[rhr]

Well I got myself in a interesting situation here in the Philippines. I have this girl who apparently is "in love" with me, clingy, and crying regularly in my arms (not just during sex) because I am going to leave her once I return home.

The thing is that I'm NOT some sociopathic asshole and I do genuinely care about other people (everyone, not just girls who I bang). As such, I would like to find a resolution to this situation with leaving as little damage as possible.

I don't like to leave a trail of broken girls behind on my journey through life. So far I have been able to avoid such predicaments by banging useless euro-whores. But with this little Philipina cutie I suddenly find myself confronted with a new challenge.

So my question is:
What is the most sensible course of action you believe I should take?

As always, any help will be rewarded by a BIG Davao Cite trip report late next week.

Thank you for your attention.

[WestIndianArchie]

In most cases, basically. Even if you make it clear that you're only dealing with her for fun, many women will bond with you. So most of the time when you make a clean break or fade away by slowly not contacting her, she's going to be upset.

You've basically got to man up. Until you decide to make an honest woman out of a chick...and in that case, she's the one with the power to leave you in misery...

I'll let other folks speak about what that means in Southeast Asia. Could be genuine, or you could be getting played.

WIA

[rhr]

Thanks, but it is highly unlikely that I'm "getting played". I met her family, and the one time I offered her some money for a ride she really got upset about that.

Just to make things simple, let's assume that her "feelings" are real.

On the other hand, if I am actually getting played, I will find out soon enough and the steps foreward from there would be pretty clear (breaking up).

[Cobra]

There should be a crying thread out there. Check those out.

I used to have a tough time with the crying as in, it affected me and I used to feel bad.

But then, I realized that it is simply the hamster going for an intense spin. And that hamster just gets tired.

Wait it out until she's more real and bring her into your frame. Otherwise, you may lose that frame forever.

[Parlay44]

Well the obvious answer is to give in to the tears, marry her and live the typical blue pill life that most men lead. Or you could think about the bigger picture and what you want out of life and can this woman help you to get there? Most likely not.

Why are you in the Philippines? For the easy abundant sex? Vacation? Just partying?

[internationalscientist45]

Pretty much this....

[TheChef]

(05-03-2014 09:50 AM)Cobra Wrote:  

But then, I realized that it is simply the hamster going for an intense spin. And that hamster just gets tired.

So true!

Women use tears and their emotions (almost) at will, knowing exactly how to amp it up or down. It's hard, at first to resist, but once you realize how they use tears to break a man's frame, the truth becomes more apparent.

[Cheetah]

When she looks at you do you get a look that you have gotten previously from girls who you knew were in love with you or could her look have been from someone that you just met yesterday?

Are you really sure that you might not want her to visit you where you live? If that is the case, then it's more candid to tell her upfront as you did as it's easier to "delike" someone if that person is still around as opposed to going from happy relationship to never see the other one in a day. I don't see how you could do it much differently.

How long have you known each other and when are you returning home? If you knew for sure that you weren't played, would you still dump her?

It might be that she likes you, finds you a good LTR material and if she stays with you for months she might fall in love..

[Cr33pin]

It happens man. It's ok to have feelings and not wanna just be monster who doesn't care in the least that you and a girl bonded and now shes gonna get her heart broke when you leave. However unless you are looking to get married your options are limited. I was pretty upfront with all the girls I hung out with in the Phils. "I'm not here for a long time, I'm just here for a good time." I had two girls cry when they came over the last time I saw them. Its part of life, you aren't the first guy to make her cry and you wont be the last.

You can still keep in touch with her when you are back home. I still keep in contact via facebook with the girl whos virginity I took and pretty much dated when I was in the Phils. She seems to be doing well, shes dating a American fella in the AirForce and she moved to Korea to live with him.

[rhr]

(05-03-2014 12:54 PM)TheChef Wrote:  

(05-03-2014 09:50 AM)Cobra Wrote:  

But then, I realized that it is simply the hamster going for an intense spin. And that hamster just gets tired.

So true!

Women use tears and their emotions (almost) at will, knowing exactly how to amp it up or down. It's hard, at first to resist, but once you realize how they use tears to break a man's frame, the truth becomes more apparent.

Do you really believe tears and crying can be triggered by conscious control like pawns on a chess board? I'm unconvinced. Also, what would be the goal? I mean I am already leaving her, right?

And the even bigger questions is: Assuming you are right, is there even such a thing as a genuine feeling?

(05-03-2014 05:04 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

It happens man. It's ok to have feelings and not wanna just be monster who doesn't care in the least that you and a girl bonded and now shes gonna get her heart broke when you leave. However unless you are looking to get married your options are limited. I was pretty upfront with all the girls I hung out with in the Phils. "I'm not here for a long time, I'm just here for a good time." I had two girls cry when they came over the last time I saw them. Its part of life, you aren't the first guy to make her cry and you wont be the last.

You can still keep in touch with her when you are back home. I still keep in contact via facebook with the girl whos virginity I took and pretty much dated when I was in the Phils. She seems to be doing well, shes dating a American fella in the AirForce and she moved to Korea to live with him.

Thanks man! You know you are the reason why I'm here in the Phils in the first place!

The thing is, I have never experienced something like this in my life. In Europe I could just bang some chick, get rid of her the next morning and that was it. Here in the Philippines however I suddenly find myself with this cute little thing who cares and cries and is just fantastic to be around with. I was completely unprepared for this!

This in - my eyes - only emphasizes the utter and complete worthlessness of the European woman!! The contrast couldn't be more stark! (I will write more about this in my upcoming Davao thread)

I'm glad to hear you managed to work out a similar situation for you. I will definitely keep in touch with this one. She did nothing wrong, in fact, she did everything right - and I am still going to leave her. It kinda breaks my heart.

I do not regret coming to the Philippines at all. It was one of the best choices in my life. Even in my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined how BAD women in Europe really are!
A truely eye-opening experience!

Again thank you very much for recommending Davao. Had a blast!

[Thomas the Rhymer]

(05-03-2014 11:50 PM)rhr Wrote:  

She did nothing wrong, in fact, she did everything right - and I am still going to leave her. It kinda breaks my heart.

Kahlil Gibran Wrote:

For even as Love crowns you, so shall it crucify you.

[iknowexactly]

(05-03-2014 11:50 PM)rhr Wrote:  

I do not regret coming to the Philippines at all. It was one of the best choices in my life. Even in my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined how BAD women in Europe really are!

A similar and frightening thing has happened to me.

Since I came back from first Phlippines ( and briefly Japan) trip; and I see white american women, I don't see something ...feminine in nature.

I feel like I am in a science fiction movie where they have taken half a population of males, and surgically changed their bodies into female bodies attached to a male brain and soul.

American women look like men with vaginas to me.

It's not a pleasant experience.

Leaving again in July.

[Beyond Borders]

(05-03-2014 09:04 AM)rhr Wrote:  

Thanks, but it is highly unlikely that I'm "getting played". I met her family, and the one time I offered her some money for a ride she really got upset about that.

Just to make things simple, let's assume that her "feelings" are real.

On the other hand, if I am actually getting played, I will find out soon enough and the steps foreward from there would be pretty clear (breaking up).

Why is no one pointing out the obvious here?

Dude, why did you go and meet her family?

She's crying because you led her on. You've also likely shamed her by meeting her family, making them think she'd met a serious guy, and then boning out on her.

Word of advice. If you don't want women to get super attached to you in Southeast Asia - never meet their families. Some will get attached anyways, but you accepting the trip home to meet mom and pops pretty much guarantees it.

Maybe there were unique circumstances that led to you meeting the fams, and if so I apologize for over-assuming. But since you used it as a "reason" why she can't be playing you, it's hard not to read more into it than that.

(05-03-2014 12:54 PM)TheChef Wrote:  

(05-03-2014 09:50 AM)Cobra Wrote:  

But then, I realized that it is simply the hamster going for an intense spin. And that hamster just gets tired.

So true!

Women use tears and their emotions (almost) at will, knowing exactly how to amp it up or down. It's hard, at first to resist, but once you realize how they use tears to break a man's frame, the truth becomes more apparent.

This is true. Women are geniuses at emotional blackmail.

Want to see a guy flounder and change his mind? Bring on the tears, Baby.

We have an innate instinct to protect and comfort.

(05-03-2014 11:50 PM)rhr Wrote:  

Do you really believe tears and crying can be triggered by conscious control like pawns on a chess board? I'm unconvinced.

Yes and no.

Some women are sociopathic enough to completely do it on purpose.

Most, though, aren't completely aware or aren't completely honest with themselves about why they're turning up the dial on their emotions. Hamster, hamster, hamster.

You also have to remember that women cry more often when they're sad. Think back on how you felt when you were rejected by a woman you thought you liked. Back when you were more naive.

Fucking stung, right? And maybe you didn't bawl like a baby, but given that women are okay with doing so, it doesn't take much for them to express themselves that way if they're hurting.

Then they see your reaction to it - comforting them and holding them close, etc, and it's only natural they would turn up the dial to get more of what they want while in the throes of their emotional breakdown.

Quote:

Also, what would be the goal?

To make you feel bad. To get you to stay in the Philippines, keep her as a girlfriend, or send support after you left. Could be any of these depending on the woman.

Quote:

I mean I am already leaving her, right?

Theoretically. She doesn't know that things can't be changed.

Quote:

And the even bigger questions is: Assuming you are right, is there even such a thing as a genuine feeling?

Yes, of course there is. She very well may have them.

Quote:

The thing is, I have never experienced something like this in my life.

I find this surprising. Sure, women in Western countries won't bawl their eyes out over a one-night stand (unless they've got serious issues). But a guy they introduced to their family?

Even if the time frame is short, a woman from any country will have an intense emotional response if she is rejected by a guy she thinks she wants to keep.

Quote:

In Europe I could just bang some chick, get rid of her the next morning and that was it.

Here in the Philippines however I suddenly find myself with this cute little thing who cares and cries and is just fantastic to be around with. I was completely unprepared for this!

This in - my eyes - only emphasizes the utter and complete worthlessness of the European woman!! The contrast couldn't be more stark! (I will write more about this in my upcoming Davao thread)

Not judging here, as it'd be hypocritical to do so (I've broken my share of hearts too, with these more innocent girls and the American floozies), but it also says a lot about us Western men in general that when we can have what we say we want and admire, we don't take advantage of it by rewarding it or keeping it.

Instead, we keep treating these women like European women even while bitching about the way that European women are.

Again, not judging or pushing another course of action, but I think it says a lot more about Western culture than just making a statement about our women.

I think it's up to each of us as individuals to at least take an honest look at how illogical this divide between what we value and what we do in action. We're just as responsible for a lot of our own unhappiness as our females are.

Quote:

I'm glad to hear you managed to work out a similar situation for you. I will definitely keep in touch with this one. She did nothing wrong, in fact, she did everything right - and I am still going to leave her. It kinda breaks my heart.

It's never easy. It still wears on me whenever I do it. In fact, over the years, you get tired of doing it to people and keep them at a greater arm's length. Which only makes them fall for you harder...

It's a vicious cycle for "sensitive" guys. I'm not sure it affects us all equally.

Quote:

I do not regret coming to the Philippines at all. It was one of the best choices in my life. Even in my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined how BAD women in Europe really are!

Just trying to offer another perspective here. Are they so bad to give you the causal sex that you want? Would you rather they acted more devoted from the get-go, like these Filipinas, and then bawled like a baby when you left?

I think as men, while it stings to see the women hurt when we crush them, we get a big ego boost out of it as well.

I've gone through all this myself, and I've questioned myself on these points when it happened, but I do find it ironic how you've chosen this context to complain about Euro women, even while dealing with the aftermath of playing around in the other side of the spectrum.

Just something to think about for a lot of us. No disrespect intended.

And she could still just be emotionally blackmailing you.

It's complicated, the game.

[rhr]

(05-04-2014 05:11 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

(05-03-2014 09:04 AM)rhr Wrote:  

Thanks, but it is highly unlikely that I'm "getting played". I met her family, and the one time I offered her some money for a ride she really got upset about that.

Just to make things simple, let's assume that her "feelings" are real.

On the other hand, if I am actually getting played, I will find out soon enough and the steps foreward from there would be pretty clear (breaking up).

Why is no one pointing out the obvious here?

Dude, why did you go and meet her family?

She's crying because you led her on. You've also likely shamed her by meeting her family, making them think she'd met a serious guy, and then boning out on her.

Word of advice. If you don't want women to get super attached to you in Southeast Asia - never meet their families. Some will get attached anyways, but you accepting the trip home to meet mom and pops pretty much guarantees it.

Maybe there were unique circumstances that led to you meeting the fams, and if so I apologize for over-assuming. But since you used it as a "reason" why she can't be playing you, it's hard not to read more into it than that.

(...)

I fully realize it might have been a mistake. I was 50/50 about going beforehand but then decided to take the risk after she showed me a picture of her "house" (wooden hut). I was intrigued. I'm a kinda "go-with-the-flow"-guy just jumping into one adventure after another and I just wanted to see whether it was real or whether this chick was just pulling some kind of joke...
Only later did it even occur to me that her father might have been ashamed of showing it to me, even though I made it clear how much I appreciate to see the "real" Philippines.

[rhr]

@Beyond Borders

As for the rest of your post, you see I'm still kinda confused, it is the new environment I find myself in, the lack of perspective as well as the new challenges I am facing now. I am just incapable of making a clear judgement about anything right now.
Anyway, thanks for your long and insightful post. Much appreciated!!

[Cobra]

(05-04-2014 10:43 AM)rhr Wrote:  

@Beyond Borders

As for the rest of your post, you see I'm still kinda confused, it is the new environment I find myself in, the lack of perspective as well as the new challenges I am facing now. I am just incapable of making a clear judgement about anything right now.
Anyway, thanks for your long and insightful post. Much appreciated!!

I would be surprised if you're not confused.

This is how I felt in for about 5 years of my err LTR.

Then I took the red pill and practiced holding frame but I did it many times and did it consistently even though I felt shitty. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel clear.

That was from years of social programming fighting against me.

But I fought back and things became clearer and clearer.

So fight back and get your clarity.

[TheChef]

[quote='Beyond Borders' pid='717932' dateline='1399198291']

Dude, why did you go and meet her family?

She's crying because you led her on.
Word of advice. If you don't want women to get super attached to you in Southeast Asia - never meet their families.

[quote='TheChef' pid='717577' dateline='1399139654'][quote='Cobra' pid='717494' dateline='1399128629']
But then, I realized that it is simply the hamster going for an intense spin. And that hamster just gets tired.
[/quote]



So true!

Women use tears and their emotions (almost) at will, knowing exactly how to amp it up or down. It's hard, at first to resist, but once you realize how they use tears to break a man's frame, the truth becomes more apparent.
[/quote]

This is true. Women are geniuses at emotional blackmail.

Want to see a guy flounder and change his mind? Bring on the tears, Baby.

We have an innate instinct to protect and comfort.

[quote='rhr' pid='717859' dateline='1399179036']

Beyond Borders gets it to a T. I think the balance here is understanding

1) Women use their emotions all the time to manipulate men.
2) Sometimes it's very genuine and sometimes it's very much on purpose to get their way and take control of the situation.

You have to be the judge and use your instincts to determine if a girl is crying to get her way (like a child) or is possibly over emphasizing her feelings to get her way (again like a child) or is genuinely sad at her core.

Given the situation, the girl seems really sad, but now that we know the back story you can see why.

The part about meeting her family was big. Think about it, now her parents and siblings will ask her about that guy she met who is gone. They know that their daughter met someone, had an intense short-term relationship (vacationship if you will) and he's gone. Do parents like to see their daughter get her and upset? Hell no.

I'm just saying if it's a short term g;omh, avoid meeting the whole family if possible. Go out and keep things light and enjoyable. Sure, it's an ego boost when a girl is genuinely sad that we are leaving their presence but life goes on and you gotta bring them back to reality gently.

[Beyond Borders]

(05-04-2014 10:43 AM)rhr Wrote:  

@Beyond Borders

As for the rest of your post, you see I'm still kinda confused, it is the new environment I find myself in, the lack of perspective as well as the new challenges I am facing now. I am just incapable of making a clear judgement about anything right now.
Anyway, thanks for your long and insightful post. Much appreciated!!

Hey man - as I said, not trying to pass judgement here. Considering my history, I'm in no position to.

I also like to get off the beaten track and have broken every rule in the book.

And while I can't speak for every guy here, as for me, I'm sure I'll always find myself caught up in the occaisonal emotional whirlwinds of women. Trying to assess what is real and what is not - trying to figure out if I've led someone on or if they're just manipulating me to think so.

Life is a complicated but beautiful mess. You do what you can.

Protect yourself, try your best to be honest with people, and learn your lessons when you can. Accept that sometimes feelings are going to get hurt and that's just life.

She'll survive.

[Sp5]

This has been on my mind the last few weeks, in a somewhat different frame.

Since I'm older, I have a few women coming to the end of their fertility/looks/chances. And a couple of younger ones, too. The older ones are painfully needy.

I've spent some time with them and like/love them to varying degrees. A couple are candidates as companions and taking care of me in my dotage. Most have no chance for a permanent relationship, as I have "DQ'd" them for one reason or another, but are OK for a few days in Colombo/Dubai/Singapore, etc.

The problem is that the time for maintaining these relationships, even minimally, is a burden.

I have also considered the IKE strategy of maintaining some baby momas overseas. There are some willing candidates there. But I think I would like to have a companion to live with. When I'm 60+ not going to want to be changing up all of the time. Maybe.

All this while I'm meeting new women, too. It's energizing and wearying at the same time.