[QuietDog]

Ever since reading Gorilla Mindset a few months ago, this idea that what we feel is largely controlled by what we think blew me away. I slowly began to realize how much I've been fucking myself over just by telling myself the wrong things. I've made some progress in wrestling my mind back under control but not enough yet. I hope with reading this book and thread and by applying the ideas I'll continue to progress

I'm three chapters into the book and it has really been resonating with me so far. Thank you for the recommendation Dusty, I'm truly starting to believe I'll be able to massively improve my life with this

[QuietDog]

Finished Ch.7 yesterday: Overcoming the Influences of the Past

This one struck a big chord with me. I've spent far too much time dwelling on the things in my life that I blamed for making me the weak person I perceived myself as. I need to stay forward thinking and stop reinforcing some of the unhealthy beliefs I've carried with me since childhood, especially since most only manifest themselves once I start thinking them again

I also started carrying around a notebook and when I catch myself perpetuating one of my Irrational Beliefs I stop, write it down, cross it out and then underneath write down a healthier alternative. I feel like this physical act will be a good reinforcement for the work I'm doing in my head

[QuietDog]

Finished this a few days ago. I was gonna lend this to my little sister but I think I'll just gift her one, want a copy to keep around for myself, definitely gonna be referring back to this one often.

Anyone try the exercises at the back of the book? The shame attacking exercises sounds like GoodLookigLoser's approach anxiety program which definitely helped me. The Rational Emotive Imagery one kind of just seemed like it would lead to more dwelling on irrational beliefs. The Forceful Rational Self-Statements part reminds me that I need a good mantra to start my day with

[Huey]

A bit off topic, but I've been reading Ellis's autobiography and apparently he was quite the player.

Here he talks about how he overcame his approach anxiety.


And a glimpse of his game:


Note: This was in the late 1920s, an era that arguably had more "chaste" women.

[Dusty]

^^^

Love it. This stuff was figured out way before Mystery.

Note the use of kino escalation. And finding a way to get her back to his apartment, then building comfort before making a move.

[Nascimento]

Ordered the book, can't wait to read it.

[Nascimento]

Currently on Ch. 4. Engrossing read so far.

[Dusty]

(06-08-2016 04:40 PM)Nascimento Wrote:  

Currently on Ch. 4. Engrossing read so far.

Keep us posted.

I'd love to hear your thoughts ( no pun intended!).

[Nascimento]

On Ch. 9 right now.

I'm taking notes, and reviewing the notes here afterwards (thanks, Dusty, they are immensely helpful).

I'm learning plenty, but I'm still finding it somewhat difficult to fully internalise. In other words, I don't imagine it will be a seamless transition from irrational thought/behaviour to the rational kind.

Have additional reads allowed you guys to grasp the concepts more deeply? Or does it just come with time, and practice in your mind when you have a chance to apply REBT? (I still haven't yet, although I've begun analyzing areas where I've come short in the past with irrational nonsense.)

[Huey]

(06-15-2016 02:35 PM)Nascimento Wrote:  

On Ch. 9 right now.

I'm taking notes, and reviewing the notes here afterwards (thanks, Dusty, they are immensely helpful).

I'm learning plenty, but I'm still finding it somewhat difficult to fully internalise. In other words, I don't imagine it will be a seamless transition from irrational thought/behaviour to the rational kind.

Have additional reads allowed you guys to grasp the concepts more deeply? Or does it just come with time, and practice in your mind when you have a chance to apply REBT? (I still haven't yet, although I've begun analyzing areas where I've come short in the past with irrational nonsense.)

It's like any other skill -- the more you practice it, the easier it will become. Sometimes it can be quite discouraging. There will be events where you absolutely know that you're interpreting it irrationally but yet you can't (or don't want to, rather) give up those irrational beliefs. I suggest keeping a journal and writing down how you reacted to events throughout the day. Review them and spot your irrational beliefs, dispute them, and adopt new (rational) beliefs. There's also a sheet at the end of the book that you can use to dispute your irrational beliefs, or alternatively you can use the REBT Self-help Form.

I think A Guide to Rational Living is Ellis's best book on REBT. The most recent one he wrote on REBT before he died was How to Stubbornly Refuse to Upset Yourself, but that's a dry read. It has exercises at the end of every chapter, though, so most people prefer that one.

[Nascimento]

I'm about halfway through.

The realisation I've just had that I don't need to be good or successful at anything is monumental; what a burden it is off my shoulders.

I don't *need* to be good with women... Even though I can enjoy it.

It's hard to explain how much of an epiphany I've just had.

I feel like I'll be a zen master when I go out to meet girls now.

[Balkan]

(06-17-2016 07:31 PM)Nascimento Wrote:  

I'm about halfway through.

The realisation I've just had that I don't need to be good or successful at anything is monumental; what a burden it is off my shoulders.

I don't *need* to be good with women... Even though I can enjoy it.

It's hard to explain how much of an epiphany I've just had.

I feel like I'll be a zen master when I go out to meet girls now.

I have this book on my shelf. Going to dive into it once I clear the existing backlog. Would be curious to hear your continued insights, particularly, once you finish it.

[Huey]

For those interested, an e-book version of How to Control Your Anxiety Before It Controls You by Albert Ellis was released today. (In fact, a lot of his books will be getting digitialized versions this year.) I haven't read it yet but I have the paperback version. I highly recommend it, especially for guys still struggling with approach anxiety.

[kbell]

just purchased that ebook. I recently got a kindle.

[Off The Reservation]

I went to a speech influenced by this guy which was excellent. Time for my copy.

[All or Nothing]

I did actually end up finishing the book a couple years ago, just forgot to give it the praise it deserves. It's a great book.

The two key things I learned from the book (personally) was:

1. Internal value vs external value. External value is the thing that we use to compare ourselves to each other, but internal value is the internal humanness of us all. On an internal level we are all equals, even though we focus heavily on external identifiers of value.
2. Your thoughts control your destiny. If you do not re-direct your thinking patterns and then act on that new direction, you will remain in the same day to day slump that you are in.

[kbell]

http://spectrum.troy.edu/kness/Ellis-RET...0Ellis.pdf

There is a type of therapy from the anxiety books where you sing these parody songs. Ellis calls them rational humorous songs.

[Iso]

Great Thread. Dusty, When does the book come out? Are you still doing sample scripts to challenge irrational beliefs?

[Dusty]

(09-26-2016 10:59 AM)Iso Wrote:  

Great Thread. Dusty, When does the book come out? Are you still doing sample scripts to challenge irrational beliefs?

I'm glad you like the thread Iso.

I abandoned the book project awhile back so I never finished it. Maybe some day I'll dig out what I have and post extracts here, Readers Digest style. Or find someone who wants to finish it.

The work on it was not for naught. Between the abandoned project and the work on this thread, I got a much deeper understanding of REBT and internalized the lessons. Approaching girls was a good way to imprint the concepts well too (good behavioral exercises - the B in REBT). After all, Dr Ellis traces the beginnings of REBT to him trying to get laid in the 1930s by day gaming.

No I don't do disputes anymore, I really don't need to. If I ever backslide though, I have no problem doing them again.

[Enigma]

Does anyone know the difference between "A Guide to Rational Living" and "A New Guide to Rational Living"? Is the "new" version just updated?

[Dusty]

^^^

I think in the "New" one he tried to remove phrases like "I am" because it over generalized. It was a bad experiment as it made it unreadable.

[Huey]

Yeah, the 2nd edition (A New Guide to Rational Living) uses E-prime, which excludes all conjugations of the verb "to be". (am, is, are, etc) In addition to that, REBT is also called RET in that edition (he didn't change the name until the mid 1990's I believe).