[stilicho]

So I go out with this girl met on Match. She is a 6.5/7. Not a model but definitely worth a fuck or two. I am a newbie, I need to practice.

First I had a pretty solid (I think) email exchange with her to get her to the date. The day of the date (today, I just got back) she texts me on the phone asking if we are still on. I answer after a while, say we are on, make a joke. We exchange a few more texts. I make sure she sends the last text and I answer always a bit later that she does and with short texts.

She comes to the date and seems pretty enthusiastic, she smiles a lot, she constantly touches her hair, fidgets with her necklace, we laugh a lot, spend a good time. She actually starts kino, she touches my arm. By the end of the date I almost constantly touch her hands and arms and she touches back. She reciprocates and she touches my leg at some point; however she somehow felt self-conscious about that and she told me that she did because her chair would move too much. She is a PhD student in health policy field, I have a PhD in economics so she spends at least 15 minutes saying "oh you must be a genius", "I worship economists etc". I answer with a bit of self-deprecation "I am not a genius", "you'll make me change the subject" etc. Maybe that's wrong but I thought that overall was pretty good DHV...

I had planned for drinks and wanted to keep it short (I read someone in another thread give this advice: first date short, second date go for the bang), meet at 8:30 and leave at 10:30 at most, but honestly we are having a good time and without even realizing its 11:45. I say I gotta go home because I work tomorrow (I work a lot...). She is leaving for school tomorrow, about two hours flight. I am still not planning for a bang, I think it's just going to be a kiss and goodnight. I paid for drinks (so I guess here is a first mistake but what else can I do? The guy asked for a card to open a tab at the beginning of the evening and I gave him mine. It seemed impractical then to say: "oh btw let's split the drinks". How do I deal with this next time?).

We get out of the bar, she offers to drive me home without me asking. I went there with the Metro, wasn't planning on taking her back home. I say "thanks, you can leave me at the metro if it is too far for you". She says "no, no I will take you home". So at this point I think that there is no way that I am not going to get laid tonight. On the car we keep talking and smiling and so on (15 minutes ride).

She parks in front of my house, I go to kiss her and she... gives me the cheek. WTF? So not even a kiss, after all? Is it because the ride on the car cooled her down? Did I do something retarded without even realizing it?

I am a newbie so maybe I misread the whole thing and made tons of mistake. Can you explain to me what you think happened and how I should deal with this next?

[hctim]

Do you think she would of agreed to join you in your place if you asked/told her to?

[Days of Broken Arrows]

I'm going to give you the same response a college professor once gave to me about women: "Welcome to the world of dating, my son. Women are totally unpredictable. Never expect logic and never put all your eggs in one basket."

You didn't do anything wrong per se. Zillions of guys have paid for drinks and gotten laid.

Whatever is going on is probably with her. From what I have observed from females I know IRL, Match.com attracts tightly-wound neurotic women. My condo neighbor was on it and I heard her brushing off a guy's kiss right outside my door and this guy seemed totally cool and good-looking. I had this happen to me last summer: woman was totally cool after two dates then clamped up on the third. She was a Match.com veteran.

(Aside: the "you must be a genius" thing set of alarm bells. Some women today were raised to be competitive like boys and don't like men they feel they have to compete with. If this is the case, move on. If she's a "straight A" type, you might be encountering this.)

As for "doing something retarded" I know women who blow off guys for wearing the wrong sweater, yet have no problem getting with their building's janitor. Perhaps dating itself is the problem and hookups at home are better suited to some women.

Solution: kick back and see if she shows interest (calling, texting, etc.). Then decide from there and run "laid-back" game if you decide to go out with her again: she pays, she does most the talking, you glide along not giving a fuck and flirting with waitresses. With some women it takes a while, esp. if they've been burned by players online.

And if that doesn't work for you, there's always OKCupid and Plenty of Fish, which attract a less, um, picky brand of female.

(01-09-2013 12:22 AM)stilicho Wrote:  

So I go out with this girl met on Match. She is a 6.5/7. Not a model but definitely worth a fuck or two. I am a newbie, I need to practice.

First I had a pretty solid (I think) email exchange with her to get her to the date. The day of the date (today, I just got back) she texts me on the phone asking if we are still on. I answer after a while, say we are on, make a joke. We exchange a few more texts. I make sure she sends the last text and I answer always a bit later that she does and with short texts.

She comes to the date and seems pretty enthusiastic, she smiles a lot, she constantly touches her hair, fidgets with her necklace, we laugh a lot, spend a good time. She actually starts kino, she touches my arm. By the end of the date I almost constantly touch her hands and arms and she touches back. She reciprocates and she touches my leg at some point; however she somehow felt self-conscious about that and she told me that she did because her chair would move too much. She is a PhD student in health policy field, I have a PhD in economics so she spends at least 15 minutes saying "oh you must be a genius", "I worship economists etc". I answer with a bit of self-deprecation "I am not a genius", "you'll make me change the subject" etc. Maybe that's wrong but I thought that overall was pretty good DHV...

I had planned for drinks and wanted to keep it short (I read someone in another thread give this advice: first date short, second date go for the bang), meet at 8:30 and leave at 10:30 at most, but honestly we are having a good time and without even realizing its 11:45. I say I gotta go home because I work tomorrow (I work a lot...). She is leaving for school tomorrow, about two hours flight. I am still not planning for a bang, I think it's just going to be a kiss and goodnight. I paid for drinks (so I guess here is a first mistake but what else can I do? The guy asked for a card to open a tab at the beginning of the evening and I gave him mine. It seemed impractical then to say: "oh btw let's split the drinks". How do I deal with this next time?).

We get out of the bar, she offers to drive me home without me asking. I went there with the Metro, wasn't planning on taking her back home. I say "thanks, you can leave me at the metro if it is too far for you". She says "no, no I will take you home". So at this point I think that there is no way that I am not going to get laid tonight. On the car we keep talking and smiling and so on (15 minutes ride).

She parks in front of my house, I go to kiss her and she... gives me the cheek. WTF? So not even a kiss, after all? Is it because the ride on the car cooled her down? Did I do something retarded without even realizing it?

I am a newbie so maybe I misread the whole thing and made tons of mistake. Can you explain to me what you think happened and how I should deal with this next?

[bojangles]

makeout at the bar, Don't stay in one location, three bar bounce, sexually escalate on the date.
I use jimmy jambone 3 point escalation. comment on her personality (i like blah blah blah, it's very feminine, thats very attractive), femininity (i like your blah blah blah, it's very sexy) and physical features, in that order, spaced out through the date.

Just blast out a few more dates, it takes practice, sometimes you will think you had an absolute shitty date and it turns out in a bang.

Sometimes you think you've followed the 'script' to a tee and so has she, and nothing will happen.

The main thing is though, you've always got to be closing.

[stilicho]

thanks y'all.

hctim: i didn't ask. after she gave me the cheek it didn't seem to make sense. i will ask next time though!

broken arrows: ok. that's what i will do.

boja: yes. today i feel we should have made out at the bar. somehow it was "too late" at home.

hey, it's a learning process and i am learning like crazy on this site. keep it up guys!