[Asaxon]

How do you guys handle tardiness when it comes to dates? And how come women beg you to forgive them sometimes and when you do they change from sorry to angry?
Here is tonight's situation which has happened to me in different ways before:
I let her set time and place for our third date due to her work schedule. I arrived on time, got a text saying she would be 15 mins late. After 20 mins I texted a single "?", after 25 I left. She tried to call and text dozens of times after 40 mins, I texted " you wasted my time. I have lost interest". When I got to my hotel room she was waiting in the hallway crying. She pushed her way in and locked herself in the bathroom. After 10 mins I asked her to come out, she hugged me and apologized, I got a bit horny, said I would let it slide for today. She then cried more but pulled back, saying " not my fault, many people on the road today. I don't want to waste your time anymore". I was surprised but just shrugged it off. Now she has been on my bed for half an hour waiting for her tears to dry before goin to work. Obviously an excuse to stay but why? Trying to get me to feel sorry for her? Very peculiar

[Walderschmidt]

I don't have a standard procedure for when a girl is late other than to just occupy myself otherwise, or make other plans. Usually I try to line up more than one girl on one night.

For example, I had two girls line up to come stay by my place for a movie and kayaking the next day. I also made plans to go to a movie with a third girl. The two girls who were going to come over both canceled on me. I ended up going to the movie with the third girl, taking her home, and fucking her. She snuck out before my parents could see.

Whenever I am late, I never apologize. I just say, I meant to get here earlier and push forward. The girl might give me shit for a minute but I just act as if her bitching means nothing to me and she drops it quick.

[WestIndianArchie]

These women don't sound like Westerners, as they feel sorry. In America, very few women would react this way, and would probably perform some emotional jiu-jitsu if you called her on her lateness.

WIA

[Pappy]

(01-19-2013 08:19 AM)Asaxon Wrote:  

Obviously an excuse to stay but why? Trying to get me to feel sorry for her? Very peculiar

You got manipulated. Instead of grounding her and slapping her like the immature kid she is, you got soft because she threw a tantrum. She thinks you're weak, and if you didn't get any from this situation, you lost your evening.

[Beyond Borders]

(01-19-2013 08:19 AM)Asaxon Wrote:  

How do you guys handle tardiness when it comes to dates? And how come women beg you to forgive them sometimes and when you do they change from sorry to angry?
Here is tonight's situation which has happened to me in different ways before:
I let her set time and place for our third date due to her work schedule. I arrived on time, got a text saying she would be 15 mins late. After 20 mins I texted a single "?", after 25 I left. She tried to call and text dozens of times after 40 mins, I texted " you wasted my time. I have lost interest". When I got to my hotel room she was waiting in the hallway crying. She pushed her way in and locked herself in the bathroom. After 10 mins I asked her to come out, she hugged me and apologized, I got a bit horny, said I would let it slide for today. She then cried more but pulled back, saying " not my fault, many people on the road today. I don't want to waste your time anymore". I was surprised but just shrugged it off. Now she has been on my bed for half an hour waiting for her tears to dry before goin to work. Obviously an excuse to stay but why? Trying to get me to feel sorry for her? Very peculiar

Sounds like you're still in Thailand. lol

These ridiculous and emotional reactions - even to something they were in control of - can be common. As a Western man, it's important not to give her the idea she can get away with this shit or it will get worse.

If she's throwing a fit, forcibly, but not aggressively, stand her up and walk her to the door if you have to. She might collapse in a dramatic, sobbing heap. Stand there with open door in hand, stoic, or go do something else. If she says guilt-trip shit like "I don't want to waste your time anymore," COMPLETELY ignore her and refuse to play.

If you don't have to go anywhere and she won't quit the act, go pick up the remote and a beer. Watch some t.v. until she calms down and quits her shit if you can't get her to leave. At that point she'll come over to cuddle or suck your dick. Tell her again she has to go and direct her back to the door. A couple times of this and she'll pout and go.

But the important thing is to not engage. You're dealing with a Thai woman - an emotional child - here and you have to show her that these games won't and will never work with you.

After giving her the boot this time, give her another chance, as these women are known to be flaky and aren't used to getting put in their place. She probably will not push it with you on this again now that she knows you're firm on this. If she does, next her.

If this was a Western woman, I'd say no second chance, but Thai women are from another culture and need a bit more training to understand how us Westerners work. Even if she already fucks other white boys they likely didn't stick with the ground rules and gave her far too much slack for being a Thai woman.

Take control and introduce her to your rules.

[Asaxon]

Yup, Thailand it is. I pretty much went cold on her, let her sit on my bed while I wrote the post, then got myself a drink and put in headphones to watch a show on my tablet. After 30 minutes of pouting she asked to talk to me, said that my coldness "feels bad". I shrugged, said it was her own fault for having wasted my time. She tried to pout and cry again to which I told her to stop or get out so I could enjoy my Saturday night. With a western girl this would be seen as strength but here I am not sure if indifference/ negs work just as well or the girls inerpret them as serious disinterest. When she stalled more I told her she had to leave because I was going out to get dinner. I then maneuvered her into the elevator, did not talk to her and walked the opposite way once we were outside.
This morning she has tried to call 37 (!) times so far. Do they have no dignity or self-respect? I hate being cruel but do not want to see her anytime soon. Too much drama and the cultural and language barriers make it hard to communicate. However, I seriously question that "projecting higher value" game works with Asian girls the way it does in the US. They seem seriously put off by my abundance mentality.

[RawGod]

(01-19-2013 08:19 AM)Asaxon Wrote:  

I arrived on time, got a text saying she would be 15 mins late. After 20 mins I texted a single "?", after 25 I left.

She texted you to say she would be 15 minutes late, then you left after 25? I have no problem with that, but you should realise it's bordering on ice-cold and if you do it, then you have to follow through with the same frame.

edit: sounds like you did follow up with the ice-cold. Fair enough. Personally I would have given her a bit more slack, 30 minutes late with a text message is no big deal in Thailand.

[Asaxon]

Well, meeting place was a BTS station and I hate standing around in the heat. If the place had been my place or a restaurant it would have gone differently. Punctuality is a big deal for me, I know I might be culturally improperly adapted in a place like Thailand but I would rather miss out on a few notches than waste hours waiting around.

[Beyond Borders]

(01-20-2013 02:07 AM)Asaxon Wrote:  

Yup, Thailand it is. I pretty much went cold on her, let her sit on my bed while I wrote the post, then got myself a drink and put in headphones to watch a show on my tablet. After 30 minutes of pouting she asked to talk to me, said that my coldness "feels bad". I shrugged, said it was her own fault for having wasted my time. She tried to pout and cry again to which I told her to stop or get out so I could enjoy my Saturday night.

I think you played it right. Or, at least you played it how I would have.

Quote:

With a western girl this would be seen as strength but here I am not sure if indifference/ negs work just as well or the girls inerpret them as serious disinterest. When she stalled more I told her she had to leave because I was going out to get dinner. I then maneuvered her into the elevator, did not talk to her and walked the opposite way once we were outside.

I'm not 100% sure either, but the important thing for me is to make my point. If you let a Thai woman get away with these antics, she'll deep doing it.

Quote:

This morning she has tried to call 37 (!) times so far. Do they have no dignity or self-respect? I hate being cruel but do not want to see her anytime soon.

This is where I'd go a different route. You already made your point and punished her behavior in a way she isn't used to. Now it only comes across as getting even and/or being emotional (at least in her eyes).

Men are not supposed to be emotional or get too upset by trivial things. Getting mad or sad is a big DLV.

Just call her and set up a new date. Don't talk about what happened too much - just pretend it never went down and get back to business as usual. If she apologizes, accept, re-explain your requirement for respect, and then move past it to something else immediately.

Just because you don't focus on it doesn't mean she forgets. "Alpha" Thai men are respected for stoicism and lack of "womanly" emotion. Having a "cool heart" (jai yen). So don't feel a need to punish her the way you would a Western girl.

Quote:

Too much drama and the cultural and language barriers make it hard to communicate. However, I seriously question that "projecting higher value" game works with Asian girls the way it does in the US. They seem seriously put off by my abundance mentality.

The game is very different there. Avoid negs and don't draw attention to yourself or your strengths and accomplishments. Mild manners and modesty go a long way.

As far as abundance mentality, a lot of Thai guys treat women like they're in love with them even if they're just fucking and have a bunch of other giks on the side. Even if you have others on beck and call, it's not something to advertise. Chances are she's doing the same even if she "loves" you.

[Beyond Borders]

(01-20-2013 02:10 AM)RawGod Wrote:  

(01-19-2013 08:19 AM)Asaxon Wrote:  

I arrived on time, got a text saying she would be 15 mins late. After 20 mins I texted a single "?", after 25 I left.

She texted you to say she would be 15 minutes late, then you left after 25? I have no problem with that, but you should realise it's bordering on ice-cold and if you do it, then you have to follow through with the same frame.

edit: sounds like you did follow up with the ice-cold. Fair enough. Personally I would have given her a bit more slack, 30 minutes late with a text message is no big deal in Thailand.

That's a good point. We both might be taking this too seriously considering "Thai time."

It wasn't that late.

My above instructions can come in handy, but I was talking more about when Thai women get dramatic on you after fucking up. In this situation, accepting a bit of tardiness and an apology may have been enough.

EDIT: Just re-read the OP and your last post. Did it take her 40 minutes to get back to you? That's definitely pushing it. Thai or not, I'd have felt a need to prove a point. And at a BTS station? Yeah, fuck that. Was envisioning a restaurant.

[Asaxon]

I am not punishing her at this point but know if I answer the phone I will need to talk to her and probably see her tonight. I have enough new dates set up to not want to deal with drama, I am not looking for a long-term relationship. I might txt her for a quick meetup tonight but am more excited about fresh girls than dealing with someone who I now already have a bit of negative emotional drama with.
I agree I might have been a bit quick to leave but the whole txting me late, then being even more late pissed me off on top of all the inefficiencies of Thai everyday life such as malls having entrances in one spot but exits only one floor lower, BTS breaking down, taxi drivers being irrational in what fare they want or do not accept, constant hustle and scam defense on Sukhumvit... I was definitely already in an aggravated state. Looking forward to going out into the sticks for a few weeks next week...

[Beyond Borders]

(01-20-2013 02:39 AM)Asaxon Wrote:  

I am not punishing her at this point but know if I answer the phone I will need to talk to her and probably see her tonight. I have enough new dates set up to not want to deal with drama, I am not looking for a long-term relationship. I might txt her for a quick meetup tonight but am more excited about fresh girls than dealing with someone who I now already have a bit of negative emotional drama with.
I agree I might have been a bit quick to leave but the whole txting me late, then being even more late pissed me off on top of all the inefficiencies of Thai everyday life such as malls having entrances in one spot but exits only one floor lower, BTS breaking down, taxi drivers being irrational in what fare they want or do not accept, constant hustle and scam defense on Sukhumvit... I was definitely already in an aggravated state. Looking forward to going out into the sticks for a few weeks next week...

Yeah sounds like you need a break from the city.

These are almost a periodic requirement over there.

[lush1]

If that was me I would have wandered off after 15 mins then when she calls me to say she's now there, took a leisurely stroll back to meet her.

[DarkTriad]

Beyond Borders is so good, he can name the country just by how the hamster spins.

[Beyond Borders]

(01-20-2013 12:05 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:  

Beyond Borders is so good, he can name the country just by how the hamster spins.

haha Probably only that one. Or America.

[soup]

I make sure to never be "on time" for dates in the first place.