[little wing]

Hey guys, I thought I'd share a bit of my current situation and maybe someone who has been through the same can help me.

The problem is, I don't feel any emotions.
I'm depressed quite often and very apathetic.
I tried changing all the stuff in my life that I can change but it doesn't make me feel better. The things that make me feel down are the few things I cannot change, however much I want to.
Life feels meaningless. I feel tired, sort of thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. Life is trivial, nothing seems to give me pleasure anymore.

Ever since I was a kid I never felt any great attachment to anything. I remember when my grandpa died when I was 7 and I didn’t feel sad or guilty or any other emotions that people would experience. I knew how other people felt and tried to emulate it but I never truly experienced those by myself. Everybody was crying during the funeral and I just stood there not knowing what to do. During football I never got passionate about the game, I just went through the motions, when my team won big games I didn’t truly feel happy, when we lost heartbreakers I just felt well nothing. Same with golf, playing well and winning tournaments didn't make me happy either. I don’t feel happy when I’m around friends or bang hot girls. I don’t feel amazed by the amazing environment around me. I only see what everyone around me feels and say “well in that situation I should feel this so I pretended to feel that”. I feel like I am watching my life. It’s right there. And I keep scratching at it, trying to get into it and I just can’t.

The whole human experience is about feeling emotions and learning them and mastering them. Right now I’m feeling like I don’t belong here, like my life is pointless if I don’t feel anything.
From an objective point of view, I've got everything in life going for me.
I excel academically, have many friends, I'm good with people and girls, I am good looking and by having a good education I am better off than probably 70% of the rest of the world. But I just can't seem to value these things, it's difficult to value things you didn't have to do without at some point in your life.

I watch all these other people. Classmates, friends, strangers. How they are happy about all those little things. How they take pictures of their food and post it on Instagram to get some likes.
How they post stupid self pics on Facebook, gossiping about other people, talking about the newest clothes they bought. All that stuff doesn't interest me.

There's a quote from Dexter which pretty much sums up how I feel and it goes like this:"People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well, that's my burden, I guess"

[blackglasses]

Aspergers or you're a sociopath. I could be either. I don't feel anything towards other people so I seem pretty cold. Also I go through frustrating depression but then I have times of mania where I feel like a king.

My advice is to consult a pro. Living without emotion is empty. I only can be satisfied but a fresh buzz. if you don't feel empathy, that is a symptom of being a sociopath. it's not bad it's just people are different and can't connect. At the same time you are forced to wear a mask.

Read: sociopath next door

[Virtus]

so you're out of touch as they used to say back inthe day. you might have aspergers, or you may have a mild form of depression. http://www.reddit.com/r/depression but at the end of the day all you have is a chemical imbalance in your brain where your brain does not make enought dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and other neurotransmitters and neuromodulators. may I suggest looking here for ways to jumpstart secretion

http://tinyurl.com/ljsshzt

this is a collection of the hive pop knowledge onbrain stuff

[little wing]

I don't think I have Asperger's.
I make friends very quickly, people like me and I have no problem with empathy. I have no problems with reading facial expressions either. It's just that I seem to care about nothing.

[thegmanifesto]

Maybe travel?

Getting out of your comfort zone may jar some things loose.

[little wing]

I'd love to travel but I'm 17 and still in school.
I can't just up and leave and backpack through Europe right now

[The Patriarch]

little wing Wrote:

I remember when my grandpa died when I was 7 and I didn’t feel sad or guilty or any other emotions that people would experience

Read L'Etranger by Camus.

http://www.macobo.com/essays/epdf/CAMUS,...ranger.pdf

[thegmanifesto]

(06-03-2013 10:51 AM)little wing Wrote:  

I'd love to travel but I'm 17 and still in school.
I can't just up and leave and backpack through Europe right now

Ok, that gives a little more insight.

Isn't school almost done?

Why not travel this summer?

It could be as simple as loading up your car and heading to New Orleans or something.

If Bourbon Street doesn't jar some emotion out of you, then we will figure out the next step.

Or maybe drive to Canada or Mexico.

[little wing]

(06-03-2013 10:56 AM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

(06-03-2013 10:51 AM)little wing Wrote:  

I'd love to travel but I'm 17 and still in school.
I can't just up and leave and backpack through Europe right now

Ok, that gives a little more insight.

Isn't school almost done?

Why not travel this summer?

It could be as simple as loading up your car and heading to New Orleans or something.

If Bourbon Street doesn't jar some emotion out of you, then we will figure out the next step.

Or maybe drive to Canada or Mexico.

I live in Europe, here we don't get the driving license at 16 but I will try to do something worthwhile this summer.
It seems like ever since my father committed suicide 3 years ago everything has gone to shit.
My mum has become an alcoholic and my father gambled away all our money before his death.
I feel like a pussy too, complaining about my life when there are so many people struggling to survive

[The Patriarch]

(06-03-2013 10:59 AM)little wing Wrote:  

It seems like ever since my father committed suicide 3 years ago everything has gone to shit. My mum has become an alcoholic and my father gambled away all our money before his death.

Don't go all over the map. You said it you've been that way for at least 10 years. Yet you are also social and popular. And what's up with the claim that you are better off looks/education-wise than "70% of the rest of the world". At 17? Really?

[little wing]

(06-03-2013 11:12 AM)The Patriarch Wrote:  

(06-03-2013 10:59 AM)little wing Wrote:  

It seems like ever since my father committed suicide 3 years ago everything has gone to shit. My mum has become an alcoholic and my father gambled away all our money before his death.

Don't go all over the map. You said it you've been that way for at least 10 years. Yet you are also social and popular. And what's up with the claim that you are better off looks/education-wise than "70% of the rest of the world". At 17? Really?

I mean by having something to eat, a bed to sleep and chance to go study at a university I am very lucky. Millions of kids don't have these things

[WesternCancer]

Piece of Advice #1

Piece of Advice #2

I'm exactly the same way and have always have been. Like you I felt constrained and bored with school. Completely apathetic.

I get that hollow feeling a lot, its not sadness, just nothingness. Like you I can't really get that close to people and be empathetic with them.

Other people put on an act most of the time because they worry what other people will think. They post pictures of their food on instagram because they seek the approval of others. You have the ability to look past all of that and truly do what you want to do.

Life has no meaning, so create one. Set out to master a skill, set out to have an amazing lifestyle, to travel, to eat great food and drink great wine.

Right now you have an empty canvas and wonder why there is no paint on it. You have to work for a purpose, it won't just come to you. The biggest mistake you can make is falling into the trap of acting like everyone else.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Quote:

I feel tired, sort of thin, like butter scraped over too much bread.

I see what you did there

[Homo_Sapien]

I'm sure you have already but I'd suggest a bit of in-depth internet research on your symptoms as severe apathy can be associated with many things, and it doesn't seem like Asperger's or depression, since you're competent socially and you've been like this since early childhood.

You obviously shouldn't feel the need to answer these on here but do you remember any traumatic events in childhood? Do you have any other symptoms which might be seen as abnormal? Are you or were you on any medication that could cause this?

Despite all the, mostly undeserved, shit they get on here, I'd still suggest talking to a mental health professional.

[little wing]

I guess I should just start doing stuff I enjoy again and well, harden the fuck up.


@Handsome Creepy Eel I was hoping somebody here reads Tolkien and pick that up

[Parlay44]

I believe a lot of problems are hormonal. Get your diet and exercise straight first. Easiest thing to fix. If you don't feel better after a few months then seek professional help. Talk to a therapist.

[cardguy]

My Dad and my younger brother are like you.

And I can relate a little myself. I have about two things which bring me joy - the rest of life is just a pain the arse which I have no emotions over. Luckily - reading is one of those joys. So - that helps keep me busy.

I wouldn't worry about it. I think any intelligent person ends up in this situation - since when you start thinking deeply about the world - this is the position on the chessboard you end up on.

Most people spend most of their time on shit which it is quite legitimate not to give a shit about. I mean I quite enjoy discussing football on this forum. But I am well aware of how meaningless it is (both because of its lack of true value, because most footballers are cunts and because it is mostly random anyway). But I still enjoy it a little - but don't truly care about the outcome.

I dunno' - the point I'm trying to make is that if you are outlook on life is due to a position you have reasoned yourself into. Then it will take some clever reasoning to get you out of there. And that is difficult since nihilism is the most rational response to the world. And telling somebody to go travel or change your diet (or whatever most of the advice is) won't truly fill that existential void.

I think most adults feel the way you. And it is a sign of adulthood when you start to accept these feelings.

Enjoy your stay - only another 60 years to go! :-)

[Kieran]

I feel pretty much nothing besides being horny, and a kind of competitive drive, I suppose what Nietzsche called will to power. I don't really have emotions, even the ones you might expect narcissists to have like shame and pride. I remember feeling happy, and sad, etc but not since I was a child. With women I will tend to fake some vulnerability once in a while otherwise I can lose them, but it's completely made up. It's not really that I feel nothing, but that it is extremely weak, like the volume is turned down.

I was pretty apathetic when I was younger too. But I had to make a conscious decision to value certain things and then commit to achieving them. But I'm not really emotionally invested in them. I feel like tomorrow I could wake up and choose to be a completely different person, walk away from all the pursuits I have spent thousands and thousands of hours on, and not really feel anything.

[Ryre]

You may be depressed. Could be related to the family problems you mentioned, or not. But depression doesn't have to take the form of overt sadness. It can manifest as an inability to really care about or enjoy anything.

Don't listen to these guys saying "travel!" or "buck up!" Take it seriously or it could stunt your life. On the upside, you are young and you are addressing it early by seeking help.

Check out the book Feeling Good, by Dr. David Burns. There's a short self-test in the opening pages that will give you an idea of whether depression is your problem, and whether it is mild or more severe. Another book is The Mood Cure, by Dr. Julia Ross. Her take is that a lot of depression is dietary. I think some of the things she recommends can help, but you may well want to go on medication.

For a sympathetic inside look at a depressive episode, in charming comic form, go to http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/20...t-two.html

If your problem is more that you fall somewhere on the psychopathy scale, I have less advice. There was a psychology today article recently written by an (anonymous) lawyer/psychopath. I believe there was a link or reference to a website or forum for people with psychopathic traits. There are also psychological tests for psychopathy, maybe you could find a way to take one. At least to see if that is what you are dealing with.

[Edmund Dantes]

Two options IMHO:

1) Take some shrooms or acid and take a loooooong walk in a nature area. Not a park but like a forest or hills. Reflect upon your life and don't be afraid to go deep. Meditate.

I took acid years ago and it changed me. I was angry and insecure but afterwards I was like the Buddha. I think it's the reason why I matured so much faster than my friends and picked up PUA faster than the average person.

2) Take up boxing or kickboxing (Muay Thai or San-Shou/Sanda)

Not MMA. It may seem more hardcore but wrestling/JJ really stalls the action. The most calmest moments in my life was during sparring or actually competing against people who wanted to tear my head off. It's ironic because on the outside it seems chaotic but when you're in the ring, it's different. Almost religious.

[Giovonny]

You need mind expanding experiences.

Go jump out an airplane. Or, do some shrooms in nature with your best friend. Or, talk to a therapist.

Attack life or life will attack you.

[little wing]

(06-03-2013 03:25 PM)Edmund Dantes Wrote:  

Two options IMHO:

1) Take some shrooms or acid and take a loooooong walk in a nature area. Not a park but like a forest or hills. Reflect upon your life and don't be afraid to go deep. Meditate.

I took acid years ago and it changed me. I was angry and insecure but afterwards I was like the Buddha. I think it's the reason why I matured so much faster than my friends and picked up PUA faster than the average person.

2) Take up boxing or kickboxing (Muay Thai or San-Shou/Sanda)

Not MMA. It may seem more hardcore but wrestling/JJ really stalls the action. The most calmest moments in my life was during sparring or actually competing against people who wanted to tear my head off. It's ironic because on the outside it seems chaotic but when you're in the ring, it's different. Almost religious.

That's funny, I actually considered starting boxing the last few weeks.
Will give it a try this week

[MikeCF]

I'm very much like that.

Other than my dog, I don't really feel much love towards others. I half joke that, "My dog is the only person I've ever truly loved."

People who don't live like we do don't get it and immediate throw around derogatory terms. I'm good to all of my friends and "share the love." I just don't go through life with the feelings and emotions that others have. I have emotions; it's just more subdued.

I also don't feel a lot of happiness. If you gave me an awesome gift, I wouldn't have an immediate emotional response. My brain would have to process the event intellectually.

I can't say what your situation it, but for me it's not sociopathy. I have empathy and *would* feel badly if I kicked a dog or cheated an old lady out of her life's savings.

I had a pretty big breakthrough after doing MDMA for the first time. I felt very "connected" to other people and this lead to happiness.

I've concluded it's just low brain serotonin.

[MikeCF]

The solution for me, anyway, has been to help as many people as possible.

Even good friends will tell you that I'm notorious for not returning texts, emails, and calls. It's very easy to get disconnected or disassociated from others.

So I've now been answering texts (you'd be surprised how many guys reach out to me), helping people, responding with more than, "That's great."

It's helping.

Improving your connection with other people can help boost brain serotonin, which creates a virtuous circle. That is, the more you help others, the more serotonin you get, and thus the more *natural* it becomes to feel happy and connected to your world.

Give it a try. Every day for a month, do something to help others. It could be something like making a small donation to charity, helping an old lady with her groceries, or paying a stranger a sincere compliment.

It may be hard for you at first. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. After a while, being connected will become natural and your feelings of happiness will increase.

[tiggaling]

It is good you have recognised this as a problem. A lot of people never get that far. Western culture is pretty numbed out in its superficial nihlism. A lot of people out there are like you and think it is normal.

A lot of good advice here. I would recommend you see a spiritual healer to help connect/re-connect with your spirit, and hopefully clear some emotional blockages that you have.

This school puts out some good people.

http://www.barbarabrennan.com/page-conte...?pageId=26