[JustJay]

The Importance Of Resiliency
   

I was going through some old notes of mine from articles that I've read in the past regarding self improvement. They ranged from various articles and a few books that I've read over time. One section of my notes that still reaches out to me this day is the subject of resiliency.

A big influence to the notes I've compiled was an series done by Brett & Kate McKay via artofmanliness.com. It's series of articles, How to Be Resilient, had a profound effect on how I viewed life after a bad situation occurred.

They define resiliency as:

Quote:

It is the ability to quickly bounce back from our trials and tragedies

According to the artlce, there are two kinds of people:

1. Me|Always|Everything.

2. Not Me|Not Always|Not Everything

The Me|Always|Everything are the type of people who believe that they're pretty much losers in all aspects of life. They're often pessimistic and have multiple bouts of depression. These people aren't very fair to themselves.

Where as...

The Not Me|Not Always|Not Everything types of people believes that something out of their control is the problem. That the kind of situation that just happened won't always last. It can be changed.

An easy example would be approaching a girl. Say she's a 8 or 9. You seem to be making vibes and then suddenly her facial expression changes and then she tells you she has to go and abruptly leaves.

Me|Always|Everything type of guy would think he did something wrong beat himself up and think he's always going to get the same results on his approaches and that his life sucks and he has no value.

Not Me|Not Always|Not Everything type of guy would be optimistic about it. "Maybe she had an emergency or an appointment. Whatever." He would understand that not all his approaches will end that way and everything else is gravy in his life. If he has a blowout, oh well. Some days you win, some days you go home with blue balls.

Another favorite point in the series was Quit Catastrophizing

This section goes a little into detail about Catastrophic Thinking, why they define as:

Quote:

Catastrophizing essentially involves imagining and dwelling on the worst possible outcome of something. It’s basically overreacting and letting your thoughts run away to dire and highly unlikely scenarios.

A good example of this would be the Hobby Lobby overreaction to the Supreme Court ruling over contraceptives. As much as i'd like to rant about the absurdity of it all I'll stay on course.

To me catastrophic thinking is just an endless chain of panic that i'd like to call Multiple What If Disorder. It would be defined as a incessant worry over possible negative results if or when a negative action has occurred. Irrationality overload. Symptoms would include panic attacks, learned helplessness, and worse.

Side Note: I'm not a doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist/social worker and this isn't a real psychological disorder. As much as I'd like to patent it I believe we have too many as it is.

If you feel an MWID approaching. Do the following:

1. Take a step back and breath.
2. Do the best you possibly can to rationalize. Remember the types of people who handle a seemingly bad situation. Once you react first and think later it's over. (Unless you're in a life or death situation)
3. Write down your concerns
4. Come up with a solution on how to handle it the next time. Build that resiliency.
5. Find something positive to do.

Those 5 steps have helped me. Sometimes distractions help, but if it's something that you'll have to deal with again, sorting out your thoughts and rationalizing has better results.

I feel that fine tuning resiliency helps you recover quicker when you face a bad situation. Running away or losing your wits when adversity strikes is a quick path to unhappiness and endless instability. There will always be challenges, some friendly, some not so friendly. It's what you do every time time you're faced with such challenges that matters. It's going to hurt, it's going to suck initially. Keep at it. You'll be just fine.

Quote:

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

How has being resilient worked out for you?