Back from Cuba.
02-23-2011, 07:22 PM
Swagger, thanks for reminding me of the passport situation. To try to make a long story short, the last night we had in Havana, my buddy and I decided to square up with all our bills before going out. Basically we just paid for our room and the meals they fed us. After all was said and done, we had 30 CUC between the both of us. We obviously decided to live like kings and blow everything that night, seeing how 30 bucks in Cuba is comparable to having an open bar/VIP status on a Fri night anywhere in Hollywood or Sunset, and upon landing back in Cancun, we would have what would feel like unlimited access to money/ATMs/ Credit cards.
We were ready for our final night to party, but just as we were leaving the door, an obscure reminder from our owner stopped us dead in our tracks. “Don’t forget about the $25 tax to leave the airport. “ We told him this meant nothing to us seeing how we paid it in Mexico.
Well, no we didn’t. He informed us that you can only pay for it when you are leaving the country, at the airport. This did not bring us down too much, seeing how 5 CUC in Cuba is still going to be an awesome night. He continued with devastating news, telling us it was actually 25 CUC PER PERSON to leave. This meant we were not only broke, but in the hole by 20 CUC.
We freaked out for a good 20 minutes, then realized it was not helping and that we were in a country we might never be in again. We hid every cent we had in our room and went out, trying to have a great night anyway, and with some luck maybe we would run into some Canadians or some tourists who could lend us 20 dollars.
Later that night, by the grace of God, we ran into some people we had met earlier on the trip. They invited us back to their place to drink, and later they were having some girls come over. They got us wasted, and gave us 20 CUC to leave the country. On paper it sounds too easy and abstract. Try spending a couple hours in a country you are not supposed to visit, while not having access to money, and not having the tax to leave. Made me appreciate my country more, and by making such a stupid mistake, it made me a better traveler.
Everything I read online before leaving the US mentioned putting an (American) $20 in your passport when you land in Mexico, and telling the customs official ‘No estampia porfavor.’ Well we were flat broke and hadn’t eaten or drank (not including beer) in about 24 hours (Tourists only drink bottled water in Cuba, much like Mexico, and if you have no money…no bottled water!) so I tried my luck with just telling her I did not want a stamp. She dug around my passport, obviously looking for a bribe, and when I told her I don’t have any money for her, she loudly stamped my passport with a smile.
After a great night in Cancun, we got rid of everything we had linking us to Cuba. We were afraid that US customs would question the 2nd stamp, ask us why we disappeared for a few days, and put us under a microscope. We even threw away our Lonely Planet guide to Cuba. After a grueling hour wait (in legal travel, this is no wait at all) in Huston, my friend and I reached the front of the line. We had a deal that if either one of us got through, f*ckin run to the connection to LAX and don’t look back. Every man for himself. My buddy gets called up to the left line (there were two officials; he got the nice old lady. I was still 4 or 5 people behind, heading straight to the middle aged Asian samurai official’s line, who, with only a brief second of eye contact, knew all the illegal things I have ever done in my life) and within a minute he is through. This made me even more nervous, thinking that there was no way BOTH of us would dupe a post 9/11 American airport. The intimidating customs official made some small talk, told me I looked tired from partying in Cancun, scanned my passport, and after an excruciating minute of silence, smiled and told me to have a nice flight. Calmly (I think) I caught up to my friend, who was half way down the hallway. It took all we had not to laugh and run and giggle like little children, at least until we got safely in the restroom and out of sight of any customs official. We made it!
We had 2 hours to kill and access to money; huge hamburgers and celebratory beers (AND WATER!!!!!!!) until our flight almost left without us back to LA. *Looking back, who goes to Cancun to leave? I don’t think catching people going to Cuba is a huge priority at the moment (think safety) but just don’t make it obvious. And don’t say you went. So having the 2nd stamp might not be a big deal, but I suggest avoiding it.
As for race and ease of game, I am a loud, 6’2, blonde hair, blue eyes gringo who stands out even in the States. Your game is basically the fact that you are already there. Meaning, you might be living paycheck to paycheck in your home town, but you had the money to get in a plane and see Cuba. Since almost every Havana resident has not even left Havana, you are super duper rich. Looks don’t go far at all; although I am sure white is a bit of a novelty. The hard part is keeping them in check. They will hassle and hassle for money for sex. Fight fire with fire. Most are not fantastic at English. Most don’t know it actually. But with one who did speak broken English, every time she brought it up I told her she did not have to pay me, I don’t even know if I am attracted to her enough to have sex. Make them laugh and act like sex is not something you would do with a Cuban, but rather your blonde girlfriend at home who is in the magazines in her underwear. If nothing works this is probably the best line to use: ‘You heard Cuban’s weren’t good in bed anyway. ‘ (nothing is further from the truth, sex is almost like a sport over there, and she probably knows the Cuban rep for how good they are in bed, but she doesn’t know you know that) Moral of the story, looks don’t matter but if you know Spanish, your way ahead of the game.
Any girl you meet at a bar or club that you have to pay a cover for is working. I cannot remember the exact names of the 2 or 3 bigger discos there, and I do suggest checking them out, but only to dance and drink. Not for chicks. If you want to skip all game and are purely interested in pounding, then yes, go lazy ass. As a side note, the last night we were there, we found a bar deep in Havana that had signs posted all over the front in Spanish that read: No tourists. Cuban nationals only. Tourists not allowed. It felt like I was in Alabama at a ‘white’ drinking fountain. Obviously, we went in this bar (the Cubans working there want gringos in there, we spend money and tip) and the 4 of us left with 6 girls. So bars like that, the ones you can tell are authentic (not catering to you, the tourist) are great to meet chicks.
During the day, always be aware of who is watching, because most chicks will not talk to you when unknown people are around, or police. Now if it is a plaza, open air, very public, you can get away with casually and quickly talking to them, and they are usually responsive. Approach with an attitude like you are asking directions or something trivial. Remember this is mostly because they are being watched, and you are actually gamming the narcs, not the chicks. Occasionally we would even get whistles from chicks, but, your entire mind set in Cuba is ‘every girl is working until proven off’.
Approaching groups of 2 or more is best. Honestly most WANT to talk to you; somehow, even though a lot of Canadians and Europeans go to Cuba, they know you are different. It is very weird; I am not sure how they do this. But they want to know everything about you; they are information starved, especially when it comes to the US, and who knows what garbage they teach them about America in School. When approaching a group in a neighborhood, make sure no one is around, say hola, (butcher your Spanish, and they will be intrigued and want to know where you’re from. I was a natural at this) and let them bombard you with questions; they will also ask you for money. Ask them for some. But to ENSURE success, make friends with a Cuban citizen. This will increase your odds of doing anything 10 fold, especially getting girls back to a ‘safe house’. I am not sure my trip would have been half as amazing without him. Do not worry, Cubans are very hospitable, you will meet people as soon as you land and get situated. Make sure he doesn’t take you though; you have to prove yourselves before they respect you. That usually means not giving them an inch, anywhere.
I cannot comment on the internet, we planned our whole trip under the suspicion we would not have it. We, maybe a little too overcautiously, even shut our cell phones off before we left Cancun, and did not turn them back on until landing there again, for fear of some sort of GPS giving us away or somehow receiving a call. I have heard the Internet there is very slow, and I know for a fact that it is heavily censored. I heard you cannot even access porn.
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