[jt797]

In my experience, with my male and female friends, it's pretty universal that people would rather blame others, for their problems, than take responsibility for the choices they make. More than a few girls, I know, complain that guys use them for sex without promise of something more, or that guys lead them on, but I always feel that they choose those kind of guys on purpose?

For example, my friend A is notorious for her bad taste in guys. She was sleeping with a friend of mine, who is known to be a party animal, hooks up with anything, kind of guy. She always complains that all guys are jerks, but never goes out of her way to date "relationship type of guys." I tried to explain to her that she knew what kind of guy he was, and that she can only be mad at herself for not choosing someone better, but she totally rejected my logic for her own mantra of, " all guys are assholes."

Guy friend, always complains that women are gold diggers or, "lying cheating whores." I've never once seen him go for a quality woman, I.E. educated, cultured, classy, etc. The last girl, he was with, used him like an ATM for a place to live, dinner, vacations, the works. He refuses take a hard look at himself and his taste in women.

I think, universally, it's difficult to criticize ourselves, and that most people would rather deflect blame elsewhere. We all get fooled occasionally, but we have to take responsibility for the choices we make in relationships, and who we bring into our lives.

TL;DR --- Women and men both spin the hamster wheel, because it's easier to see what we want to see, rather than taking a hard, sobering, and critical look at ourselves.

[Hades]

Smart people suffer from this more so than others, I think. The more faculties at your disposal, the stronger your ability to rationalize. If you can do so creatively, then you're even more likely to believe in your self-lies.

[jt797]

(10-31-2013 08:03 AM)Hades Wrote:  

Smart people suffer from this more so than others, I think. The more faculties at your disposal, the stronger your ability to rationalize. If you can do so creatively, then you're even more likely to believe in your self-lies.

I agree, it takes a lot of energy to lie to yourself. The wall of denial is one that you have to continually build higher and higher to escape the view of reality.

[Kimber]

I agree completely. It's very humbling in the worst of ways to realise that everything going on in your life that isn't the way you want it is a direct result of your fuckups. D&P wrote a fantastic article at the start of the year and it has stuck with me til this day.
http://dangerandplay.com/2013/01/09/the-...the-world/

Whats the easiest way to stop rationalisations? Mark Manson wrote about playing the why game. http://markmanson.net/how-to-stop-lying-to-yourself <--- GREAT article.

I think the best way to do it, is to set goals and have standards. When those standards aren't met, you ask yourself why and you'll come up with an answer.

[Kingsley Davis]

"Revolutions happen when people are hungry to become martyrs.
A loser is not one who fails, but one who doesn’t introspect.
Procrastination is a sign of low motivation. It can be solved by either changing your environment or doing something you feel passionate about.
“…the more data you get, the less you know what’s going on.”
A system built on probability, forecasting, and managing risk is bound to collapse.
It is better to arrive at a conclusion through experience than reasoning.
Heuristic knowledge is more valuable than theoretical.
“Don’t put theories into practice… create theories out of practice.”
Never attempt to answer a question that makes no sense to you.
Large size makes systems inherently fragile.
If you are already healthy, there is no medicine or supplementation that will make you feel better, but there are things you can take which cause harm to your healthy state.
Mother nature is always more correct than a scientist who comes up with a new theory based on a small set of data that was likely incorrectly computed.
Ignore anyone who doesn’t apply their ideas or theories to their own life.
If a product is heavily marketed, it’s either inferior or harmful.
“Systems make small errors, design makes large ones.”
Statistics and numbers can be used to prove anything. Time and nature will sort out the liars."

http://www.rooshv.com/review-of-antifrag...ssim-taleb

   

[AnonymousBosch]

I'd agree 'Hamsterisation' is just rationalising away Cognitive Dissonance, and it isn't unique to either sex.

I'd argue that more intelligent people (130+ IQ) are *less* prone to this, as they're somewhat self-aware and able to identify the process in action. Dumber people have no conception that what they're doing could be in any way damaging to their lives, which is why a large amount of psychology is simply guiding people towards self-awareness of their coping and defensive mechanisms.

Whilst I seem to live my life through the principles of stoicism, a more intelligent mate once made a compelling argument against it, labelling the concept a fantasy idealisation. He'd considers it male hamsterisation. (Next time I talk to him, I'll get him to talk me through it again).