[bacon]

Quote:

My boyfriend of three years who makes over 100K per year,( his last bonus was 13K )and he owns his home, recently offered to let me move in. I am a recently unemployed sales rep, who on average when working makes high 40-mid 50K. My Boyfriend counter offers the move in with "you can pay the same that your paying now to your current roommate, I wouldn't ask you for anymore than that". I calmly said I would think it over, but feel just sick to my stomach. I feel any romance to the situation was out the window, we have spoke of children and getting married someday. Will he turn to me while I am in labor and say " Oh yeah, rents due!". I am not a girlfriend who just takes, for two whole years we went dutch and I still offer to pay and buy things with out being asked. Please also keep in mind I am recently unemployed, where is the helping hand here? OK YELPERS, LET ME HAVE IT...AM I WRONG TO FEEL THIS WAY?

http://www.yelp.com/topic/los-angeles-sh...ge-me-rent

[Onto]

I can understand how she feels, but she will then need to understand, "He who pays, has the say."

[Wadsworth]

Guys, she's currently umemployed. It's hard to find work with a women's studies degree with a minor in 18th century Japanese poetry, because of the patriarchy. So try to be more understanding. She should be able to live parasitically off her boyfriend, that's what boyfriends are for.

[emuelle1]

I learned from letting my ex-wife's family move in because of financial hardship to never, ever let somebody move into your house without laying down rules, expectations and financial arrangements. If you don't do this on the front end, you're in for a miserable ride.

At the very least, in cases of temporary charity, lay down an action plan for how it will end. When I started a job in another state, my friend let me stay with him temporarily. He did not charge me rent, but gave me 6 months to get on my feet and find another living situation. I was out in 5 months.

This guy probably needs to reconsider whether she is girlfriend material or not.

[Beyond Borders]

I'll play Devil's Advocate here.

She's right to question whether moving in is a bad idea or not. She clearly wants to be the stay-at-home mom and wifey for a successful guy - I see nothing wrong with that and would honestly prefer a more traditional relationship to having the wife and mother of my children out in the rat race while my kids were left to their own defenses, slowly being corrupted by American society. She wants the old-school woman's role. Cool. We should all be so lucky.

Her boyfriend, on the other hand, doesn't seem like he wants the same thing, or at least he doesn't yet. And there's nothing wrong with that either.

But I think she's doing the right thing by questioning her decision and the relationship in general, as they obviously have different ideas about where things are heading. Neither are wrong - just at different places in their lives. She just needs to have "the balls" to admit to him and herself what type of relationship she wants to have with him, get it out on the table, and stop seeking answers on the internet.

Then they can figure out what type of relationship they'll have moving forward, if they have one at all. Get that shit discussed and stop beating around the bush, I say. I sense the reason she hasn't is because the twisted ideal of what a woman should be in our society has her feeling guilty about her natural desires...which is a shame.

He's moving this chick in and she says he's talked with her about marriage and kids. That's something you do with someone you plan on wifing up and impregnating, not your live-in girlfriend. So shit or get off the pot, my man. Either choice is an honorable one.

[Cr33pin]

I charged my Girlfriend rent went she moved into my house at 18. She never had a job till we got together an I told her she needed one... she got two. She worked 2 jobs and went to college and cooked an cleaned at the house..... X amount of years later she is very responsible with money and paying bills. Also very good at cooking an keeping things clean an organized and such. I like to think I had a part in her turning out this way

[Beyond Borders]

(09-02-2013 10:30 AM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

I charged my Girlfriend rent went she moved into my house at 18. She never had a job till we got together an I told her she needed one... she got two. She worked 2 jobs and went to college and cooked an cleaned at the house..... X amount of years later she is very responsible with money and paying bills. Also very good at cooking an keeping things clean an organized and such. I like to think I had a part in her turning out this way

The right woman can really be an asset with keeping your money straight. Especially an Asian girl (not the bargirl kind though) - those bitches watch the expenses like a fucking hawk, especially if they come from a working class background.

[Tuthmosis]

Relationship game recognized.

[Tuthmosis]

Pics of the would-be freeloader. 2/10 Would Charge Rent to Move In.

   

   

   

[Beyond Borders]

(09-02-2013 11:06 AM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  

Pics of the would-be freeloader. 2/10 Would Charge Rent to Move In.

lol 2/10 would not move her in to begin with.

This is definitely no wifey material here...

[j r]

If people are going to live together as couple, then it makes sense that their contribution to rent and other expenses could be pro rated to what they make. However, this guy has the right idea. He is setting a precedent that he's not her meal ticket and she's already adjusting her expectations.

Traditional relationships (ie man pays for everything) are fine when that's what both parties agree to, but this chick is mad entitled just to assume that's what she gets for having boyfriend with a good salary. I believe the correct word is entitled.

[Beyond Borders]

(09-02-2013 11:38 AM)j r Wrote:  

However, this guy has the right idea. He is setting a precedent that he's not her meal ticket and she's already adjusting her expectations.

True. This is probably just part of his screening process.

[Basil Ransom]

Charging rent to a girlfriend who's unemployed is harsh. Plus, it depends on what he would've done without her. Was he going to rent out a room in his house if she didn't move in?

Here's how I'd do it:

• If she has a job, charge her a bit for rent - say, 50-75% of the cost of a 1BR that she would otherwise rent, or the cost of a single bedroom.
  
  If she doesn't have a job, give her a free stay until she does get a job. If I had enough money, I'd prefer she work on a craft of her own or volunteer for a good cause. If I didn't, I'd make it clear she needed to get a job.
  
  If she is the mother of my children, she's home rearing, schooling and feeding them. And feeding and fucking me to my heart's content.

[n0000]

Women in this country don't understand that in order to get what they want they need to offer guys something that he wants. A fisherman doesn't go fishing with no bait on his hook. If this girl consistently came over to his place, cooked him delicious food, cleaned his apartment and made herself a very positive, nurturing addition to his life the guy would most likely have no problem with letting her stay at his place rent free. Given recent cultural trends, the girl probably does not cook and is quite possibly messy. In order to compensate him for her lack of positive feminine attribute, he asks for money. This is a pretty reasonable position in my opinion. Because this girl is unemployed were she to move in she might end up lounging around the house all day, not cooking and not cleaning.

EDIT: Notice how she uses the "i have babies" card to justify her feelings about contributing to the upkeep of the house. I think this whole train of thought gives us insight into the reality that she is pretty worthless.

[Gold Doubloon]

(09-02-2013 11:06 AM)Tuthmosis Wrote:  

Pics of the would-be freeloader. 2/10 Would Charge Rent to Move In.

I find that body type attractive. Too bad the face and hair are such a big miss. And those bangs have to go

[emuelle1]

I don't think it's harsh to charge her rent. Perhaps give her a month or two to find a job, then start charging rent. And have the expectation up front when she moves in.

I love how she brings up his salary and her former salary without connecting them to any particular point. I can almost hear "Since he makes twice as much as me and is still employed, he should have to pay my way through the world." Their salaries are not relevant to the discussion.

[Basil Ransom]

(09-02-2013 12:32 PM)emuelle1 Wrote:  

Their salaries are not relevant to the discussion.

Of course they're relevant. If you're living large paying $5k a month in rent, you can't expect a girl making $40k to split the rent with you.

In this case, he already adjusted for that, by asking for what she would've paid for her own room with roommates.

[pants]

he owns the house.

he makes 100 000k å year

she's unemployed

I would let her stay for free until she gets a job, in the mean time have her do all the housework.

some of you guys are hard. I would question my feelings for this girl if I was thinking of rent in this situation.

[HeyPete]

I wonder how she would treat said guy if she was making $100K and he was unemployed and has had a ceiling of $40- to $50K? Hmmmmm.

[j r]

(09-02-2013 01:25 PM)pants Wrote:  

he owns the house.

he makes 100 000k å year

she's unemployed

I would let her stay for free until she gets a job, in the mean time have her do all the housework.

some of you guys are hard. I would question my feelings for this girl if I was thinking of rent in this situation.

This has nothing to do with feelings. Knowing that he owns the house and makes a good salary doesn't really tell us much. He still has probably has a mortgage. He has bills and utilities. He could have student loan debt. Even if he's got no debt and a mountain of savings, he didn't get that way by making foolish financial decisions.

A relationship is supposed to be a partnership, but some women treat it like early retirement.

[Gopher]

This guy should have never offered her to move in. Rent or not. I will never live with a woman that is not my wife. Made that mistake once...

[UrbanNerd]

And where are these folks located?

If it is the USA (or even North America), then that "traditional" setup of husband makes all the money and wife stays home is FAR TOO RISKY for the man. I don't consider it "lucky" that she wants to be the "stay-at-home" type. That also means that she can leave and take half WHENEVER she feels like it. So I agree to that she should contribute to the household. The more she makes, the less the he loses in a divorce.

His FIRST mistake was getting serious with a broke-azz chick anyway.

[Dusty]

What would she do if she didn't have a boyfriend? She'd have to pay rent somewhere, no? Or is she entitled to free rent, because, well because she's special. Or does she believe the BF should provide an in-kind contribution of free rent in exchange for sexual gratification? Isn't that prositution?

It would be a different story if they were married and had kids and she was the stay-at-home mom, but in this case, she seems like she wants to be pedestalized and get free rent just for being a girl.

[aphelion]

I'm absolutely blown away by the comments there on the Yelp page. Outright advocating that she start charging for sex, that he makes enough money and needs to start paying out for her, etc. Look at this cocksucker:

Robert "The Professional™" Z. says:
He should provide to you everything that you want.
Just for the honor of being in the same room with you.

This guy sounds like a real Golgo 13 professional killer with that attitude.

William O. says:
You DON"T have a relationship, you have an AGREEMENT to have sex. Two years going dutch??? I could see pitching in on utilities and groceries but help pay his mortgage??? If you don't see the signs to dump this zero then you can take the medicine you will get for the rest of your life.

$100k+/year, has his life together, and he's a zero? No wonder women have an entitlement culture about them - the men are giving it to them in spades.

The interesting thing about the situation is that financially, moving this girl in is a lateral financial move for her (and a giant risk for him to mitigate). The prevailing notion seems to be that moving her in should be a lateral financial move for HIM, not withstanding potential owner/tenant relationship issues, and that she should reap the full benefits of this more efficient arrangement of living spaces.

Whenever there is surplus to be found, the benefits should assuredly go to the woman.

If it had been the man in the relationship who was unemployed making $40-50k, and the woman was the bank VP, there wouldn't be a division in opinion - it would be a universal chorus of cries for this guy to pay his share of the rent (probably half, in fact), or for her to dump the loser. Frankly, I'd probably agree myself.

I have no qualms with this behavior in a healthy society. But men must needs shrug off the mantle of patriarchal provision and stop giving a damn about supporting a women when they find that double standards like these don't function where men and women are fundamentally equal rather than equitable. Otherwise they only pull the trigger on a 1-player game of Russian roulette.

[HeyPete]

[quote='aphelion' pid='525053' dateline='1378149298']
I'm absolutely blown away by the comments there on the Yelp page. Outright advocating that she start charging for sex, that he makes enough money and needs to start paying out for her, etc. Look at this cocksucker:

Robert "The Professional™" Z. says:
He should provide to you everything that you want.
Just for the honor of being in the same room with you.


I agree 100% with what you said, but I took the above comment as sarcasm. At least I hoped it was.