[DiorHomme]

I've noticed there can be a bit of a difference in having a cool personality vs being confident. Sure, a lot of guys may try to exaggerate confidence, but it doesn't always come across natural. Some very naturally confident guys can also come across very stoic, and boring.

It's possible for a guy to be confident, and not really "cool". Or to be "cool", and not really confident.

Obviously, it's best to have both, but which matters more?

Can the "cool" guy become "confident" before the "confident" guy becomes "cool"?

[All or Nothing]

(06-19-2013 11:37 PM)DiorHomme Wrote:  

I've noticed there can be a bit of a difference in having a cool personality vs being confident. Sure, a lot of guys may try to exaggerate confidence, but it doesn't always come across natural. Some very naturally confident guys can also come across very stoic, and boring.

It's possible for a guy to be confident, and not really "cool". Or to be "cool", and not really confident.

Obviously, it's best to have both, but which matters more?

Can the "cool" guy become "confident" before the "confident" guy becomes "cool"?

They are the same to me.

A cool guy is a guy who can: hold strong eye contact, strong smile and can hold interesting conversation.
A confident guy is a guy who can: hold strong eye contact, strong smile and can hold interesting conversation.

When it comes to talking to people, what else matters?

[Architekt]

The cool guy is usually cool because he's confident and adventurous. The confident guy that isn't cool, usually just sticks to what he knows and does well, without venturing into other areas. He'll remain interesting within those areas, but he'll have a much narrower spectrum of access to other people; ie; less likely to become a stupidly popular cool dude.

That said, confidence is hard to build. Something I told one of my friends the other day just popped into my head though:

"Confidence is nothing, just fucking do it anyway"

The cool guy is going to get a lot more opportunities to do whatever he wants, even if he isn't confident, simply because he's, more often than the other guy, in the right place at the right time.

[DiorHomme]

Some good input here.

I think I meant more in terms of personality, specifically.

It's possible to be cool and not that confident, or confident and not that cool (although a confident guy will always at least be somewhat cool and vice versa). Literally, that girl in high school/college that got away can affect your confidence years beyond. I think it's possible to project a confident persona, but not as confident as you could be, had you gotten the woman/women you really wanted in your younger days. Most guys who were players in high school are confident, even as fat middle-aged men.

I think for this reason, some guys do turn to the player lifestyle later in life. Can be a bit of a retroactive thing.

[Dulceácido]

The two terms are neither mutually exclusive nor dependent. They just seem to co-exist in the same individuals because one feeds on the other.

A dude that sells fruit my have oranges one day and the next day only have apples. He's still selling fruit and is still a fruit salesman.

Where are you guys coming up with these topics??? Have you guys read the Newbie Forum? Studied it? Applied it? Have you tried 100+ approaches.

I'm not baggin' on you (too much), but things like this become clear with time and effort--more with effort than time. Hit the pavement and put in the ground work and questions like this will no longer be necessary--unless, of course, you are REALLY digging deep into game, in which case, your initial observance would need an insurmountable number of qualifiers to make sense to a player.

Confidence is cool; there's no doubt. Being "cool" does not necessarily mean the person is confident (as you have already pointed out). You will strike the right balance of both once you make a gang of approaches and figure out what works for you--as an individual, because it is different for us all.

The more groundwork you put in, the more confident you will become. By default (since we've already established that confidence is cool), the cooler you will be.

Use your heads.

[little wing]

Don't over think it, just go out and approach

[Dulceácido]

Word.

[DiorHomme]

I consider myself "cool" above confident.

Confident as well, although it's something I sort of had to develop, but I always had an understanding of "cool". I knew as a kid that Jean Claude Van Damme had more appeal to ladies than Tom Hanks for example.

I don't think "cool" can be learned. Sort of a nature vs nurture thing I guess.

[soup]

Why are these things mutually exclusive?

[DiorHomme]

They aren't. Most "cool" guys are confident, and vice versa.

A lot of confident guys are also extremely stoic, and a bit rough around the edges.

For instance, I've known some cool guys who were beta, just from not having an alpha confidence, but had a cooler personality than most alphas.

[soup]

newbie thread

[Dulceácido]

Umm... You just said what I just said, except you went like this... **head nod**

"No. I said what you said, but I went like this..." **head tilt**

[godofwar]

being COOL is about not giving a fuck, it's about having your own style and not caring about what other people think. it's not being afraid to be a dick, or a douchebag.

being CONFIDENT is about giving a fuck, it's about being able to take care of business. it's about being capable to do shit yourself and make people do shit in the world as a result of your will.


they both can be mastered alone, or together. i think young guys should focus on cool, older guys confident. ideally, both for both groups. but young guys can get away with not actually having to get shit done in the world. and old guys can get away with following the norms and caring what people think.

think johhny depp vs. tom brady

[WestIndianArchie]

I've been mulling this around for a bit.

Confident - that's something that's typically domain specific, and you can generate it yourself by trying shit and being successful time and time again.

Cool?
- cool to talk to?
- cool under fire/under pressure?

Those things don't capture cool to me.

Cool is the guy that dunks with style.
Cool is the guy that looks awesome, but doesn't look like he's wearing nothing but labels.
Things that look hard that seem to be done with no effort.

Indeed, when people try to be cool, we call them try hards. The whole point of cool (especially historically) was that it wasn't manufactured.

It's an intangible thing, but in my view, it's the sort of thing other people say about you - not something you work on, like you're at the gym.

It's different than fame, or power - both things that you can develop.

Cool - it's so ephemeral that something that is cool now, can just stop being cool. Maybe it'll resurge as classic, but cool isn't necessarily something with staying power, although it can...

So to answer your question.

A confident guy can't make himself cool.

A cool guy that somehow lacks confidence, can develop the confidence- but it may alter other's perception of him.

If I had to choose one over another, I'd take confident 99 times out of 100.
You can fake confidence until you get some legit experience under your belt to build real confidence.

Faking cool? Good luck.

WIA

[Parlay44]

Confident is how you act. Cool is how you react.