[WesternCancer]

Do you guys ever feel like a piece of meat to girls you bang

2 of my 3 FBs talk to me like I'm their gay best friend saying how some beta chump is trying to take them on a date or gossiping about some bullshit. Most recently they've said how they saw a hot guy or something and after I banged one of them she started talking about how she told a DJ she wanted to fuck him he was all "nah" (might be her trying to induce jealousy since I brought her and another FB to the same bar). I'll just change the subject, but I'm in some kind of fucked up twilight zone position where I'm stuck in the fuck friend zone. I'm confident that if I asked them to be a serious girlfriend after shoving my dick in their ass and jizzing all over their face they would say "but we're just friends, I don't see you that way." They don't take me seriously ~*romantically*~. Even my old main girl who I was banging for a year told me she didn't have any romantic feelings for me. I tried to take her on an actual date once and it made her uncomfortable. If a guy would hit on her and ask "are you two dating" she'd say "no we're just friends" as shes sitting on me and 5 minutes later we're making out.

I've begun to realize that women mold to what you want them to be or how you treat them. Is me not giving a fuck about anything causing these girls' hamsters to spit out the rationalization that we're "just friends"? Is it just unconscious self selection for these types of girls (my 3 fbs are all very different). I don't want a monogamous relationship, but the most intimate moment I've had in recent times was my 3rd FB holding onto my hand while I was fucking her.

[Sombro]

(12-12-2012 05:15 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

(might be her trying to induce jealousy since I brought her and another FB to the same bar). I'll just change the subject, but I'm in some kind of fucked up twilight zone position where I'm stuck in the fuck friend zone.

So your FB's are aware of each other? Can't you just play jealous game between each of them? Or aloof game?

Spend less "friend time" with them and they won't treat you like Gay Best Friend.

[MMM]

(12-12-2012 05:15 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

Do you guys ever feel like a piece of meat to girls you bang

2 of my 3 FBs talk to me like I'm their gay best friend saying how some beta chump is trying to take them on a date or gossiping about some bullshit. Most recently they've said how they saw a hot guy or something and after I banged one of them she started talking about how she told a DJ she wanted to fuck him he was all "nah" (might be her trying to induce jealousy since I brought her and another FB to the same bar). I'll just change the subject, but I'm in some kind of fucked up twilight zone position where I'm stuck in the fuck friend zone. I'm confident that if I asked them to be a serious girlfriend after shoving my dick in their ass and jizzing all over their face they would say "but we're just friends, I don't see you that way." They don't take me seriously ~*romantically*~. Even my old main girl who I was banging for a year told me she didn't have any romantic feelings for me. I tried to take her on an actual date once and it made her uncomfortable. If a guy would hit on her and ask "are you two dating" she'd say "no we're just friends" as shes sitting on me and 5 minutes later we're making out.

I've begun to realize that women mold to what you want them to be or how you treat them. Is me not giving a fuck about anything causing these girls' hamsters to spit out the rationalization that we're "just friends"? Is it just unconscious self selection for these types of girls (my 3 fbs are all very different). I don't want a monogamous relationship, but the most intimate moment I've had in recent times was my 3rd FB holding onto my hand while I was fucking her.

It sounds like you’ve succeeded all too well in framing those relationships as FB relationships only and the girls have invested heavily into that status. At this point, they don’t dare dream it could be anything but a FB situation. And the problem is ..... ?

[WesternCancer]

(12-12-2012 05:36 PM)Sombro Wrote:  

(12-12-2012 05:15 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

(might be her trying to induce jealousy since I brought her and another FB to the same bar). I'll just change the subject, but I'm in some kind of fucked up twilight zone position where I'm stuck in the fuck friend zone.

So your FB's are aware of each other? Can't you just play jealous game between each of them? Or aloof game?

Spend less "friend time" with them and they won't treat you like Gay Best Friend.

One is aware of the other one because I was making out with her in front of her.

Thats the thing I don't really spend friend time except for the one who isn't like this.

FB1 is the most recent. We'll grab a coffee, watch a movie or just talk for a bit then bang.
FB2: sometimes I go out to a bar with her and either my or her friends then we come home and bang. Most recently (after she told me to go fuck myself post-bar incident) she came over we drank and banged. She left early in the morning.
FB3: been seeing her the longest, she lives pretty far away so I'll see her once a week. We'll hang out from the afternon to the evening when she leaves. We'll get some food, watch a movie bang, talk etc.

MMM I guess with this I'm trying to figure out why this FB friendzone thing happens to me a lot. Like I said I don't want a monogamous relationship, but the way things are now or relationship is just some formalities before a bang. I'd like to find some girls that are worth spending time with and actually spend time with them, but not have them treat me like a gay best friend that also fucks them. I enjoy the time with FB3,but the other 2 I only call up when I'm horny I don't enjoy listening to their incessant babble and just want to fuck them because they'll let me do anything. This has happened with many girls I've banged, our relationship was fuck buddies not even friends with benefits. We'd go to a party then after if I hadn't found anyone else I'd go home to bang them and leave in the morning or right after.

[Gmac]

You have the ideal situation so don't complain, I've been there a few times. Enjoy it while it lasts.

[Duke Castile]

If you molded it one way, you can mold it another. Try it as an experiment.

[Matt3B]

Tell them straight up you're not their emotional tampons. Don't respond to their shit or their questions unless it's to grunt in acknowledgement that they've said something but without actually knowing what they've said.

They'll probably get more hot for you if you do that. You're right about women moulding, but they do it too. They're obviously comfortable with what's going on but you're not. Break the rhythm. Send their hamsters wild with confusion and arousal.

Although in all honesty, it sounds like you've got a pretty sweet deal going on.

[Pioneer 11]

OP: you are in an IDEAL situation. Let these chicks spend their time thinking/wondering/texting about other dudes while giving you full access. If you want more intimacy with the next girl you bang try a little cuddling post smash, exchange massages or take her for a quick bite in the AM. Right now, in their minds, you are the guy whom they enjoy getting naked with, which is cool. Ride the wave while you can.

[xsplat]

If you want to modify their beliefs, modify their behavior. Cut off conversations where she is treating you like one of the girls. Sometimes I say things like "I don't want to talk about relationship stuff. If you want to talk about that kind of thing talk about it with your girlfriends".

Changing the subject is also fine, but sometimes you need to bring a fine point to things. And that's another thing that can change the relationship dynamic; taking charge and laying out clear boundaries, even at the cost of creating drama or breaking up the relationship entirely. That's a move that shows your dominance, which also puts you more into the category of the type of male she'll think of as worthy for being a mate.

The way i see it, we can either own a girl and enjoy more intimacy as well as control over her, or let her be more free and loosen our attachments. Greater intimacy is greater risk, and greater reward. Meaning it's not always better - the risk/reward is not always in our favor - sometimes light and easy strikes a nice balance. No one can answer for you how much intimacy and control is the right balance for you.

But if you want to move it towards more intimacy and control, you're going to have to play the role, and demand from her that her actions conform to your expectations. You do that with limiting her speach, and also by imposing external frameworks, such as how you walk together. Make her hold your elbow when you go out. Make her make you breakfast. If her actions are telling her that she has a certain relationship with you, internally she'll start to believe that she does.

You can try some role play in bed too, if you want her to feel more bonded to you as her authority. It's kind of amazing how cross cultural the role play games are that we come up with, as if there are these archetypes that we naturally plug into. I hear guys tell me stories of the petite girl from Columbia who called him Daddy during sex, and then you hear the same story from a guy in New York, Manilla, Bangkok, and on and on. Which of us hasn't tried rape play at some point? Sex is a great time to explore dominance themes, and that will cement the girl to you and have her start to look up to you as her authority.

[Pete]

I don't see the bad thing about this.

[Timoteo]

Are you uncomfortable that they put you in the box? Are you looking for the ego boost of knowing that a chick wants more from you, but you instead keep her in the box?

[WesternCancer]

(12-12-2012 07:41 PM)Fisto Wrote:  

If you molded it one way, you can mold it another. Try it as an experiment.

I'll try this. When I'm back in my city come January I'll go out find some hotter girls that I enjoy spending time with and mold them the way that I want. Lets hope the grass is actually greener. Even if it is not what I had hoped for I'll practice my skills in the meantime.

(12-13-2012 08:29 AM)Timoteo Wrote:  

Are you uncomfortable that they put you in the box? Are you looking for the ego boost of knowing that a chick wants more from you, but you instead keep her in the box?

Yes and no. I'm not complaining about regular pussy, but its as if they don't respect me. What usually happens is the FBs drop out once they get a boyfriend. They're just using me as a cockhopping stone to the better man (as expected) that will provide alpha status and commitment. To me when a girl tells me that she isn't looking for anything serious right now, complains there no good men only pigs who use them for sex (what I had just done to them and they knew that), says men suck and shes not interested in a relationship then weeks later gets into a relationship, it feels the same was as being friendzoned in the traditional sense. Like others have suggested I think it has to be the way I frame our interactions which makes them act this way.

xsplat
I like your ideas. Kind of having a purpose set out for the girl to influence her behaviour. I am also very passive when it comes to relationships. I'm fine with directing things to sex, telling her what we're doing etc, but the only actual "girlfriends" I've had initiated the whole 'gf/bf' talk. I can't expect these girls to act the way I want them to unless I make them.


Thinking about this makes me realize I need to redefine and change how I view friendships/relationships. I don't have a lot of guy friends (usually just my roommates and maybe another). This can be attributed to many factors, but this means I have the girls I bang fill the role of friends. Because of this they are forced into the fuck buddy role even if I am actually in a "relationship" with them and that causes what I'm experiencing.

[HiFlo]

(12-13-2012 09:27 AM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

What usually happens is the FBs drop out once they get a boyfriend. They're just using me as a cockhopping stone to the better man (as expected) that will provide alpha status and commitment.

Yeah, I know this feeling and I don't like it at all. It's like on the one hand it's cool that she's fucking YOU, but on the other hand it raises the issue "what am I missing that attracts this girl to fuck me but not get into a relationship with?" And it's only after you start to like her that you realize you're nothing more than a stepping-stone.

What's funny too is that these same girls will fuck YOU on the same night, but then get into a relationship with some dude who wines & dines them with flowers and crap and they don't have sex until the 3 or 4th date. But somehow he's more alpha than you. Anyway, that's what's happened to me before and it does hurt.

I dont have a solution though. lol.

[Brosemite]

(12-13-2012 01:01 PM)HiFlo Wrote:  

(12-13-2012 09:27 AM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

What usually happens is the FBs drop out once they get a boyfriend. They're just using me as a cockhopping stone to the better man (as expected) that will provide alpha status and commitment.

Yeah, I know this feeling and I don't like it at all. It's like on the one hand it's cool that she's fucking YOU, but on the other hand it raises the issue "what am I missing that attracts this girl to fuck me but not get into a relationship with?" And it's only after you start to like her that you realize you're nothing more than a stepping-stone.

What's funny too is that these same girls will fuck YOU on the same night, but then get into a relationship with some dude who wines & dines them with flowers and crap and they don't have sex until the 3 or 4th date. But somehow he's more alpha than you. Anyway, that's what's happened to me before and it does hurt.

I dont have a solution though. lol.

Or it could be they chose another one bc he's Beta & will unnecessarily go extra mile for the notch.

This seems like a college phenomenon for circle of friends as chicks will talk about guy/girl problems, but then everybody sleeps with everybody for fun anyways. It takes a little game to capitalize. However, it's more of a knowing right people, being in right circles, etc. I've been the benefactor of this thing before in college and shortly after as it is exponentially cheaper with less baggage. I rarely got summoned for the repeat booty calls though haha.

[Prowl]

ITT: 1st world problems.

Just keep your fuckbuddies then find another girl who wants you to marry her and string her along, whatever.

The girls arent gaming for more because they know you wont give it to them. You have them broken in, so you are the most alpha by default.

[michelin]

funny, i just went on a wine date with a girl who ended up saying she had a BF but that I didn't had to worry about getting to know her better = becoming her next Fuckbuddy friend and maybe LTR if she decides to dump her guy. Weird experience, she mentioned that times have come for girls also, not just men, to be players. In other words, it's my guess she seeks a mini relationship.

[RouteBackwards]

(12-12-2012 05:15 PM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

Do you guys ever feel like a piece of meat to girls you bang

2 of my 3 FBs talk to me like I'm their gay best friend saying how some beta chump is trying to take them on a date or gossiping about some bullshit. Most recently they've said how they saw a hot guy or something and after I banged one of them she started talking about how she told a DJ she wanted to fuck him he was all "nah" (might be her trying to induce jealousy since I brought her and another FB to the same bar). I'll just change the subject, but I'm in some kind of fucked up twilight zone position where I'm stuck in the fuck friend zone. I'm confident that if I asked them to be a serious girlfriend after shoving my dick in their ass and jizzing all over their face they would say "but we're just friends, I don't see you that way." They don't take me seriously ~*romantically*~. Even my old main girl who I was banging for a year told me she didn't have any romantic feelings for me. I tried to take her on an actual date once and it made her uncomfortable. If a guy would hit on her and ask "are you two dating" she'd say "no we're just friends" as shes sitting on me and 5 minutes later we're making out.

I've begun to realize that women mold to what you want them to be or how you treat them. Is me not giving a fuck about anything causing these girls' hamsters to spit out the rationalization that we're "just friends"? Is it just unconscious self selection for these types of girls (my 3 fbs are all very different). I don't want a monogamous relationship, but the most intimate moment I've had in recent times was my 3rd FB holding onto my hand while I was fucking her.

I reffer to this as the "other side." It's the side where you TRULY see what women want, a side beta's don't see, a side where she has supreme comfort and willingness to be open and honest with a man about her desires and intentions. However, because you made her comfortable to the point that you are able to do whatever the fuck you want with her, a relationship becomes null because it's like you've almost unleashed TOO much of what she really feels and in turn she'd feel weird dating a guy who knows she likes to drink some random club DJ's cum. However, she will let you be in that role and drink your cum because you have made her open with her own sexuality around her.

I would argue that if you want to day a girl, don't turn them into fuck buddies, and by doing that, you have to be more relaxed on the comfort part and keep them on edge. This will mean getting laid will be harder from them, and you will probably have to hold out a bit, but if you want to build a relationship, this is the route I would take.

[snoop]

(12-13-2012 09:27 AM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

(12-13-2012 08:29 AM)Timoteo Wrote:  

Are you uncomfortable that they put you in the box? Are you looking for the ego boost of knowing that a chick wants more from you, but you instead keep her in the box?

Yes and no. I'm not complaining about regular pussy, but its as if they don't respect me. What usually happens is the FBs drop out once they get a boyfriend. They're just using me as a cockhopping stone to the better man (as expected) that will provide alpha status and commitment. To me when a girl tells me that she isn't looking for anything serious right now, complains there no good men only pigs who use them for sex (what I had just done to them and they knew that), says men suck and shes not interested in a relationship then weeks later gets into a relationship, it feels the same was as being friendzoned in the traditional sense. Like others have suggested I think it has to be the way I frame our interactions which makes them act this way.

Just a couple of ideas...

have you considered that maybe they don't trust you on that level since you were willing to "use" them in that way? Kind of like when a guy gets a girl to cheat on her man, its hard to take her seriously as a potential LTR b/c you know she is a cheater.

Or maybe that there is some other aspect of your lifestyle (living situation, job, etc) that isn't attractive in that way? I've had some friends who despite being out of college for a while still live that way, and women are willing to sleep with them, but don't see them as viable candidates for anything beyond that.