[Mr. Calicoat]

This is something I haven't quite mastered yet and especially in long-term relationships I seem to fail really hard at this; giving the girl you're fucking the feeling she's important yet easily replaceable.

I've heard it many times from many different people; the key to a successful relationship with any girl is to give her the feeling she means something to you, yet at the same time she's easily replaced if she would ever get out of line. By making her feel special, you'll make sure she stays and keeps putting out. By making her feel replaceable, you'll make sure she will stay in line and she won't be able to turn you into a pussy-whipped beaten dog (because she knows if she would even try that, she's out, and girls don't want to be out because girls wants to have a stable relationship).

I've been trying this for a while now, but I don't seem to quite get it down.

With my previous girl, I was too soft, I tolerated too much bullshit and I didn't give her the feeling she was replaceable. The result: me turned into a beaten dog like a goddamn blue-pill beta piece of shit.

With my current girlfriend, I seem to be too hard. I don't tolerate any kind of bullshit and I made it damn sure she realizes that she's easily replaceable. The result however is that she seems to have become insecure, she turned into her own shell, she became distant and she's not really putting out anymore.

I've been thinking about NEXTing this girl I'm with now, and move on to the next chick, but honestly, I'd prefer to keep this girl for a bit longer, because she's really fucking hot (in my opinion a solid 8 or 9) and she's really good. I really enjoy her, and I honestly think this girl is someone I could potentially spend the rest of my life with and maybe one day have kids with once I have a successful career going on for myself (I'm not gonna marry this girl though, marriage is for suckers and it has no benefits for men, but I'd like to live together with this girl one day).

So, for now, I'd like to keep NEXTing as a last resort. Instead of nexting I'd really like to master the balance between making the girl feel special while at the same time making her feel replaceable. How do I do that?

[kinjutsu]

A few things I've done in the past with success are:

Do something sweet and beta with her once every 2-3 weeks or so. Take her out and show her a good time as a reward.
Make sure you let her know why you like her around other than she's pretty to look at. Say you like how much of a girly girl she is and not like all those other girls who try to act tough all the time. Or act like men.
It sounds like you need to calibrate your (alpha/beta levels). If you act more alpha you can get away with more beta slip ups.

[Christian McQueen]

"I really enjoy her, and I honestly think this girl is someone I could potentially spend the rest of my life with and maybe one day have kids with"

^^^
How long have you dated her?

[Mr. Calicoat]

A year or so, maybe a bit more, maybe a bit less. I haven't really been keeping track to be honest.

[kaotic]

(04-22-2014 01:45 PM)Christian McQueen Wrote:  

"I really enjoy her, and I honestly think this girl is someone I could potentially spend the rest of my life with and maybe one day have kids with"

^^^
How long have you dated her?

Came here for this question lol

[Christian McQueen]

Few things:

1. A year is a good amount of time to get a feel for a girl. In that span of time you've probably seen her mad, sad, happy and what she's like as a person.

2. What you've been doing has been working, so sudden change won't help. If you don't tolerate bullshit, and all of a sudden turn Beta, watch how quick she withdraws from you and loses attraction.

3. The key here is to provide Rewards for her good behavior.
Example: she comes to your place cooks dinner and does your laundry. Then you have sex. After sex you can have a tender moment by holding her close and saying something like this: "You're a helluva girl", then smile and kiss her on the lips firmly.
What this does is provide an emotional 'treat' to her that she will take to heart. This keeps her close.

Remember a little goes a loooonnnnng way with women.

The problem is most guys overdo the emotional 'treats' and the girl feels like he can't live without her (never let her think that) and that he has become too dependent on her (terrible place to be).

You don't need her, but you're choosing to be with her because she provides value to your life.

It sounds like to me based on pure instinct and my experiences, that you feel like if you don't show more affection/love, that you will lose her.

Read closely: the moment you start feeling this way, put yourself in check. Women can smell neediness a million miles away.

The real key to successful LTR's is a dash of real affection/expressions of love for every 3 she shows you.

You must keep her wanting more. The carrot dangled is the key to keeping mystery alive in the LTR and her desire for what she 'can't' have. YOU may know she 'has' you, but you cannot express this completely.

How old are you by the way, and how old is she?

[BDawg]

I could be wrong, but you might need to master the art of backhanded compliments.

They sound like compliments, but make the point of putting a woman on ice without the typical backlash of an insult or threat.

This may be the sweet spot.

We should start a backhanded compliment thread on RVF in any case.

[Mr. Calicoat]

That's some solid advice right there McQueen, thanks.

Yeah, I do think despite my no-nonsense approach that she still smells my neediness right through it. I think I've grown too attached to her and I'm actually in a position that I'm scared of losing her. Is that Beta? (pun intended) I guess in a way I might have gotten what you guys call "one-itis". How the fuck do I get rid of that?

She's 24 years old by the way and I'm 25 years old.

[Anthony A. King]

(04-22-2014 03:33 PM)Mr. Calicoat Wrote:  

That's some solid advice right there McQueen, thanks.

Yeah, I do think despite my no-nonsense approach that she still smells my neediness right through it. I think I've grown too attached to her and I'm actually in a position that I'm scared of losing her. Is that Beta? (pun intended) I guess in a way I might have gotten what you guys call "one-itis". How the fuck do I get rid of that?

She's 24 years old by the way and I'm 25 years old.

Get another girl!!!!
Heck get several!

[Mr. Calicoat]

(04-22-2014 02:37 PM)BDawg Wrote:  

I could be wrong, but you might need to master the art of backhanded compliments.

They sound like compliments, but make the point of putting a woman on ice without the typical backlash of an insult or threat.

This may be the sweet spot.

We should start a backhanded compliment thread on RVF in any case.

I'm not sure if I'm good at backhanded compliments. A threat about this would be more than welcome in my opinion.