[Dalaran1991]

Since getting into the game this has always been my biggest hang-up. I know calibration comes with experience, but I've been out there for a while and I m still not getting this, so Im looking for input.

My first problem is that calibration requires you to adjust on the go, but so many elements of game requires you to push through opposition and stick with the plan (LMR and escalation i.e) Nomad had another thread about escalating away despite her being cold or frigid at first and I too found out that it works really well.

Now if you calibrate that could means you stop negging her hard and do more push instead of pull etc. or sometimes even changing your game to "adapt" to the girl. For someone who runs asshole/cocky game as default I find this incredibly hard to do bc:

1) its hard to tell resistance from IOI or shit test. A lot of the time when girls say "you are a player/too aggressive" that actually mean you need to be even more aggressive. But Im sure there are situation where Ive put girls on edge.

2) emotional backlash. I usually have very good IOI on approaches but terrible flakes. Discussing with my wings we hypothize that while my cocky game set me apart and the girls have fun, unless I can instant date and SNL/SDL the girl, after the hype wears off she actually feel bad about all the teasing or feeling insecure or whatever that shit their hamster do

3) adapting to the girl meaning u put her in the special category. we all know that doing that = dead.

But I cant ignore the fact that I might have come on too strong many times. Roosh wrote about using the "middle game" aka the confident beta when you are not sure of the girl or the environment. How do you go about toning down your game and adapt it to the girl while not losing sense of your mission?

[Ensam]

Calibration is about listening and paying attention. It is not about responding. It's not so much adapting as being aware of what's going on around you and with the person you're interacting with. When you're focused on someone and not up in your head you will automatically become more charismatic. The science on this is pretty solid. We have these things called mirror neurons and when we engage with someone we subconsciously start reflecting their facial expressions which leads us to feel what they're feeling. I think this is what happens when people talk about vibing. Women are especially perceptive about whether or not you'd keyed in to them. If you start vibing with a girl she will remember you and stay interested. It's classic Bill Clinton game. The intention is the only part that's conscious though - if you try and adapt or do certain behaviors you'll come off as fake or as trying too hard.

It takes a little while to get good at it. Meditation helps. It's powerful though and has turned around my flake rate. Recently a girl I met actually went through a friend of mine to get my number because she'd lost my card and wanted to hang out. You can still push-pull, be a bit of a dick, etc. but as long as when you're talking to a girl you're really keyed in on her she'll get addicted to your attention and the way she feels around you.

[unbowed]

Sounds like you're running too much attraction and not enough comfort. Once she's attracted, you gotta seriously cool down. Open up, talk about normal things. Throw in some sexual stuff here and there after you have comfort so it doesn't become nice guy/boring territory. If you're just teasing and being aggressive the whole time then you're pushing too hard.

[Dalaran1991]

I understand that sometimes I do over game and Im trying hard to compensate for it by paying attention to body language and environmental cues

I like the idea of calibration as being situationally aware. This is tied to being socially calibrated which is what Im working on.

What I have the most trouble with is calibrating your game to the personality of a girl: shy girl, slutty girl, religious girl, bitchy girl.... they all respond to game but to slightly different types of game. Say for example, she gives you hint that she likes art, so you make some bridging about your own experience with arts, or you ask her about her art experience. But I think this is what most betas also do and as a result of trying to build comfort you get stuck in HER own frame. How to build comfort and connection while still maintaining your frame and goals?

Discussing with my wings I realize that when we game well its has always been some elements of the game that just click with the girl. So far I have been unable to produce that result and instead it just happen by sheer luck/number of approaches.

[horn]

Quote:

But I think this is what most betas also do and as a result of trying to build comfort you get stuck in HER own frame. How to build comfort and connection while still maintaining your frame and goals?

Talk about what you want to talk about while maintaining strong frame. Girls want to be led. That's why 'travel' is oft mentioned guys like doing it, girls also love hearing about that, and you can now create that 'private world' just encompassing the 2 of you....'Lets go to vegas, paris, tokyo, NYC, Morocco' wherever. You DHV without bragging, etc.

Once you get her to qualify herself [did you?] and you settle in to a ~20 min+ interaction, at some point after you want to run comfort game. Then, once she is comfortable hanging out with you, you can tease her and sexualize the conversation. "Hey, eyes up here!' that sort of thing.

IOIs should not be hard to identify. If you go in to strong and you're not getting them, move directly to comfort or eject. 'Plowing through' does not mean ignoring her signals.