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First off, this in no should be construed as anything more than pure legal information. Any of my advice is purely non-legal. If you contact me about legal help, I will not respond. Post your question in the Legal Q&A thread.
Secondly, for the TL;DR crowd, if you get arrested for domestic violence, your ass is like a blunt in a pothead’s home – smoked. If you take one thing away from this – never, EVER show any hint of anger or aggression during the process. It will sink you if you do.
Let’s make a few things clear about domestic violence law. Outside of the Violence Against Women Act, domestic violence laws are state laws. Different states have different approaches to domestic violence, although the mandates of VAWA of exert a strong influence in how that state’s approach the matter. You also need to consider the potential civil penalties. Some states allow women to pursue their alleged batterers in civil court, for substantial sums of money.
A brief review of domestic violence awareness in the US is needed. Domestic violence has always been recognized as an issue, just a private one – not one for government to deal with. Churches traditionally dealt with the issue. There was a great article in the manosphere about how feminist claims that domestic violence was ignored or condoned is dead wrong (If somebody finds, please send it to me or post on this thread). Regardless, in the late seventies, a woman named Lenore Walker produced the book, “The Battered Woman,” which laid out the essentials of “battered woman syndrome.”
Lenore Walker
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She introduced the concepts of the honeymoon phase, the tension building phase, and the violence phase. She stated domestic violence exists because a patriarch wants to maintain control over their wives – which doesn’t make any sense because violence exists in the gay community. I actually saw a comment on the NY Times, where the commenter stated, “We know men abuse women because of hatred and control, but why do gay people do it?;” didn’t even occur to the genius that the original idea was wrong.
Regardless, her work has had tremendous influence in shaping approaches to domestic violence. She never released the data she relied to produce her book, but apparently her dishonesty didn’t bother the feminists and white knights in legislatures. Her work led to many states in the 1980’s creating a new crime of domestic violence – even though the crime of battery already exists. It wasn’t good enough for feminists, there needed to be a special law, just for women.
All of this rubbish lead to, in 1994, to the passing of the Violence Against Women Act. The effort was spearheaded by current Vice-President, Joe Biden. The bizarre obsession that is reflected in the jurisprudence today, that domestic violence is a “gendered” crime, i.e. that men beat their wives because they are women. In class, I questioned if this was the real impetus for violence against women, as lesbians beat each other and there are real correlations between unemployment and violence. I will just say, don’t do that. One the most sacred elements of domestic violence is that men do it because of sexism.
Regardless, it established a fund for research and prevention with respects to violence against women, created a federal crime of domestic violence and helped prompt states to enact automatic arrest policies. It creates a streamlined approach to prosecution of alleged abusers, coordinating police, prosecutors, victim services and the private bar (the ABA has long had a hard-on for domestic violence).
Let’s review some aspects of the current law. First, is many states has some sort of automatic arrest law. If the police are called, somebody is getting arrested. There was a study done in 1982 called the Minneapolis study which analyzed which approaches to domestic violence were effective – such as sending the offender away for 8 hours, etc. The study, which was subject to intense criticism, concluded the best approach was intervention by the way of an arrest by police. After mandatory arrest policies were implemented, a “problem” arose when women started getting arrested, because police literally could not ignore the evidence that women were the abusers. Instead of realizing the problem wasn’t gendered, as there are roughly as many women offenders as there are male offenders, these fools in this area of law passed “Primary Aggressor” laws, which essentially mean the man is getting arrested.
Take a note – if you or your girl (or boy, if you are gay) call the cops, somebody is likely getting arrested – probably you. Even if nothing else happens (you are not charged), if people around you find out, your reputation will be ruined. I had a friend that got arrested in some bullshit when some other woman called the cops during a heated argument with his girlfriend. He lived in an automatic arrest state, so he got cuffed. Even though he was never charged, women and some men just looked at him different, even if they knew the back-story that is was just a very heated argument. I actually had a falling out with a female friend when she would tell people behind his back that he was an abuser. I told that bitch in no uncertain terms she was wrong, knew she was wrong and it was fucked up running her mouth like that.
Second, is restriction or restraining orders. Initially, these sorts of protective orders are insanely easy to get. All a woman usually needs to allege is she is scared or afraid. These sorts of orders are usually good for around 2-3 weeks. If the order is going to be sustained, there is another hearing – which you have to be at – where the woman seeking the order has to meet an evidentiary standard (typically preponderance of evidence or clear and convincing standard) in order to get the order to last. A woman can get an order that is good for up to five years, in some situations.
Typically, a restraining order means you have to stay 500 feet away from her at all times. They may be adjusted if, for example, you go to the same school or work at the same mall. If you violate the order, you could be arrested for contempt of court, as you violated the order. Practically speaking, if you get slapped with one of these orders, you will know because the order is typically not good until you are personally served. Further, if you do get served, the absolutely first thing you should do is contact an attorney – seriously. This could easily spiral out of control if you do not have a legal ally in the process.
Thirdly, let’s talk about a conviction. Buddy, if you get convicted, let me say I am extremely sorry for you. You will come into a world of hurt. You will subject to serious fines, possibly jail or prison time – especially if you get convicted of felony domestic violence. You will lose your job if it is a public job, you will lose your professional license if you are an attorney or doc tor. If you are employed in the private sector, there is an 80% chance you lose your job. As it is a matter of public record, you will have an extremely difficult time finding a decent job. You will never be able to have primary custody of your children. You will most likely never get a loan from a bank, as since so many men convicted of domestic violence go through bankruptcy court, they see you as a serious risk. Many men will find that apartments will not rent to him. Basically, there is a good chance you will commit suicide or become an alcoholic or drug addict.
A bit about the psychology of women who stay in abusive relationships before I close. First, women have long adored violent men, but the context was the he wouldn’t use his violence against her. Second, the reason the woman stays isn’t that she has no options, it is psychological. The Last Psychiatrist does this better than me so here is the link: http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/01/p...buser.html
To sum, players, if you find yourself facing a charge of domestic violence, you must fight tooth and nail against it. It will fuck you seven ways to Sunday. Remember the fucked up framework through which the law operates. Hopefully, someday it will change. However, for the moment, watch your ass.
