[norebly]

This is one of the most interesting experiences I've ever had although I would not want to repeat one minute of it.

This past weekend, I decided to stay home and really think things through. Usually on weekends I drive to my parent's house. While it bores me to no end, it makes it feel like I at least did something with the time.

This time I decided to simply stay home and think to myself. I wanted to do something valuable with my time... even something simple like going sight seeing in the city but the voice in my head told me that I would not like it since I would be alone and I'd leave pretty soon anyways.

I had recurring thoughts of self disappointment and generally not being happy with where my life is now.

It got to the point where all I wanted to do was go for a drive or go biking so that I could escape my own head. I pushed on and it was misery as all the thought of the things I didn't accomplish came gushing in. All the thoughts of self hate was almost unbearable.

I got through it finally.

If I had to guess I would venture that I really pushed myself in the past with good results... until I allowed myself to get really hurt. Now there's a divide between my internal monologue and my subconscious thoughts. I stopped trusting that voice inside my head to make good decisions.

My subconscious hates the part of me that forces me to avoid basic desires (sex - I can't do one night stands, don't even know how) and pushes me to do things I don't want to do (study for gmat).

Has anyone felt such a way before? Any way that you got over it?

Thanks for listening guys.

[SydneyD]

It's never a bad thing to pause and audit/review your life every once in a while to give your life some direction

Where are you now?

Where do you want to be?

How do you get to the place you want to be?

the most important step though is to get off your ass to take the necessary action to achieve what you want to achieve. That's where the populace gets it wrong, most people make Hamlet look like a novice at procrastination

[Hardy Daytona]

I understand and sympathize.
At times it can seem like my mind is my own worst enemy with my subconscious constantly barraging me with useless information, hypothetical scenarios with the contingent situations therein and re-examination of past decisions and interactions.
It's been written that the only two things a man can count on is his mind and his body and I would agree with that. But the mind is a much more complex tool and requires years of discipline to master. I've only been on the journey for a short while and there's still a long way to go.
To that end, I value the physical. If I stay cooped up with nothing but the sound of my thoughts for company, then eventually I end up going stir-fry crazy and have to exert myself just to give my body something to focus on. A tangible internality as opposed to a metaphysical concept or an idea.
Balance is key.
The only advice I can offer you is to try and establish and equilibrium through routine.
Dedicate specific days to specific tasks around your work schedule in an eclectic manner.
Remember, self-improvement is the goal.