[Clyde]

I'm over 30. I relocated to a new area. I'm a shy person. I grew up in a large family. So I think this may have stunted my social development.

I just seem to have a hard time making friends with other males. I honestly have an easier time talking to women. I have a GF now. But she has asked me why don't I have any best friends. My best friend is my Brother.

I can totally relate to the movie "I love you man." When I am around other guys. They seem to act as if I want something from them. Or I have an Ass Light blinking on top of my head. I don't get it.

What can I do to get over this social hump?

[Mrs. Chocolate]

Do you like cars? toy airplanes? You can enter in a car club (if you own a i30, the i30 car club, for example). Very common in BR, I don't know in US.
Start to go to the gym and pratice MMA or a team sport, like baseball, american football, wherever you like, but try activities that forces you to interact/depend on others. You will be fit, and know new people.
Or, start to know better your brother's friends and expand you social circle from there and inviting them out without your brother help.

[Caramel Communist]

(09-14-2010 02:40 PM)Clyde Wrote:  

I'm over 30. I relocated to a new area. I'm a shy person. I grew up in a large family. So I think this may have stunted my social development.

I just seem to have a hard time making friends with other males. I honestly have an easier time talking to women. I have a GF now. But she has asked me why don't I have any best friends. My best friend is my Brother.

I can totally relate to the movie "I love you man." When I am around other guys. They seem to act as if I want something from them. Or I have an Ass Light blinking on top of my head. I don't get it.

What can I do to get over this social hump?

interesting....

[ames]

Troll.

[speakeasy]

Maybe you were picked on by guys as a kid or something. If it's something psychological deep down, might want to get to the bottom of it. Or you could be somewhat effeminate(yet totally straight). But maybe it's just a matter of personal preference and you like the company of women better. To each his own. I like have a balance of male and female friends, though I can't be around too many girls at once as they tend to talk about shit I have no interest in like the latest thing Lady Gaga did or whatever.

[Mrs. Chocolate]

I have a Lady Gaga Platform Heels... Very dramatic...! haahuaauha no, kidding. My biggest heels are 13.5 cm.

[zanetti]

(09-14-2010 02:40 PM)Clyde Wrote:  

I'm over 30. I relocated to a new area. I'm a shy person. I grew up in a large family. So I think this may have stunted my social development.

I just seem to have a hard time making friends with other males. I honestly have an easier time talking to women. I have a GF now. But she has asked me why don't I have any best friends. My best friend is my Brother.

I can totally relate to the movie "I love you man." When I am around other guys. They seem to act as if I want something from them. Or I have an Ass Light blinking on top of my head. I don't get it.

What can I do to get over this social hump?

i think the issue you have with this may be partly caused by the hollywood fairytale projection of how male friends are supposed to get along with each other, help each other out when one friend is going through a bad patch, always be there for one another etc, like in the show "Friends"

when you look at reality, if anything, the opposite is often the case. in groups of male friends you normally see one or two dominant guys and the rest are just followers who often aren't respected, get pushed around, lend money to others and don't get it back etc; even though these guys may have been "friends" for a long time, they don't have any problem talking shit about each other behind people's backs, cutting each other down when it comes to achievements (girls) or who the coolest/toughest is

i like what the other guy said about taking up a sport or hobby which will automatically will put you around other guys who you'll then have smth in common with

[Quasi]

I talk to alot of guys in my gymn.. I even got acquaintances in here, real friends are another issue.. I have cut more pseudofriends out of my life than I have gotten new these years.. but I have an open attitude towards developing a common ground in enjoying the world, with guys I like. Its also very culture based.. here if you come on to ppl trying to be friends you will be deemed creepy and strange.. and get the " no no" sign on you.. we danish ppl like to talk to ppl, but dont invite them home etc.. do stuff private.. most bonds are formed during high school, from there, its a rare thing to get a new friend..

[Badstuber]

(09-15-2010 06:45 AM)Quasi Wrote:  

I talk to alot of guys in my gymn.. I even got acquaintances in here, real friends are another issue.. I have cut more pseudofriends out of my life than I have gotten new these years.. but I have an open attitude towards developing a common ground in enjoying the world, with guys I like. Its also very culture based.. here if you come on to ppl trying to be friends you will be deemed creepy and strange.. and get the " no no" sign on you.. we danish ppl like to talk to ppl, but dont invite them home etc.. do stuff private.. most bonds are formed during high school, from there, its a rare thing to get a new friend..

Same stuff here in Hollanda.

People here are closed as hell, very formal.

[Ben Kenobi]

Clyde--I'd recommend you try and use some hobbies and interests you have to meet people, as a previous poster commented. Join a club or something based around your interests. Another would be to seek out any guys at work to see if you have a common bond. Could start out as simple as getting together to watch a football game on Sunday afternoon. Join a gym and strike up friendly conversations with people there. After time you could find shared interests. Finally, you could try and meet some of your girlfriend's girlfriends' boyfriends or husbands. I think often times married dudes will be happy to find another guy to share interests with to get away from their wives' henpecking.

Just don't act too interested. Much like picking up girls, you could come off as too desperate and then guys will wonder what's wrong with you.

[speakeasy]

At this age(30+), it's VERY hard to make genuine new friends. It wouldn't be hard to find new activity partners based around hobbies or mutual interests there are sites like meetup.com that help people connect with those that share hobbies, but most those relationships will only last as long as the common activities last and there probably won't be any lasting bond.

Something happens to people as they get older that makes it harder to bond to new friends. That's why all my close friends are friends I've had since I was a teenager. I've met lots of new people since then, but they never become any closer than acquaintances or people I may share some activity with, but our whole relationship tends to be based upon doing that one thing such as say hiking or mountain biking, but if that's not there, we don't really talk outside of that environment.

I've seen it happen, so it's not impossible, I just think it takes way more dedication than it would have taken if you'd been teenagers. You sort of have to have that "we're in this thing together for the bad or good" spirit that comes with close friends. By the time people are in their 30s, they have their careers, often spouses/SOs or kids and the energy to bond with others like that isn't what it used to be.

[Clyde]

(09-14-2010 04:49 PM)Mrs. Chocolate Wrote:  

Do you like cars? toy airplanes? You can enter in a car club (if you own a i30, the i30 car club, for example). Very common in BR, I don't know in US.
Start to go to the gym and pratice MMA or a team sport, like baseball, american football, wherever you like, but try activities that forces you to interact/depend on others. You will be fit, and know new people.
Or, start to know better your brother's friends and expand you social circle from there and inviting them out without your brother help.

Thanks for your response.

[Clyde]

I really appreciate the responses. The gist I get out of it is I have to be proactive but realistic. I do believe that the Hollywood Ideal has affected my expectations.

[Ben Kenobi]

(09-15-2010 05:38 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

At this age(30+), it's VERY hard to make genuine new friends. It wouldn't be hard to find new activity partners based around hobbies or mutual interests there are sites like meetup.com that help people connect with those that share hobbies, but most those relationships will only last as long as the common activities last and there probably won't be any lasting bond.

Something happens to people as they get older that makes it harder to bond to new friends. That's why all my close friends are friends I've had since I was a teenager. I've met lots of new people since then, but they never become any closer than acquaintances or people I may share some activity with, but our whole relationship tends to be based upon doing that one thing such as say hiking or mountain biking, but if that's not there, we don't really talk outside of that environment.

I've seen it happen, so it's not impossible, I just think it takes way more dedication than it would have taken if you'd been teenagers. You sort of have to have that "we're in this thing together for the bad or good" spirit that comes with close friends. By the time people are in their 30s, they have their careers, often spouses/SOs or kids and the energy to bond with others like that isn't what it used to be.

While I tend to see the same thing, I would note one exception that I was part of recently and that was business school. I'm 29 and just finished business school and over that time period I made some life long best friends between the ages of 25-35. Grad school may be unique in that regard, that it almost lets people go back to their college years and recreate the bonds that you tend to form then.

[IshGibbor]

(09-21-2010 11:45 AM)Ben Kenobi Wrote:  

(09-15-2010 05:38 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

At this age(30+), it's VERY hard to make genuine new friends. It wouldn't be hard to find new activity partners based around hobbies or mutual interests there are sites like meetup.com that help people connect with those that share hobbies, but most those relationships will only last as long as the common activities last and there probably won't be any lasting bond.

Something happens to people as they get older that makes it harder to bond to new friends. That's why all my close friends are friends I've had since I was a teenager. I've met lots of new people since then, but they never become any closer than acquaintances or people I may share some activity with, but our whole relationship tends to be based upon doing that one thing such as say hiking or mountain biking, but if that's not there, we don't really talk outside of that environment.

I've seen it happen, so it's not impossible, I just think it takes way more dedication than it would have taken if you'd been teenagers. You sort of have to have that "we're in this thing together for the bad or good" spirit that comes with close friends. By the time people are in their 30s, they have their careers, often spouses/SOs or kids and the energy to bond with others like that isn't what it used to be.

While I tend to see the same thing, I would note one exception that I was part of recently and that was business school. I'm 29 and just finished business school and over that time period I made some life long best friends between the ages of 25-35. Grad school may be unique in that regard, that it almost lets people go back to their college years and recreate the bonds that you tend to form then.

Agreed

One of my motivations to go to graduate school aside from increasing my salary is to create good friendships and going to school fosters that.

[Mrs. Chocolate]

(09-15-2010 05:38 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

At this age(30+), it's VERY hard to make genuine new friends. It wouldn't be hard to find new activity partners based around hobbies or mutual interests there are sites like meetup.com that help people connect with those that share hobbies, but most those relationships will only last as long as the common activities last and there probably won't be any lasting bond.

Something happens to people as they get older that makes it harder to bond to new friends. That's why all my close friends are friends I've had since I was a teenager. I've met lots of new people since then, but they never become any closer than acquaintances or people I may share some activity with, but our whole relationship tends to be based upon doing that one thing such as say hiking or mountain biking, but if that's not there, we don't really talk outside of that environment.

I've seen it happen, so it's not impossible, I just think it takes way more dedication than it would have taken if you'd been teenagers. You sort of have to have that "we're in this thing together for the bad or good" spirit that comes with close friends. By the time people are in their 30s, they have their careers, often spouses/SOs or kids and the energy to bond with others like that isn't what it used to be.

I'm aware that create real bonds is harder by the time we get older, but still better than stay at home watching the life going by.

[whosyourdaddy]

Jeez, you've practically got the world's biggest resource for male pals right here. And every guy here wants to get laid and has that in common. Join your local PUA chapter. Tons of potential wings and new pals. Go to some PUA summit or boot camp and you'll meet plenty more. Most have the opposite problem. Too many male friends, not enough females in their life.