[Aylar]

we're in a committed long term relationship. I don't really know how to explain this so I was hoping you men could explain why it is that he gets off so quickly? sometimes he can go more than once immediately after, but I find the more tired he is from work or the more often we see each other or the more he masturbates the worse it is.

thank you in advance.

would it be important to note I am his first sexual partner?

[oldnemesis]

Too little details. Maybe you're too hot, or maybe you're too ugly so he wants to do it quickly and then enjoy sex with his right hand. If it's really below 3 minutes, he may also have an STD.

Personally if I were you, I'd be more worried that he doesn't try to do anything about it on his own, like using special lotions or condoms. Does he enjoy sex with you or this is more like a chore?

[speakeasy]

Come see me. I have the solution to all your problems.

[Kona]

Aloha Aylar. My name is Kona, I live in Hawaii, have you ever been here?

I think there are 3 possible issues causing your man's speediness.

1) He is inexperienced, and just hasn't found his groove. The thing is though, you would think after a little while with you, working on things, he'd be over it by now?

2) You are so damn gorgeous that when you aren't around all he can do is masturbate because he can't get you out of his mind. Because of your gorgeousness, when you two are together he gets so nervous and excited and just blows his load.

3) He's a pussy.

Do any of these 3 things sound like they might be the problem?

Either way, I hope you straighten this out. It isn't fair to you to be in a relationship that is in any way dissatisfying.

You deserve better.

Aloha!

[Aylar]

Yes I can give more details. Well we have been going for about 3 months now, sexually, and in a relationship for about 6. he is 26 I am 25. He used to be very quick at first, less than a minute, then he moved up to about 2 minutes and could often go more than once. Now it seems he has shifted to something like a minute and a half, and then he cannot go anymore. He tries, we do foreplay. We have tried diff positions, foreplay, no foreplay, having him not masturbate, keep his regular masturbation schedule. He lasts longer if I am on top, and less if he is on top. He doesn't even know what is up. He doesn't have a hard time getting hard after our first time, but after a while he loses it. Maybe performance anxiety? I've never had an orgasm with him and I know he worries about that. He gets a bit down on himself about it.

I love him so I hope we can work it out!

[hydrogonian]

(06-20-2010 12:50 AM)Aylar Wrote:  

we're in a committed long term relationship. I don't really know how to explain this so I was hoping you men could explain why it is that he gets off so quickly? sometimes he can go more than once immediately after, but I find the more tired he is from work or the more often we see each other or the more he masturbates the worse it is.

thank you in advance.

would it be important to note I am his first sexual partner?

Thats funny that you notice that masturbation makes it worse, cause there is supposedly some science behind that. How long he lasts is is completely controlled by his brain chemistry and hormones, and for some reason having sex/masturbating more frequently supposedly reduces duration. Something to do with adrenaline, adrenal burnout, and a whole host of other neurochemical reasons. In practice, I find this to be absolutely true. if I want to be a Rock Star in bed, and I know when thats going to be, I don't cum for as long as possible beforehand. Works for me. Also, sorry to say, but multiple orgasms in one night also hurts his ability to last in the following days. Try to keep it to two per session, max.

Also, try doing it in the morning as opposed to before bed. I find that cumming before sleep reduces the depth of sleep, which also means less of those good hormones that keep your man from cumming too quickly. Also, he should get harder, and hard more often, the more often of you practice this.

Also, he should practice almost going to climax, probably while masturbating, and the calming himself down without cumming. This will give him the skill to come back from the "edge" in bed.

[Aylar]

(06-20-2010 05:19 PM)hydrogonian Wrote:  

(06-20-2010 12:50 AM)Aylar Wrote:  

we're in a committed long term relationship. I don't really know how to explain this so I was hoping you men could explain why it is that he gets off so quickly? sometimes he can go more than once immediately after, but I find the more tired he is from work or the more often we see each other or the more he masturbates the worse it is.

thank you in advance.

would it be important to note I am his first sexual partner?

Thats funny that you notice that masturbation makes it worse, cause there is supposedly some science behind that. How long he lasts is is completely controlled by his brain chemistry and hormones, and for some reason having sex/masturbating more frequently supposedly reduces duration. Something to do with adrenaline, adrenal burnout, and a whole host of other neurochemical reasons. In practice, I find this to be absolutely true. if I want to be a Rock Star in bed, and I know when thats going to be, I don't cum for as long as possible beforehand. Works for me. Also, sorry to say, but multiple orgasms in one night also hurts his ability to last in the following days. Try to keep it to two per session, max.

Also, try doing it in the morning as opposed to before bed. I find that cumming before sleep reduces the depth of sleep, which also means less of those good hormones that keep your man from cumming too quickly. Also, he should get harder, and hard more often, the more often of you practice this.

Also, he should practice almost going to climax, probably while masturbating, and the calming himself down without cumming. This will give him the skill to come back from the "edge" in bed.

Good advice. thank you

[speakeasy]

Tell him to try an extra thick condom. Then after 15 minutes of sensation-less pumping he can remove it to finish you off. If the dude hasn't had the same problem with other girls in the past, then maybe you are extra tight or something.

[Aylar]

(06-20-2010 05:32 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

Tell him to try an extra thick condom. Then after 15 minutes of sensation-less pumping he can remove it to finish you off. If the dude hasn't had the same problem with other girls in the past, then maybe you are extra tight or something.

I'm not "extra" tight. I'm just his first.

we don't use condoms

[Kona]

Aylar,

Why did your man wait until he was 26 to have sex with anyone?

Why did you guys wait 3 months to have sex?

This question is as much for my own curiosity as well as your benefit: How can you say you're in love, when you are so unsatisfied sexually?

Aloha!

[Aylar]

(06-20-2010 05:49 PM)Kona Wrote:  

Aylar,

Why did your man wait until he was 26 to have sex with anyone?

Why did you guys wait 3 months to have sex?

This question is as much for my own curiosity as well as your benefit: How can you say you're in love, when you are so unsatisfied sexually?

Aloha!

Because he fulfills me in every other way every other man i've been with hasn't. He treats me very well emotionally. And that's what women care about mostly after a certain age.

Because he wanted to wait that long. We waited because we got to know each other first and we established a friendship, then we messed around, and finally we had sex. honestly it was more like 2 months now that i think of it.

[speakeasy]

(06-20-2010 06:14 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

Because he fulfills me in every other way every other man i've been with hasn't. He treats me very well emotionally. And that's what women care about mostly after a certain age.

Because he wanted to wait that long. We waited because we got to know each other first and we established a friendship, then we messed around, and finally we had sex. honestly it was more like 2 months now that i think of it.

That's pretty risky from a man's end. Doing the friendship thing first. Sometimes you get lucky and it works as it did in his case this time. However we usually try to avoid that friends before lovers thing because most dudes that take this approach will end up stuck in the friendzone. He'll become that "safe" guy friend she goes to for emotional support and sees him like another one of her girlfriends even though deep down he wants to be with her. Perhaps that approach is why he didn't lose his virginity till the mid 20s.

[Aylar]

(06-20-2010 06:30 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

(06-20-2010 06:14 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

Because he fulfills me in every other way every other man i've been with hasn't. He treats me very well emotionally. And that's what women care about mostly after a certain age.

Because he wanted to wait that long. We waited because we got to know each other first and we established a friendship, then we messed around, and finally we had sex. honestly it was more like 2 months now that i think of it.

That's pretty risky from a man's end. Doing the friendship thing first. Sometimes you get lucky and it works as it did in his case this time. However we usually try to avoid that friends before lovers thing because most dudes that take this approach will end up stuck in the friendzone. He'll become that "safe" guy friend she goes to for emotional support and sees him like another one of her girlfriends even though deep down he wants to be with her. Perhaps that approach is why he didn't lose his virginity till the mid 20s.

Perhaps you are right! lol Either way I guess it worked out in the end because most guys who aren't interested in ever establishing a friendship with you, will be guys you end up ending relationships with.

[oldnemesis]

(06-20-2010 05:15 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

Yes I can give more details. Well we have been going for about 3 months now, sexually, and in a relationship for about 6. he is 26 I am 25. He used to be very quick at first, less than a minute, then he moved up to about 2 minutes and could often go more than once. Now it seems he has shifted to something like a minute and a half, and then he cannot go anymore.

Ok, then I suggest him to see an urologist first. He may have a medical condition which needs to be treated first. What I remember from talking to some of them, premature ejaculation in less than two minutes has a good chance to be caused by medical issues. If it's over two minutes, then it is unlikely. Your case seem to fit the picture. Even if there are no medical issues, an urologist has a few prescription drugs available which may help. If he can go to Europe and visit a doctor there, he can get dapoxetine (which is still in testing phase in US; as usual, FDA is much slower than Europe). It is also possible to screw the FDA and purchase it online, but don't do that without the Dr's advice.

Quote:

He tries, we do foreplay. We have tried diff positions, foreplay, no foreplay, having him not masturbate, keep his regular masturbation schedule.

Did you try Durex "last longer" condoms? They contain anesthetic which reduces penile sensitivity; you may want to try it before visiting a doctor as he'd be interested in this information as well. If you do, make sure he wears it properly, as only the internal side contains anesthetic.

[Kona]

(06-20-2010 06:14 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

Because he fulfills me in every other way every other man i've been with hasn't. He treats me very well emotionally. And that's what women care about mostly after a certain age.

Because he wanted to wait that long. We waited because we got to know each other first and we established a friendship, then we messed around, and finally we had sex. honestly it was more like 2 months now that i think of it.

Aylar,

I hate to break this to you: He did not wait 2 months to swoop you because he wanted to be your good friend.

He waited because he had no clue how to bang you. He knew that after the lackluster sex got going, you would feel way too guilty to make it an issue.

Something else you may want to consider is the fact that you probably aren't his first. You may be one girl out of many who've experienced this guys lack of stamina. Maybe that's why he's too scared to perform properly? Lots of other girls have probably kicked him out after he spent two months snuggling with them once they found out he wasn't any good sexually.

I'm sure you've talked about it, what's his history with girls been like in the 25 years you didn't know him?

Aloha!

[Aylar]

(06-20-2010 07:04 PM)Kona Wrote:  

(06-20-2010 06:14 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

Because he fulfills me in every other way every other man i've been with hasn't. He treats me very well emotionally. And that's what women care about mostly after a certain age.

Because he wanted to wait that long. We waited because we got to know each other first and we established a friendship, then we messed around, and finally we had sex. honestly it was more like 2 months now that i think of it.

Aylar,

I hate to break this to you: He did not wait 2 months to swoop you because he wanted to be your good friend.

He waited because he had no clue how to bang you. He knew that after the lackluster sex got going, you would feel way too guilty to make it an issue.

Something else you may want to consider is the fact that you probably aren't his first. You may be one girl out of many who've experienced this guys lack of stamina. Maybe that's why he's too scared to perform properly? Lots of other girls have probably kicked him out after he spent two months snuggling with them once they found out he wasn't any good sexually.

I'm sure you've talked about it, what's his history with girls been like in the 25 years you didn't know him?

Aloha!

Im sure i'm his first, and if i'm not, it doesn't make a difference to me either way. I've had several partners. It's his problem for lying. Either way if I wasn't his first, I can't imagine him having ever had sex more than once or twice in his life. He had zero experience before we started dating. I experienced this first hand. I suggested 69 the other day for the first time as he went down on me and he refused. He said maybe next time. We were in a car so maybe he was a bit paranoid, but I think sometimes he can be awkward about new experiences. i can tell he hasn't had much. I guess its just something u can tell

He said he dated a girl when he was 17 for a few months, she wasn't a virgin, but he never had sex with her. he said it was mostly because she wasnt very attractive and he was embarassed and if he were to have sex with her he didnt want to be teased about it.

then he dated another girl, a virgin, when he was 20 for about a year. he said he almost did it with this one, but was cut short by a security guard. guess it was in a car.

then he was engaged to a fiancee, long distance, whom he didnt even makeout with, kind of an arranged marriage (he's persian), so that relationship doesnt even count. this ended not too long before he met me.

[speakeasy]

(06-20-2010 07:11 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

(he's persian), so that relationship doesnt even count. this ended not too long before he met me.

Okay...he's Persian. And I assume you are too by your screen name. That kind of explains the sheer weirdness behind this story. As an American it all sounds bizarre to me, but when reframed from the situation of a much more traditional culture it no longer sounds as unusual.

[Aylar]

Naw i'm not , but I don't see how its bizarre from my side, judging that i'm american myself (hispanic). lol My real name isn't Aylar

[Kona]

(06-20-2010 07:11 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

I suggested 69 the other day for the first time as he went down on me and he refused. He said maybe next time.

Aylar he's just scared. I'm also sure he has absolutely no clue what to do when he goes down on you.

You've given the guy plenty of opportunities to get better. It doesn't sound like he wants to. He's stuck on the fear. If it hasn't gotten better in a month, I doubt it's going to. Look at his history, he strings girls along, and puts off sex, because he lacks the confidence to do it right.

I have a real hard time believing that lack of confidence doesn't carry over into lots of other parts of his life.

You put your picture up on the other thread, and although there's no body/ass pictures, you look sexy in a Euro kind of way. I just haven't seen much. You also sound really open sex-wise. Knowing that you've been unsatisfied as much as you have in the last three months, I'd have you shaking and screaming all over the place real quickly. You'd be the one worn out after 2 minutes.

It's a tough choice for you to decide if all of those wonderful things your boy is doing are worth the maintaining a sexless relationship.

As you guys go on, don't you think the bad sex is just going to be more of a problem?

Can he really satisfy you in all the other emotional ways you say he does, even though he doesn't have the balls to 69 you in the backseat? Are you just saying he satisfies all that other shit to justify keeping your sexually frustrating relationship going?

Aloha!

[speakeasy]

(06-20-2010 07:43 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

Naw i'm not , but I don't see how its bizarre from my side, judging that i'm american myself (hispanic). lol My real name isn't Aylar

By the bizarre stuff I'm talking about a guy dating a girl for a year and not having sex and being engaged to a girl he's never even met and, etc. An American guy who had a life story like that would be called an omega male, worse than a beta male, a guy whose game is so non-existent that he has virtually no chance of ever finding a woman. But this type of behavior might be the norm in some cultures and they rely on arranged marriages to fill this void for guys that can't cut it on the free market.

Of the main subject for a moment...I think arranged marriages may be a great thing for some guys. If you are an Omega/low beta you just aren't going to cut it in America. Your genes will be eliminated from the mating pool. Arranged marriages will at least give these guys a chance at passing on their family lineage. I'm not advocating arranged marriages, but I see how it may be a good thing in some cultures for guys who would otherwise have no chance.

Anyway, your boyfriend should count himself EXTREMELY lucky that he has an attractive girlfriend that is willing to work with him. And I mean thanking his lucky stars. Because if you ditched him tomorrow, his prospects may be slim to none out there without resorting to some arranged thing. I'm saying this based on the info you've provided about him and the clues into his level of game.

[BaronStanley]

There are books about learning ejaculatory control. Its all about gaining control and learning to get close to finishing and then slowing down and backing down from the edge. It is something he can practice and learn.

There is less penis stimulation with girl on top positions which is why he last longer that way.

Everyone is a minute man when they first start getting laid.

Another tip is to use condoms. It helps a man last longer due to the decreased amount of stimulation. Also, opiates and/or alcohol do wonders. haha.

[clr]

give him beeeeeer, vodka, hell I am lying in bed all sweaty typing this, while i down load unbuntu. She mostly sleeping she gave me the best head so when I started to fuck her my dick wanted to cum ever so quickly, but alas I did not let it.

Change tempo, have him stop when he gets close and lick the nips a little, kiss, whatever, as he gets close and backs down more often he will be able to last longer and longer. Me? after she came, I flipped her over and had my way doggie style with her, her friends awesome Labrador took that as her cue to come into the room, I yelled, she left, then came back, so I grabbed the young lady's, who I was abusing, glass(who knew) deodorant and threw it at poor fido. Anyway I just wanted to share that with someone. Doggie with a doggie viewer.

Oh I agree with Kona's above comments. he wasnt being nice, he was being a bitch, he knew he was a 2 min man, so he tries to hook you with the nice guy thing so you will forgive his 2 minutes of fame. Obviously it worked. Its like a fat chick, she HAS to have a good personality and give great head. If he was great in bed, he would probably be half an asshole like the rest of us on this board. I learned Shhve, means sit in hebrew, I tell that to the girl I am with when she starts acting up in public.

my vote, 6.5 in pic, 7.5 done up(dont be sad we are harsh here, and no woman has ever scored higher then 9.5 in my book)

[Aylar]

We might have to start using condoms as many of you have suggested. Its pretty much the only things we haven't tried. We have tried stopping, , maybe starting again, etc. But sometimes that actually makes it worse because it builds him up and excites him. Equally, yes alcohol does make him last longer. I think on alcohol once he did last a record blowing 3 minutes maybe . But then again we can't drink all the time.

Well he wasn't a very nice guy when we first started "seeing " each other and messing around. He wasn't interested in a relationship. He made that pretty clear and as a matter of fact, we did start having sex before it was official. He began being a REALLY nice guy when we were in the relationship really. Other than that , he was a regular typical guy.

I think , as i told him, he needs to learn to train his orgasms, especially during masturbation. he is prob used to a certain technique. He gets himself off quickly versus the long 20 min type masturbation. I told him he should perhaps try to do it for longer without getting off, do what he can to build stamina, he seemed a bit bothered by my giving him advice. usually hes open , but he hates it when we talk about masturbation. At the same time he says he thinks its better to masturbate often because that way when we do see each other he can actually have a conversation with me without having to think about sex every 4 minutes.

and CLR i'm not sad, i'm a 7.5 and an 8.5 done up. But I don't really have the necessity of proving that to anyone. You're right its hard to tell from one pic.

[Kona]

(06-20-2010 09:26 PM)Aylar Wrote:  

I think , as i told him, he needs to learn to train his orgasms, especially during masturbation. he is prob used to a certain technique. He gets himself off quickly versus the long 20 min type masturbation. I told him he should perhaps try to do it for longer without getting off, do what he can to build stamina, he seemed a bit bothered by my giving him advice. usually hes open , but he hates it when we talk about masturbation. At the same time he says he thinks its better to masturbate often because that way when we do see each other he can actually have a conversation with me without having to think about sex every 4 minutes.

Aylar,

I still think the problem is you being to sexy for this guy to be able to control himself, but that has yet to be proven.

Here's a suggestion that I think will help, I just hope you're ready:

No more masturbating whatsoever for this guy. For you it's ok. No more regular sex for a while either. You need to start blowing him all the time.

You want to train his orgasms? You need to do it yourself. Don't tell him to masturbate and control it. When you're there it's a whole other ballgame. He won't be bothered at all by your advice when you're sucking him off. Just control it all the way through. There's also no reason to start using condoms, trust me, he isn't banging anyone else.

I love how he says if he doesn't jerk off he won't be able to be around you without thinking about sex every four minutes, yet the sex you normally have only lasts two!

Aloha!

[speakeasy]

Aylar, so this is what I don't get. What do you do to be satisfied. There's no way this guy could've ever given you an orgasm from sex. And you implied that he doesn't go down on you either. So how do you remain in a relationship with a dude that can't get you off? Sure, he may be nice guy and all, but sex is way too important a part of a relationship to skimp out on. So what will you do if none of the tricks work and he's still busting as soon as he sticks it in?

I also agree with the others, it's a training thing too. I think almost any guy going in raw could bust in a minute if he let himself. It's not natural for dudes to be able to stroke hard for 20 minutes straight, the vagina is just too stimulating. You can, but you have to train yourself to slow down or think about something else before you hit the point of no return.