So as part of my work on improving my body language, I've been trying to work on eye contact. I can definitely tell that I've had poor body language and eye contact in the past.
A brief detour: my old boss once visited me for a career fair when I was in college, and he commented to me that every single person he walked by on the sidewalk was looking *down*, and that he'd say "hi" to them and they'd just look the other way as if he hadn't said anything.
So what I've been noticing is that, out in the "real world", a lot of people seem to be much the same way. I go out of my way now to make sure that I am looking straight ahead, not down at the ground... and now I see it! Everyone else really *is* looking down at the ground! And when I throw a random "hi" at someone, I often *don't* get a reply. Just like my boss noticed, except this is just, say, at my apartment complex rather than back at my nerdy school.
Well, I guess people are caught up in their day-to-day lives. Whatever. But what's really getting me is that I'm noticing the same thing when I go out. I'm on the street, walking around. Often plenty of groups of people walking around, some guys, some girls, some mixed. You'd think that many of these people are out to "see and be seen." So you'd think that a decent number would at least glance my way, perhaps even make eye contact?
It's not seeming that way. It seems as though the people out at the bars, etc. are just the same as the people I see elsewhere: terrified to make eye contact with just about anyone. I used to not notice, because I often wasn't looking myself. But now I am looking, and it's hard to not notice. Even when they go out, the average random person seems to glance at me about the bare minimum possible to avoid running into me.
I'm not really looking for advice here so much as wondering: am I crazy? Do other people notice the same thing? Are these people distracted, or bored and zoned out, or actively trying to avoid attention, or what?
I guess what got me thinking this just now was speakeasy's comment in the Rio travel thread: "I know that girls that look like that here in the states will give you visual daggers if you even looked like you were going to approach them. It seems like hot girls in the U.S. don't even want to be talked to when they go out, they just dance in little circles of other girls and freak each other like attention whores."
Except this seems to be a more general phenomenon: I see it among girls of average or even mediocre looks. The ones you'd think would not be getting so much attention by default, and who you'd think would be more actively seeking it.
A brief detour: my old boss once visited me for a career fair when I was in college, and he commented to me that every single person he walked by on the sidewalk was looking *down*, and that he'd say "hi" to them and they'd just look the other way as if he hadn't said anything.
So what I've been noticing is that, out in the "real world", a lot of people seem to be much the same way. I go out of my way now to make sure that I am looking straight ahead, not down at the ground... and now I see it! Everyone else really *is* looking down at the ground! And when I throw a random "hi" at someone, I often *don't* get a reply. Just like my boss noticed, except this is just, say, at my apartment complex rather than back at my nerdy school.
Well, I guess people are caught up in their day-to-day lives. Whatever. But what's really getting me is that I'm noticing the same thing when I go out. I'm on the street, walking around. Often plenty of groups of people walking around, some guys, some girls, some mixed. You'd think that many of these people are out to "see and be seen." So you'd think that a decent number would at least glance my way, perhaps even make eye contact?
It's not seeming that way. It seems as though the people out at the bars, etc. are just the same as the people I see elsewhere: terrified to make eye contact with just about anyone. I used to not notice, because I often wasn't looking myself. But now I am looking, and it's hard to not notice. Even when they go out, the average random person seems to glance at me about the bare minimum possible to avoid running into me.
I'm not really looking for advice here so much as wondering: am I crazy? Do other people notice the same thing? Are these people distracted, or bored and zoned out, or actively trying to avoid attention, or what?
I guess what got me thinking this just now was speakeasy's comment in the Rio travel thread: "I know that girls that look like that here in the states will give you visual daggers if you even looked like you were going to approach them. It seems like hot girls in the U.S. don't even want to be talked to when they go out, they just dance in little circles of other girls and freak each other like attention whores."
Except this seems to be a more general phenomenon: I see it among girls of average or even mediocre looks. The ones you'd think would not be getting so much attention by default, and who you'd think would be more actively seeking it.
