 02:45 PM)Tod6264 Wrote:  

Yeah you said it right, I should stop texting unless we are planning something. I thought she wanted to talk because she said she'd text me after her class and she did.

I didn't stick it out because I was getting tired and wanted to end it on a good note.

But perhaps I let this weekend slide unless she texts me and I'll hit her up next week if I go to her college because I go over there on ocassion to meet friends.

I did realize when I was driving her back she was asking If there are places to go hiking, which now I wish I took that as an opportunity to say we should go hiking when I was with her.

Ultimately she had attraction and had to have seen my inexperience so that is a good thing.

I'd let her go but why give up if we have a lot of similar interests and are physically attracted to each other. It could be a friends with benefits type of thing.

[Alexanderthelarge]

How do you scoop a girl onto your lap?