[CaliforniaKing]

Man I read everybody's different posts and threads on here and I feel like I'm SO far behind!

I'm a 19 year old sophomore at a university. Girls are EVERYWHERE, and it seems the older I get the more I catch girls, sometimes even grown women checking me out. However, I have never approached a girl I didn't know and asked for her phone number.

Everytime I tell myself that I am going to approach a girl, I seem to get this paralyzing intial fear. The longer I wait to approach, the more the fear grows. I was hoping that you guys could share some techniques or tricks that you use to help get past that initial fear, and maybe some nice openers?

[Ensam]

The best way is to put yourself in a situation where you'll start to see hot chicks as just normal people. Do a play or a musical or something like that. Or you can do like what one of my friends in college did and volunteer to keep score and volleyball games.

Another good tip is to just start talking to everybody you interact with. Guys and girls. Doesn't matter, just get good at banter with strangers. Some hot girls will naturally be in there and eventually you'll get past it.

[alphanov]

I'll tell you what got me started. First I went to a speed dating kind of thing, where you are forced to talk to many women. Then I went to a newcomer's kind of party, where it seemed natural to cold approach girls, because nobody knew anybody else. Then I finally grew the balls to cold approach in pubs, initially limiting myself to easy targets, i.e. lone girls (her friends are either smoking, ordering drinks, went to toilet, etc.) With every friendly girl you come across, your self-confidence grows.

[Wreckingball]

Important thing from roosh's teachings:
Stop describing girls as "hot" or similar. They are cute, ok, etc. Don't pedestalize them immediately on your head.

Talk with random people, don't be afraid to go to a store and ask for things even if you don't need it.
It's like talking in public. You need to overcome that fear, step by step.

[CaliforniaKing]

Thanks you guys. I like the idea of talking to the majority of people I come in contact with, guys or girls, because it's likely i'll have a chance to make a conversation out of it. Having never approached a girl, I have this mental image where everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. Maybe I should start with ugly chicks?

[Ensam]

Do not start with ugly chicks. They're also just people and run the gambit from nice to bitchy. If you get blown out by an ugly chick before you just see women as women your ego will take a hit because shit, you just got blown out by an ugly chick. That's a big part of the reason I only run game on women I'd be excited to fuck. No point in taking a potential ego hit for nothing.

[ElBorrachoInfamoso]

Start asking girls for Innocuous things.

Hey, do you have the time?
Do you know how to get to X?
Etc

[MidWest]

Hey man whats up. I also go to college and I was like you. I was scared of approaching anybody and very socially akward, but like many people here have said, you should talk to everybody everywhere wherever you are. You will notice that many people are like you if not even more socially akward. I remember talking to this Asian kid at the school cafeteria and just simply asked him how he was since I see him everyday, he looked from side to side and put his head down and said "fine". He thought it was weird for me to ask him that. After that I just never talked to him because I dont want to be associated with people like that. Once you become more sociable females will come and you will have the confidence to talk to girls. You also have to believe that every girl aint shit, and if they reject you fuck it, Next!

[Jonathon]

Take the convenience out of your life, talking to everyone is great and you definitely should but start going out of your way to talk to people. Like instead of going through the drive thru go inside and talk to the tellers, when you go to the bank engage the tellers in conversation. I love doing this at Walmart personally simply because Walmart people either kinda blow you off or (more often for me) offer hilarious stories and conversation.

Women should not be on a pedestle Stop thinking as women as something you hold to some other higher standard. In reality it should be their pleasure to talk to you

Hold no bitch higher than the any other and it shall come to you. Plus the more you approach the less this anxiety will hit you. Granted it will be there for some time, but simply approach and eventually the most of it will generally fade.

[Ovid]

Go somewhere else. Somewhere where you'll never see the girls again and won't have to worry about bombing spectacularly in a way which will negatively affect your image. Then treat it as a game. You'll have nothing to lose. Pretty soon it will seem like no big deal to approach an attractive girl and chat her up. You will always have a little flutter of apprehension, that's natural. It need not be petrifying, though. If you have a fake ID go to clubs and bars. Alcohol and the very social atmosphere makes approaching much easier.

[Jaylow]

best tips

1) approach girls you find unattractive and game them
2) find a buddy who has more confidence than you and when you are walking around outside tell him if he approaches a girl then you will too

[babelfish669]

Something that's worth adding, in the US you will never again be in an environment with such a huge volume of attractive approachable girls.

They might not all be skinny blondes, and some will be a little chubby, but in 10 years if you packed all of those girls in one gymnasium there won't be many hot ones left.

[not-a-pua]

I'm a very closed up person. I recommend you start talking to random people. Like if you're at an event. Put yourself out there. Engage a little bit. Even if it's just five minutes.
I give you one example: I went to an event and people would arrive slowly. So the girl that would get the cash for the event had time to talk. I could have paid and started moving on, but I stayed with her and proclaimed: Hey, let's talk a bit. Then I moved on and talked to some other guests. It is actually hard work of you're not naturally open and chatty.
It really comes down to practice. I think it might even change body language over time. Now it happens that I'm standing there and someone will open me up.

[ChocolateCockOfZeus]

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[RouteBackwards]

(03-07-2013 05:25 PM)CaliforniaKing Wrote:  

Man I read everybody's different posts and threads on here and I feel like I'm SO far behind!

I'm a 19 year old sophomore at a university. Girls are EVERYWHERE, and it seems the older I get the more I catch girls, sometimes even grown women checking me out. However, I have never approached a girl I didn't know and asked for her phone number.

Everytime I tell myself that I am going to approach a girl, I seem to get this paralyzing intial fear. The longer I wait to approach, the more the fear grows. I was hoping that you guys could share some techniques or tricks that you use to help get past that initial fear, and maybe some nice openers?

Chris Rex, a pick up artist I speak fondly of, emailed me this when I asked him about other ways to get over your fear of approaching since I told him I was scared as fuck and had a retarded amount of doubts when talking to women.

It was quite inspirational and I ended up starting to take on a I don't give a fuck attitude.

THE EMAIL

NOTE: I doubt he'd care that I'm posting this here, he was cool as fuck about spreading his ideas and such, and this isn't uber personal or anything. Plus I don't know what in the world happened to him, hopefully he's still banging bitches and living an exciting life.

Quote:

Ok so you have doubts. How have things been going the way you've done them? If they are working for you then you wouldn't be in the situation you are in. People have a tendency to doubt the un-tried and unknown, so they find comfort in sticking to their same old, unsuccessful ways. There are a million reasons to doubt something.

Look dude, this is up to you. No one in your life gives a fuck if you get good at pickup. So you either follow my instructions in the book or you do not. What you do now will directly determine the outcome of the rest of your life. Choose wisely, you only get one chance.

Never ask a girl questions that make her think. Go up to a girl and ask her to marry you. When she laughs, hold her hand and tell her she's your new girlfriend then kiss her cheek. Then bring her to your friends and introduce her as your gf. Then sit her down and tell her that you never go out, and that its rare you find someone you can actually talk to. Then talk to her.

[JayRock604]

The way that I got over my approach anxiety was just talking to myself (in my head of course) in a condescending way, sort of like how those nagging bullies talk when your twelve.
When I was thinking "oh man I'm scared to talk to her, what if it blows up in my face?" I'd just say in my head "oh, what, your scared of this young girl? whats she gonna do to you hahaha". Hell no I'm not scared! Then I'd go chat her up. Even if I got blown out of the water I could hold my head high.
I'm pretty sure I stole the idea from somewhere here on the forum so I can't take credit for this, but this is what worked for me. Also, to warm up into this I just started giving a "hey, how's it going" to almost everyone I was passing. Even to juiced up Ed hardy bros, old folks, young folks, cute girls etc.
Good luck man, biggest thing in my opinion is to not think about it and just act. Pretend someone else is controlling your body like a robot beep boop boo

[bojangles]

pick up 20 "leaves"(pieces of paper/whatever) at the start of your day

you have to get rid of these "leaves" by approaching, one "leaf" for every approach

the first 5 girls, ask for directions or for the time, thank them and roll off
the next 5 girls, ask for directions or time and continue the conversation for as long as you can
the next 5 girls, open them with situational openers (indirect)
the final 5, hit on them direct.

Do this 2 days in a row it'll drop your anxiety fast.

[gandt]

The was I got started was by my buddy literally pushing me towards a girl until I had no choice but to say hi and chat her up. It was brutal, I remember how scared I was. The girl wasn't even that attractive. The whole thing was absolutely brutal (interaction wise). But then after I realized how damn easy it was I couldn't care less anymore and just did it on my own

[Captain Ahab]

I struggle with this.

Looking to combat it tonight with my first night out.

The only advice I can give you is understand it is all in your head. You should be thinking "What is the worse that can happen?"

I understand that anxiety makes you feel like there is a tiger in the room though. It is an annoying feeling but it can be put in its place.

Also, I make sure to meditate and do a heavy work out at the start of the day. I focus on deep breathing during my meditation.

That helps me a bit.

[el mechanico]

(03-15-2013 09:50 AM)Captain Ahab Wrote:  

I struggle with this.

Looking to combat it tonight with my first night out.

The only advice I can give you is understand it is all in your head. You should be thinking "What is the worse that can happen?"

I understand that anxiety makes you feel like there is a tiger in the room though. It is an annoying feeling but it can be put in its place.

Also, I make sure to meditate and do a heavy work out at the start of the day. I focus on deep breathing during my meditation.

That helps me a bit.

I did this right in front of you and it didn't even seem like a calculated approach. Don't worry so much just flow and talk to whoever you want.

[Bill Brasky]

(03-07-2013 06:41 PM)Ensam Wrote:  

Do not start with ugly chicks. They're also just people and run the gambit from nice to bitchy. If you get blown out by an ugly chick before you just see women as women your ego will take a hit because shit, you just got blown out by an ugly chick. That's a big part of the reason I only run game on women I'd be excited to fuck. No point in taking a potential ego hit for nothing.

Agreed. It seems counterintuitive, but many low SMV women are vicious and get a rush out of shooting guys out of the sky. It makes them feel better about themselves.

Many very attractive women are actually very nice and will, even if not sexually interested, still talk to you.

Rollo Tomassi says it best, "better to aim high and fail than aim low and succeed."

[sandman972]

Simplicity is a beauty. If you don't approach you will not get laid. That's it.

You are right about the anxiety growing the more you wait. This why you need to approach so much so that it becomes more of an impulse rather than a calculated action.

Don't over think the approach either, don't think up some contrived opener, open with a simple " hey I see you on campus all the time, whats your name". Be natural, confident and you will be just fine. You are in a unique environment that requires minimal game level, enjoy it!