[rivelino]

after three years, i am improving in a lot of areas of game and pickup, inner game, outer game, etc etc. but i still talk way too fast. it's just a dead giveaway for my nervousness and insecurities. the best advice i heard was to "slow down my energy", and i try to think about that, but in the moment, i know i still talk too fast. i am going to start recording myself on approaches -- actually i already started, but my system kinda sucks -- so apart from those two tips, have you found any good tips or advice?

thanks.

[soup]

The best one that I've found is to repeat the last word the girl says in your head before speaking.

This gives a perfect pause and she can tell you are listening to her.

I used to count 2 seconds, but I think the last word thing is better.

----

As far as yourself.. make sure you can hear yourself speak. You ever tried recording your voice or video tape yourself and then watch or listen to it and be like.. "that's me?"

You have to listen to yourself as you are talking instead of focusing on the other people. The more you listen to yourself and put your mental focus on your body (mostly on your center or crotch).

Can you hear yourself when you speak?

[scorpion]

The best way is to consciously force yourself to talk slower, to the point where you think to yourself, "I am talking too slowly, this sounds weird."

If you think it sounds too slow (being used to hearing yourself talk much faster), that means you're talking at the right speed.

[Tuthmosis]

1. Record yourself every day speaking at a pace that you would like to achieve (not on approaches, alone, at home).
2. Listen to yourself.
3. You'll slow down within a month.

The same goes for accent elimination, overuse of space fillers, and a variety of other speech ticks.

/thread.

[WestCoast]

^ correct.

[aphelion]

This probably sounds a little beta, but watch Roosh's videos and listen to his pace and diction. It's surprisingly effective.

[Checkmat]

One thing that helped me with clarity and pace, was to pretend I was talking to the person over a radio. When you talk on radios you naturally tend to enunciate better because the person can't see your body language. So you voice has to carry more meaning. Also, when you're on a radio it's generally because you're doing something like construction, trucking, etc so you tend to pay attention more to your words. In your mind, just pretend that the person you're talking to can't see you and every sentence you're saying is very important. You won't glossoveryourself or stringwordstogether because you'll be speaking clearer.

[horn]

Yes, agree with all the above. I make sure to enunciate better so I speak more slowly.

[MidniteSpecial]

Smoke a lot Of weed. Breathe. Take your time in everything. Mornings are crucial. Don't rush. They can't start without you.

[Kabal]

Easier said than done, but think about each word very carefully. Your voice will slow down naturally. This is especially difficult when you are intoxicated or excited.

I noticed my voice is much slower and even deeper when I'm on client calls reviewing/explaining/defending quantitative analyses.

I ruminate each word very meticulously to:
1. Make sure I don't accidentally curse as I am wont to do in casual conversation
2. Make sure I don't say something that, while superficially plausible, actually conveys the incorrect nuance (like accidentally saying "standard deviation" instead of "standard error," or "default probability" instead of "log-odds of default probability").

Ironically this makes me sound more confident, when I am really just being neurotic.

[rivelino]

(07-12-2013 04:03 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  

One thing that helped me with clarity and pace, was to pretend I was talking to the person over a radio. When you talk on radios you naturally tend to enunciate better because the person can't see your body language. So you voice has to carry more meaning. Also, when you're on a radio it's generally because you're doing something like construction, trucking, etc so you tend to pay attention more to your words. In your mind, just pretend that the person you're talking to can't see you and every sentence you're saying is very important. You won't glossoveryourself or stringwordstogether because you'll be speaking clearer.

this is probably my favorite suggestion. i actually had a similar insight -- which i had forgotten about -- which was pretend that english wasn't their first language, because i have actually had that issue, speaking with spanish girls who wanted to speak in english (i speak spanish) but who didn't speak english very well, so i had to go slow.

i also record myself, but not every day, i should do that, every day. what happens is just that i think fast, and also get nervous, i don't like attention on me, so i speed up.

but i think really imagining that they don't speak english well, i think that is the best one for me, or on a long distance call.

love that, thanks everybody.

[Que enspastic]

i like roosh's pace.

[MikeCF]

Are you talking slow because you're nervous or because you're smart.

I think fast, I type fast, and I talk fast.

For me, slowing down only happened after learning how to turn off my brain.

That said, a simple exercise to slow down your pace is to read aloud. Clearly enunciate every word. Talk slow enough that you don't run out of breath. Speak in calm, measured sentences.

Hell, if I were you, then read 3-5 pages as a "warm-up" before going on to get you into the groove/pace of talking slowly.

[soup]

(07-13-2013 05:38 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  

Are you talking slow because you're nervous or because you're smart.

I think fast, I type fast, and I talk fast.

For me, slowing down only happened after learning how to turn off my brain.

That said, a simple exercise to slow down your pace is to read aloud. Clearly enunciate every word. Talk slow enough that you don't run out of breath. Speak in calm, measured sentences.

Hell, if I were you, then read 3-5 pages as a "warm-up" before going on to get you into the groove/pace of talking slowly.

That's funny because I imagined that you talked slowly.

[MikeCF]

(07-13-2013 05:53 PM)soup Wrote:  

That's funny because I imagined that you talked slowly.

I do now.

But I had to get rid of a lot of habits developed from living a life of the mind and having intellectual friends.

I would have guys over my place at 2 a.m. drinking espresso and talkign the nature of existence.

Guys who talk philosophy at the coffee shop all have really intense gazes, focus intently, and talk really quickly.

All of those things come off as creepy or beta to women, as it shows too much interest.

[soup]

(07-13-2013 05:56 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  

(07-13-2013 05:53 PM)soup Wrote:  

That's funny because I imagined that you talked slowly.

I do now.

But I had to get rid of a lot of habits developed from living a life of the mind and having intellectual friends.

I would have guys over my place at 2 a.m. drinking espresso and talkign the nature of existence.

Guys who talk philosophy at the coffee shop all have really intense gazes, focus intently, and talk really quickly.

All of those things come off as creepy or beta to women, as it shows too much interest.

Girls often tell me I have intense gaze. Good or bad?

[MikeCF]

(07-13-2013 05:59 PM)soup Wrote:  

Girls often tell me I have intense gaze. Good or bad?

Depends. Are you fucking these girls? If so, good. If not, bad.

A lot of people (guys and girls) said my eyes look like Christian Bale in American Psycho. One guy was reading a book on eye contact and wanted to use me to help him do the exercises. He couldn't do it as my eyes freaked him out.

So that can come off as disturbed or mysterious.

If your gaze is intense, you can't hold it for too long and you need to "look off into the sunset" during your conversations.

That creates a "Still waters run deep" vibe rather than a, "He's going to chain me up in his basement" one.

You can also use your eyes to punish girls. When she says something dumb, that's why you look her in the eyes for 1-2 seconds, hold the gaze, say nothing, and then look away at a 45 degree angle.

She'll be all, "What? What?"

[horn]

Looking at a girl's eyes when she says something disgustingly stupid and then averting your glance is a clutch move. Usually I just look at the bartender - whether he's paying attention or not.

[Valhalla]

What's wrong with talking fast?

[thebassist]

Actually, what helped me a lot was travelling.

I found that my speech is slowing down noticeably now that I'm talking to a lot more people whose first language isn't english.

When you're travelling, you're forced to speak more slowly in order to be understood, and as a result, I tend to enunciate much better, speak more slowly, confidently, and avoid overly long words.

[VincentVinturi]

It helps to have a vocal role model you can emulate. In the seduction community, Ross Jeffries has a really great voice.

Personally, I learned a lot about speaking (and silence) from Osho. This man knew how to keep people totally rapt in attention.

[rivelino]

great stuff mikeCF, thanks.

yeah for me, my brain goes really fast, but i also get nervous and don't like being in the spotlight.

i am working on both getting outside my head and relishing the spotlight.

[rivelino]

also, love that stuff about punishing her with my eyes, looking away sharply at 45 degree. first time i hear about it, although it makes complete sense, the same kind of thing i would do to anyone else.

[MikeCF]

(07-15-2013 03:21 PM)rivelino Wrote:  

great stuff mikeCF, thanks.

yeah for me, my brain goes really fast, but i also get nervous and don't like being in the spotlight.

i am working on both getting outside my head and relishing the spotlight.

You are not in the spot light.

It feels that way. It feels like when you hit a up girl on a bus that everyone starts watching and that people are going to start laughing if your pick-up fails.

It's just you and her, man.

Get into the zone. You're just two people having a normal, adult conversation. That's all "pick up" is.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

On the old "Beverly Hills 90210" from the '90s, Dylan used to talk slowly, almost haltingly. He'd take weird pauses. You could watch some episodes of that and try to absorb.

You also might want to stay away from "Big Bang Theory" or old "Seinfelds" or any other show where they talk a mile-a-minute. Clever does not always translate to cool.