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Damage control when approaching in friend groups
09-22-2013, 02:07 AM
So yesterday I was hanging out at friend's place. There were tons of people. I did some approaches to socialize since I don't know any of the girls. I didn't make any escalation moves to the girls I talked to since I didn't like them enough.
There was one girl though that I did like she was solid 8.8. She was giving me eye contact couple of times. I still didn't approach her since I was busy with other girls. Then we changed venue to a bar. After couple of hours in the bar, her friend (of the hot girl) tapped me on my shoulder, they asked where I was from and they couldn't figure out by themselves. I told them they should have a guess. Finally I give the answer. Then I ask where they are from and introduce myself. After that I just try to socialize with them but they only give one word answers and the hot girl was looking away when I was talking. Does this mean she didn't like my talking? Or is shy? I guess my main question is (because this happened before) If a girl gives one word answers and makes very brief eye contact looks away all the time, a sign of she is not interested? What would you guys have done here?
After she giving short answers I was kinda discouraged. I don't have good experience taking off a conversation all by myself. At the end you need two to tango. Maybe real "players" would have tried something fancy but I'm quite new to gaming. I don't understand why she was giving me eyecontact all evening,even wondering where I was from, and then when I approach she gives one word answers,acts cold and looks away.
In summary I have these questions:
1. When you approach and she gives one word answers, very brief eye contact and looks away often mean you should brake of the approach?
2. When my approach kinda failed, I said I need to go to the bathroom as an excuse to walk away and sit with my friends, is there better way to brake off approach?
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Damage control when approaching in friend groups
09-22-2013, 09:59 AM
Quote: (09-22-2013 05:22 AM)XXL Wrote:
1. it might mean a lot of things. maybe she's shy or maybe she's a bitch. you either try different angles to get her attention or ignore her and talk to her friends so that she can see more of your personality.
2. say "ok i see you're not really not enjoying this, i'll give you some time to get talkative, see you later" and you leave.
PS. you don't need two to tango, especially in the beginning of the interaction. learn to be talkative without feedback and just flow flow flow until something sticks. at the same time empathize with her a lot, say stuff like "are you shy? it's ok we're all a little bit shy" or "i can see you're not really open to conversation, that's fine, you can join whenever you want to" and you talk to her friends.
pretty much common sense right? you don't need anything fancy. TALK TO PEOPLE LIKE THEY'RE HUMANS. you'll get much farther doing it than trying some "field tested" trick that's suppose to rescue you. it's not that complicated. i suppose right now you have this big "seduction" idea in mind and think of it like some kind of complicated game of chess and try to figure out the proper moves. get over it. just talk to people. flirt with girls. build connection. add some touch. make it comfortable. stick to the girl until you're alone with her. escalate then. make sweet love
You are right that I could just talk and talk without asking for feedback but I'm not really good at that. Could you provide some tips how to do that and maybe an example?
I actually don't put girls on pedestals, if she likes me she likes me, if don't she don't. I actually made a lot of progress in terms of just social talk. Being just friends with girls. After you have established base they will let you know if they want to take it further with signs girls give.
My problem, or the issue I'm working in terms of self-development is talking to girls who are hard to talk to or don't open right away. I actually made one succesful case with this last night. I talked to this girl, she was not receptive but she was listening and giving feedback. Then I talked to her friend, then she learnt where I was from and suddenly she opened and we had a very long conversation but most of the times I still have trouble getting off a plane of the air by myself. I usually brake eyecontact to think what I'm going to say. I'm not clear what I say sometimes and I fail leading the conversation sometimes but with the last thing I'm getting better. I think when I talk i need to bring down the level of the conversation because I noticed that I purely talk factual instead of emotional base like most girls do.
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Damage control when approaching in friend groups
09-23-2013, 04:49 AM
Quote: (09-22-2013 11:54 AM)XXL Wrote:
click my signature link to read about how to talk forever.
Quote: (09-22-2013 09:59 AM)Videl Wrote:
I actually made one succesful case with this last night. I talked to this girl, she was not receptive but she was listening and giving feedback. Then I talked to her friend, then she learnt where I was from and suddenly she opened and we had a very long conversation but most of the times I still have trouble getting off a plane of the air by myself.
perfect. that's exactly how it works. you just go in and talk random shit in first 1-2 minutes until something sticks and it becomes 50/50.
at first there is no context between you so going in feels like the floor is taken away from your feet and you're falling down trying to give her random threads to grab just one. cause she needs something familiar to talk back. then at one point it hooks and then the convo becomes 50/50.
bUT how do you start talking about random shit? I always use this. I first ask a question like what do you study? She gives an answer and then without her asking I start talking about what I study. Something like this? By the way I will read your article
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Damage control when approaching in friend groups
09-24-2013, 10:52 AM
Thanks. That was helpful. I just have to talk until something sticks. But I have another problem. At one point I have to ask her number/or ask her for a date. How can I do this the most convient way, it is not always possible to ask her number in the middle of casual conversation. I know the generic "hey you seem to be fun, do you want to hang out/what is your number?".. but that line cannot always be used. For example if you are meeting up with friends and at the end everybody is going home, it is akward to ask her in front of everybody.
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Damage control when approaching in friend groups
09-24-2013, 07:04 PM
What you did right
- You were entertaining other girls. Girls like to see this, makes you attractive
- You didn't just cough up an answer, you made them interact with you, made them work for it. Again, builds attraction and builds compliance.
Kudos!
What needed work
- you didn't approach the one giving you the eye sooner. Had you done so, you wouldn't have had to deal with a 2 set. 2 sets require you to engage both of them.
There are plenty of gambits here
1) how do you know each other,
- I bet your sisters,
- cousins,
- co-workers,
- lesbian lovers who happen to be strippers - lemme guess the cute one is the submissive one....
2) let's play a game, fuck marry kill
3) Obstacle, describe the target. Target, Describe the obstacle. (or vice versa)
4) play them off of each other, let them team up and see if they can beat you
But in all cases, you need both talking to you.
And as they talk, you're going to be getting information that's gonna percolate in your game brain that's going to give you signals about where to take the conversation.
If they're within you're extended social circle, you'll get another chance.
WIA