[kerouac]

To Date or Not To Date... that is the question Shakespeare would probably be wondering just as I am here today in my air-conditioned room sitting behind my laptop. It's a Saturday, and while I could be out watching drunk girls get drunk, getting a nice tan, and enjoying California, I come to wonder... Is it better to date a highly-prized woman, or to just hook up with one.

If you hook up with one, you're enjoying a nice prize for your efforts. If you date one, you're going to have to potentially (but also most likely) deal with a lot of shit.

The thing is, if you're a lazy man, and you just like to hook up, and not deal with being alpha, and you date a highly-prized woman, she's going to end up doing shit behind your back.

If you just hook up with her, you have a chance of just keeping it on the friend level, and every now and then tap into this nice resource.

Then again, if you act alpha and deal with her the way she wants to be dealt with by her man, and most likely, deal the same way with a few other girls on the side as well, you're going to have to eventually work harder than the average lazy man, but then again gain the other advantages of being alpha as well (but also constantly have to protect your "territory").

What would you guys do?

[Lumiere]

I dont date

dating is basically auditioning for the role of next boyfriend

[adrian_D]

(07-17-2010 08:53 PM)kerouac Wrote:  

... you're going to have to eventually work harder than the average lazy man, but then again gain the other advantages of being alpha as well (but also constantly have to protect your "territory").

What would you guys do?

I have no choice; I must work hard. Life is hard no matter what, so some extra matter to contend with shouldn't be a big deal.

Regardless of the circumstances, I must never be lazy.

[hydrogonian]

(07-17-2010 08:53 PM)kerouac Wrote:  

The thing is, if you're a lazy man, and you just like to hook up, and not deal with being alpha, and you date a highly-prized woman, she's going to end up doing shit behind your back.

If you just hook up with her, you have a chance of just keeping it on the friend level, and every now and then tap into this nice resource.

Unless you are gunning for the bf role, and you make that clear, she will feel free to hook up "behind your back". In truth, she has every right and expectation to, and its not really going behind your back. You will actually come off as too strangely clingy and weird if you expect such a girl to be loyal to you without a reciprocal commitment.

Here's another thing: If she truly is a "highly-prized woman", then some guy will almost always scoop her up sooner than later. Your chances of being able to consistently "tap into this nice resource" will be limited in most cases. If you catch her in a rare single phase, then consider yourself lucky. If you want to keep tapping it, you've got to tie her up, even if you don't have long term intentions with her.

If you dont want to make the commtitment, then the most you can hope for is that she will call you whenever she's single. But then again, are you sure that your better than every other orbiter or ready-to-go sex buddy around her?

I for one, hate banging girls when I know another guy could have fucked her the night before. I just consider it kind of nasty. With one night stands, I just don't think about it. But if I know the girl that I bang regularly is banging other dudes, it just grosses me out for hygiene reasons. Thats my one argument against fuck buddies. Otherwise, its nice. However, I think it works much better in theory than in practice. Most girls want more commitment to keep up a sexual realtionship, or at least want to know that the guy is at least considering it or that its heading there. When it happens, the exception tends to be girls in the 18-25 year old range. If your a total stud in bed, however, women may seek you out for those skills alone.

[Giovonny]

I say date her for a month or 2 and really try to connect with her. Then when you get sick of it, try to transition into a friends with benefits type of situation. For this to work, you really have to find some connection with her so that she really does consider you a trusted friend. Just try to keep her around and bang her once in a while. Eventually the passion will run out or she will not be comfortable with the situation or another guy will give her more of a commitment.

But I agree with you Kerouac, All this Pick Up stuff can be too much work sometimes. Since I have turned 30, I have tried to be as efficient as possible. Full time dating is just too much work. I look for girls who are similiar to myself. Girls who are down to just casually date and possible become "buddies".

[Samseau]

What about dates where you enjoy the activity as much as you enjoy the company with the girl?

Like spending some time on a nice beach together. Or music concert of a band you really enjoy. Or say you are a good dancer and want to dance somewhere with her for a date. Imagine if you were rich, and owned a sailboat, would you feel like it was work to take her your sailboat for a day?

These are my kind of ideal dates.

[kerouac]

Samseau, while you're right that those are nice dates, "to date somebody" typically implies that you two are seeing each other pretty regularly... it is the prelude to a relationship, if things work out. On the other hand, "to hook up" means just having sex and enjoying the company of somebody, but with no thick strings attached.

So you could in a sense go on a date with a girl you are hooking up with, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are dating her. You probably get my point.

The reason this question even came to mind is because I was thinking about my past, and thinking about how things didn't work out, and I realized I didn't have the drive to pursue any of these girls past the hookup stage. Sure, we might end up in a quasi-relationship, or we might be dating, but I never felt like dealing with the bullshit that came along with it, so they would eventually leave (or in the case of the ones I had a relationship with there was always a lot of drama).

So I came to the conclusion that I feel, at this point in my life, that dating someone or getting past the hook up stage with someone, unless I really feel special with her after two weeks, is not worth all of the bullshit that comes along with it.

[Feo]

Dude is this what it's like once you hit 30?? You guys are fucking depressing the shit out of me.

[kerouac]

(07-19-2010 11:30 AM)feomuerto Wrote:  

You guys are fucking depressing the shit out of me.

Mahahaha

[K-man]

I second the guy above who mentioned that she WILL bang other dudes if she is anything close to "a highly-prized woman". Better to be that guy who gets some while some schmoe is the boyfriend who has to deal with the shit.
Once you find the right girl and want commitment from her, have a kid together as soon as possible. Raising a child takes so much time and efforts that she will hardly have the time/power to cheat.
That's what I did. Plus, if you are being a good dad, it increases severalfold her attachment to you, so that makes it even more unlikely to cheat or give you shit.

[Samseau]

Oh, Kerouac, by dating you mean "having a girlfriend". Well then, I think I agree with K-man: don't date unless you are looking for a mother.