[Onto]

I'm just getting back into the mode of wanting a woman in my life after years of going my own way. I've lost 40 lbs and have been lifting weights again. I'm looking pretty good so I decided to go out and treat myself to a steak dinner and some wine.

After dinner and 3 glasses of wine I go for a stroll and walk into a pottery shop. I'm greeted by a girl who's probably in her mid-late 20's. I'm in good shape, wearing nice new clothes and a nice polo cap. I'm bald so I think I look younger when wearing a cap.

Anyways, we're chatting and she's smiling, we talk about how we both just moved to the area and I'm getting her to laugh a bit and I'm feeling pretty smooth. The entire time though, I feel though she wants to chat with me, she's concerned about the other customers. I ask her if she needs to attend to them but she says no. After about 10-15 mins of chatting I move to buy the coffee mug and after the transaction I ask what time they close. She says 9pm, and I say something like, "You're fun to chat with. Would you like to get together after work? Go for a walk, get a drink?" She pauses for a long time, thinking about it, and says, "I don't know, I have to work tomorrow", I say, "Come on, it will be fun I promise and you don't have to stay out late." She thinks for a while and eventually say "No, I'm sorry, I have to work tomorrow"

Right then I could've asked for her number but I'm like fuck that, I just gave this wench an opportunity to hang out with a great guy who has a lot to offer and she's not that pretty, maybe a 5 at best and has bad facial skin. I'm just going for it because she has a nice personality and I'm getting back into the game. So I told her that maybe I'll come back again if I like the mug and buy another one.

What I don't understand is how a sales girl can be so friendly and open, act like she's interested and then just say No.

I guess she was just doing her job?

I understand it's hard to analyze at a distance this scenario, but does anyone have any insight into what happened and why I didn't get her to say yes?

[eradicator]

(08-18-2013 06:58 AM)Onto Wrote:  

What I don't understand is how a sales girl can be so friendly and open, act like she's interested and then just say No.

Ive worked retail hell, it takes a lot out of you and when you finish for the day, a lot of the time you just want to go home and crash because you have to do it all over again the next day. The store closed at 9pm and she still had to clean up. (Assuming everything she said was true, and everything you said was true), she finishes at 930 and she has to wake up early because she has the morning shift the next day. You are trying to use bad logistics here.

I am not trying to say that you can't pick up women who are working a retail job. But yeah, if you had asked her number, and she was liking you, she probably would have given it to you and met you for drinks on a day she wasn't working.

Quote:

I guess she was just doing her job?

Probably. A huge part of retail is good customer service(being good at talking to people). She sounds like she genuinely liked you but the logistics were really bad for what you were trying to do.

[Onto]

Thanks MT, I see what you're saying. I hadn't thought of the logistics in that way.

[Frontenac]

It's tough because I've wanted to hang out with girls I've met at a store like that, but it's hard to tell if they are doing they're job or if they're actually flirting. I read a post which I think was in the approach thread by Giovanny who successfully gamed a girl who was working in a store he was shopping in. From what I remember, it was a long, drawn out process, probably because Gio wanted to make sure the girl was interested, and not just doing her job. That may be the key. Girls may also be more resistant to giving up a number on the job, maybe becuse they're with their coworkers, and they don't want to be look at as a slut. To fix this, you just need to isolate her from her coworkers. That way she can do what she wants without being judged. In my experience, this is nearly always essential for when you want to get a girls number and she's with people she knows.
I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it though. I'm starting out too, and rejection is indeed a bitch. But it's a learning process. Just keep trying new things, and when something works, keep doing it and improving.

[Que enspastic]

When I was a bartender at the club every girl believed I thought they were beautiful and amazing.

Every guy thought I was their best mate.

It's called good customer service.

The alternative is to never smile or laugh with customers and have them feel unwelcome.

[Que enspastic]

Good job though asking for the number. Always be closing. You've got the right attitude.

[Blaster]

(08-18-2013 06:58 AM)Onto Wrote:  

What I don't understand is how a sales girl can be so friendly and open, act like she's interested and then just say No.

I guess she was just doing her job?

I understand it's hard to analyze at a distance this scenario, but does anyone have any insight into what happened and why I didn't get her to say yes?

I'd guess she was enjoying the interaction and the attention, but not enough to commit any or energy to continuing that night.

It's possible that you could have done something more to inspire her to go out with you. You could have planted the seed of an idea earlier on ("there's this place I saw yesterday with beautiful views") and then instead of "hey do you want to go for a walk? or a drink?" you might have said "hey we should go check out that vista I mentioned earlier, what time do you get off work?" Basically give an air that you know what you're doing and have everything under control. She doesn't have to worry, you'll have her home before bedtime.

That would have been better game but still might not have worked. As master_thespian mentioned, it might be that logistics were just not in your favor and there was nothing you could have done. A number/future date would have been the best you could have gotten.

[Blaster]

(08-20-2013 07:28 AM)Frontenac Wrote:  

It's tough because I've wanted to hang out with girls I've met at a store like that, but it's hard to tell if they are doing they're job or if they're actually flirting.

Sometimes, the initial engagement can come from "just doing their job" but the continued interaction can simply be that your attention and conversation is more welcome than dealing with her bitchy co-workers and rude customers. The positive vibes she's sending out may be genuine but not necessarily serious flirtation.

Not that it changes the strategy much, just a slightly less cynical take.

[Christian McQueen]

I wouldn't suggest an Insta-Date when she's working.

Be a man who's busy and has plans that night even if your plans are eating Cheetohs and jerking off to Daisy Marie.

Good effort though and keep moving.

Lastly, always go for the number. Take your phone out, pull up the Contact Entry screen and hand it to her. If she's interested she WILL put it in. It's assertive, dominate and shows you're a man who gets what he wants.

Good luck.

[germanico]

No comment here. Just saying:

- Its good that you are out there. Keep going and you will get it.

- You made her think twice. It might not mean that you will get HER, but it means that you are a man that is attractive to girls still in their 20´s. Thats not something that is very common (although it might not seem like so on this forum. Keep in mind that guys in here are above average.)

- Dont take it personal. Ypu have a lot of value, but the value that you offer might not be what she is looking for. Some people like steak, some people like ramen. Some want steak but they can only afford ramen. Sometimes you are just too much for them.

Or perhaps she likes you, but just 5 minutes before she met you she talked to her simp exboyfriend and she decided in her fantasy prone female mind that she deserves to "be happy" and "give him a second chance"... you never know. Perhaps she fucked a random guy the night before and decided she doesnt wants to be "that" girl and rejects you even though she desires you. Never take it personal, as you say, its her loss.

[sixsix]

(08-18-2013 06:58 AM)Onto Wrote:  

I'm just getting back into the mode of wanting a woman in my life after years of going my own way. I've lost 40 lbs and have been lifting weights again. I'm looking pretty good so I decided to go out and treat myself to a steak dinner and some wine.

Good start. Instead of eating by yourself at home, you go out and create opportunities. Nothing might happen, or something might happen, you never know.

Quote:

After dinner and 3 glasses of wine I go for a stroll and walk into a pottery shop. I'm greeted by a girl who's probably in her mid-late 20's. I'm 42, but in good shape, wearing nice new clothes and a nice polo cap. I'm bald so I think I look younger when wearing a cap.

"I'm 42, AND in good shape [...]"
Being in good shape is a positive thing, and you saying but frames you being 42 as a negative. It isn't. When a man is 42 years old, he's a man in his prime. This sounds insignificant, but such small details are signs of your mental frame, your inner game. And in return they reinforce how you think about yourself. Try becoming conscious about it.

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Anyways, we're chatting and she's smiling, we talk about how we both just moved to the area and I'm getting her to laugh a bit and I'm feeling pretty smooth. The entire time though, I feel though she wants to chat with me, she's concerned about the other customers. I ask her if she needs to attend to them but she says no.

Naturally she seems concerned with the customers: she's working! What kind of girl wouldn't? Even I am aware of other people when I'm chatting girls up when I am at work and I'm mostly at work to chat up girls.

I tell them to wait for a minute, help the other people, and return (doing my job AND have her invest). Your girl didn't even attend the other customers, so that is a major sign of being into you. Score!

Quote:

After about 10-15 mins of chatting I move to buy the coffee mug and after the transaction I ask what time they close. She says 9pm, and I say something like, "You're fun to chat with. Would you like to get together after work? Go for a walk, get a drink?" She pauses for a long time, thinking about it, and says, "I don't know, I have to work tomorrow", I say, "Come on, it will be fun I promise and you don't have to stay out late." She thinks for a while and eventually say "No, I'm sorry, I have to work tomorrow"

I'm repeating the others here: Next time get that number and say you'll contact her.

Comments on the lines you did use this time: "Go for a walk" sounds old and dusty. "Let's get hella fucked up!" It would've been smoother if you'd kept it at "Hey I had fun chatting with you, wanna get a drink after your shift."

When denied: "No? Okay, put your number in my phone and I'll contact you later."

Denied again: "Okay, nice chatting with you. Ciao." On to the next ones, WITH a new experience.

Try to avoid the bargaining ("Aww come on, pretty please, I promise I will make it fun for you"). Instead, the frame is that you were entertained by her and that's why you'd like to extend that interaction with her. That should be subtextual of course, don't literally tell her she's been a proper dancing monkey for Da King.

Quote:

Right then I could've asked for her number but I'm like fuck that, I just gave this wench an opportunity to hang out with a great guy who has a lot to offer and she's not that pretty, maybe a 5 at best and has bad facial skin. I'm just going for it because she has a nice personality and I'm getting back into the game. So I told her that maybe I'll come back again if I like the mug and buy another one.

Don't get bitter.

If you would've hungout with her: don't trash talk her when she rejects your offer (Note: the offer, not you).
If you'd trash talk her: don't ask her out.
She's either good enough or she isn't, and that's independent from how she reacts to your moves. Don't see this as a rejection of you. See this as feedback on your game strategies. She can't reject you as she doesn't know you, she only knows your presentation.

Quote:

What I don't understand is how a sales girl can be so friendly and open, act like she's interested and then just say No.

BECAUSE she is a sales girl. She needs to sell things (and she did, haha).

Quote:

I guess she was just doing her job?

Yes, but so is every sales girl that IS gamed successfully. She starts off being friendly because she's at work and has to sell stuff. But with good game you can easily shift into attraction mode. It's a good thing she has to be friendly, as it opens the door.

Quote:

I understand it's hard to analyze at a distance this scenario, but does anyone have any insight into what happened and why I didn't get her to say yes?

In conclusion: You can tweak your game, and more importantly your frame. But I think you were on the right track.

Had you told her to enter her phone number, I suspect you would have succeeded. That means she didn't say yes because of the wrong offer at the wrong time.

Good job though and keep it up!