[Days of Broken Arrows]

Blogger and project manager Sarah Pressler went to the WordPress conference called WordCamp. She went in as a woman tired of hearing about women being victims until the ultimate horror happened: three men flirted with her.

I know, I know. It's awful. One guy changed the subject to say he liked her...necklace. Another said he liked her eyes. One insinuated they get together or hook up or whatever in a sort of oblique, Beta Male way. Now she feels she "smiled too much" and doesn't want to go back unless she with male company.

What could possibly be going on? Besides the need for drama and humblebragging?

For one thing, women who perpetually "date" into their thirties don't wear rings like married women, so men don't know who they can and can't flirt with anymore. For another, they mistake honest compliments as sexual come-ons. Many a man has said something nice to a woman who no intention of getting into her pants.

Finally, there exists a type of woman who think reality needs to mold itself to her needs. Life isn't like that. Women get hit on. Men get called out to fight. You deal with it and move on. Unless someone is being really nasty, life goes on. (And none of her examples here seemed boorish or "touchy" -- if they had, I might have sided with her.)

My mother was model-gorgeous when she was younger and got hit on all the time, especially since she worked in the banking industry. When this happened, she would simply put her hand up and say "taken!" End of discussion. Somehow she was promoted through the ranks and became massively successful, all while raising several kids and continuing to look good.

The danger, and the reason I'm posting, is that this is part of what's redefining basic male attention as "harassment." Flirting = calls for gender segregation, apparently.

Here is the blog post, titled "WordCamps for Women?"

Below is a laundry list of her gripes:

I definitely won’t come to a WordCamp again without John.
I guess I shouldn’t have smiled so much.
Next time I’ll definitely guard myself around these guys.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so interactive.
Did I give off the wrong impression?
Really wish I had John here to run interference.
I’m not attending Sunday. This so exhausting. I just don’t want to deal with it.
Kind of an expensive trip to get blown b/c of all this. I was really looking forward to Sunday – now it’s a little too awkward. I feel like I blew $1500 for… what. WordCamp Stickers?
I’m not sure I want to come to a big event again. It’s just a lot of money to spend for all this. And traveling with John = twice the expense. I can just google all the WordCamp topics. Stick to local events.
I’ll spend the extra money to book it out of here in the morning. I wonder how early of a flight I can get back to Texas.
I sure wish John was here. If he were here this probably wouldn’t have all gone this way.
Wow Male #3 asked me to help him with something WordPress-y. But… why me? Because he thinks I’m actually helpful…or … yeah… I’m not going to follow up on that. Disappointing missed opportunity…
I hope I don’t see hook-up boy anytime soon…so awkward now.
And God – seriously – I’ve never experienced so much peer pressure to get drunk than at WordCamps. Worse than high school!
I wish we weren’t always having casual networking in bars and loud party-venues. It’s really exhausting and … the smoke…the beer… the liquor… eh.
Next time I’ll just not introduce myself to the men I don’t know and stick a little closer to the women.
Next time I’ll have John stick close by so I’m not like – out there alone.
Sort of stupid that in 2014 I want my man with me I’m “protected.” That’s so lame.
You know it’d be so awesome if we had a Women of WordCamp Day where it was just females only.

[Suits]

Another strong argument for women entering the workplace.

[Beyond Borders]

And of course a guy in the comments is eager to drop his ballsack in the mail just to win her favor.

Quote:

Perhaps in the spirit of open-source you should name these douche-bags.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Troy.

[AnonymousBosch]

*delete - double*

[AnonymousBosch]

(01-27-2014 02:49 PM)AnonymousBosch Wrote:  

She's bought tickets to her own show.

Back to my theory of profile pictures: this is a girl who is insecure about her looks, so is doing the 'plausible deniability' thing of trying to look funny rather than presenting a picture where her attractiveness can accurately be judged.

I instantly presume that this is an insecure woman, uncomfortable with male attention.

"I'm too emotionally-fragile for human social interaction. I shouldn't really be in the workplace."

Now read her blog post. It seems to support my theory.

[Dusty]

American women are so coddled and sheltered from reality, that their biggest gripe is being complimented.

Women today cannot bear the slightest bit of discomfort. They are so emotionally fragile, someone telling them they have a nice necklace throws them into hysterics.

[Saga]

Quote:

I definitely won’t come to a WordCamp again without John.

Quote:

Really wish I had John here to run interference.

Quote:

I sure wish John was here. If he were here this probably wouldn’t have all gone this way.

Quote:

Next time I’ll have John stick close by so I’m not like – out there alone.

"Strong and Independent!"

[Blaster]

Going to play slight devil's advocate here, except for the blaming is there anything really wrong with the conclusion? Why not have a WordCamp for women? Assuming there's a market for it? Such a thing might suck as a consequence of unrelenting estrogen, but that's their problem. Better they have their own separate camp than flood the original with feminist whiners calling for change.

[Parlay44]

Don't worry honey, the day is coming when men won't pay you any attention at all.

[Duke Castile]

How much do you want to bet that the guy that asked her to help with something only did it because she was acting weird and awkward and he thought she wanted to participate but didn't know how to ask.

[darklightdispatch]

I do strongly support gender segregated versions of anything workplace-related. Unless they're hot and you're in the process of picking them up, women absolutely ruin any work environment.

[Beyond Borders]

(01-27-2014 03:03 PM)Saga Wrote:  

Quote:

I definitely won’t come to a WordCamp again without John.

Quote:

Really wish I had John here to run interference.

Quote:

I sure wish John was here. If he were here this probably wouldn’t have all gone this way.

Quote:

Next time I’ll have John stick close by so I’m not like – out there alone.

"Strong and Independent!"

And "a VERY confident person. A very confident woman."

[Suits]

Let's not over complicated the issue. This "blogger" went to this conference with every intention of being "offended" and writing a piece on how hard it is to be a woman and how irresistible she is and how she constantly gets hit on, to such a degree that she needs her protector with her at ALL times!

[AnonymousBosch]

(01-27-2014 03:28 PM)Fisto Wrote:  

How much do you want to bet that the guy that asked her to help with something only did it because she was acting weird and awkward and he thought she wanted to participate but didn't know how to ask.

A realisation like that would involve average-looking women not hamstering acts of basic politeness from any men into evidence of her overwhelming sexual attractiveness to stroke her own ego. They're incapable of it.

[Parlay44]

I stopped trying to "protect" women a long time ago. My default response these days is,
"Well she's a grown woman and she should know how to handle a situation like that".

[AnonymousBosch]

(01-27-2014 03:37 PM)Suits Wrote:  

Let's not over complicated the issue. This "blogger" went to this conference with every intention of being "offended" and writing a piece on how hard it is to be a woman and how irresistible she is and how she constantly gets hit on, to such a degree that she needs her protector with her at ALL times!

All female writing is about reinforcing her social status as being above that of the reader. Better job, better friends, better boyfriend, better kids, better morals, better person.

This is why I find Laura Penny really weird. Aspie?

[Days of Broken Arrows]

(01-27-2014 02:53 PM)AnonymousBosch Wrote:  

(01-27-2014 02:49 PM)AnonymousBosch Wrote:  

She's bought tickets to her own show.

Back to my theory of profile pictures: this is a girl who is insecure about her looks, so is doing the 'plausible deniability' thing of trying to look funny rather than presenting a picture where her attractiveness can accurately be judged.

I instantly presume that this is an insecure woman, uncomfortable with male attention.

"I'm too emotionally-fragile for human social interaction. I shouldn't really be in the workplace."

Now read her blog post. It seems to support my theory.

Her Facebook profile shows far worse pics, but because I'm a decent human, I won't repost. I will say she's a single mom "in a relationship."

[Beyond Borders]

(01-27-2014 03:43 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

I stopped trying to "protect" women a long time ago. My default response these days is,
"Well she's a grown woman and she should know how to handle a situation like that".

Yep. Exactly.

I remember one time I was traveling with my sister and some big dude was hitting on her and he made a comment that I must constantly be on edge traveling with my sister in a place like the one we were in.

Uh, no. She's been handling her own shit, including guys hitting on her, for 25 years now. If she hasn't figured out how to manage it by now, she's a lost cause anyways.

I even got in an argument with her at one point because she berated me about not jumping in to save her when she was supposedly trying to "signal" me in various situations. She definitely gets hit on a lot, but this was with guys she was being nice to and conversing with.

Why in the world would you be warm and engaging towards a male stranger who was showing interest that you supposedly wanted to get rid of? As men, we interpret a friendly woman to mean one thing and one thing only - "She wants the d." I told her that if she wasn't going to bother telling them to go away or be rude to them, I wasn't going to take on the responsibility for her. Jesus.

One thing I've always liked about Southeast Asian women - the mainstream girls, not the hookers and gold-diggers - is they make it 100% clear when they're not interested in your advances. Try to spark a seemingly innocent conversation with a woman who is unavailable to you (for whatever reason) and she will be as cold as fuck so as not to encourage you further, in my experience. You can sometimes get past this barrier but most likely you'll never get the chance because she immediately shuts you out.

In fact, if a Thai woman bothers engaging with you, she is probably interested.

Saves a lot of time and energy that way. I think it has to do with them not being confused on gender roles, which removes a lot of the ambiguity and false airs put on during conversations between the sexes in the Western world. Even though initial interactions don't move as fast, everyone is well clued into why you are talking in the first place.

I'm pretty sure that women avoiding over-friendliness with men they don't know or want is pretty standard across all cultures; hell, it's common sense. In the Western world, however, we've demonized male sexuality so much that we're expected to constantly pretend it doesn't exist. The dick between your legs is the eternal elephant in the room, and women who ask you to completely pretend it isn't there are simply unrealistic.

[AnonymousBosch]

(01-27-2014 04:02 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Why in the world would you be warm and engaging towards a male stranger who was showing interest that you supposedly wanted to get rid of?

Because unattractive men in certain situations are useful to women in many other ways, so they know it's to their advantage to let him think they're available as long as he remains useful. She'll smile, be charming, get what she needs, then badmouth him as a 'creeper' the moment he's out of her sight.

It's the coy version of being a whore: exchanging the possibility of reciprocated interest for services rendered.

[Sombro]

I wish John was here to open this pickle jar for me.

I wish John was here to kill that spider in the bathroom for me.

I wish John was here...


A new meme?

[Beyond Borders]

^ It has potential.

[Bacchus]

I'm just surprised she didn't coin a term for her ordeal. Compliment rape?

[soup]

Of course it's the mediocre/ugly girls that get all freaked out about guys hitting on them because they know they aren't all that, and don't trust a guy who is persistently going after a girl who isn't all that or ugly.

They know that they are going to get pumped and dumped or that he's thirsty/desperate. It's very demoralizing for them. That's why they are on guard. And it doesn't matter whether you are above them or not. They want all men to be ambitious.

This is why you need to do more comfort game with middle range girls.

That's also why I think we should all be pushing to get with hotter girls so we can leave the drama of 5-7s behind.

The master player isn't going to get his hands dirty with that shit or get himself in a situation where he is being called a creep.

[Nonpareil]

(01-27-2014 02:26 PM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  

Wow Male #3 asked me to help him with something WordPress-y. But… why me? Because he thinks I’m actually helpful…or … yeah… I’m not going to follow up on that. Disappointing missed opportunity…

'We need to do more to get women into tech and to make the field more welcoming to them...just as long as you don't ask them any tech-related questions.'

Quote:

I wish we weren’t always having casual networking in bars and loud party-venues. It’s really exhausting and … the smoke…the beer… the liquor… eh.

Networking events in bars! Unheard of, next level, futuristic shit!

Quote:

You know it’d be so awesome if we had a Women of WordCamp Day where it was just females only.

Wordpress isn't going to throw a big event with travel and events for the seven women involved with the company...no matter how special, unique and beautiful each of you are.

Soup with a next-level game comment above me. While I feel it's crucial to start with baby steps and go for the 5-7's (if anything to build confidence and to see how the average female deals with shit), it still never hurts to open that 9 you see every few days on the train, with her iPod in, reading the paper, talking to no one.

EDIT:

(01-27-2014 11:40 PM)Professor Fox Wrote:  

[Professor Fox]