I'm at the end of the rope and I need serious help.
I can't enjoy normal social activities, no matter what I do. I am extremely introverted and asocial.
I NEVER have fun. I don't think anything is fun. I can go to a club, a party, a concert, a movie, the beach, a boat, a game and I will be miserable the entire time.
I have a problem being, acting, looking, seeming happy when I'm around people, that includes my friends, my family and my girl. None of them can relate or understand the depression and anxiety that I feel. I don't really like or respect any of them and I feel like it's mutual.
I walk in a room with friendly looking people that are socializing and having fun doing dumb stuff, and I immediately feel out of place. They make me angry, confused, sad, everything except happy. I sincerely believe they're all fucking idiots. I'm envious of them for being able to have so much fun doing lame, simple things. They have no ambition to become somebody. They act like they already are somebody and have no care in the world.
When I get introduced to somebody I'm polite, smiling, can attempt to keep small talk going for 1-2 minutes, but it leads nowhere because I genuinely don't care about the person - I have zero curiosity to get to know them. They could all die tomorrow and I wouldn't care.
I've always had this problem but somehow I managed to network my ass off and make a decent living, get a couple notches, and even score a really good looking LTR.
She is the polar opposite of me - super outgoing and joyous, loves everything and everybody. I hang out with her all the time in hopes of some of her cheerfulness transferring over to me but it never does, it only annoys and alienates me even further. On the contrary, my sadness seems to be contagious to her.
I'm not amazing at game by any means. But when I'm one on one with a girl I can usually push things forward pretty well. I play off the fact that I don't like dancing, drinking and have no interest in meeting her friends, or going to a bar or club with her, as me having a busy, mysterious life, with main focus on work. At least I'm not lying about that - work has always and will always be top priority for me. Get rich or die trying.
Lately my mood has completely hit rock bottom. Business has slowed down so I gotta get my ass out there and network, but I just can't. When I get to the venue, even if I pumped myself up before, I get upset very quickly. I fail to develop new friendships/relationships, my work suffers from it and that upsets me even more. Its a circle of grief.
As for girls - I'm not a bad looking guy but the sadness in me clearly shows in my face every day now and I don't know how to snap out of it.
I started going to the gym again. I will never be a fitness model but hopefully with enough discipline I can get back to having a nice body so I can at the very least improve my posture.
But internally the gym doesn't help. I need something else.
I will not go see a psychiatrist, I feel like there are people on this forum who can give me better advice than those greedy quacks.
I will not take meds. I'm sure antidepressants would solve some of my issues, but probably cause more problems along the way.
What should I do? How do I enjoy LIFE? The world is full of people, deep down I understand I need them in my life, but how do I get over my condition?
I can't enjoy normal social activities, no matter what I do. I am extremely introverted and asocial.
I NEVER have fun. I don't think anything is fun. I can go to a club, a party, a concert, a movie, the beach, a boat, a game and I will be miserable the entire time.
I have a problem being, acting, looking, seeming happy when I'm around people, that includes my friends, my family and my girl. None of them can relate or understand the depression and anxiety that I feel. I don't really like or respect any of them and I feel like it's mutual.
I walk in a room with friendly looking people that are socializing and having fun doing dumb stuff, and I immediately feel out of place. They make me angry, confused, sad, everything except happy. I sincerely believe they're all fucking idiots. I'm envious of them for being able to have so much fun doing lame, simple things. They have no ambition to become somebody. They act like they already are somebody and have no care in the world.
When I get introduced to somebody I'm polite, smiling, can attempt to keep small talk going for 1-2 minutes, but it leads nowhere because I genuinely don't care about the person - I have zero curiosity to get to know them. They could all die tomorrow and I wouldn't care.
I've always had this problem but somehow I managed to network my ass off and make a decent living, get a couple notches, and even score a really good looking LTR.
She is the polar opposite of me - super outgoing and joyous, loves everything and everybody. I hang out with her all the time in hopes of some of her cheerfulness transferring over to me but it never does, it only annoys and alienates me even further. On the contrary, my sadness seems to be contagious to her.
I'm not amazing at game by any means. But when I'm one on one with a girl I can usually push things forward pretty well. I play off the fact that I don't like dancing, drinking and have no interest in meeting her friends, or going to a bar or club with her, as me having a busy, mysterious life, with main focus on work. At least I'm not lying about that - work has always and will always be top priority for me. Get rich or die trying.
Lately my mood has completely hit rock bottom. Business has slowed down so I gotta get my ass out there and network, but I just can't. When I get to the venue, even if I pumped myself up before, I get upset very quickly. I fail to develop new friendships/relationships, my work suffers from it and that upsets me even more. Its a circle of grief.
As for girls - I'm not a bad looking guy but the sadness in me clearly shows in my face every day now and I don't know how to snap out of it.
I started going to the gym again. I will never be a fitness model but hopefully with enough discipline I can get back to having a nice body so I can at the very least improve my posture.
But internally the gym doesn't help. I need something else.
I will not go see a psychiatrist, I feel like there are people on this forum who can give me better advice than those greedy quacks.
I will not take meds. I'm sure antidepressants would solve some of my issues, but probably cause more problems along the way.
What should I do? How do I enjoy LIFE? The world is full of people, deep down I understand I need them in my life, but how do I get over my condition?