There's a lot of great things about Seattle. It's a great place to work in IT, for starters. It's a nice, clean and relatively safe city. The traffic isn't terrible, the air is clean, and there's a lot of interesting things to do. There's plenty of daytime activities, housing is relatively inexpensive. The list goes on and on.
If you're reading this with Seattle in mind, I presume that you've chosen to go there for one of these reasons, and not for the girls. The reason is that the girls are mediocre. Let me correct myself. They are mediocre by American standards, and awful by international standards. But everyone here knew that, and that was not a point that needed to be contended with.
There are good things about Seattle women. They tend to be a little more fit than average, due to the relatively high income of the area, as well as the yoga/fit/happy/granola eating culture of the city. Demographics skew largely white and Asian, and if that's your thing then you're in luck. Seattle is a college city, so there are areas with high concentrations of young women. Despite Seattle's reputation for raining 365 days a year, the weather isn't actually terrible, and the girls love to go out when the weather's nice.
The good things about Seattle women are overshadowed by the bad, however. For starters, Patricia's Smartphone might as well be talking about your average Seattle girl. The high penetration of technology and terrible life choices make Seattle a cultural phenomenon, with alarmingly high flake ratios. There's a term here called the 'Seattle freeze' that describes the near pathological solitude that Seattle people are shocked to have broken when a stranger talks to them; everyone likes to have their headphones on while looking up whatever Miley Cyrus was slutting up to today.
Furthermore, Seattle is a feminist mecca. Roosh detected it himself based on geographic traffic tracking on his RoK posts. You'll see Skrillex haircuts, tattoos, sweat pants, hoodies and everything else you can imagine that doesn't belong on a girl, on a girl. Seattle features slutwalks, polyamory, grrl power. I have heard the phrase 'smash the patriarchy' verbalized without irony. I can sum it up in 4 words: Lindy West lives here. That should tell you something.
Worse, the gender ratio is skewed toward men. There are 1.06 men for every woman in the area, and even small fluctuations in the ratio skews attitudes heavily.
Seattle is a relatively professional city compared to its cost of living, so there is a reasonable amount of free cash among professionals.
So. Seattle women, on the whole, are masculine, feminist, and generally overcosted. There are nice ones here and there, though, and sometimes you have to wade through a little muck to get the truffles.
Important Districts of Seattle:
Each of the various districts of Seattle have their own character and flair.
Pioneer Square/Belltown - Despite a few very good bars, Belltown and Pioneer Square are both by and large giant shitholes. This is where the majority of violence happens. Crackheads mill about with wanton abandon. Tough-looking teenagers hang about in groups. You will get asked for money. If you choose to go, try and park near your destination, particularly if you are escorting a girl. Random shit can go down that makes you look bad. There are lots of clubs in these areas though, so if you happen to be staying near the area, this is a decent location for logistics.
University District - Home of the biggest shithole club I've ever seen in my life. But other than that, the University District has a lot of happening stuff. Better yet, a huge concentration of young women in the 18-24 range. Many girls live near campus, sometimes in huge girl dorms. In addition, the occurrence of eye candy here in this part of town is significantly more consistent than anywhere else in Seattle (for obvious reasons). University Street has a long line of entertainment venues, cheap restaurants, and bars, though very few clubs. I haven't yet gotten to explore it much, however, and my advice here is rather thin.
Capitol Hill - Seattle's fabulous gay district. One of the best parts of the city, with a number of great clubs, finer dining and carryout pizza for those nights when you bomb. Plus, gay dudes make everyone around them feel like a million bucks. Can't go wrong with Capitol Hill.
Fremont - Eclectic part of town. There's a parade that runs here once a year where hundreds of naked people in body paint ride bicycles, among other madness. That's Fremont for you. Hippies, hipsters, weed smokers, shitty indie bands, and lots of other wild and crazy things go on here. Not a bad place to be.
SoDo- There are two large stadiums in Seattle - one for the Seattle Mariners and one for the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks hold the dubious record of having the loudest fans in the entire galaxy.
In my limited experience those areas are your best best for Seattle nightlife.
CLUBS
Seattle is a hopping city for clubs, I'll give it that. The majority of good clubs are concentrated in the Pioneer Square and Capitol Hill areas. I'll go over a few of them.
DRAWBACK - THE PUNK BITCHES OF WASHINGTON STATE GOVERNMENT SHUT THE BARS DOWN AT 2AM. SO HURRY THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR GAMING.
Capitol Hill - Q Club - this is the newest club in the Seattle scene, with an excellent sound system and a shitty layout. I have heard it described as Miami-style with regards to the layout, but I'm not sure what that means. The seating is modest and wide open, which can be good, but isolation can be difficult in this area. Q Club is located near other clubs in the Capitol Hill area, which is great for bouncing from one venue to another. One interesting facet of Q is that the sinks for the bathrooms are actually outside of the bathroom themselves, and are shared, which gives you an interesting opportunity to chat with girls nearby while washing your hands. Some named DJs come through here once in awhile.
Capitol Hill - Neighbors - this is the one gay club in Seattle that's great for everyone to go to. You have to enter through the back (natch), down an alley, but the sheer mass of people that will be standing outside will clue you in to its location. I got my first club makeout here, back before I knew that people actually did that. And yes, it was a girl at healthy weight. The drinks aren't terribly expensive, the music is great, and there's actually a lot of straight girls that come through here. Watch out for bachelorette parties, however, since they are at a premium here.
Pioneer Square - The Last Supper - Last I heard it was generally populated by Asians. Drinks and door on premium nights can be pricey. Parking can be mediocre. I haven't been here in awhile, but when I was, it was a run of the mill club with decent internal structure.
Pioneer Square - Trinity - A little divey. Two dance floors playing different types of music. Cheapish drinks. I used to drop by once in awhile for EDM nights, and they would play dubstep in the small room and techno in the bigger room. There are couches upstairs if I recall correctly.
Belltown - Seesound Lounge - Two dance floors. The narrow main floor can get very crowded, particularly for Sunday salsa nights, as there are support columns in the center. The drinks tend to be pretty pricey here. The overall decor is upscale, with couches in both rooms. I remember a sloppy makeout with a chubby, drunk black girl here.
University District - Fusion Ultralounge - STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS JOINT. I paid a $10 cover and basically did the Grandpa Simpson 180 when I looked inside. The bouncer ended up being cool after being a dick to begin with and brought me back in for a free shot of Crown after he saw I did the loop, so I slipped him a fiver. This place is RATCHET CENTRAL. It's a small, ugly, wide open dance club, with high covers to milk the 18+ crowd. (Yes, it's 18+) It's closed during the week due to lack of business. Again - if you have to ask whether you need to be here, you don't.
Obviously, there are many more clubs in Seattle than I'm listing here. This is just an overview, and clubs aren't my strong suit, so I'll skip right over to my area of expertise...
BARS
Just like with clubs, the Seattle bar scene has a diverse and varied scene, with speakeasies, burlesque, and good old-fashioned honest bars. Here we go.
Belltown (I think, near Pike Place) - The Can Can - an upscale burlesque hall with fancy absinthe drinks on down to PBRs for the economically challenged. The weekends will generally require reservations for the stage shows, which run twice a night on busy nights. The decor is splendid and classic, and the bartenders are some of the most elegantly dressed gentlemen you'll meet behind a bar. The Novitiate is one of their finest drinks, and for an absinthe cocktail is not outrageously priced. While I list The Can Can as being in Belltown, it's actually closer to Pike Place market, and the area seems a little safer and less crackhead-infested, particularly if you can find parking on the street near it. Strong Pike Place security keeps the place locked down and everyone in a good mood.
Belltown - The Bathtub Gin - One of the speakeasies I'll relate to, the Bathtub Gin is hidden in plain sight. A door in an otherwise featureless brick side of a building in a trash-strewn parking lot opens up into a basic but classy interior. Tiny tables on two tiny floors, long benches, and a smartly dressed bartender await you here. The Jedi Mind Trick is one of their signature cocktails, and combines the seductive flavor of absinthe with the brightness of fruit juice, garnished with a sprig of... well, some plant. The bottom floor opens up into a reading room, and you can find the works of Poe and other famous authors on shelves. This room is typically used for big gatherings, although you are welcome to sit by yourself or with a date. The open nature of the room invites conversation with other parties, and can be a great place to have a fun evening. In conclusion: four stars (docked a point for being in fucking Belltown). Reservations not required, but it tends to be busy and a little noisy on weekends, so you may be fighting for a spot. I prefer this place on early Tuesday evenings for its quiet ambience and classic decor. One of my favorite places, marked down for being in Belltown.
Belltown - Rob Roy - Named after the epononymous drink, the Rob Roy is classier than all get out. Fine leather couches near the front provide an excellent place to bring a date, particularly during the week when it's not quite so crowded. The venue is small, so a large group coming in can easily change the energy level of the place. The music stays low, however, and the bartenders are fastidiously attired and always helpful. The Brandy Alexander is a particularly fine drink here. One of my favorite places, again marked down for being in Belltown.
Belltown - The Whiskey Bar - Exactly what it sounds. You almost expect sawdust on the floor. The benches are solid, unfinished wood, and there's something salt-of-the-earth about this location. True to its name, there are dozens of whiskeys to be poured - you feel a little silly asking for a 'well'. You could spend a month sampling their selection and not hit the bottom of it.
Fremont - The Back Room - Not quite a speakeasy, as there is some measure of signage out on the front, and reservations are not required. A tremendous shock when you enter, as the outside of the building looks as dilapidated as the rest of the buildings in the area. It opens into a large, classy room bereft of televisions. Velvet curtains, statues and chandeliers greet you in the dim light. The drinks are fancy and wells are relatively inexpensive, although the designer cocktails will generally run $8-10 as per the standard for locations of this caliber. Parking is easily available. The venue is near live music, and the White Rabbit and High Dive nearby are both live music events within a stone's throw. My new favorite place to go, as for some reason the place hasn't caught on, and is generally quiet during the week.
Fremont - The High Dive - Dive is right, but a pleasant one. Fatty bar food signs you up for a lifetime of obesity, while live music jangles your eardrums 7 days a week, usually starting at 9PM. Makes for a fun night out in any event, and the sound is great. You will likely hear shitty indie music here, as Seattle specializes in shitty indie music.
Capitol Hill - Knee High Stocking Co. - A true speakeasy, you (ostensibly) need reservations to get in. Word of mouth indicates that they'll let you in if they're not busy though. The Knee High is seriously hidden; a nondescript blue door on a nondescript building is annotated with a tiny, hand-painted sign. Inside will be the usual fine fare of a speakeasy, although for some reason this just feels like a diner to me. Stools and tables are de riguer, and there's not a strong feeling of intimacy or seduction. It's as clinical as a speakeasy gets. Nonetheless, it's a unique enough place, and the drinks are good.
Capitol Hill - The Rockbox - Seattle's top karaoke destination. If you can sing, and you've got a little patience to wade through a long list on a busy night, you can woo the ladies with your dulcet tones. It's near the famous Century Ballroom, and can be a great bounce location if you happen to meet a girl up there. The drinks are reasonably priced, particularly during happy hour, and the karaoke is floor-level, which means that you are not isolated to a stage while singing. (This is very important, as you can interact with your otherwise indifferent audience and get them into digging your performance) Private rooms are available, and you can rent a 2-person room for a bit of privacy, though be aware that wait staff will be peeking in reguarly, and you're on camera anyway.
Capitol Hill - Tin Table - Adjacent to Century Ballroom, the drinks are shockingly reasonably priced and the food is upscale and delicious, with a side of frites starting at $4 and scaling up astronomically from there. Be prepared for lots of 'organic' and 'local' and blah blah in the food descriptions. Not a great place to pull dance scene regulars, as the location is very visible to dancers and is a known hangout, but girls who aren't involved in the scene will feel quite welcome to your advances here. Still, however, for Century Ballroom pulls I prefer Rockbox. I've been seen multiple times here on dates and whatnot by scene regulars and I prefer to operate on silent mode.
Capitol Hill - Quinn's - Decent bar, unbelievable hamburger. Seriously, you've got to try it. Upscale-ish in design otherwise. It's hopping on the weekend nights, and you'll have to fight for a seat at the bar. Mostly tables and stools, however, and not a terribly seductive place to bring a girl. Better for eating at with your friends or whatever other excuse you can come up with, particularly since they'll pay for their own dinner.
Capitol Hill - Needle and Thread - RESERVATIONS REQUIRED. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM THE DAY BEFORE. THEY WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT LET YOU IN OTHERWISE. THEY WILL LIE TO YOU AND TELL YOU THAT THEY ARE FULL. YOU WILL PLAY ALONG WITH THIS SILLY CHARADE AND MAKE RESERVATIONS THE DAY BEFORE BECAUSE IT IS WORTH IT. This was voted by some men's magazine as one of the best 10 or 20 bars in the nation, and I can concur that it is indeed the best bar in Seattle. Hidden behind a giant steel bank vault door in the Tavern Law bar, the Needle and Thread brings you up a spiral staircase, lined with artsy naked photographs of women, to an elegant 20's-themed bar. Your modus operandi here will be to tell the bartender what base cocktail you like, and give him some direction on what to do with it (fruity? limey? chocolatey?), and then he will charge you ten dollars and you will drink it and you will like it. You can order normal drinks by call, but be aware that if you ask for a Red Bull and vodka that they will politely show you the door. You have to place a reservation by phone, and they will call you between 5-7PM the day of your reservation to confirm. The full bar food menu from the Tavern Law downstairs is available, and you can order macaroni and cheese made with duck fat, among several other strange and intriguing dishes. A little on the pricey side, but you're not supposed to be taking girls out to dinner anyway. Go suited down, go classy, at least make the effort look nice for this place. A true Gmanifesto joint.
University District - Flowers - A reasonably inexpensive bar with attractive low pink lighting. I've only visited this location once, and I don't have a strong sense of the bars in the University District yet. So I can't say much about this place, although the general crowd seems to be hipster. Nearby is the Cafe on the Ave, where you can get coffee until 1AM for your under 21 pulls.
THINGS TO DO
Fremont - Gasworks Park - Named Gasworks Park for the huge, fenced-off metal contraptions that look rather suspiciously like gasworks, Gasworks Park sets the stage for Seattle's steampunk LARP. Despite this, Gasworks Park is a cool location. A vending stand sells overpriced Rockstars and candy bars, and the park overlooks the water. The architecture at the park is at once dystopian and classical. There are places you can look over the water and see the lights of Seattle. The wind blows cool here, so bring a jacket.
Downtown - The Space Needle - overpriced restaurant on the top. Longass elevator ride. Skip it.
Downtown - Seattle Science Center - Home to an ever-running outdoor carnival if you can't bypass your sudden craving for elephant ears. Lots of science to do, too.
(Paging your local blaghag)
Downtown, SoDo - Key Arena, Qwest Field, Mariners Stadium - If you're going to one of these places, you're going here for a reason. No explanation necessary.
Marijuana is legal, although go easy on the public intoxication obviously. The police won't bother you if you light up a spliff, although it's technically illegal. (In fact, the SPD was passing out bags of chips at Hempfest encouraging people to smoke responsibly and let them know that they wouldn't be bothering them unnecessarily.)
Belltown - Big Ass Ferris Wheel - I'm sure it's called something else unimaginative like the 'Great Wheel'. Your girl might drag you here. You do get some nice semi-privacy with her at the very least, although I'm pretty sure a full-on fuckfest won't go unnoticed. Probably has a great view of the city - I've never bothered to check it out since ferris wheels aren't my bag. But it's definitely something to do.
Belltown - Homeless People - Belltown offers Seattle's greatest concentration of crackheads and other human detritus, so if you're longing for the hollow, empty stare of a soulless addict, jingle some pocket change and watch them come to you like lepers to the Messiah. If you long to give someone a bit of change who's actually attempting to do something to earn it, you can buy a copy of Real Change for $2, Seattle's own homeless-people newspaper. Real Change enforces behavioral guidelines for its vendors, many of whom are homeless. You can't fault a man for working, after all.
Pike Place - The Gum Wall - Exactly what it sounds like. Near Pike Place Market, a thing to do in and of itself, there is a wall which for some reason has attracted tens of thousands of pieces of chewing gum stuck to it. Great to see once. Pike Place Market, meanwhile, is a huge and sprawling market, with open air vegetable vendors, a magic shop, and everything in between. Plenty to eat, buy and gawk at, including a gigantic brass piggy bank that takes donations for... well, for some charitable cause.
In conclusion: Seattle doesn't have to be hopeless. If you can find yourself a decent girl, there are great places to bring her and plenty of great stuff to do. Wading through obnoxious girls at bachelorette parties carrying giant plastic dicks, fat lesbians, fat feminists, fat feminist lesbians, tattooed grrls with shaved heads, and hipsters - God, the hipsters! - might unearth a diamond. Once you get one, you've got a lot of options.
If you're reading this with Seattle in mind, I presume that you've chosen to go there for one of these reasons, and not for the girls. The reason is that the girls are mediocre. Let me correct myself. They are mediocre by American standards, and awful by international standards. But everyone here knew that, and that was not a point that needed to be contended with.
There are good things about Seattle women. They tend to be a little more fit than average, due to the relatively high income of the area, as well as the yoga/fit/happy/granola eating culture of the city. Demographics skew largely white and Asian, and if that's your thing then you're in luck. Seattle is a college city, so there are areas with high concentrations of young women. Despite Seattle's reputation for raining 365 days a year, the weather isn't actually terrible, and the girls love to go out when the weather's nice.
The good things about Seattle women are overshadowed by the bad, however. For starters, Patricia's Smartphone might as well be talking about your average Seattle girl. The high penetration of technology and terrible life choices make Seattle a cultural phenomenon, with alarmingly high flake ratios. There's a term here called the 'Seattle freeze' that describes the near pathological solitude that Seattle people are shocked to have broken when a stranger talks to them; everyone likes to have their headphones on while looking up whatever Miley Cyrus was slutting up to today.
Furthermore, Seattle is a feminist mecca. Roosh detected it himself based on geographic traffic tracking on his RoK posts. You'll see Skrillex haircuts, tattoos, sweat pants, hoodies and everything else you can imagine that doesn't belong on a girl, on a girl. Seattle features slutwalks, polyamory, grrl power. I have heard the phrase 'smash the patriarchy' verbalized without irony. I can sum it up in 4 words: Lindy West lives here. That should tell you something.
Worse, the gender ratio is skewed toward men. There are 1.06 men for every woman in the area, and even small fluctuations in the ratio skews attitudes heavily.
Seattle is a relatively professional city compared to its cost of living, so there is a reasonable amount of free cash among professionals.
So. Seattle women, on the whole, are masculine, feminist, and generally overcosted. There are nice ones here and there, though, and sometimes you have to wade through a little muck to get the truffles.
Important Districts of Seattle:
Each of the various districts of Seattle have their own character and flair.
Pioneer Square/Belltown - Despite a few very good bars, Belltown and Pioneer Square are both by and large giant shitholes. This is where the majority of violence happens. Crackheads mill about with wanton abandon. Tough-looking teenagers hang about in groups. You will get asked for money. If you choose to go, try and park near your destination, particularly if you are escorting a girl. Random shit can go down that makes you look bad. There are lots of clubs in these areas though, so if you happen to be staying near the area, this is a decent location for logistics.
University District - Home of the biggest shithole club I've ever seen in my life. But other than that, the University District has a lot of happening stuff. Better yet, a huge concentration of young women in the 18-24 range. Many girls live near campus, sometimes in huge girl dorms. In addition, the occurrence of eye candy here in this part of town is significantly more consistent than anywhere else in Seattle (for obvious reasons). University Street has a long line of entertainment venues, cheap restaurants, and bars, though very few clubs. I haven't yet gotten to explore it much, however, and my advice here is rather thin.
Capitol Hill - Seattle's fabulous gay district. One of the best parts of the city, with a number of great clubs, finer dining and carryout pizza for those nights when you bomb. Plus, gay dudes make everyone around them feel like a million bucks. Can't go wrong with Capitol Hill.
Fremont - Eclectic part of town. There's a parade that runs here once a year where hundreds of naked people in body paint ride bicycles, among other madness. That's Fremont for you. Hippies, hipsters, weed smokers, shitty indie bands, and lots of other wild and crazy things go on here. Not a bad place to be.
SoDo- There are two large stadiums in Seattle - one for the Seattle Mariners and one for the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks hold the dubious record of having the loudest fans in the entire galaxy.
In my limited experience those areas are your best best for Seattle nightlife.
CLUBS
Seattle is a hopping city for clubs, I'll give it that. The majority of good clubs are concentrated in the Pioneer Square and Capitol Hill areas. I'll go over a few of them.
DRAWBACK - THE PUNK BITCHES OF WASHINGTON STATE GOVERNMENT SHUT THE BARS DOWN AT 2AM. SO HURRY THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR GAMING.
Capitol Hill - Q Club - this is the newest club in the Seattle scene, with an excellent sound system and a shitty layout. I have heard it described as Miami-style with regards to the layout, but I'm not sure what that means. The seating is modest and wide open, which can be good, but isolation can be difficult in this area. Q Club is located near other clubs in the Capitol Hill area, which is great for bouncing from one venue to another. One interesting facet of Q is that the sinks for the bathrooms are actually outside of the bathroom themselves, and are shared, which gives you an interesting opportunity to chat with girls nearby while washing your hands. Some named DJs come through here once in awhile.
Capitol Hill - Neighbors - this is the one gay club in Seattle that's great for everyone to go to. You have to enter through the back (natch), down an alley, but the sheer mass of people that will be standing outside will clue you in to its location. I got my first club makeout here, back before I knew that people actually did that. And yes, it was a girl at healthy weight. The drinks aren't terribly expensive, the music is great, and there's actually a lot of straight girls that come through here. Watch out for bachelorette parties, however, since they are at a premium here.
Pioneer Square - The Last Supper - Last I heard it was generally populated by Asians. Drinks and door on premium nights can be pricey. Parking can be mediocre. I haven't been here in awhile, but when I was, it was a run of the mill club with decent internal structure.
Pioneer Square - Trinity - A little divey. Two dance floors playing different types of music. Cheapish drinks. I used to drop by once in awhile for EDM nights, and they would play dubstep in the small room and techno in the bigger room. There are couches upstairs if I recall correctly.
Belltown - Seesound Lounge - Two dance floors. The narrow main floor can get very crowded, particularly for Sunday salsa nights, as there are support columns in the center. The drinks tend to be pretty pricey here. The overall decor is upscale, with couches in both rooms. I remember a sloppy makeout with a chubby, drunk black girl here.
University District - Fusion Ultralounge - STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS JOINT. I paid a $10 cover and basically did the Grandpa Simpson 180 when I looked inside. The bouncer ended up being cool after being a dick to begin with and brought me back in for a free shot of Crown after he saw I did the loop, so I slipped him a fiver. This place is RATCHET CENTRAL. It's a small, ugly, wide open dance club, with high covers to milk the 18+ crowd. (Yes, it's 18+) It's closed during the week due to lack of business. Again - if you have to ask whether you need to be here, you don't.
Obviously, there are many more clubs in Seattle than I'm listing here. This is just an overview, and clubs aren't my strong suit, so I'll skip right over to my area of expertise...
BARS
Just like with clubs, the Seattle bar scene has a diverse and varied scene, with speakeasies, burlesque, and good old-fashioned honest bars. Here we go.
Belltown (I think, near Pike Place) - The Can Can - an upscale burlesque hall with fancy absinthe drinks on down to PBRs for the economically challenged. The weekends will generally require reservations for the stage shows, which run twice a night on busy nights. The decor is splendid and classic, and the bartenders are some of the most elegantly dressed gentlemen you'll meet behind a bar. The Novitiate is one of their finest drinks, and for an absinthe cocktail is not outrageously priced. While I list The Can Can as being in Belltown, it's actually closer to Pike Place market, and the area seems a little safer and less crackhead-infested, particularly if you can find parking on the street near it. Strong Pike Place security keeps the place locked down and everyone in a good mood.
Belltown - The Bathtub Gin - One of the speakeasies I'll relate to, the Bathtub Gin is hidden in plain sight. A door in an otherwise featureless brick side of a building in a trash-strewn parking lot opens up into a basic but classy interior. Tiny tables on two tiny floors, long benches, and a smartly dressed bartender await you here. The Jedi Mind Trick is one of their signature cocktails, and combines the seductive flavor of absinthe with the brightness of fruit juice, garnished with a sprig of... well, some plant. The bottom floor opens up into a reading room, and you can find the works of Poe and other famous authors on shelves. This room is typically used for big gatherings, although you are welcome to sit by yourself or with a date. The open nature of the room invites conversation with other parties, and can be a great place to have a fun evening. In conclusion: four stars (docked a point for being in fucking Belltown). Reservations not required, but it tends to be busy and a little noisy on weekends, so you may be fighting for a spot. I prefer this place on early Tuesday evenings for its quiet ambience and classic decor. One of my favorite places, marked down for being in Belltown.
Belltown - Rob Roy - Named after the epononymous drink, the Rob Roy is classier than all get out. Fine leather couches near the front provide an excellent place to bring a date, particularly during the week when it's not quite so crowded. The venue is small, so a large group coming in can easily change the energy level of the place. The music stays low, however, and the bartenders are fastidiously attired and always helpful. The Brandy Alexander is a particularly fine drink here. One of my favorite places, again marked down for being in Belltown.
Belltown - The Whiskey Bar - Exactly what it sounds. You almost expect sawdust on the floor. The benches are solid, unfinished wood, and there's something salt-of-the-earth about this location. True to its name, there are dozens of whiskeys to be poured - you feel a little silly asking for a 'well'. You could spend a month sampling their selection and not hit the bottom of it.
Fremont - The Back Room - Not quite a speakeasy, as there is some measure of signage out on the front, and reservations are not required. A tremendous shock when you enter, as the outside of the building looks as dilapidated as the rest of the buildings in the area. It opens into a large, classy room bereft of televisions. Velvet curtains, statues and chandeliers greet you in the dim light. The drinks are fancy and wells are relatively inexpensive, although the designer cocktails will generally run $8-10 as per the standard for locations of this caliber. Parking is easily available. The venue is near live music, and the White Rabbit and High Dive nearby are both live music events within a stone's throw. My new favorite place to go, as for some reason the place hasn't caught on, and is generally quiet during the week.
Fremont - The High Dive - Dive is right, but a pleasant one. Fatty bar food signs you up for a lifetime of obesity, while live music jangles your eardrums 7 days a week, usually starting at 9PM. Makes for a fun night out in any event, and the sound is great. You will likely hear shitty indie music here, as Seattle specializes in shitty indie music.
Capitol Hill - Knee High Stocking Co. - A true speakeasy, you (ostensibly) need reservations to get in. Word of mouth indicates that they'll let you in if they're not busy though. The Knee High is seriously hidden; a nondescript blue door on a nondescript building is annotated with a tiny, hand-painted sign. Inside will be the usual fine fare of a speakeasy, although for some reason this just feels like a diner to me. Stools and tables are de riguer, and there's not a strong feeling of intimacy or seduction. It's as clinical as a speakeasy gets. Nonetheless, it's a unique enough place, and the drinks are good.
Capitol Hill - The Rockbox - Seattle's top karaoke destination. If you can sing, and you've got a little patience to wade through a long list on a busy night, you can woo the ladies with your dulcet tones. It's near the famous Century Ballroom, and can be a great bounce location if you happen to meet a girl up there. The drinks are reasonably priced, particularly during happy hour, and the karaoke is floor-level, which means that you are not isolated to a stage while singing. (This is very important, as you can interact with your otherwise indifferent audience and get them into digging your performance) Private rooms are available, and you can rent a 2-person room for a bit of privacy, though be aware that wait staff will be peeking in reguarly, and you're on camera anyway.
Capitol Hill - Tin Table - Adjacent to Century Ballroom, the drinks are shockingly reasonably priced and the food is upscale and delicious, with a side of frites starting at $4 and scaling up astronomically from there. Be prepared for lots of 'organic' and 'local' and blah blah in the food descriptions. Not a great place to pull dance scene regulars, as the location is very visible to dancers and is a known hangout, but girls who aren't involved in the scene will feel quite welcome to your advances here. Still, however, for Century Ballroom pulls I prefer Rockbox. I've been seen multiple times here on dates and whatnot by scene regulars and I prefer to operate on silent mode.
Capitol Hill - Quinn's - Decent bar, unbelievable hamburger. Seriously, you've got to try it. Upscale-ish in design otherwise. It's hopping on the weekend nights, and you'll have to fight for a seat at the bar. Mostly tables and stools, however, and not a terribly seductive place to bring a girl. Better for eating at with your friends or whatever other excuse you can come up with, particularly since they'll pay for their own dinner.
Capitol Hill - Needle and Thread - RESERVATIONS REQUIRED. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM THE DAY BEFORE. THEY WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT LET YOU IN OTHERWISE. THEY WILL LIE TO YOU AND TELL YOU THAT THEY ARE FULL. YOU WILL PLAY ALONG WITH THIS SILLY CHARADE AND MAKE RESERVATIONS THE DAY BEFORE BECAUSE IT IS WORTH IT. This was voted by some men's magazine as one of the best 10 or 20 bars in the nation, and I can concur that it is indeed the best bar in Seattle. Hidden behind a giant steel bank vault door in the Tavern Law bar, the Needle and Thread brings you up a spiral staircase, lined with artsy naked photographs of women, to an elegant 20's-themed bar. Your modus operandi here will be to tell the bartender what base cocktail you like, and give him some direction on what to do with it (fruity? limey? chocolatey?), and then he will charge you ten dollars and you will drink it and you will like it. You can order normal drinks by call, but be aware that if you ask for a Red Bull and vodka that they will politely show you the door. You have to place a reservation by phone, and they will call you between 5-7PM the day of your reservation to confirm. The full bar food menu from the Tavern Law downstairs is available, and you can order macaroni and cheese made with duck fat, among several other strange and intriguing dishes. A little on the pricey side, but you're not supposed to be taking girls out to dinner anyway. Go suited down, go classy, at least make the effort look nice for this place. A true Gmanifesto joint.
University District - Flowers - A reasonably inexpensive bar with attractive low pink lighting. I've only visited this location once, and I don't have a strong sense of the bars in the University District yet. So I can't say much about this place, although the general crowd seems to be hipster. Nearby is the Cafe on the Ave, where you can get coffee until 1AM for your under 21 pulls.
THINGS TO DO
Fremont - Gasworks Park - Named Gasworks Park for the huge, fenced-off metal contraptions that look rather suspiciously like gasworks, Gasworks Park sets the stage for Seattle's steampunk LARP. Despite this, Gasworks Park is a cool location. A vending stand sells overpriced Rockstars and candy bars, and the park overlooks the water. The architecture at the park is at once dystopian and classical. There are places you can look over the water and see the lights of Seattle. The wind blows cool here, so bring a jacket.
Downtown - The Space Needle - overpriced restaurant on the top. Longass elevator ride. Skip it.
Downtown - Seattle Science Center - Home to an ever-running outdoor carnival if you can't bypass your sudden craving for elephant ears. Lots of science to do, too.
(Paging your local blaghag)
Downtown, SoDo - Key Arena, Qwest Field, Mariners Stadium - If you're going to one of these places, you're going here for a reason. No explanation necessary.
Marijuana is legal, although go easy on the public intoxication obviously. The police won't bother you if you light up a spliff, although it's technically illegal. (In fact, the SPD was passing out bags of chips at Hempfest encouraging people to smoke responsibly and let them know that they wouldn't be bothering them unnecessarily.)
Belltown - Big Ass Ferris Wheel - I'm sure it's called something else unimaginative like the 'Great Wheel'. Your girl might drag you here. You do get some nice semi-privacy with her at the very least, although I'm pretty sure a full-on fuckfest won't go unnoticed. Probably has a great view of the city - I've never bothered to check it out since ferris wheels aren't my bag. But it's definitely something to do.
Belltown - Homeless People - Belltown offers Seattle's greatest concentration of crackheads and other human detritus, so if you're longing for the hollow, empty stare of a soulless addict, jingle some pocket change and watch them come to you like lepers to the Messiah. If you long to give someone a bit of change who's actually attempting to do something to earn it, you can buy a copy of Real Change for $2, Seattle's own homeless-people newspaper. Real Change enforces behavioral guidelines for its vendors, many of whom are homeless. You can't fault a man for working, after all.
Pike Place - The Gum Wall - Exactly what it sounds like. Near Pike Place Market, a thing to do in and of itself, there is a wall which for some reason has attracted tens of thousands of pieces of chewing gum stuck to it. Great to see once. Pike Place Market, meanwhile, is a huge and sprawling market, with open air vegetable vendors, a magic shop, and everything in between. Plenty to eat, buy and gawk at, including a gigantic brass piggy bank that takes donations for... well, for some charitable cause.
In conclusion: Seattle doesn't have to be hopeless. If you can find yourself a decent girl, there are great places to bring her and plenty of great stuff to do. Wading through obnoxious girls at bachelorette parties carrying giant plastic dicks, fat lesbians, fat feminists, fat feminist lesbians, tattooed grrls with shaved heads, and hipsters - God, the hipsters! - might unearth a diamond. Once you get one, you've got a lot of options.
Check out my occasionally updated travel thread - The Wroclaw Gambit II: Dzięki Bogu - as I prepare to emigrate to Poland.
