Some final thoughts before you go out to test your pickup skills:
• Be Louder – Err on the side of being too loud rather than too quiet, especially in noisy venues. In any approach you make, every member of the group should be able to hear you comfortably. Vocal muscles are like any other muscles. You need to work them out. They will tire and become sore. And then your body will repair them to be stronger and more effective.
• Improvise – Canned material is fine, but don't make it a crutch. You should never leave a conversation because you "ran out of things to say." Improvise. Try something – anything! Even "so, uhhh, where are you from?" is better than wandering off. You may not come up with the next spectacular line right away, but your subconscious will be thinking about it. Stay in enough conversations without a safety net of canned material, and you'll start to get really, really good.
• Smile on the approach – You don't have to keep your smile plastered on, but smile in the first 1-3 seconds when you first approach. This will make people, especially women, more open to you.
• Stand up straight – If she can't hear you, don't lean in, be louder. If you can't hear her – who cares. At least for the first minute or two. Just continue with what you are talking about or start a new conversational thread. After a few minutes, or when you need to work in qualification, then you can move her (or the group) somewhere quieter.
• Be 'normal' and social – not a pickup shark – Don't circle around the venue looking for your prey. Those guys are "losers" and women don't want any part of them. Don't stand side by side with your guy friend, intently watching everyone else, and then finally approaching a girl. Trust me, the girl saw you staring earlier. Instead, relax, be social, and have fun! Talk to guys, mixed groups, women you're not attracted to, whoever is there. Apply the Love Systems teachings from within that framework. Oh, by the way, if you don't find yourself successfully doing this, then make sure you go out a few times to the very same venues that you would use to meet women, but instead practice just being social and part of the larger group. When you do this, don't bother with the structure of the Emotional Progression Model (part of the Love Systems Triad Model). Don't pick up any women. Just talk, have fun, get comfortable with your surroundings, and meet people. Then go back and use your new social skills as a jumping off point for the 9 phases and your routines.
• Approach immediately to prevent any form of anxiety building up. There are some exceptions to this, but use it as a guideline.
With a trained instructor, bypassing these and about a dozen more typical "new guy" mistakes can be accomplished quickly. By yourself, it may take a while, so be persistent and don't lose faith. Remember – we were all in your shoes once. Every Love Systems instructor was once a student. So we understand the road you're on, and we want you to succeed.
Speaking of success, learning to be good with women has often been compared to climbing a mountain. At first, you're on the bottom and can only see the first crest. It looks like the top of the mountain, but you know it's not. Kind of like – you see your first challenge, or sticking point, might be delivering good attraction material. Then you get that down, and you notice that your interactions with women are falling apart because of bad body language. You didn't know you had improvement opportunities with your body language before, because you were getting blown out before that problem could surface. So that's the next crest, and so on. Learning these skills can be thought of in some ways as being a process of sequentially solving increasingly advanced sticking points.
-NS
• Be Louder – Err on the side of being too loud rather than too quiet, especially in noisy venues. In any approach you make, every member of the group should be able to hear you comfortably. Vocal muscles are like any other muscles. You need to work them out. They will tire and become sore. And then your body will repair them to be stronger and more effective.
• Improvise – Canned material is fine, but don't make it a crutch. You should never leave a conversation because you "ran out of things to say." Improvise. Try something – anything! Even "so, uhhh, where are you from?" is better than wandering off. You may not come up with the next spectacular line right away, but your subconscious will be thinking about it. Stay in enough conversations without a safety net of canned material, and you'll start to get really, really good.
• Smile on the approach – You don't have to keep your smile plastered on, but smile in the first 1-3 seconds when you first approach. This will make people, especially women, more open to you.
• Stand up straight – If she can't hear you, don't lean in, be louder. If you can't hear her – who cares. At least for the first minute or two. Just continue with what you are talking about or start a new conversational thread. After a few minutes, or when you need to work in qualification, then you can move her (or the group) somewhere quieter.
• Be 'normal' and social – not a pickup shark – Don't circle around the venue looking for your prey. Those guys are "losers" and women don't want any part of them. Don't stand side by side with your guy friend, intently watching everyone else, and then finally approaching a girl. Trust me, the girl saw you staring earlier. Instead, relax, be social, and have fun! Talk to guys, mixed groups, women you're not attracted to, whoever is there. Apply the Love Systems teachings from within that framework. Oh, by the way, if you don't find yourself successfully doing this, then make sure you go out a few times to the very same venues that you would use to meet women, but instead practice just being social and part of the larger group. When you do this, don't bother with the structure of the Emotional Progression Model (part of the Love Systems Triad Model). Don't pick up any women. Just talk, have fun, get comfortable with your surroundings, and meet people. Then go back and use your new social skills as a jumping off point for the 9 phases and your routines.
• Approach immediately to prevent any form of anxiety building up. There are some exceptions to this, but use it as a guideline.
With a trained instructor, bypassing these and about a dozen more typical "new guy" mistakes can be accomplished quickly. By yourself, it may take a while, so be persistent and don't lose faith. Remember – we were all in your shoes once. Every Love Systems instructor was once a student. So we understand the road you're on, and we want you to succeed.
Speaking of success, learning to be good with women has often been compared to climbing a mountain. At first, you're on the bottom and can only see the first crest. It looks like the top of the mountain, but you know it's not. Kind of like – you see your first challenge, or sticking point, might be delivering good attraction material. Then you get that down, and you notice that your interactions with women are falling apart because of bad body language. You didn't know you had improvement opportunities with your body language before, because you were getting blown out before that problem could surface. So that's the next crest, and so on. Learning these skills can be thought of in some ways as being a process of sequentially solving increasingly advanced sticking points.
-NS
