[soup]

(04-17-2014 05:32 PM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  

Update:

I've read all of your opinions (serious, unserious, and hilarious) with close attention. Here are my thoughts:

Skinny Bitch Hypothesis
Many fingers pointed squarely at Skinny Bitch. That's reasonable, given the fact pattern. I'll take a closer look at her (details below), but I'm not as convinced as all of you that she's absolutely my culprit. While she's quite unstable (telling some of the stories would reveal her identity), she also comes from money. Getting knocked up wouldn't mean an automatic entry into my fabulous royal coffers, in other words.



Artist or Hobbyist Hypothesis -- New Suspect
It's plausible that an X-Acto type knife created this perforation. As far as I know, none of the current suspects would have any need to own one. But, another girl, Artist Bitch--who isn't on the current list--works in creative job and likely has access to this very equipment. While she'd only slept at my house once at the time of the detection, she also woke up way before me on that morning and left without me noticing (I was out cold). She's quite odd, and is the oldest of the bunch (late 20s).



The thedude3737's Gambit
Thedude's idea of "accidentally" detecting the faulty condom in Skinny Bitch's presence to see her reaction is intriguing. I've already taken steps toward implementing this solution, by luring Skinny Bitch to my apartment for a run. Stay tuned for the results of this test.

Can you get footage or audio of it?

[Tuthmosis]

(05-16-2014 12:56 AM)simondice Wrote:  

Did you ever solve this mystery?, it sounded alarming I say it was the Artist Bitch ( late 20's body clock-ticking), in the bedroom with the artist knife.

Since you guys ask, this is how it turned out:

Executing the thedude3737's Gambit
When we last left off with this story, I'd decided that luring the forum's prime suspect, Skinny Bitch, into thedude's gambit was worth a try. The day of the above-linked post, I'd sent her a funny-ass text that I knew would provoke her into a conversation that would lead to her inviting herself over. Once she said something about "hanging out soon," I told her to come over that night and prepared my trap. I left the damaged condom away from the others, so I wouldn't mix it up, and rehearsed my lines in my head.

We had a couple of rounds and normal conversation before I initiated our normal bang routine. At the appropriate moment, I reached down to one of my stashes and grabbed the tampered condom:

Tuthmosis: Oh look at that. [examining the condom]
Skinny Bitch: What?
Tuthmosis: There's something weird with this condom.
Skinny Bitch: What's wrong with it?
Tuthmosis: Oh, never mind. I'll just grab another one.

I was looking at her like a hawk (subtly, of course) the whole time and she didn't blink. I was actually impressed with her reaction.

After the banging, I brought it back up. I took a different approach:

Tuthmosis: So why are you punching holes in my condoms? [calmly]
Skinny Bitch: What???!!
Tuthmosis: You heard me. You're the only person who's ever shown interest in where I keep my condoms. You're also the craziest person I currently know.
Skinny Bitch: Are you sure it's a hole? And why would I be punching holes in your condoms? I don't want your kid. I don't want anyone's kid. Right now, at least.

She was persuasive. Unfortunately that's before I read Fisto's theory, which I brought up on subsequent time I saw her.

Tuthmosis: I figured out you're fucking with my condoms so I'll knock up another bitch, since you think I'm banging around and don't like it.
Skinny Bitch: Look, I'm not sure why you think I'm fucking with your condoms, but I'm not. Plus I don't care if you're banging around. []
Tuthmosis: This is why. [showing her condom]
Skinny Bitch: When would I have had the opportunity to do that?! That looks like it was done with some tool or something.
Tuthmosis: Yeah, like a razor.
Skinny Bitch: I don't carry fucking razors! Do you want to look in my purse? [pointing to her purse]
Tuthmosis: Yes. [Look in purse and no razors]
Skinny Bitch: See.

She was persuasive, with no signs of deception. She's not fully acquitted, but I don't have enough evidence to hold her.

Young Bitch
Young bitch has been released as a suspect because I've verified she's on birth control and hasn't exhibited any suspicious behaviors.

Artist Bitch
I didn't confront artist bitch, but I'm sort of doubting that she'd do it. First of all, she's had virtually no opportunity and she seems so clueless I doubt she even knows where my condoms are. Even if she does, she really doesn't have any motivation to do it, except straight-up insanity. She has no relationship aspirations with me (doesn't even spend the night), and seems pretty uninterested in banging generally (low drive, it seems).

Tiny Bitch [EDIT]
I'm less suspicious of tiny bitch as well. For one, she rarely insists on seeing me. I literally haven't seen her since the original post of this thread (that's over a month, so you don't have to click back). In that time, she tried to make plans exactly once, and that was like four days ago. She's either comfortable with a super "casual" situation, or is getting dickings on the side. She's also shown signs of the I'm-going-to-be-a-career-woman ethos. She doesn't seem like the trying-to-get-knocked-up-at-21 type. She also comes from decent money, I think. Both parents are like super specialized surgeons or something like that, and she grew in some fancy suburb. That just doesn't fit the profile.

Cold Case
This mystery has officially entered the cold-case files. I'm not entirely convinced this was a simply manufacturing defect, though it's a remote possibility. It's also possible that this was an older crime that was perpetuated by a long-gone suspect.

This case, in other words, may never be solved.

[soup]

Tuth, I think you might be inadvertently developing "hole in the condom game" as a form of compliance testing.. blaming girls for punching a hole in the condom.

The next step is for someone to go out and pre-punch a condom and see if they can elicit the same amount of compliance without any real drama.

[LaserBear]

Just gotta say.. the answer is tiny chick.
Long term fuck buddy, you took her virginity, she sees you as much as she knows she can without losing you.
She is hooked.

I have a 3 year long, tiny, petite, tight, Indian fuck buddy who's virginity i took who acts the same way.
Get her drunk (a rarity) and out comes the "I have dreams where we date", "I honestly just hope you're happy someday cause I care.", "This is your fault, you took my virginity and made the attraction.".

I'm always extra careful with her.
Sober her is vehemently opposed to having kids, dating... but drunk her is less careful about running me off.

When crazy happens.... expect the virginity you took. Ten times out of ten.


She has motive (societal programming, hormonal/chemical programming, ltr programming, etc).
Means? She's known you a year.
Chances are she knows some aspects of you better than you do.
She could sneak around you.
My long term fuck buddy knows me better than almost anyone. Its the nature of the beast.


Chances are you'll never get a confession.... just be careful with her.
She knows you well, shell know how to manipulate you at least subtly.


Skinny bitch asked a suspicious question, but that's circumstancial... virginity chick has motive.

[Tuthmosis]

(05-17-2014 01:57 AM)LaserBear Wrote:  

Just gotta say.. the answer is tiny chick.
Long term fuck buddy, you took her virginity, she sees you as much as she knows she can without losing you.
She is hooked.

Intriguing theory, but here's the 411 on tiny bitch.

Tiny Bitch
I'm less suspicious of tiny bitch as well. For one, she rarely insists on seeing me. I literally haven't seen her since the original post of this thread (that's over a month, so you don't have to click back). In that time, she tried to make plans exactly once, and that was like four days ago. She's either comfortable with a super "casual" situation, or is getting dickings on the side. She's also shown signs of the I'm-going-to-be-a-career-woman ethos. She doesn't seem like the trying-to-get-knocked-up-at-21 type. She also comes from decent money, I think. Both parents are like super specialized surgeons or something like that, and she grew in some fancy suburb. That just doesn't fit the profile.

[Alpha_Romeo]

How about after busting your nut with each bitch, say something like, "Oh, shit... the condom broke." The ones that are terrified, you keep, the ones that are nonchalant or otherwise happy about it, you drop.