Bravo. Well played.
Big dilemma meeting "that girl"
Thanks y'all. Got a text from her when I got off my flight, telling me how afraid she is to lose me and how she would do her best to show me her appreciation, and that I was her priority. Hopefully this is a good sign.
Maybe I am overthinking, but two things still bug me.
On the way to her parents last weekend, I mentioned a friend who had a GF wanting to hang with her Ex BF. My friend was confused and I had told him to cut her off, because either way they could end up fucking - or that option would possibly come up. He cut her off, and proved me to be right - there was something going on with his GF and her Ex BF. It was a short story apropos something else we spoke about, the main point is that I believe she registered two important facts:
1) I have experience of these kinds of situations (which ironically repeated itself between us this week)
2) I have a no-fucking-around approach towards exes
Still, she set something up with her ex after my short story.
On top of this, delivering an ultimatum during our confrontation; In the form of telling her that she should neither keep in touch with, nor see her ex., gives me a feeling of being undermined from the message about exes I thought subcounsciously had been planted last week during our car ride convo.
All in all. She is smart and probably fully aware of my view of what's OK and what isn't. My feeling is that the only card "up the sleeve" remaining to game her now is the notion of me nexting her bc of disapproval. The indication is there, as per the text she sent me (in the top of this post) - but nothing really stops her from seeing the beta loser. I also think she deleted some of the heavyweight texts they might have exchanged in favor of showing me a more innocent version of the one I challenged her with.
Learnings:
Girls are polygamous. Not necessarily all of them sluts, but they spin maaaany plates
They can next a guy at any time, bc "It is their right to change their mind" as you wrote.
Spin plates!
My worry is that by being too demaning, even by only one demand as with this situation, I have presented her with a "new me" which her hamster wheel subconsciously reassesses during the upcoming days in order to accept or reject. Just as with basic commercial law, it is usually the right of the purchasing party to reject an offer after accepting it, if any of the terms or qualities of that given offer are changed after the initial acceptance. We are still in the early stages of dating, and I'm not sure who is in the purchasing parties place, akin to being in the driver's seat.
I think I had the upper hand during most of the attraction stages, but the fact that something was set up, after her explicitly communicating the want of us being GF-BF mindfucks the hell out of me.
All of this reasoning is built upon my thought that,
If you really want someone, other options don't exist
Or.. maybe i'ts time to relax and just have a scotch
Maybe I am overthinking, but two things still bug me.
On the way to her parents last weekend, I mentioned a friend who had a GF wanting to hang with her Ex BF. My friend was confused and I had told him to cut her off, because either way they could end up fucking - or that option would possibly come up. He cut her off, and proved me to be right - there was something going on with his GF and her Ex BF. It was a short story apropos something else we spoke about, the main point is that I believe she registered two important facts:
1) I have experience of these kinds of situations (which ironically repeated itself between us this week)
2) I have a no-fucking-around approach towards exes
Still, she set something up with her ex after my short story.
On top of this, delivering an ultimatum during our confrontation; In the form of telling her that she should neither keep in touch with, nor see her ex., gives me a feeling of being undermined from the message about exes I thought subcounsciously had been planted last week during our car ride convo.
Quote:Quote:http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/ultimatum/
Ultimatums are declarations of powerlessness because you are resorting to a direct threat to get someone to do what you want them to, and in doing so you OVERTLY confess your weak position. If you were in a genuine position of control it wouldn’t be necessary to resort to an ultimatum; you’d simply use that control.
All in all. She is smart and probably fully aware of my view of what's OK and what isn't. My feeling is that the only card "up the sleeve" remaining to game her now is the notion of me nexting her bc of disapproval. The indication is there, as per the text she sent me (in the top of this post) - but nothing really stops her from seeing the beta loser. I also think she deleted some of the heavyweight texts they might have exchanged in favor of showing me a more innocent version of the one I challenged her with.
Learnings:
Girls are polygamous. Not necessarily all of them sluts, but they spin maaaany plates
They can next a guy at any time, bc "It is their right to change their mind" as you wrote.
Spin plates!
My worry is that by being too demaning, even by only one demand as with this situation, I have presented her with a "new me" which her hamster wheel subconsciously reassesses during the upcoming days in order to accept or reject. Just as with basic commercial law, it is usually the right of the purchasing party to reject an offer after accepting it, if any of the terms or qualities of that given offer are changed after the initial acceptance. We are still in the early stages of dating, and I'm not sure who is in the purchasing parties place, akin to being in the driver's seat.
I think I had the upper hand during most of the attraction stages, but the fact that something was set up, after her explicitly communicating the want of us being GF-BF mindfucks the hell out of me.
All of this reasoning is built upon my thought that,
If you really want someone, other options don't exist
Or.. maybe i'ts time to relax and just have a scotch
Another card up the sleeve is jealousy.
I'd do everything I can to make her see that girls dig me everywhere I go but I can keep my dick in pants due to my personal rules and that I expect the same from her. It makes a girl more self conscious, you know, fear of loss. Plus, she realizes you're person with "rules", I got many chicks saying how much they liked my rules and that I stand for something etc.
That exBF thing is fucked up cause you can't even destroy him more [like with nice guy framing] since he already is a loser and she knows that too. It's that fucking connection they still have is what is hard to destroy. I don't really know any other ways beside expressing strong boundaries and provoking jealousy.
I'd do everything I can to make her see that girls dig me everywhere I go but I can keep my dick in pants due to my personal rules and that I expect the same from her. It makes a girl more self conscious, you know, fear of loss. Plus, she realizes you're person with "rules", I got many chicks saying how much they liked my rules and that I stand for something etc.
That exBF thing is fucked up cause you can't even destroy him more [like with nice guy framing] since he already is a loser and she knows that too. It's that fucking connection they still have is what is hard to destroy. I don't really know any other ways beside expressing strong boundaries and provoking jealousy.
Until she decides to hop on board 100%- it is your duty, to both her and yourself, to go out and game on different women.
Until then, whatever happens; happens.
Until then, whatever happens; happens.
Benelli,
Some girls have the "that rule doesn't apply to me" mentality. She heard your story about her friend, but in her mind, if you don't know that she's going to meet her ex bf, then it's as if she isn't doing that. That kind of thinking is a huge defect imo.
You have to present her with the attitude I said in my previous post. "The girl for me doesn't want to be with anyone else, I'll sleep fine because if you see someone else, I haven't lost anything because I never had anything worth keeping to begin with."
Some girls have the "that rule doesn't apply to me" mentality. She heard your story about her friend, but in her mind, if you don't know that she's going to meet her ex bf, then it's as if she isn't doing that. That kind of thinking is a huge defect imo.
You have to present her with the attitude I said in my previous post. "The girl for me doesn't want to be with anyone else, I'll sleep fine because if you see someone else, I haven't lost anything because I never had anything worth keeping to begin with."
Sounds like you are both see-sawing for hand. You have international career prospects that she wants part of. She has young tight body that she wants to open shop if you don't commit.
She drops beta bait like 'soulmate' to see if you bite. You handle nicely.
You check phone and confirm that she is indeed a young tight body that needs filling. You don't get pissy.
Next step is to think up some whimsical idea that forces her to take an active role. "Drive me to kansas." boom. If you are jerking around mentally and jerking us around, you will get an answer.
Remember, men invented chores not because they actually want their girl to get haggard from wear and tear. You need to invent stuff for her to fulfill.
PS Why the fuck do guys "enforce boundaries" yet pussyfoot around the two-way slut radio aka cellular?
She drops beta bait like 'soulmate' to see if you bite. You handle nicely.
You check phone and confirm that she is indeed a young tight body that needs filling. You don't get pissy.
Next step is to think up some whimsical idea that forces her to take an active role. "Drive me to kansas." boom. If you are jerking around mentally and jerking us around, you will get an answer.
Remember, men invented chores not because they actually want their girl to get haggard from wear and tear. You need to invent stuff for her to fulfill.
PS Why the fuck do guys "enforce boundaries" yet pussyfoot around the two-way slut radio aka cellular?
I wonder how this story ended. Had a girl in an LTR promise me she'd cut out all her past loves; we were thinking of a baby, so I thought it was a reasonable requirement. Lasted 6 months and she then admitted she missed her other fling and had to open up contact with him. The other guy was still bitter. So now, she messed up our relationship and the one with her past love. She remains a fuck buddy, but probably is forever crossed out from "marriage/children" material. Point is, I don't think it's possible for a guy to make a girl not want to remain in touch with her past loves, and if the girl tells you she will, be warned that it probably won't last.
Not sure of the point of this app outside of nyc.....
What are you gonna do? Monitor who girls talk to? Exhausting.
As McQueen said, lotsa red flags. This girl seemed both immature AND a little crazy. Dont commit to a girl like that unless she shows real signs of maturing mentally.
As McQueen said, lotsa red flags. This girl seemed both immature AND a little crazy. Dont commit to a girl like that unless she shows real signs of maturing mentally.
A year from now you'll wish you started today
Hmm I'm curious how this panned out too. Also women love to keep doors open. I was in a LTR last year that ended because the girl didn't see her and I working out in the long run (ie She likely started seeing someone else/wanted to explore other options) but she still wanted to keep me as a 'friend' because we 'got along so well.' I expressed to her that I have zero interest in being platonic with her and she was taken aback by it. Apparently every guy she ever fucked for a period of time and got along with she converts them to friends. Ridiculous.
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