[VincentVinturi]

Datasheet: Koh Samed, Thailand




Overview:

Koh Samed is a small island thats sits in the gulf of Thailand just opposite the city of Rayong (slightly south of Pattaya).

It's a family-oriented place. So it doesn't have the crazy party element that Koh Phi Phi has. Nor is it mega-chill like Koh Lanta. It's a nice in-between place where you can balance relaxation with partying.




How To Get There:

From Bangkok, get off at Ekkamai BTS and follow the signs to the Eastern Bus Terminal. Once there, you will see several vendors selling tickets to Koh Samed.

Tickets run between 150 and 200 baht for a minivan. I suggest going by minivan and not by bus. A minivan will get you there faster, more comfortably, and will only cost a bit more. Transit time is between 3-4 hours.

Try to go in the morning or you'll hit rush hour traffic. This goes both for getting to Samed and getting back to BKK.

The minivan will drop you off at Ban Phe pier in the city of Rayong. Once there, you'll see a ticket counter where you can buy your ferry ticket to Koh Samed. 150 baht for a 2-way ticket.

Ferry ride is about 30 minutes.


Where To Stay:

Once you disembark in Koh Samed, you'll pay a 30 baht (I think) entrance fee for the island and you'll be in!

Enter through the gates and bear to the left. This is the 'main' road. Just walk up the road and pop into the various hotels and guesthouses. Check out the rooms and haggle a bit over the price. Pick one you like.

I paid 700 baht (~$23) a night for 2 nights for a good fan room in a nice little hotel with a balcony view about 15 minutes' walk from the pier. Didn't need AC because it's "winter" here and it's actually quite chilly and breezy at night. Fan is enough.

My friend and I didn't look around that much because I was on the verge of legitimately pooping my pants. so we just picked the first one that looked decent. Plus looking around all day to save a few hundred baht would have been a poor use of time.

Turns out we made a decent choice because the other hotels were around the same price. You can stay right on the beach as well, but you'll have to pay more obviously. Wherever you stay, you'll be no more than a 10 minute walk from the beach anyway.


What To Do:

Beach

In the daytime, the main thing to do is chill on the beach and chat up girls. Also a lot of cool male travelers you can bullshit with. The beach isn't spectacular. But it's fairly clean and you'll get a nice swim in. (However, there was a giant oil spill off the coast of Samed not too long ago that required massive clean up efforts. So the water probably isn't nearly as clean as it looks.) It was sunny most of the time while we were there.

The island has 2 sides but all the action is basically on the one side so that's where we stayed. You can walk the entire beach head to toe in about 45 minutes. It's a fun walk. The island is beautiful.

Work Out

There's a police station on the main drag. They have a ghetto gym. A farang who lives on the island donated it (so I was told).

You're free to come in and use it anytime without asking permission. There aren't enough plates or fasteners for that matter to do any deadlifts or squats, and there's no squat rack. But you can knock out some decently weight military presses, benches presses and weighted pull ups.

If you walk about 5 minutes up the road from the gym --- towards the pier --- there's a school with a soccer field. Near the entrance, at the foot of the field, lay a tree stump. You can use it for deadlifts/squats. Feels like about 100kg. Works like a charm.

There's also a little playground adjacent to the field with parallel bars for dips.

Unfortunately, almost all of the sand on the beach is too soft to do sprints, nor is there a long enough stretch of beach without a big cluster of people. You may be able to find some space if you're committed…

Other Daytime Activities

You can rent a jetski, go snorkeling, go parasailing, rent a motorbike and cruise around the island, rent an ATV (those things are badass), go trekking, go island hopping, etc. We heard the snorkeling sucks there.

You can organize a trip at pretty much any of the hotels or booths. They're everywhere.


Food

There are a lot of restaurants on Samed. Some are good, others not so good. Stay away from Chili's restaurant and bar. Total crap. Some of the joints right on the beach are actually pretty good.

Our favorite one was Jep BBQ (just ask any local where it is and they'll point you in the right direction). Huge menu, really good food, decent prices.

Samed is famous for its squid so if you like squid, this is the spot.


Nightlife

There are basically 2 main spots and a few satellite spots.

The MAIN main spot is 'Ploy Bar & Pub 2014', right next to the primary beach entrance. It gets hoppin around 9pm and goes past 2am. You can't miss it.



The main attraction here is a decent sized dance floor with loud, pumping music conducive to the lowering of inhibitions. If you have dancefloor game, you'll be in your element here. We ran into many cute Thai girls here as well as a mix of tourists.

Male competition was virtually non-existent, except for the "my boyfriend is in the bathroom" type situation which occurred often. A lot of couples traveling here. You'll feel overdressed in jeans and v-neck.

Drinks are pretty standard bar prices on par with other places in Thailand. I think I was paying 120 baht ($4) for vodka sodas with lime across all the different spots.

There's an indoor club attached to Ploy Bar & Pub. From what I saw, it's where the Asians congregate in groups at the tables and just chill. No dancing or game to be had in here. The bar in here isn't busy and the main bar outside gets really slow at peak hour. So come in here to get your drinks if you don't feel like waiting 10 minutes for a cocktail.

There are also a bunch of tables with people eating and smoking hookah encircling the perimeter of the bar and extending out onto the beach. This is where we met our 4 Chinitas (more on this in a bit).

Side Note: there's some decent shisha to be had on the island. Twice we smoked some decent shisha and once we got shit. Unfortunately I don't remember the name of the bar where we had a really good melon shisha but I know it was about a 5 minute walk north of Ploy (left if you're facing the coastline).

The layout of this place is nice even if you're rolling solo. You can post up at the bar, force IOIs from girls on the dance floor, and chat them up as they come to the bar for a drink. It's too loud to do much talking here so dressing a bit nicer than the average backpacker and rocking solid body language will do heavy lifting.

The other main place is Naga bar, about a 15 minute walk from Ploy Bar. This is pretty much an outdoor dance place with some tables on the periphery and 2 bars perpendicular to each other at the corner of the dance floor.



This is also a good place to post up the bar. Mostly white girls here. I got shot down like crazy here by mediocre looking white chicks. Go figure.

You can buy laughing gas balloons here if you're into that kind of thing. Or better yet, buy one for your friend and watch him tweak out for 30 seconds. You'll laugh even harder than he will.

Reggae Bar

Right across from Naga bar.



If you want to smoke a little doob, you can buy joints here for 200 baht after 9pm. Be discreet, they're a bit nervous. Just come up to the bar, order a drink, quietly ask the old bartender lady if she has a joint.

The weed is perfect strength for my taste. Just strong enough to get a buzz and a bit loose but won't make you socially retarded or paranoid. Mixed with a few drinks and you'll be in the zone.

The bar itself has a reggae band but there aren't really any chicks here except about half a dozen pros, 2 of whom are doable (if it came to that).


Friendly Bar

In between Ploy Bar and Naga Bar there's a nice little bar on the beach with a small dance floor. Good seating and we met some cool people there. Good for a predrink and to get social before moving on to Naga or Ploy.




The Talent

The main tourist element was Chinese and Russian. There were a lot of cute Chinese girls traveling in big girly groups. The Russians tended to come in couples. Couples were a big issue here. Many of the cute girls I talked to wound up having a boyfriend sitting just a table away, leering angrily at me as I tried to seduce his girlfriend while she feigned disinterest and reluctantly returned to him.

We ran into some Western European girls (Dutch, Norwegian) but they had really nasty attitudes. And of course, frumpy Anglo girls abound. I'd stick with gaming the Chinese and Thai girls.


*********************


Lay Report

I came here with one of my BJJ training partners, Bill. Bill is a jacked Mongolian dude with great game intuition and an infectious, easy-going attitude. This guy knows how to lay back and have fun. He's also a manly man with no beta delusions. We had instant wing chemistry. I knew it was going to be an epic weekend.

On Saturday night we ate a big dinner on the beach, went back to our hotel to wash up and then hit the bars hard. We were hanging out at Ploy Bar, I was about 5 vodka sodas in. Then we decided to check out the other part of the beach. So we had to walk out through the mess of tables on the beach and we ran into these 4 college girls from Hong Kong.

I forget what we said to them but we got a vibe going and they invited us to play this Chinese drinking game where you flash a number with your fingers and have to say a different number. You go in turns. Sounds and looks retarded but it's a riot when you're doing it.

All 4 of the girls were equally fuckable and not a day over 22. But one girl caught my eye immediately. Her health indicators were off the charts. Supple tanned skin, shining jet black hair, full pink lips and awesome curves for a Chinese girl. "This girl is mine," I thought right then and there.

We started playing the game and she was sitting on the edge of a table in the center of the table. We had made some decent eye contact so I took a chance. I moved over beside her and said "move over." in an authoratitive tone. She quickly scooched over and looked up at me with these little doe eyes that seemed to say "yes, daddy" and I knew it was in the bag.

We flirted and she was so nervous she was stuttering. It was really cute. Meanwhile, my trusty Mongolian wing was single-handedly entertaining the other 3.

Somehow we all got really drunk and lost each other. We saw the Chinese girls half-heartedly dancing with 3 tall, poorly dressed backpacker douchebags but we were having a good time and didn't really give it any thought.

I decided to go back to my hotel room for a reason that eludes me now. All I know is I was going to go back out and find my girl. Instead, I wound up nomming a giant chicken pad thai and a chicken skewer and passing out on my bed. Fail.

Turns out, my boy hooked up with some Siberian girl in the bathroom at Naga bar and then told her to fuck off haha. Apparently after they smashed, she was being super bitchy and demanding drinks and acting like a brat. Mongolians don't play that shit! He told her to get lost and I was busting up laughing as he described the scene to me.

Next day, woke up at noon and shot over to the beach. Cute Japanese girl smiled at me so I sat down beside her. We shot the shit. She had a boyfriend…in Japan.

We had a good chemistry and I was touching her a lot and she was digging it. She was lying down and closed her eyes and she had these luscious lips so I bent over and planted a big wet smooch on her! She popped up and yelled some bad words in Japanese. It was hilarious. We talked a bit more then I left.

I should have made an excuse to get her back to my hotel somehow but spilt milk. Plus, I sensed some serious LMR on the horizon. But maybe that's just a retroactive rationalization for inaction…

Anyway, I went and deadlifted the tree stump and did some upper body shit at the police station with a big British fucker and some rock climber from Australia.

That night, Bill and I went back out. We were smoking shisa on the beach and we saw the 4 Chinese chicks sitting a few meters away at a table, having just finished their dinner. They were drinking a tower of Chang beer and looking bored.

This is where having a good wing who doesn't know any 'proper' game pays off. He said "hey, let's go talk to them and see what they're up to." My feeling was that we shouldn't do that because we had followed them to a venue last night and they wound up dancing with those guys.

I didn't want to appear needy and reward that behavior. But Bill was like "naw man, stay here a sec." He went over, rapped with them, and boom, next thing you know we're sitting with them and playing drinking games again. Good vibes.

I was sitting by the one I liked and amping up the kino and sexual eye contact. At one point we started to play truth or dare. The bottle spun to me and I picked dare. The ringleader girl dared me to take off my shirt. So I did a little male stripper dance and threw my shirt on my girl's face. They laughed hysterically.

You know what's beautiful? These girls never said anything even remotely intellectual or heady. They were pure fun. That's what they were there for and that's what the fuck they were going to do: have fun. Just cute little ditzy things that made us smile a lot. Feminism, you can suck it!

Anyway, when the bottle spun to me again, I picked 'truth'. Then the ringleader of the group looks at me and says "would you like to take Suzy [my girl] home tonight?" I said "yeah, sure". And they all exploded in giggles again. My girl was visibly embarrassed. But I knew I had the group's approval and from that point on they were basically forcing her on me.

We agreed to rendezvous with the girls again in an hour. So Bill and I went and puffed a joint and I went back to the hotel to shower up, brush my teeth, etc.

When I got to Ploy bar, of course they weren't there. So I posted up at the bar, grabbed a vodka soda lime and started making eyes with the sexy Thai girls on the dance floor. Nothing came of it and eventually Bill showed up. We headed to Naga bar. There we found our Chinese girls.

Let me make it clear: I don't dance and can't dance. But my girl came over to me and said hey let's dance so I did. She needed an excuse to get close and make out and I wasn't going to let being a shit dancer get in my way! Maybe it's because I was a little stoned and relaxed but I really got into it and I *think* --- I could be very wrong --- that my dancing was actually not awful.

We were making out and grinding and it was all good. The ringleader took the girl aside and tried to give her the key to their room (they all stayed in one room). My girl came back over to me and I saw this look in her eyes...so I asked her "hey, do you want to get out of here?" She said "yeah".

Back to my hotel. We get nekid. I abuse her mouth. Her pussy tastes amazing. I go to put it in. "Do you have a condom?" "No". And I put it in all the same.

I was surprised by how well she used her hips. She was really into it and it was very sexy. We woke up in the middle of the night and smashed again.

In the morning she left and I was on my way back to BKK with a big stupid grin on my face. Chasing girls is one of those things that really makes you feel young and innocent and giddy. Talking about it is a close second. ;-)

I don't have a smartphone and I left my laptop in BKK so no pictures this time. Sorry guys!

Anyway, that's my Koh Samed story. Hope you enjoyed. If you're in Thailand…hit me up! We shall party and slay pussy!

[Afarang]

nice report

[Clunge]

I have never experienced so many mosquitos as I did on Koh Samed