[cmrocks]

Hi,

I wanted to start a thread about this. How many people on this forum have divorced parents? How old were you when it happened? How did it affect you?

I was 20 years old when my parents split. Growing up, we had a strong, happy family. My Dad worked (owns a drilling company) and my Mom was a stay at home Mom that worked very part time at a flower shop. Things were good. I had a fantastic mother, she was a good cook, taught my brother and I a lot of things that we needed to know etc. My Dad worked hard and was a very good role model.

My Mom joined a running group and that's when things started to go bad. She made a few friends with a few "new age" women, one of which was a massive feminist with short hair and the full works. Keep in mind that this was 10 years ago and short hair was far less common. This woman was having multiple affairs and was just overall a terrible person. She had two fat daughters that she was always trying to set up with my brother and I. We couldn't stand any of them and made that point clear. My Dad hated her passionately as well.

Anyways, this woman filled my Mom's head with all these big ideas about how she "deserved better". This went on for maybe two years. I moved away for university and two months later my Mom left my Dad.

It affected me a lot. At the time, I sort of brushed it off. It was my first time living away from home and I was busy partying and getting laid. It wasn't until I returned home the next summer that I realized the full extent of the damage that sort of thing does to a family.

We were completely torn apart. My Dad was distraught. He coped by burying himself in his work. My brother was the worst off. He was 18 when this happened and at the age when kids need that final bit of guidance before going off on their own. I think it completely altered his view of life. Everything he knew and everything he depended on was taken from him.

I know that I can't blame all of this on divorce and on one person but I have no doubt in my head that it played a huge part.

[cardguy]

Every man gets the woman he deserves.

I remind my Dad of that every time I see him.

[Vroom]

I would have thought the kids would be equipped to handle it by age 18.

[cardguy]

Having domestic drama in a household when you are growing up is not fun.

But it does have its benefits.

Today - as an adult - the sweetest sound in the world for me is being able to sit in my flat - and being able to hear nothing...

[Alpha_Romeo]

cmrocks, was this your red pill-defining moment?

[cmrocks]

Cardguy,

My Dad is definitely enjoying life now. He buried himself in work and built up a company that pulls in $5M per year. Work brought him to Colombia and he's now living with a 33 year old Colombian woman haha. He's a huge role model in my life.

Alpha_Romeo,

I wouldn't say that it was my red pill moment. It came later in life for me. I always did well with girls in university but I definitely had a beta-ish mentality about it. I was always red pill in thought I would say but I lacked confidence in myself.

It wasn't until I graduated and started working full time that I really realized how things were. I worked at a gold mine in northern Canada (I'm a geologist) on a 4 weeks away, 2 weeks home rotation. I don't think there was a specific moment for me. It was probably from working night shift underground at the mine with two of the best friends a guy could ask for in the world. We talked about everything, worked out together and just bonded in general in an extremely male environment.

I became stronger, gained skills, was rewarded for working hard and given more responsibility. I think those years were what really shaped me.

[player]

cmrocks - Dalrock had an interesting post about the whispers.

My parents separated ten years ago. My father was taught to be a nice guy and suffered the consequences of trying to please my mother - she turned into an insufferable, unhappy bitch. Sadly the red pill wasn't around back then for me to learn, so I coped by concentrating on my studies. I later found PUA and then Heartiste when I tried being nice and supplicating to a oneitis with the standard results.

[cmrocks]

player,

Good article. I think this goes well with one of the articles that Roosh (I think) about how, in reality, women need to do two things in order to be happy: 1. Make themselves hotter and 2. Lower their standards.

I don't understand where these perfectly average women get off on thinking they deserve the world. I see it and hear it around me all the time. These women who are like 6s and they're just going on and on about what they deserve, what they expect from a man etc.

[Dr. Howard]

divorced, around 13, did not have a good affect. My mom also felt she 'deserved better' while my Dad was/is a naturally anti social hobby and wealth builder. It drew my brothers and I all closer together as we sort of managed ourselves and made unanimous choices about how to respond to things. Strangely enough my Mom had raised us well as a stay at home mom up to that point and we thought our Dad was some sort of short tempered ogre.

Through the divorce conflict my Dad did things that likely would get someone arrested today, but he took no shit from people trying to white knight for my mom and was calm otherwise.

About a year in my Mom's selfishness and insane choices began to reflect poorly on her, she had governed us with the authority of my Dad behind her as in 'you wait till your Father finds out' type of threats. When she no longer had my Dad's backing we were disrespectful punks to her along with being appalled at her choices while my Dad went on being 'Dad' without altering how he lived his life very much at all. We chose to live with my Dad, as a teenager I still thought he was too stuffed up and conservative but as the years went on and my mom blew her divorce settlement and went from ridiculous relationship to ridiculous relationship my Dad rebuilt his wealth, remarried a bikini model and protected all of his assets.

My Dad's sole advice on women was to stay away from them, which wasn't very helpful so my Mom provided her opinions, terribly blue pill, so it wasn't until later I figured out a better path for succeeding with them.

[Icarus]

(04-04-2014 06:27 PM)cmrocks Wrote:  

I don't understand where these perfectly average women get off on thinking they deserve the world.

It's nothing new. Remember Brothers Grimm's The Fisherman and His Wife? A synopsis from the Wikipedia article:

Quote:

There once was a poor fisherman who lived with his wife, Ilsebill, in a hovel by the sea. One day the fisherman catches a golden flounder who claims to be an enchanted prince. The fisherman kindly releases it. When his wife hears the story, she says he ought to have had the flounder grant him a wish. Ilsebill tells him to go back and ask the flounder to grant her wish for a nice house. The fisherman returns to the shore but is uneasy when he finds that the sea seems to be turning dark when it was so clear before. He makes up a rhyme to summon the flounder, and it grants the wife's wish. However, the wife gets greedy and makes increasingly outrageous demands: a castle so she can become queen, then empress and finally pope. The fisherman knows this is wrong but there is no reasoning with his wife. The flounder grants the wishes, but the sea grows increasingly stormy every time the fisherman goes to summon it.

Eventually, the wife goes too far when she wishes to become equal to God. The flounder revokes everything it granted, and the fisherman and his wife are back in their hovel.

That was written 2 centuries ago. And now:

Nothing new under the Sun, gents.

[cmrocks]

Howard,

It sounds like you and I have pretty similar experiences. My parents divorce brought my brother, Dad and I very close together. We bonded over work mostly.

Since the divorce, my Mom dated a few beta losers and is now living with the most beta out of all of them. Also battling depression, blah blah blah.

My Dad, on the other hand, was pretty upset for about a year but coped by working. He's done very well for himself and, as I said, now has a 33 year old Colombian girlfriend that now lives with him in Canada. Pretty good for a 58 year old.

[Dr. Howard]

(04-04-2014 06:36 PM)cmrocks Wrote:  

Howard,

It sounds like you and I have pretty similar experiences. My parents divorce brought my brother, Dad and I very close together. We bonded over work mostly.

Since the divorce, my Mom dated a few beta losers and is now living with the most beta out of all of them. Also battling depression, blah blah blah.

My Dad, on the other hand, was pretty upset for about a year but coped by working. He's done very well for himself and, as I said, now has a 33 year old Colombian girlfriend that now lives with him in Canada. Pretty good for a 58 year old.

yep, if my mom had just played the long game and appreciated what she had she'd be set in her old age and my dad would just send her on trips to visit the grandkids and get her out of his hair. Instead, she is fighting to keep her head above water financially and must keep on working despite being well into retirement age and also has spent her social capital with her kids. If my dad had the slightest inkling of a problem I'd be on a plane home to help whereas with my mom my brothers and I would debate if it was a real problem and then draw for short straws.

[Hispanic_Reasoning]

(04-04-2014 09:37 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

(04-04-2014 06:36 PM)cmrocks Wrote:  

Howard,

It sounds like you and I have pretty similar experiences. My parents divorce brought my brother, Dad and I very close together. We bonded over work mostly.

Since the divorce, my Mom dated a few beta losers and is now living with the most beta out of all of them. Also battling depression, blah blah blah.

My Dad, on the other hand, was pretty upset for about a year but coped by working. He's done very well for himself and, as I said, now has a 33 year old Colombian girlfriend that now lives with him in Canada. Pretty good for a 58 year old.

yep, if my mom had just played the long game and appreciated what she had she'd be set in her old age and my dad would just send her on trips to visit the grandkids and get her out of his hair. Instead, she is fighting to keep her head above water financially and must keep on working despite being well into retirement age and also has spent her social capital with her kids. If my dad had the slightest inkling of a problem I'd be on a plane home to help whereas with my mom my brothers and I would debate if it was a real problem and then draw for short straws.

^this is the sort of punishment that happens to women who think they can divorce a man and play the field. they end up lonely and with nobody wanting to help them because they are black marked as untrustworthy.

[magellan]

What I took away from this post is don't get married, and if you do, keep her isolated within a strong community that encourages good wife behavior.

[The Father]

(04-04-2014 05:15 PM)Vroom Wrote:  

I would have thought the kids would be equipped to handle it by age 18.

And I don't see why anyone, at any age, is equipped to lose their family. Are you OK with losing a parent who dies? One day, you're altogether on holidays, and then your family is shattered. At least with death, it is usually understandable, and no one's fault: Dad had a bad heart, mom got cancer, etc. But when one spouse suddenly decides to shatter the only family you've ever been part of, after all these years, it leaves so many questions that only years of therapy will help.

You want to divorce before you have kids? Well, you stupidly married the wrong person, but so be it. But I think there's a special place in hell for people who shatter others lives because they're not haaaaaappppy...

EDIT: Said the divorced man

[lovejoy]

(04-04-2014 10:44 PM)The Father Wrote:  

(04-04-2014 05:15 PM)Vroom Wrote:  

I would have thought the kids would be equipped to handle it by age 18.

And I don't see why anyone, at any age, is equipped to lose their family. Are you OK with losing a parent who dies? One day, you're altogether on holidays, and then your family is shattered. At least with death, it is usually understandable, and no one's fault: Dad had a bad heart, mom got cancer, etc. But when one spouse suddenly decides to shatter the only family you've ever been part of, after all these years, it leaves so many questions that only years of therapy will help.

You want to divorce before you have kids? Well, you stupidly married the wrong person, but so be it. But I think there's a special place in hell for people who shatter others lives because they're not haaaaaappppy...

EDIT: Said the divorced man

I'm living this now, my X of 24 years hit 45 and decided she was unhappy ( news to me).She hooked up with a guy she met online and left me with the kids, then 12 & 18. Women hit middle age and go batshit crazy, don't let anyone tell you any different.

[Biologist]

(04-04-2014 11:17 PM)lovejoy Wrote:  

(04-04-2014 10:44 PM)The Father Wrote:  

(04-04-2014 05:15 PM)Vroom Wrote:  

I would have thought the kids would be equipped to handle it by age 18.

And I don't see why anyone, at any age, is equipped to lose their family. Are you OK with losing a parent who dies? One day, you're altogether on holidays, and then your family is shattered. At least with death, it is usually understandable, and no one's fault: Dad had a bad heart, mom got cancer, etc. But when one spouse suddenly decides to shatter the only family you've ever been part of, after all these years, it leaves so many questions that only years of therapy will help.

You want to divorce before you have kids? Well, you stupidly married the wrong person, but so be it. But I think there's a special place in hell for people who shatter others lives because they're not haaaaaappppy...

EDIT: Said the divorced man

I'm living this now, my X of 24 years hit 45 and decided she was unhappy ( news to me).She hooked up with a guy she met online and left me with the kids, then 12 & 18. Women hit middle age and go batshit crazy, don't let anyone tell you any different.

I'm really sorry to hear about that lovejoy.

You hear about this sort of inexcusable behaviour SO often nowadays, yet women still have the gall to say that men/the manosphere are bad.

[WanderingSoul]

My mom and dad split up when I was about 3. They were still really good friends my whole life though, and my dad and step dad were really good friends also. My dad rode a 72 Shovelhead and my step dad a 46 Knucklehead, so they got along just fine. My dad would even stay at our house when he would come visit me, and they would drink beer and work on their bikes. My mom would drink beer and cook lol.

I don't think they were ever really in love. They were part of the same biker family and I think they just naturally ended up together because they were kind of the same personality and values wise. I.E. only punks lie, cheat (rip people off) and steal and that loyalty, honesty and respect are the most important things a man (or woman) can have.

I had a much better life without them being together I am sure. I was very close with both, but my mom raised me. I'd see my dad every few months. My dad was violent (never to me) and had a long criminal record, mostly for assault. I can imagine my childhood wouldn't have been so good had I lived with him everyday. Not that he would have ever hurt me, but he wasn't the easiest person to be around all of the time.

So basically them splitting up was probably very good for me. I always found it strange that people took their parents divorcing so hard. To me it never made sense. Obviously that's because I didn't grow up in a two parent household, so I never understood why it mattered. Now I can see why, but for me, my parents not being together was normal and a good thing. I think it's better to have two parents who are split up and at least somewhat happy, than to have two parents together who are miserable and fighting all of the time.

[draguer]

I was with a girl recently who turned out to be loopy, having appeared normal at the outset. Virgin at 21 aswell despite being smoking, maybe that should have been a red flag.

Her parents had divorced when she was 12 - but continued to live in the same house up until now. At the beginning it was apparently to keep the family together however now all the kids have left home and they haven't changed the arrangement. They have separate rooms and make passive aggressive comments all the time. I'm not sure what such a strange upbringing would have on your view of relationships but this girl was a little off.

My parents are still together and I have had one of the most stable and comfortable upbringings of anyone I know. I feel guilty at times because I know that in the coming years they will want me to recreate something that resembles what they have but I'm not holding my breath.

[Vroom]

(04-04-2014 10:44 PM)The Father Wrote:  

(04-04-2014 05:15 PM)Vroom Wrote:  

I would have thought the kids would be equipped to handle it by age 18.

And I don't see why anyone, at any age, is equipped to lose their family. Are you OK with losing a parent who dies? One day, you're altogether on holidays, and then your family is shattered. At least with death, it is usually understandable, and no one's fault: Dad had a bad heart, mom got cancer, etc. But when one spouse suddenly decides to shatter the only family you've ever been part of, after all these years, it leaves so many questions that only years of therapy will help.

You want to divorce before you have kids? Well, you stupidly married the wrong person, but so be it. But I think there's a special place in hell for people who shatter others lives because they're not haaaaaappppy...

EDIT: Said the divorced man

My olds divorced when I was 7. I guess it was a fairly big deal then, but I don't expect it'd be quite as life-changing if I was 18 and about to leave home anyway, if I hadn't done so already.

[Vaun]

well the grass isn't always greener. my parents have been married for 40 years, and about 20 too long. my mom is messed up psychologically and doesnt support her husband, and my dad is doing the whole thing out of obligation. He has told me this, and he leads a life of desperation, so much so while I was a child and teenager, he had an apartment in another city for his job. lots of men do this right or wrong, but its still not the 'ideal' we think of about marriage. So much so that they are both very unhealthy, my mom should have gotten a hip replacement over 5 years ago and now can not walk, and I am convinced now that she didnt get it because she wants my dad to wait on her, seriously... My dad is miserable and if I was in his situation I would either off myself or leave.

On the other hand, how many divorced parents and kids went on to lead happy fulfilling lives? I've known many. The ones that dont have other problems, I am convinced of that. I love seeing these moral crusaders who say the victims of divorce(kids and parents) are flawed and forever messed up. That their lives were "destroyed" lolzz. To say half of society is completely flawed is black and white ignorant thinking. The white knights who are so against people getting divorced instead make a solid case for never marrying.

[jamaicabound]

I was fortunate to grow up in a two parent household, good parents and everything, normal fighting but nothing crazy. My aunt and uncle got divorced a couple years back when my cousins were out of a college. I know its hard on younger kids but you don't think about how it's still difficult even if your an adult when it happens. Now htey have to split holidays, my uncle who was part of the family for 30 years now my aunt won't let my dad go golfing with him anymore and stuff like that. Kinda sad how something like divorce can basically cut someone out of the family for good. Heck just last year when my parents were visiting my parents got in a fight and my dad left and went back to south carolina without my mom leaving her with me in Chicago. Wasn't sure what the fight was about but even being in my late 20's it was still like wow, wtf, this is messed up so I can only imagine stuff like that is 100x harder for a kid

[Cr33pin]

You should have made this a poll

My parents divorced when I was like 6 or 7. My dad got with and stayed with a younger woman who he is still with today. My mom is on her 5th husband. Two of the past step fathers I had were abusive. I could sit around and yack about it fucking me up but in reality I am living better then all the kids I grew up with that had perfect seeming families. Everyone has their problems, at least being married to a fat american cunt isn't mine. My problem right now is deciding where to travel to next.... its s struggle #redpill problems

[Samseau]

My parents divorced when I was two - and it was pretty hard for me at the time. However, my mother found a new rich boyfriend while my Dad went bankrupt in the divorce yet got custody of his kids. I still got to see my mother on weekends and during school breaks (summers especially), so even though divorced I was still able to be socialized by my mother.

All in all, I don't think divorces are bad in themselves, I think divorces are simply abused and misused when instead of being a last resort people use it as a first option. In my parents case I think divorce was the right move as both my father and mother were extremely immature and incapable of managing money. The divorce forced my Dad into becoming a more responsible person. However, my mother, like any woman, suffered zero consequences because she just found another rich man. She suffered from extreme entitlement as a result, and eventually she dumped her rich ass boyfriend and then she hit the wall. Now she married some illegal immigrant in order to give him citizenship.

During the marriage, my father wisely saved some health insurance forms that detailed how they rejected my mother for coverage because they found cocaine in her blood. During the divorce, my father showed these records to the judge, who was female (!), and awarded my father custody. Thank god, because by the time I was 14 and my mother's beauty had disappeared (she had passed 35) her life went downhill so quickly I probably would have joined a gang had I been living with her.

So ultimately, my parent's divorce didn't destroy me because my father got custody.

[cardguy]

I think divorce is a bad thing - if you have kids.

I think it is better if the parents agree to just leave their domestic shit to one side and just concentrate on raising the kids.

Staying together 'for the sake of the kids' is a noble thing in my opinion. I wish more people would do it - and if they insisted on getting divorced - waited until the kids had left home.

Whichever ever way you cut it. Getting divorced is selfish. You are putting your own interests ahead of those of your children.

Let's not beat about the bush on this. And even in unhappy marriages - if you asked the kids - they would still rather have their parents stay together.

Also - by agreeing with your wife that you are only staying together for the sake of the kids - I hope it would help defuse a lot of the drama in the relationship. Since mentally you will have both already checked out.

I admit it is easy for me to say this. Since I will NEVER get married. And NEVER have kids. But - I just want to give the other side of the story. Since I feel a lot of adults wish away such concerns by only focusing on their own wants and desires. And too often - do not place their children's interests ahead of their own.

When people have kids - they should tell themselves that their children are now the most important thing in their lives. And if you cannot solemnly commit to that - I don't think you should be having kids in the first place.

Having kids is a pact you make between yourself and somebody who YOU chose to bring into the world. If you can't respect a pact like that - then you better have a damn good reason.

To me that oath is sacrament. And it wouldn't be a bad thing is such notions of duty were still around today.

When couples have kids they should sign a type of pre-nup. In which they both promise that no matter how much they may hate each other in the future - they will put their own concerns to one side until the kid turns 18.