[kerouac]

Hey everyone, I know this is meant more as a forum for picking up girls... but...

I have a girlfriend.

It happened like this. I had just come back from an amazing vacation, and during this vacation I had a great time, met great people, and learned more about myself. I developed an amazing sense of confidence, so when I got back to my college campus, girls were all over me. Then one night at a party I met a girl. Next day we saw each other, exchanged numbers, met up that same night, and I layed her, and I layed her well.

Right before I layed her though, I told myself that this should just be a one night stand. So much for that.

The thing is, the next day I was fine. I felt great, even more confident after bedding a good looking girl, and as I walked around campus I felt incredibly confident, and girls would eye me like they were all in heat. It was awesome. What a great time. I remember it well. Anyway, somehow, I thought in my head that since it was my last year in college, it would be good to settle with someone and focus on the LSATs.

So she happened to be there and played enough games to attract my rotten self-deprecating soul, and we ended up hanging out more and more with her.

The unfortunate thing though, was that the reason I stayed with her was that she was younger than me (I was 22, she 18), and I thought it would be cool.

Anyway, Now i've been with her for 2 years, and I hate it. She still plays games, and I can't seem to get rid of her. I am also at a point where I am a ball-less douche that can't control himself around other girls. I am horny, and I just want sex. Thanks to her, and her always readiness to engage in some hot sex, I am used to just getting it wherever whenever. Anyway...

I want to change my life. Because of her, i have given in to weakness and have given up on the LSATs, and most other things in life. I just want to have fun, and I'm living at my parent's house, and not accomplishing much in my life.

Therefore, the girl is part of the problem.
Anybody have any suggestions on how to get out of a rut, and start fresh again?
I want the excitement I had 2 years ago, but I also want to look out for the future. of #1.

How do you become confident again when you are in a hole?

[broken]

sleep with another chick, and let her find out.

Kills 2 birds with 1 stone.

Or you can just man up and break up with her.

[james]

(08-13-2008 02:05 PM)broken Wrote:  

sleep with another chick, and let her find out.

Kills 2 birds with 1 stone.

Or you can just man up and break up with her.

co-sign

nothing too harsh though, remember Karma.

[Roosh]

You have issues that no simple piece of advice is going to help. Nothing short of dumping her and her golden pussy and building your confidence over time with projects and game practice will change things.

You see you want to get out of the hole, but i don't know how sincere you are about it. Sounds like you've become complacent. Two years?

[finefantastic]

"I want to change my life. Because of her, i have given in to weakness and have given up on the LSATs, and most other things in life."

Don't allow yourself to blame someone else for your own problems. If she is a distraction, get rid of her. You'll eventually gain more confidence as you do things on your own. It's going to be a slow, boring process.

[Peoloom]

(08-13-2008 01:32 PM)kerouac Wrote:  

I want to change my life. Because of her, i have given in to weakness and have given up on the LSATs, and most other things in life. I just want to have fun, and I'm living at my parent's house, and not accomplishing much in my life.

Therefore, the girl is part of the problem.

Grow up and take some responsibility for your own actions. You want change? What's stopping you?

[Needless]

Sounds like you might accomplish even less if you dumped her. Right now, you have easy sex whenever you want it. After you dump her, you'll need to put in a lot more time and effort, which means less time for these esteem-enhancing projects or whatever. Or is she a real drain on time, always wanting to be with you?

[kerouac]

I think Roosh is right on this. It requires much more than an easy fix, and it is going to take a bit of effort, and yes... i probably (very likely) have become complacent.

I guess the only thing holding me back at this point is fear. Fear of the future.

I expected coming out of college that finding a decent job would be easy, but as far as I've witnessed, I was pretty naive to think that.

I was watching this documentary on the Dallas Cowboys, and though I'm not a big fan of football, it is still impressive to hear the coaches (new and old) and the things they have to say to motivate you.

This one old coach has been running for everyday for the past 20 years, and his son asked him, "Dad, don't you ever wake up and just tell yourself that you don't want to run?" And the dad replies, "My body has been telling me not to run ever since I started, but my mind yells at me 'Damnit, just get running already!'"

I think it is good to have that voice of pressure in your head to motivate you. It is good to feel ashamed of yourself, and in this case I should be fairly ashamed of myself, and not just because of the girlfriend.

[Needless]

You've not explained why any of this is her fault. You're unemployment, have been unmotivated to change at least until lately and feel pessimistic about your employment prospects. Why would ditching her change that?

[kerouac]

(08-15-2008 03:27 AM)Needless Wrote:  

You've not explained why any of this is her fault. You're unemployment, have been unmotivated to change at least until lately and feel pessimistic about your employment prospects. Why would ditching her change that?

My intention when I started this post was not to blame her for anything. She is basically a symbol of my downfall when I bring her up. The only reason I brought up girlfriend, I think, is that I never wanted one, and I ended up getting one-- mainly through her persistence.

It completely makes sense to me why should would want to play games every now and then, and for me to fall for those games basically shows that I have a weakness.

Early on in our relationship, when I was fairly confident that the relationship itself would not last very long, I had no problem disregarding her games. Eventually, the more I hung out with her, the less sure I was about myself. I remember constantly thinking I should just leave this and go somewhere else. I need to move on and find another girl. She isn't right for me. Then before I knew it, I am in this current situation, where I've been with her for almost two years.

What held me back from moving on in the first place? Well, I attribute it mostly to laziness. Laziness and fear.

Instead of going out and meeting new girls, I liked the feeling of having her come over and us having a good night. I liked that she was young, european, energetic, etc.

Who knows, maybe I was meant to have her as a girlfriend. All I know is that even though I may have a girlfriend, I am in no way sexually satisfied by just one girl.

[troglodyte]

kerouac, i understand your problem. my last girlfriend made me happy, but i also always was thinking can i do better. then i lost her and i have doubts about myself. thats where im now: trying to improve on my past success.

[iknowexactly]

Think in concrete, observable action terms of what you have to do, rather than blaming her, thinking in terms of "downfall," abstract bullshit like that. For instance, make two calls a day to find a job.

Not having a job is a big ego buster. . You may be clinically depressed, or have some type of physical problem, if you lack the energy to take action to change a situation you don't like. Lifetime incidence of major depression is about 80%, and of course, most don't ever get treatment. (80% of people will suffer from major depression at some point in their life.)

Get a full physical checkup; I found out I had very low vitamin D ( northern town) as well as high blood pressure.

Cue uneducated yahoos to chime in with "No such thing as depression man, just "sack up" and CHANGE."

[Veloce]

OP: I've been where you are, several times. Each breakup gets easier. The first time I broke a girl's heart was at your age. Do this:
Imagine the worst case scenario. I'm not sure what your living situation is with her or how tied up you are. Let's imagine that you live together and have a joint bank account. (One of my relationships was this scenario) You'll lose money, you'll go through days of emotional turmoil. You'll get physically sick. There will be days where you experience self loathing on a massive level. You might become self-destructive. She'll be devastated. She'll cry and tell you all the hopes and dreams she had for the two of you. Whatever you can imagine, do it. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual destruction. Got a nice horrible picture in your head?
Now, how bad is it really? Not that bad. Life goes on, and you'll be better off. You'll never know how strong you are unless you test yourself. You're holding yourself back for...what? Think about your future self, the image of how you want to be. What is it? Independent successful playboy with a harem of models begging for your attention? The only way to get from here to there is change, and really drastic, fear-inducing, painful, uncomfortable change.

As I get older in life, I notice those incidents that seemed so debilitating and destructive were actually the impetus for a new phase. Either a new job, or a new level of maturity and growth, new pussy, new something. You sound like you want something new. Well, the only way to do that is through some serious discomfort and action.

I don't believe anyone was "meant" to have anything, girlfriend or otherwise. I think you're afraid at the moment, but you need to start a chain reaction of mental association where you start seeing that things are never NEARLY as bad as you imagine them to be in your head. The more you start breaking through that mental barrier, the more positive change you will see in your life and the more personal happiness you'll take for yourself.

If you do find yourself with another girlfriend, make sure she meets a list of requirements before you decide to take things seriously with her. That shouldn't include "still plays games".

All apologies if this post was too Tony Robbins...

[kerouac]

A trip down memory lane.

If there's one thing i've learned since that relationship is that you sometimes just have to let things run their course. Over-thinking and, more importantly, trying to logically change your emotions, just don't work. I've realized there are only a few things one can control, the rest one can only try to influence.

The most important thing is to understand your wants and figure out a strategic course towards the right direction. Less gusto, more strategic action.

[Veloce]

ha, i didn't notice the date. whoops

[Gmac]

Do exactly what I did. Completely break it off with this girl the next time you feel any anger towards her. Don't back down and don't crawl back to her. You'll go through a minor depression but you will bounce back fast. Trust me on this.

Funny, I didn't notice the time stamp either. Trog is a thread necro too.