name's Aria and im 17 and i live in london. Just wondering if you guys could help me with approaches, im not nervous when speaking to a girl and having a conversation with her but im really nervous about actually walking up to a girl and speaking to her for the first time. It's those first few seconds of approaching a girl and saying something such as asking her about a prop that really terrify me. I guess im scared of being rejected. Could you maybe give me some tips to not be so nervous when doing approaches? Also, im 17 so im not old enough for clubs and night game yet , so could you maybe give me tips related to day game? Thank you
approaching girls for the first time
I'm going to assume your still in school.
On Monday, talk to you friends, and then ANYONE in earshot of your conversation.
You've got to get over your fear of conversations with strangers.
The next step is to strike up a conversation with classmates that are not your friends, maybe in line waiting for something.
Continue this behavior until talking to strangers, and holding a real chat is easy. It won't take long, and you'll have plenty of opportunities.
If you're not comfortable chatting up strangers, talking to a girl with the sole intent of sleeping with her will be difficult, as you don't know how conversations ebb and flow.
That's when you can start to flirt, go indirect or direct, or any other game method you like.
WIA
On Monday, talk to you friends, and then ANYONE in earshot of your conversation.
You've got to get over your fear of conversations with strangers.
The next step is to strike up a conversation with classmates that are not your friends, maybe in line waiting for something.
Continue this behavior until talking to strangers, and holding a real chat is easy. It won't take long, and you'll have plenty of opportunities.
If you're not comfortable chatting up strangers, talking to a girl with the sole intent of sleeping with her will be difficult, as you don't know how conversations ebb and flow.
That's when you can start to flirt, go indirect or direct, or any other game method you like.
WIA
Thanks WestIndianArchie, really helpful advice and ill be sure to try that out.
Just do it. Count to 2 in your head and just go. That simple. The main technique is to not think, just go forward.
It's okay to be an idiot. If you feel embarrassed or hurt, that means you're improving - good thing. If you're comfy, then it just means your stagnant (not bad, but not improving)
It's okay to be an idiot. If you feel embarrassed or hurt, that means you're improving - good thing. If you're comfy, then it just means your stagnant (not bad, but not improving)
Quote: (04-11-2014 06:18 AM)aria Wrote:
Also, im 17 so im not old enough for clubs and night game yet , so could you maybe give me tips related to day game? Thank you
Go read the Approach Thread. 1000+ posts about cold approach. That's at least going to get into your head that whatever fears you have about approaching are invalid.
Also, go check out krauserpua.com. He's one of the top day gamers, he's in London too. Someone just posted an infield from Tom Torero, also a London guy you should look into.
I agree with what others have said. You just need to DO IT. Talking to girls is a lot like writing. I'm a novelist and I hear all the time writers who say, "I don't know what to say! What if people think it is stupid? What if people don't like it? What if someone laughs at my effort? What if I fail?"
You can't think this way either with game or writing. That's the critical voice talking. You need to get into CREATIVE voice and the only way to do that is to always be looking forward, never back. Write the first sentence. Then the next. Talk to the first girl, then the next. Soon you will know that your subconsious fears are nothing but a complex form of stage fright. When you no longer fear the unknown (hard to do, I know), your winning personality and sense of humor will win them over. Sure, some girls will flake. That's normal even for those who've mastered game for years.
You can't think this way either with game or writing. That's the critical voice talking. You need to get into CREATIVE voice and the only way to do that is to always be looking forward, never back. Write the first sentence. Then the next. Talk to the first girl, then the next. Soon you will know that your subconsious fears are nothing but a complex form of stage fright. When you no longer fear the unknown (hard to do, I know), your winning personality and sense of humor will win them over. Sure, some girls will flake. That's normal even for those who've mastered game for years.
In addition to what has already been said, try to visualize or remember something you're good at, or an achievement so that you appear confident and remember there are way to many fish in the stream for you to obsess over not catching one.
Totally normal that you feel this way.
All the above advice has been on point, only practice makes (near) perfect
Along with positive thoughts, just try not to 'overthink' things, when we overthink anything it can lead to non-action
'Paralysis by analysis'
In most cases, there is only a small window to catch her alone and isolated. Happy Hunting
All the above advice has been on point, only practice makes (near) perfect
Along with positive thoughts, just try not to 'overthink' things, when we overthink anything it can lead to non-action
'Paralysis by analysis'
In most cases, there is only a small window to catch her alone and isolated. Happy Hunting
MDP
thank you so much for the advice and huge motivation guys, i'll definitely try them out and get into day gaming
Daygame 101:
- Say something and catch girl's attention. Good eye contact, clear voice and relaxed body language is a must.
- Deal with her initial reaction. She's into you escalate. She acts casual you carry on the conversation. She freezes you empathize and calm her down first. She's bitchy you compliment her temper or strong personality to surprise and disarm her.
- Convey your interest and flirt. You have limited time in daytime so don't ramble too much about random irrelevant nonsense. Let her know why you're talking to her, show or tell.
- Ask her "what are you doing right now?" to find out how much time you have and to decide what to do.
- If she has some time now sit down with her and talk. If she's on her way somewhere offer to see each other again and watch how she responds to that, if she's normal and down you set up a date, if she's evasive/hesitant she's potential flake.
More info:
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-33933-...#pid675215
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-33933-...#pid681698
- Say something and catch girl's attention. Good eye contact, clear voice and relaxed body language is a must.
- Deal with her initial reaction. She's into you escalate. She acts casual you carry on the conversation. She freezes you empathize and calm her down first. She's bitchy you compliment her temper or strong personality to surprise and disarm her.
- Convey your interest and flirt. You have limited time in daytime so don't ramble too much about random irrelevant nonsense. Let her know why you're talking to her, show or tell.
- Ask her "what are you doing right now?" to find out how much time you have and to decide what to do.
- If she has some time now sit down with her and talk. If she's on her way somewhere offer to see each other again and watch how she responds to that, if she's normal and down you set up a date, if she's evasive/hesitant she's potential flake.
More info:
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-33933-...#pid675215
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-33933-...#pid681698
Some GREAT advice in this thread already.
You should also consider that no matter HOW HORRIBLY you fail initially, NONE of your failures will affect you negatively after....some minutes...some hours, some a few days. Eventually, a failure or a shitty interaction will actually ENTERTAIN you.
Consider this as well. I went through my ENTIRE school experience without having asked a single girl out, gotten a girl's number, etc...
I had multiple girls interested in me (I found this out WAY down the line) and I was too afraid of rejection so I never talked to any of them this way.
What is your fear? The fear of being rejected. Where does this come from? Inside your head.
Now, flip the script. Imagine you are a girl. Say you're an average girl, maybe cute, but not everyone's cup of tea. If she were to approach you and flirt with you, maybe ask for your number...if you weren't interested...should she be offended? Would it be the end of the world? No.
Some people like apples, some like oranges. It's a preference, not something that should be seen as a "rejection of your entire worth."
That is what I used to see it as. Now I see the truth and WOW would I have had a lot of fun approaching women at your age had I known what I know now.
Engage people around you. Aim to have fun. Realize that you can even AIM to get rejected and the best failure will be succeeding when you ASSUME you'll get rejected and try anyway.
You should also consider that no matter HOW HORRIBLY you fail initially, NONE of your failures will affect you negatively after....some minutes...some hours, some a few days. Eventually, a failure or a shitty interaction will actually ENTERTAIN you.
Consider this as well. I went through my ENTIRE school experience without having asked a single girl out, gotten a girl's number, etc...
I had multiple girls interested in me (I found this out WAY down the line) and I was too afraid of rejection so I never talked to any of them this way.
What is your fear? The fear of being rejected. Where does this come from? Inside your head.
Now, flip the script. Imagine you are a girl. Say you're an average girl, maybe cute, but not everyone's cup of tea. If she were to approach you and flirt with you, maybe ask for your number...if you weren't interested...should she be offended? Would it be the end of the world? No.
Some people like apples, some like oranges. It's a preference, not something that should be seen as a "rejection of your entire worth."
That is what I used to see it as. Now I see the truth and WOW would I have had a lot of fun approaching women at your age had I known what I know now.
Engage people around you. Aim to have fun. Realize that you can even AIM to get rejected and the best failure will be succeeding when you ASSUME you'll get rejected and try anyway.
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Quote:Quote:
I agree with what others have said. You just need to DO IT. Talking to girls is a lot like writing. I'm a novelist and I hear all the time writers who say, "I don't know what to say! What if people think it is stupid? What if people don't like it? What if someone laughs at my effort? What if I fail?"
You can't think this way either with game or writing. That's the critical voice talking. You need to get into CREATIVE voice and the only way to do that is to always be looking forward, never back.
There is no difference in the creative process between talking yourself out of what you want in life and talking yourself into what you want in life. The difference is making a decision to use your creative voice, as the above poster said, to create what you want.
First get your inner game right: dress good, smell good and be in shape. You get all these things right then your confidence will skyrocket. Then do what others above said and approach them, it'll make things a lot easier and you'll be much more relaxed.
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