[1bliss]

Somebody explain this to me...

Met girl through mutual friends, she's a wifey material, great girl, has her priorities straight, 2 years older than me, was with a guy on and off for 5 years but not anymore, been with other guys but doesn't sleep around, is very insecure despite being hot, etc.

Hung out with her 3 times, we didn't make out or fuck, but we would be touching each other all night; holding hands, undoing her shirt in the club, she kisses my neck, I grab her ass, my hands are always on her thighs, she takes my hand and puts it between her legs to 'warm it up', she has ripped my dress shirt right open, etc. She tells me she's attracted to me, tells me I'm hot, always mentions me and other girls (she met my ex fuck-buddy through her other friend... small world), etc etc. This is all in person.

BUT over text she is very platonic. Met her back in September, and only seen her 3 times, and a 4th time she dropped by the bar for like 10 minutes. Anyway, I caught feelings for this girl (I know, bad idea but nothing I can do about it), so I wanted to see her more. She does flirt every now and then, but then goes a bit distant/platonic when she gets really busy OR always mentions me being a player or not believing I am being serious with the shit I'm saying to her (ex: I bet this works on all your other victims... what # am I, #9?). She has been calling me trouble ever since we met and basically I feel like I have been friendzoned in the past 2 months since she has used the term 'friend' a lot and 'basketball buddy' (took her to her first NBA game, date went well IMO). Saying shit like "don't be scared of my grumpiness I'm still your friendd Joe. Have a fun night goodnighttt".

PS Those 3 times that I did see her, they were all about 1.5 month apart from each other every time, so they weren't all within the same month or anything.

To me obviously platonic = friendzoned. But why would she show so much attraction? And why would she show interest as well in the first 2 months (she would even tell me shit like why don't I call her and that she shouldn't go out with guys who don't call her to ask her out, etc).

Where we stand now: I asked her on a date 2 weeks ago after she went completely cold on me... she said "yeah I wanted to talk to you about stuff kinda some time soon, like if we hang out". Said she's busy that Saturday but that she can always come by on weekdays when I have some time. So I messaged her on a tuesday telling her I'm free after 6 if she wants to 'hang out', she didn't even reply. This was last Tuesday.

Obviously I am going no-contact and disregarding her from here on, but I am still curious and confused about what might have happened. I'd like to know so I don't have a dark cloud over my head pissing me off.

[_GQ_]

Maybe it's because she thinks you're a sucker. If she's giving you all of that physical attention why haven't you at least kissed her?! Makes no sense to me.

[presidentcarter]

(01-22-2013 11:09 AM)1bliss Wrote:  

Somebody explain this to me...


Hung out with her 3 times, we didn't make out or fuck, but we would be touching each other all night; holding hands, undoing her shirt in the club, she kisses my neck, I grab her ass, my hands are always on her thighs, she takes my hand and puts it between her legs to 'warm it up', she has ripped my dress shirt right open, etc.

[Menace]

Quote:

Met girl through mutual friends, she's a wifey material,

Stop right there. How do you know this? You hung out with her 3 times, did not bang, and you think she is wifey material? Listen, you can't even get evidence a woman is wifey material until you have a) spent at least 1 year with her, b) seen what she's like when things go wrong for her and for you. You are dangerously projecting onto her and putting her on a pedestal, and I bet she can subconsciously sense it. She's insecure...this is not a good thing, I know you think it may be charming b/c she's hot and supposedly doesn't know her own value (is this really ever true except in less Western societies...I really wonder), but insecurity in women is not a good trait long term.

Stop trying to figure out why girls do what they do or what they think. It is a really liberating feeling. Only their actions matter. Forget anything they tell you within 24 hours. Considering you havent even kissed her, I'd say it's a lost cause, but hell anything can happen. If you do manage to go out with her again make sure it's just you two and go for the bang (not just the kiss).

[Avarence]

(01-22-2013 11:09 AM)1bliss Wrote:  

Hung out with her 3 times, we didn't make out or fuck, but we would be touching each other all night; holding hands, undoing her shirt in the club, she kisses my neck, I grab her ass, my hands are always on her thighs, she takes my hand and puts it between her legs to 'warm it up', she has ripped my dress shirt right open, etc.

Did you ever initiate a makeout and get denied?
Or did you just never have the guts to even try making out?

If it's the former, she's an interesting case.
If it's the latter, you're kind of a pussy.

[UgSlayer]

There are many things you did wrong with this girl.

You didn't pull the trigger and got nexted, son.

She's constantly shit-testing you on the phone. For a lot of guys, the less you're on the phone, the better. Too much time on the phone is implicitly stating that you need her emotionally.

Next time you meet a girl and she says you're a player, say "yup". Or ignore it completely.

If you stick around, you are now an orbiter. It happens to the best of us. Pursue other girls, cold approach, and things will get better.

I promise.

[theIVth]

Yea, not smashing or even kissing after all that physical contact you claimed you guys had was a bad move. She may just not feel that your up to par now since you didnt even try to smash and havent even kissed her. Personally, I dont think its a total lost cause tho. You can talk a woman out of her panties and back into the fold if you know how to do it. But itll probably take you just seeing her again by coincidence and then essentially re-pulling her or waiting months (at least 2 or 3) to reach back out to her.

For now just pull new chicks.

[1bliss]

The 2nd time I saw her (our actual date to an NBA game + drinks after) she was sick as a dog so I couldn't make a move. But we got into an accident (a bus hit us a little) and it was cold out so she took my hand and put it in between her legs while sleeping on my arm. And she always touches my legs and arms so I do the same. Right after this, she kept telling me that she has a month left until she graduates and that we will stay in touch. So I assumed she is movig on so I stopped initiating as much. But then she came back around a month later and initiated 2 convos with me.

The 3rd time I saw her she came out with a friend of hers, we pregamed and hit a bar. This night she was telling my friend that I'm hot, that I look like some singer who she thinks is hot, and she was touchy but not as much as the 1st night. But she did rip my shirt open this night. We were drunk and I did peck her on the lips by grabbing her face (I do this often with her). I don't recall her reaction or what happened after, but it was basically on her way out as they were leaving. They stopped and talked to me for a few mins so I pulled a peck. Like I said I don't remember it being anything special or what the reaction was, but the next night she asked me where I'm partying and she literally showed up for 10 mins and left cuz her friend wanted to go to her other friend's birthday.

I personally do not think this girl is the type to just bang. She told me that her ex (which she was on and off with for 5 years) wasn't a virgin when they started dating and it was a shock to her. To her and all her friends, they're not the type to sleep around and just bang. But you never know. Either way my goal isn't only to smash her (though I would love to obviously). During our hang outs she says shit like how she likes brown eyes vs coloured eyes (I have brown eyes), that her friends think im cute, that in psychology they say a woman is attracted to a man who is like her brothers/father and that I'm quiet like her brothers, etc. so attraction/interest WAS there but out of the blue it seems she went distant on me. Maybe it was cuz we didn't 'kiss' early on. But there was still a ton of physical attraction and I was still touching her in very sexual ways.

I should also add... She told me she might be going to brazil to teach for a year in April now that she's done school and then come back and go to teachers college. So I understand if she doesn't want anything serious as she might be leaving. But she hasn't given me closure or hasn't been direct with me about our situation.

I've always given her the benefit of the doubt with her excuses/reasons because she actually is a very busy girl, but then after awhile it gets confusing. I'm thinking of obviously not contactin her for awhile until she figures out if she's going to brazil or not, although I'm not sure if that's the reason why she is held back and friendzoned me.

[theIVth]

Sounds like this girl is just faster than you and she's knows it. She's older than you, is moving and shaking and KNOWS that you really like her. She's more than likely attracted to you physically but socially she probably doesn't really feel that your really a man yet. She's looking at you as just being young and cute...and harmless. Being seen as harmless can make some girls feel like they need to be extra chaste. Again, not going at her super hard sexually only reinforced these feelings about you. You can pull this chick again tho. You just gotta get a little more experience where she can see it on you.

Wait a couple months and hit her back up. For now just pull new chicks and get your stick wet.

[Matt3B]

I think you will find all your answers yourself if you read that back and imagine it was someone else on here who posted it.

Especially this bit: "I personally do not think this girl is the type to just bang."

[1bliss]

I see what you guys mean. It does feel kinda weird for me to be talking to her I'm not sure why, never felt this with any chick before. It's like something is wrong or something is different...

So after not hitting her up for a couple months, should I just wait till she hits me back up or what? Cuz remember she might be going to Brazil in April, she's still working on it and rethinking whether she should go or stay here and do teacher's college...

[Matt3B]

I'd say forget her for a while, then hit her up before she leaves if she doesn't get to you first and go all out nuclear war on her pussy. She'll probably comment about how you've changed and she likes it. It's vital that you give a bit of time for her perception of you to change effectively, you can't see her one week and be how you are then the next week completely change yourself to get in her pants.

Remember, all chicks love to be choked. Don't fanny around through fear of being invasive or that "she's not that type", just get to the point with her.

[Walderschmidt]

In general, pay attention to what a girl does, not so much what she says.

[xsplat]

I'll agree that thinking of her as wife material is getting ahead of yourself. Even most wives aren't wife material, and the husband doesn't learn about that until years in.

You have this idea that if the girl doesn't fuck around much then she can be sincere. It doesn't work that way. I knew a 19 year old virgin who was the hardest core player I'd ever come across. She'd do the same as the girl you describe - all hot and cold. Flirty as hell, but no follow through.

Virgins are not naive. Women are not naive. They know exactly what they are doing. They know what a cock is and they know the power they wield over men who want to fuck them.

You got played. She got attention from you, and you got nothing. One zero in her favor.

Stop thinking that sexual promiscuity has anything to do with sincerity, and stop taking that pretty smile and flirtatious vibe to mean anything more than "I like it when you find me sexy".

Actions.

If you aren't fucking, she is winning. You are spending attention without return on investment.

And girls like that. They get a sick and twisted thrill out of using guys for attention. It's deliberate.

That's why men have countermeasures, such as the three date rule. Or hot and heavy escalation, forcing her hand to either reject you or get on with it.

Many guys will advise that it's a mental error to catch feelings, but my experience is closer to yours. It's not under your control. But you do have control over your actions, and so while you are still infatuated with this chick, try to loosen up that infatuation by developing some interests in other girls. Don't try to stop thinking about her - for some of us guys we just have to let the feelings follow their course. But it's easy for girls to play guys like us unless we are strict with boundaries, and that can be difficult when we're infatuated. So our countermeasures are to not show as much enthusiasm as we feel, and to tightly modulate our responses to her depending on her actions.

But that's tricky to put into words, because when escalating you can show strong interest an passion, and overwhelm her with your horny interest. Keep going a bit after she says stop, and then back way off when she continues to say stop, and then wait for her to come to you to re-initiate. That's the push and pull, and you use your strong passion in that as your pull. The stronger passions that you feel, having caught feelings, can be used to great advantage in fast seduction, but it takes some practice to do so from a place of confidence and dominance, rather than supplication and need.

If you have feelings chances are that you want to suck her in to a whirl-wind of romance. That can be done, if she isn't just being a cock tease. And my feeling is that this girl is pure cock tease, and that you never stood any chance with her. Not even 1 percent.

But feelings can be harnessed to your advantage in a powerful way, when the girl is feeling you. You can draw her into your web - even if she is a hard core player girl. But that's a whole nuther long conversation. The issue you have now is seeing the signs of a cock tease.

[ausnat]

Another guy has entered the picture that she likes more, move on

[Blaster]

Seems like a lost cause to me. I just wanted to point out that sometimes girls are uncomfortable with sexting or otherwise being flirty over the phone. In those cases it's best to avoid texting too much except to arrange dates.

[1bliss]

I doubt another guy entered the picture because like I said she is most likely going to Brazil for a year in April. I doubt she would get into anything serious right now, that just wouldn't be smart. At some point I thought that was the reason she was being a little held back, and now I'm hoping that that's what she wanted to talk about when she said "yeah I wanted to talk to you about stuff kinda sometime soon, like if we hangout" - this was her reply after I said "I still wanna take you on a date, Brazil or not."

But as most of you said, it's most likely her just loving the attention (hence going hot and cold), and having a thrill out of playing with my mind. She probably just liked the idea of me at first and had a crush but now is just over it. At least that's the way I'm going to take it as and move on. Maybe message her in a couple months to see what's happening with Brazil and wish her good luck or something.

[Ray Carlton]

(01-23-2013 12:28 PM)1bliss Wrote:  

I doubt another guy entered the picture because like I said she is most likely going to Brazil for a year in April. I doubt she would get into anything serious right now, that just wouldn't be smart. At some point I thought that was the reason she was being a little held back, and now I'm hoping that that's what she wanted to talk about when she said "yeah I wanted to talk to you about stuff kinda sometime soon, like if we hangout" - this was her reply after I said "I still wanna take you on a date, Brazil or not."

But as most of you said, it's most likely her just loving the attention (hence going hot and cold), and having a thrill out of playing with my mind. She probably just liked the idea of me at first and had a crush but now is just over it. At least that's the way I'm going to take it as and move on. Maybe message her in a couple months to see what's happening with Brazil and wish her good luck or something.

There is no reason to wish her good luck.

Meet her one more time, go for the bang within 30 minutes. If she refuses to bang, it will never happen anyway.

[1bliss]

(01-23-2013 01:04 PM)Mike OBrien Wrote:  

(01-23-2013 12:28 PM)1bliss Wrote:  

I doubt another guy entered the picture because like I said she is most likely going to Brazil for a year in April. I doubt she would get into anything serious right now, that just wouldn't be smart. At some point I thought that was the reason she was being a little held back, and now I'm hoping that that's what she wanted to talk about when she said "yeah I wanted to talk to you about stuff kinda sometime soon, like if we hangout" - this was her reply after I said "I still wanna take you on a date, Brazil or not."

But as most of you said, it's most likely her just loving the attention (hence going hot and cold), and having a thrill out of playing with my mind. She probably just liked the idea of me at first and had a crush but now is just over it. At least that's the way I'm going to take it as and move on. Maybe message her in a couple months to see what's happening with Brazil and wish her good luck or something.

There is no reason to wish her good luck.

Meet her one more time, go for the bang within 30 minutes. If she refuses to bang, it will never happen anyway.

Yeah you're right. I'll message her about Brazil after going no-contact for a couple months, then tell her we should go for drinks before she leaves.

Face to face I have no problems with her. She's a different girl in person, way easier to deal with, it just flows. And her body language doesn't lie, she can't hide interest in person. The whole time she's touchy, can't hold eye contact too long with me before she looks down (meaning she feels insecure/intimidated), always insecure around me saying things like "omg don't look at my nails, you're used to seeing nice beautiful hands all the time!" (referring to my sister's hands and another girl mutual friend who is a close family friend), etc.

[GenJx]

we need a oneitis or NEXT emoticon