[booshybish]

Instead of screening a girl out early on (she definitely failed on many levels, and exhibited all the signs of a slut), I let her keep coming around. Months in she wanted to be serious. Long story short, I kept around around for her attractiveness.

She kept asking for a ring and committment and all sorts of things. I balked, delayed, and all sorts of tactics to avoid this. Regardless, I discovered that she is still keeping in touch with a number of her ex boyfriends on facebook.

Now, I usually try to keep an aloof alpha attitude about all things that normal men would be crazy jealous over. However, there is a cognitive dissonance in my head about a girl who wants to get a ring, and then has the gall to keep on with that sort of behavior. I let her know that I don't deal with that sort of thing. She supposedly blocked the people. Months later, I discover that they are unblocked or never were. I don't really keep tabs on this sort of thing, so I got peeved.

In a way, I delivered an ultimatum. This is something I don't like to do, as it has been my experience that women do this a lot. Ultimatums are almost always delivered from a position of weakness. My delivery was essentially, get fucked. I told her that she's being sketch and that she should never call me again (I even said please). These things I said with calmness. However, she tried to change frame and call me jealous and whatnot. I laughed and said extremely jealous and then repeated myself that we should never speak again.

I suppose my main question is, assuming my delivery that I don't tolerate this kind of bull was smooth and unemotional, does this still constitute an ultimatum, and was it beta to do so? In my head, I wasn't so worried about being betrayed as I was being disrespected. I felt shame only because I let this girl treat me in a manner not fit for a significant other. I felt shame because I could have easily screened her but didn't. It felt embarrassing, mostly.

What do you guys think? (Hoping WIA chimes in) What could I have improved (besides better screening early on, and not getting into LTRs)?

[Therapsid]

(11-10-2013 10:40 AM)booshybish Wrote:  

Instead of screening a girl out early on (she definitely failed on many levels, and exhibited all the signs of a slut), I let her keep coming around. Months in she wanted to be serious. Long story short, I kept around around for her attractiveness.

She kept asking for a ring and committment and all sorts of things. I balked, delayed, and all sorts of tactics to avoid this. Regardless, I discovered that she is still keeping in touch with a number of her ex boyfriends on facebook.

Now, I usually try to keep an aloof alpha attitude about all things that normal men would be crazy jealous over. However, there is a cognitive dissonance in my head about a girl who wants to get a ring, and then has the gall to keep on with that sort of behavior. I let her know that I don't deal with that sort of thing. She supposedly blocked the people. Months later, I discover that they are unblocked or never were. I don't really keep tabs on this sort of thing, so I got peeved.

In a way, I delivered an ultimatum. This is something I don't like to do, as it has been my experience that women do this a lot. Ultimatums are almost always delivered from a position of weakness. My delivery was essentially, get fucked. I told her that she's being sketch and that she should never call me again (I even said please). These things I said with calmness. However, she tried to change frame and call me jealous and whatnot. I laughed and said extremely jealous and then repeated myself that we should never speak again.

I suppose my main question is, assuming my delivery that I don't tolerate this kind of bull was smooth and unemotional, does this still constitute an ultimatum, and was it beta to do so? In my head, I wasn't so worried about being betrayed as I was being disrespected. I felt shame only because I let this girl treat me in a manner not fit for a significant other. I felt shame because I could have easily screened her but didn't. It felt embarrassing, mostly.

What do you guys think? (Hoping WIA chimes in) What could I have improved (besides better screening early on, and not getting into LTRs)?

Look up the dictionary definition of ultimatum.

: a final threat : a promise that force or punishment will be used if someone does not do what is wanted

You're not asking her to do anything, you're just cutting off all contact. Or is the ultimatum that you're going to throw shit on her if she calls you again?

Either way I smell a

[eradicator]

Indeed. You are not describing an ultimatum but rather a breakup.

[This Is Trouble]

You are NEXT'ing her, not giving her an ultimatum.

I'm confused though - if she's a slut and you have no respect for her, why not keep her around from a frame of non-jealousy? Let her fuck and talk to whoever she wants, and keep her as a once-a-week kinda thing.

[scorpion]

(11-10-2013 10:40 AM)booshybish Wrote:  

I told her that she's being sketch and that she should never call me again (I even said please). These things I said with calmness. However, she tried to change frame and call me jealous and whatnot. I laughed and said extremely jealous and then repeated myself that we should never speak again.

I suppose my main question is, assuming my delivery that I don't tolerate this kind of bull was smooth and unemotional, does this still constitute an ultimatum, and was it beta to do so? In my head, I wasn't so worried about being betrayed as I was being disrespected. I felt shame only because I let this girl treat me in a manner not fit for a significant other. I felt shame because I could have easily screened her but didn't. It felt embarrassing, mostly.

What do you guys think? (Hoping WIA chimes in) What could I have improved (besides better screening early on, and not getting into LTRs)?

It sounds like you don't understand the power of showing anger to a woman every now and then. Women crave drama. It's obvious she was looking for something exciting since she was talking to her exes. And obviously you didn't appreciate her doing that. Instead of feeling shame and embarrassment (internal) you should have gotten angry and started yelling at her (external). Then she gets an emotional spike and the excitement she was craving.

This wouldn't apply to a girl you didn't have locked down, but you say this chick wanted to get serious with you. So obviously she has some attachment.

If you want to manage women, you have to understand their need for emotional highs and lows. You can't just be an unemotional robot all the time. They get bored with that and wander off looking for excitement.

[booshybish]

It sounds like you don't understand the power of showing anger to a woman every now and then. Women crave drama. It's obvious she was looking for something exciting since she was talking to her exes. And obviously you didn't appreciate her doing that. Instead of feeling shame and embarrassment (internal) you should have gotten angry and started yelling at her (external). Then she gets an emotional spike and the excitement she was craving.

This wouldn't apply to a girl you didn't have locked down, but you say this chick wanted to get serious with you. So obviously she has some attachment.

If you want to manage women, you have to understand their need for emotional highs and lows. You can't just be an unemotional robot all the time. They get bored with that and wander off looking for excitement.
[/quote]

Not a troll, btw. I have been through a thousand highs and lows with this one. I honestly haven't been through this kind of breaking ties before. She's a classic Cluster B personality disorder (the type that ppl have warned about on these forums). Considering changing phone numbers, to be honest. I guess my main question was more philosophy. I'm used to yanking the chain a few times a month to stir the pot (especially with the neurotic ones). Do you guys normally let a woman know how she transgressed when you're telling her to GTFO?

[booshybish]

(11-10-2013 12:54 PM)TroubleMaker Wrote:  

You are NEXT'ing her, not giving her an ultimatum.

I'm confused though - if she's a slut and you have no respect for her, why not keep her around from a frame of non-jealousy? Let her fuck and talk to whoever she wants, and keep her as a once-a-week kinda thing.

I totally would. The problem is that she would never accept that kind of arrangement. She's super needy. Demanding a ring and all that.

[This Is Trouble]

(11-10-2013 07:55 PM)booshybish Wrote:  

(11-10-2013 12:54 PM)TroubleMaker Wrote:  

You are NEXT'ing her, not giving her an ultimatum.

I'm confused though - if she's a slut and you have no respect for her, why not keep her around from a frame of non-jealousy? Let her fuck and talk to whoever she wants, and keep her as a once-a-week kinda thing.

I totally would. The problem is that she would never accept that kind of arrangement. She's super needy. Demanding a ring and all that.

Then just keep fucking her until she breaks it off from a lack of a ring.

I'll bet that she won't.