[presidentcarter]

So I made plans to meet this chick for drinks on a Thursday - tomorrow. For whatever reason I was confused and thought I said Wednesday so I texted her earlier saying "you still good for 9 tonight?" on the fly without even really thinking about it and she responded "Today is wednesday. Thought you said thurs". Thursday was in the text history so I can't play it off like I totally forgot. Need something to make it sound like I a) don't have a bad memory and b) aren't too anxious for it that I skipped a day in my head.

What's your move? Aloofness? Insinuate that it was for someone else (too try-hard IMO)?

How about a schedule override? Like "let's do tonight instead" or "meet me there tonight".

[Menace]

crazy day. see you tomorrow.

[AneroidOcean]

(03-13-2013 04:17 PM)presidentcarter Wrote:  

What's your move? Aloofness? Insinuate that it was for someone else (too try-hard IMO)?

How about a schedule override? Like "let's do tonight instead" or "meet me there tonight".

Simple mistake, you're overthinking it. The suggestion given was pretty good, although I'd choose to just explain in person and ignore it at the moment with, "Yep. See you tomorrow."

You can even add some direction on what she should wear.

[ElBorrachoInfamoso]

It's clear that you really like this chick, otherwise you wouldn't even be asking this question.

I'd just text back something like "got my days mixed up, see you tomorrow"

[WhiteFang]

Conventional wisdom says you shouldn't be sending day-of confirmation requests anyway. Once the date is set, just show up. Asking her to confirm that she's gonna be there puts her in the position of power. You'll note if you do not send this out, 99% of the time she will text *you* to ask if the date is still on, in which case you have her exactly where you want her.

[presidentcarter]

(03-13-2013 04:43 PM)WhiteFang Wrote:  

Conventional wisdom says you shouldn't be sending day-of confirmation requests anyway. Once the date is set, just show up. Asking her to confirm that she's gonna be there puts her in the position of power. You'll note if you do not send this out, 99% of the time she will text *you* to ask if the date is still on, in which case you have her exactly where you want her.

I usually do the 3-4 hours before meet up confirmation text to check her flaking.

[WhiteFang]

(03-13-2013 04:45 PM)presidentcarter Wrote:  

I usually do the 3-4 hours before meet up confirmation text to check her flaking.

YMMV but I would advise against it. Once the date is set you can only harm yourself by additional contact, as you have discovered with your slip-up — personally I'd rather deal with the occasional no-show than risk coming off more eager than she is. Plus, like I say, if you resist the urge to confirm, most likely *she'll* text *you* to confirm ... once you start getting the confirmation requests, you'll realize why you don't want to be the one sending them.

[NYJ]

I disagree with the not sending a confirm text. Unless you set everything up the day before. It's low investment and as long as you keep it short and cordial you're not going to do any damage.

[Ensam]

I can't believe no one has suggested pretending it was for another girl.

"Oops, wrong number, see you tomorrow".

[Ovid]

To a hamster, it probably implies that without having to say anything explicit. "He's so popular that he can't keep his evening dates straight." Don't sweat it or regard it as a mistake. As a man, everything you do is correct. Just reconfirm for tomorrow to avoid the possibility of her legitimately not being able to reschedule for tonight, and go from there.

[WhiteFang]

(03-13-2013 07:25 PM)NYJ Wrote:  

I disagree with the not sending a confirm text. Unless you set everything up the day before. It's low investment and as long as you keep it short and cordial you're not going to do any damage.

While I agree the risk is low, why introduce any risk?

Would you send of a day-of "are we still on?" text to confirm a job interview or a business meeting? Of course not. Because once the time & place have been agreed upon, it is expected that both parties are going to show up — or else there will be some kind of notification by the flaking party.

By asking her if she's going to show up, you are sending the message (however subtle) that you expect she might agree to do something with you and then change her mind ... and that means you are subtly condoning it.

Unless you're talking about sociopaths, very few people (even girls) are so callous as to completely no-show on an agreed-upon meeting without notification. If anything, not requesting a confirmation creates a disincentive against flake-outs because she now has to either initiate a conversation about her intention to flake or just no-show, both of which will make her feel like she's a bad person. If she's on the fence and you give her the opening, you've just made it easier for her to back out.

But most importantly — if you ride out your anxiety and wait for her to ask you if it's still on (which happens 99% of the time), you get to transfer that pre-date anxiety to her and come off as the disinterested party, which is exactly the situation you want.

Try it a few times. If it doesn't work out for you, I'll give you your money back. ;-)

[NYJ]

(03-13-2013 09:40 PM)WhiteFang Wrote:  

(03-13-2013 07:25 PM)NYJ Wrote:  

I disagree with the not sending a confirm text. Unless you set everything up the day before. It's low investment and as long as you keep it short and cordial you're not going to do any damage.

While I agree the risk is low, why introduce any risk?

Would you send of a day-of "are we still on?" text to confirm a job interview or a business meeting? Of course not. Because once the time & place have been agreed upon, it is expected that both parties are going to show up — or else there will be some kind of notification by the flaking party.

By asking her if she's going to show up, you are sending the message (however subtle) that you expect she might agree to do something with you and then change her mind ... and that means you are subtly condoning it.

Unless you're talking about sociopaths, very few people (even girls) are so callous as to completely no-show on an agreed-upon meeting without notification. If anything, not requesting a confirmation creates a disincentive against flake-outs because she now has to either initiate a conversation about her intention to flake or just no-show, both of which will make her feel like she's a bad person. If she's on the fence and you give her the opening, you've just made it easier for her to back out.

But most importantly — if you ride out your anxiety and wait for her to ask you if it's still on (which happens 99% of the time), you get to transfer that pre-date anxiety to her and come off as the disinterested party, which is exactly the situation you want.

Try it a few times. If it doesn't work out for you, I'll give you your money back. ;-)

After thinking about it a little more, you have a point. Why introduce the slightest amount of risk of error when you need to be running at top form. I shall go your route for the next few times and see how things go.

[WhiteFang]

(03-14-2013 10:37 AM)NYJ Wrote:  

After thinking about it a little more, you have a point. Why introduce the slightest amount of risk of error when you need to be running at top form. I shall go your route for the next few times and see how things go.

Good choice and clear thinking. Let me know how it goes for you.

[AneroidOcean]

(03-13-2013 08:05 PM)Ovid Wrote:  

As a man, everything you do (including mistakes) are correct if you maintain frame and do not apologize for things for which no apology/backing down is necessary.

Fixed that for you.

[MidniteSpecial]

Tell her Wednesday is the new Thursday.

[presidentcarter]

Plot thickens with this one. She just sent me this, a few hours before meet up.

"_my name_!....somehow i got an allergy on my left eye last night. I had to work from home today. Its a lot better, but still a lil swollen. Do you mind if we reschedule? Tomorrow or weekend?"

Submit your response.

[XXL]

"maybe next week. tell when you're free. we'll negotiate"

[AneroidOcean]

(03-14-2013 05:54 PM)presidentcarter Wrote:  

Plot thickens with this one. She just sent me this, a few hours before meet up.

"_my name_!....somehow i got an allergy on my left eye last night. I had to work from home today. Its a lot better, but still a lil swollen. Do you mind if we reschedule? Tomorrow or weekend?"

Submit your response.

Sounds fishy.

I would respond with as little as possible. "k"

Then hit her up tomorrow and suggest Sunday or a day next week (rarely are girls busy Sunday).

[WhiteFang]

#1 — Conventional wisdom says to give her the benefit of the doubt since she's giving you concrete reschedule options.

#2 — Great opportunity to get a weekend date! I rarely suggest to a girl that we have a first date on Fri/Sat since (IMO) it comes off as you don't have anything better to do ... but it's probably easier to get all the way home on a Fri/Sat and this is the type of opportunity where it's OK. So, blessing in disguise. That said, skip a day and go for the Sat date.

I don't think you want to show too much concern so I'd just keep it simple. "NP. Why don't we meet at XYZ at 9p on Sat instead?" Personally, I'd make XYZ a different bar than the one you were gonna meet her at originally. Then after she says "Sounds good! See you there!" you can say something like "I'll bring an eyepatch, just in case."

After that, radio silence — just show up. ;-)

[bojangles]

she's left it open by giving you other options, just tell her where and when you want to meet her.

[Menace]

My guess is a better offer came along and she is bumping you. An allergy in her left eye? Come on.

[el mechanico]

(03-15-2013 09:27 AM)Menace Wrote:  

My guess is a better offer came along and she is bumping you. An allergy in her left eye? Come on.

That's a good one.

Text her. "I get that sometimes send me a picture and I'll tell you what to do about it"

[el mechanico]

You guys are going to stop being afraid of these whores. I know you want to get laid but text in a manner that shows you dont care and have pussy on tap.

[NYJ]

That excuse sounds like bs. An allergy in the eye? That's a new one.

[presidentcarter]

(03-15-2013 12:58 PM)NYJ Wrote:  

That excuse sounds like bs. An allergy in the eye? That's a new one.

I know right. I said Saturday then (since it's a higher conversion potential anyway vs. weekday) and she replied "you always answering hours later haha...Sat sound good". Then I followed up with whitefang's eyepatch reply and got a "haha :/"