[jariel]

Quote:

Dear Carolyn:

After three years with my boyfriend, it has become clear we have very different ideas of intimacy. When we first met, there were all the sparks I could hope for, but he quickly cooled to the point of reaching out maybe once every few months, half-heartedly.

I have tried talking about it, being patient, initiating, giving him space to come around — but he just doesn’t desire sex. We love each other and have kept the excitement in all ways except that one, but my eye has started to wander and I fear I might be tempted to cheat; unfortunately, I have an active libido!

He has no insurance so I’ve gone to therapy alone, without result except that I seem to be pestering him more frequently, usually causing arguments. I don’t want to leave him but don’t know how much longer I can be patient.

30 and sad

Quote:


RESPONSE

“Be patient”? For what?

An active libido isn’t “unfortunate” — it’s part of you.

Whether his dormant libido is part of him, or you, or is fixable, I can’t say. There are steps he could take, though, to explore or explain his lack of interest, which he’s apparently not taking. Knock-knock.

You want to stay, you want regular sex, you want fidelity, you want. Unless he’s actually trying to please you, it’s time to face up to not getting what you want. Maybe you can be happy without sex (doubtful), but there’s rarely happiness where the effort goes only one way.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/...tid=pm_pop

[Capitán Peligroso]

Ripe for being completely, liberatingly degraded, that one.

[Bushido]

(02-19-2014 10:09 PM)jariel Wrote:  

When we first met, there were all the sparks I could hope for, but he quickly cooled to the point of reaching out maybe once every few months, half-heartedly.

I have tried talking about it, being patient, initiating, giving him space to come around — but he just doesn’t desire sex.

And she's just too fat.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Assuming she isn't fat, the guy is a chump with low testosterone and it's no surprise she is distraught. It's a reasonable reaction. She should break it off, rather than cheat.

If she's fat, all bets are off though.

[soup]

She's fat and her guy doesn't want to fuck her.. I wonder why.

[AntiTrace]

most of the time if a girl has been in a relationship for over a couple years, she is easier to game than single girls

they want the spark, in reality the spark is only there at the beginning of relationships (its called lust, but don't tell them that).

your gonna be the new spark. this why i like going after girls in relationships

[jariel]

I think dudes need to be a little more realistic.

One of the shortcomings of this community is the automatic assumption that if anything is wrong as it pertains to male-female relationships, it must be on the female as to why the problem exists.

It may be shocking to know, but every guy does not have a big dick, high sex drive, good looks/physique, etc. There are actually guys out there who aren't packing and don't sex their women right nor enough.

This idea that dudes shun fat women for sex is just laughable. Most men don't want to parade around in public with fat chicks, but that doesn't mean dudes won't fuck them in private. We don't know if this chick is fat, so to assume she is, then we might as well assume she has any other potential ailments because they are just as plausible.

Regardless, if that were the case, and a man tells me he's with a woman who he's not attracted to, and doesn't care to sleep with her, my immediate question is, "why are you with her?" Ultimately, if the girl ends up sleeping around, who can blame her, I'd do the same thing if I was in that position, in fact she put up with it much longer than I would have. I would have did what I needed to do way before the thought even crossed my mind to write someone about it.

[Menace]

Guys, a woman is not always wrong just because she is a woman. Really. If the dude is not doing it for her, she should leave. The end.

[WestIndianArchie]

@Jariel agreed

Plus three years is a long time to fuck the same person. Beauty wears off.

Show me a hot chick and I'll find the guy that is tired of fucking her.

WIA

[Travesty]

If she got fat or gave up looking sexy it's his fault for not dumping her.

If not, it is her fault for not leaving him.

She is only a victim if she wants to be.

First world problem.

No reason to cheat, just leave and live a better life.

We can't speak for all males only from our point of view. If you have our knowledge and practice, then yes much of the time it does end up being the woman's fault.

[jariel]

Women with a limited number of options are always hesitant to leave even the shittiest relationships because they know they'll have to go back onto the market and compete for the next guy who might be able to stand them.