[cardguy]

Another dumb question from me, it might seem.

But I am confused. Why do people commit to a woman when they know deep down that she will be repulsive to them past the age of 40 (in my case anything above 30)?

The reason I ask is because if physical attraction will not be a part of the deal for the majority of the marriage - then why don't men just marry their best friends and agree to see hookers on the side? At least you might get on better with your best friend than you would with a wife.

It seems to me that getting married is almost like saying you are asexual. Since you signing up to a situation where you will be spending the majority of your life with a woman you don't find attractive.

And to agree to that is to suggest that sex doesn't matter much to you in the first place.

Anyway - apologies for the dumb question. It is just that I always get stuck on the things that over people take for granted.

[Dulceácido]

You can't apply logic to monogamous marriage. As an institution, it is completely irrational.

[Akula]

(05-18-2013 05:09 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

Another dumb question from me, it might seem.

But I am confused. Why do people commit to a woman when they know deep down that she will be repulsive to them past the age of 40 (in my case anything above 30)?

The reason I ask is because if physical attraction will not be a part of the deal for the majority of the marriage - then why don't men just marry their best friends and agree to see hookers on the side? At least you might get on better with your best friend than you would with a wife.

It seems to me that getting married is almost like saying you are asexual. Since you signing up to a situation where you will be spending the majority of your life with a woman you don't find attractive.

And to agree to that is to suggest that sex doesn't matter much to you in the first place.

Anyway - apologies for the dumb question. It is just that I always get stuck on the things that over people take for granted.

To raise children. It's a mutual sacrifice I guess. And sanctioned by the state in many domiciles, for some good reason. This is one of the many reasons that 'gay marriage' is so friggin ridiculous. (and there are sooo many, my good PC friends out there - let's discuss!!!!!! Bring it on you feel-gooders I''m ready..r u???)

[Merenguero]

Reasons why men get married:

1. pressure from family
2. pressure from friends
3. cultural pressure
4. too lazy to approach
5. too lazy to exercise
6. too lazy to make more money
7. too lazy to read
8. too lazy/unwillingness to travel
9. any of the above
10. all of the above

I honestly can't think of any more reasons.

[Kabal]

Multiple reasons, one or more of which may be pertinent to a particular man. Four of them off the top of my head:

1. Because it's what society, their social circle, and/or their family, tells them is The Right Thing to Do, and they don't have the backbone to push back.

2. The opportunity cost, or the lack thereof. It's either marriage, or long stretches of involuntary celibacy for most men. So it's not like they're sacrificing years of soft harems or jet-setting bangathons in foreign countries.

3. The endowment effect. Seeing as most men don't have too many options on the sexual market, as described in 2., they will talk themselves into how great their girlfriend/fiancee/wife is rather than admit to themselves that they can't do any better.

4. Status quo bias. They extrapolate the present into the future, think that the relationship will remain favorable, and that their wives will remain attractive and attracted to them.

[Therapsid]

(05-18-2013 05:16 PM)Merenguero Wrote:  

Reasons why men get married:

1. pressure from family
2. pressure from friends
3. cultural pressure
4. too lazy to approach
5. too lazy to exercise
6. too lazy to make more money
7. too lazy to read
8. too lazy/unwillingness to travel
9. any of the above
10. all of the above

I honestly can't think of any more reasons.

I can. Loneliness. Not every man is cut out for lifelong independence. Many want a companion and surrogate mother figure. Especially as they get older.

Think about it - a young guy may still have his parent's apron strings to pull on plus a gaggle of single friends, male and female. But as he approaches middle age, it's more likely he has to take care of his parents and his friends drift away and get married themselves.

He could go out several nights a week solo, learn how to game chicks, work on quitting his job to start his own online business, travel, and become an all around Renaissance man. Or he can take the path of least resistance and marry the first girl he likes that he has been seeing for a couple of years.

[Timoteo]

Men get married because they feel they should at some point. Some men legitimately want to be fathers, and I can't disagree with making an attempt to raise your kids within a nuclear family. I obviously think men take a hit on the marriage thing, in that we sacrifice so much more. It's the goal of many women to be married - they think about it from much earlier in their lives on average than men do, so it isn't really a sacrifice for them. Once they have marriage/family, they are less concerned with the needs of men.

[Valentine]

Mainly because it's a deeply ingrained societal expectation to get married. Everyone from your parents to your girlfriend to your TV are all trying to steer you that way and most people rely on other's recommendations rather than doing a simple cost/benefit analysis.

Because of the confirmation bias as well, you fail to see all the guys getting chewed out by divorce.

[Exactaking]

If you gonna get married, at least get a fertility test first (for yourself and her). If you're shooting blanks, do you wanna risk having to raise someone else's kid, or if she is barren, again raising a kid who ain't yours.

[scotian]

So they can at least say, "Hey, I gave it a shot" before they permanently move to SE Asia to bang hookers and live happily ever after. The divorce party is a good time as well, if you haven't been to one yet, I highly suggest it.

[Samseau]

Don't rule out love. Probably the #1 reason all of us are here.

[LEMONed IScream]

I think that the concept of fucking around during 20's and 30's then marry at 40 to a 20 years younger girl from FSU or some area alike , to have kids and all that, at least to me it seems fairly attractive, this TAKING INTO ACCOUNT that you WANT to have kids.
Having kids is, for me, the only valid reason to getting married.

Lonely? Friends, dog, family!
Sex? Even less, go out, approach, if you can't heck, get a hooker!

[ghostdog]

To have healthy kids.

Marriage or primitive mating are the options, and primitive mating really turns society to shit, with bastards running all over the place.

[bacon]

Many good points listed above I would add people falsely assume that getting married will make their relationship better.

[MattW]

Children. Security. Grandchildren. I'm not yet 30 myself, but I can imagine that once you pass your 50s the benefits of having children and grandchildren increase a lot compared to the benefits of having the memories of a variety of partners.

The value of that trade-off is definitely still decreasing, but I think those remain the primary reasons.

[speakeasy]

I'm getting kinda tired of this marriage = blue pill/beta memo. If someone wants to get married, there's nothing wrong with that. People have their own reasons. Maybe some want children and stability. Maybe some people do find one person they want to spend their life with and they're not interested in spending the rest of their lives looking for new ass in night clubs at age 55. That's fine. My parents have been together since they were in their mid 20s and now they are in their 60s. While their marriage isn't perfect, I doubt either would have it any other way.

Besides, we all know marriage is the bedrock of civilization and without it, fertility rates would plunge and such societies are ultimately self-annihilating. That's basically what's happening in blue state cities in America and in places like Scandinavia. Low marriage rates, low fertility rates, emphasis on personal freedom, and living for one's own pleasure which ultimate means a population that is vanishing off the face of the earth. A woman has from about 18-30 to play that lifestyle, for men, maybe a bit longer. To be perfectly honest, I could never even consider seriously dating a woman who didn't believe in marriage and family. To me that's the essence of what a woman is all about.

[Timoteo]

(05-18-2013 06:08 PM)bacon Wrote:  

Many good points listed above I would add people falsely assume that getting married with make their relationship better.

This is incredibly common. There are those long-time couples that were perfectly happy, but cave to outside pressure (usually the woman because her friends and family are in her ear), get married, and end up divorced shortly thereafter. Too many people think the ceremony and piece of paper confer or represent commitment, but commitment is in the actions. If a man is acting committed, then he is. The ring and the ceremony change expectations unrealistically. If you've been together for years and know each other, you are what you are. Nothing about your relationship is going to magically change.

[ghostdog]

Lets face it, after 50 you won't be getting crazy pussy without a lot of money.
Then you have 20 years to be totally alone and watch your friends die one by one.
Every 18 year old you look at or hold the door for will think of you as that creepy old dude.
There will literally be nothing to live for at that age if you don't have children or grandchildren.

[Quintus Flaminius]

We all do it for the kids.
They're the only reasons why the Betas White Knight up.

The nuclear family is not practical in this day and age, the wives are too bossy, most men eventually get sick of it.
I probably sound crazy, but how about a kid through artificial insemination with a woman who's just hit the wall?
It'd be totally platonic, because you've never had a relationship with the broad, there'd be no hard feelings.
It'd also mean that you're more likely to see your kid than a divorced father.

[Kabal]

(05-18-2013 06:39 PM)ghostdog Wrote:  

There will literally be nothing to live for at that age if you don't have children or grandchildren.

I can't rule out marriage for a future me, but if I really wanted to have children I could just start blasting inside chicks as a failsafe. One or more of them are bound to keep the kid(s).

[Gmac]

Not all women are like the ones guys like to criticize on here. If you find the right one, you'll know why men choose to get married.

[Lemmo]

To have a family. A lot of guys like the idea for cultural and social reasons and the paternal instinct means men like kids.

If your sole/main priority is inserting penis into vagina, then marriage makes no sense. I think a lot of the younger guys on here greatly overestimate what their interest in sex will be as they get older. After 30 it will start gradually working its way down your list of pleasures and interests. For that reason, marriage is more of a risk/burden over the long term because of the massive financial cost and demands on your time, which limit your ability to pursue interests and financial independence, rather than because of the limits it places on sex.

Marriage will make sense if (a) you decide the pleasure/satisfaction of family outweigh the costs in time, money and independence and (b) you find a wife who is on board with the idea of family as a shared project and works to minimize the costs to you in time, money and independence rather than being a maximum burden. (a) can be rationally determined by you but (b) requires you to take a big gamble on another person.

I'm not that interested in family so for me it isn't worth the risk but I can see why some guys would give it a try. But a lot of guys jump into it because of "love" or because they are finally getting laid and they don't think of the long term.

[gamepadawan]

(05-18-2013 06:47 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

Not all women are like the ones guys like to criticize on here. If you find the right one, you'll know why men choose to get married.

no I think they are, one mans cum dumpster is another mans future wife

[Kabal]

(05-18-2013 06:56 PM)gamepadawan Wrote:  

(05-18-2013 06:47 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

Not all women are like the ones guys like to criticize on here. If you find the right one, you'll know why men choose to get married.

no I think they are, one mans cum dumpster is another mans future wife

Indeed.

We would like to think that we would be able to tell if a girl is a sloot, or wife/mother-of-my-kids material.

Maybe we can, but we've also seen enough girls that we've defiled later get wifed up to give us pause.

Nothing like seeing via Facebook some guy putting a ring on a girl who's rimmed you.

[Quintus Flaminius]

(05-18-2013 06:47 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

Not all women are like the ones guys like to criticize on here. If you find the right one, you'll know why men choose to get married.

Unfortunately, they're all pushing 80.