[HiFlo]

This has been killing me recently. I live in a small city in Louisiana where the appropriate male clothes to wear is a camoflauge hunting jacket, carhart jeans, and heavy duty boots. Heaven forbid you dress contemporarily, not even metrosexual, but that you gave more than 0.1 second to dressing cool & getting a cool hairstyle and wear fitted modern clothes with an athletic build.

All the time people - mixed groups, all-male, all-female - will look at me and start gossiping "he's gay." I dont want to defend myself here and I'm not gonna about bodylanguage, not looking faggoty, etc - it's the culture I live in: you're an outsider and probably gay if you dont look like you're about to go on a fucking duck hunting trip. Mind you, I didn't grow up here so I'm not an insider, but I dress normal/hip for anyplace other than a conservative southern redneck small city.

I know this shouldn't bother me, but it does. If I'm in a good state either doing day or nightgame and my eagle ears pick up on this gossip, it kills me state and my mood goes down the gutter. I've tried playing mind games with myself saying in my head, "those chicks are fat what the fuck do they know" or telling myself im awesome: "this is just like johnny rotten moving to pasadena California and fucking loving it cause it was so odd (yeah, that's a true story BTW)" Nothing helps and I cant pick my state up off the ground. I still feel my spine keeling over and it doesn't straighten up.

Any tips other than move someplace else? How do I just not give a fuck about what people think & gossip about me? It really does kill my damn self-esteem.

gracias...

[soup]

They can say all they want, but you and several of their girlfriends will know the real truth

[CMan0928]

Being seen out with a woman or two should end the gossip. Don't sweat it in the meantime.

[Khaleth]

There's a couple ways I think you can get around this provided you are being honest about body language and style. You could ignore it and plow through. Be overly aggressive with some women at the bar, push hard for some PDA. Even if mixed sets are talking shit there is bound to be someone alone that you could swoop on, or a group of two... which usually make the best targets anyway. Word will eventually get around that you aren't gay and the hicks could even give you respect eventually. If not who gives a fuck what Hicks think anyway.

You could bring some friends along with you for social proof.

Or you could just roll with the gay vibe and use it to get in with the women there. I knew this guy in university everybody thought was gay. He used to model so he was always dressed in trendy fashion too. But I think the biggest reason everyone thought he was gay was because he had a slight lisp. One weekend I saw him at the bar and the guy was killing it. He would pull the hottest women ever and I'm sure it was because they always let their guard down around him. I saw him with a new chick every two weeks. Eventually in residence people stopped gossiping about him being gay and started getting jealous cause the guy was a beast. He never had a lot of guy friends at school but he really didn't care. Its pretty unconventional but it could work.

I was also wondering if maybe its just a maturity thing and you are just in the wrong venues, or with younger people?

[Christian McQueen]

Pull a cute chick off POF or get one from a different town. Take her out to your local spots pda etc. Do this with a couple girls in a 2 week span and before you know it you can roll out solo and won't be an issue. Small towns suck cock get out if you can.

[delicioustacos]

People thinking you're gay is an asset, not a liability.

They are saying: this is a person who is more stylish and artistic than me, who understands women better than me. He must be a fag.

Two things to know:

1) Women love gay men, but think they're all secretly straight. They are dying to crack them. Get that ass.

2) All homophobes are gay. Don't believe me? When you hear a guy is gay, do you think, as a wise man once said: "great, more pussy for me?" Yes? Congratulations, you are a heterosexual. If you thought for one motherfucking second something else, let me pass you a giant AIDS-infected dick.

[SnakeEyes]

(12-07-2012 11:15 PM)Khaleth Wrote:  

Or you could just roll with the gay vibe and use it to get in with the women there. I knew this guy in university everybody thought was gay. He used to model so he was always dressed in trendy fashion too. But I think the biggest reason everyone thought he was gay was because he had a slight lisp. One weekend I saw him at the bar and the guy was killing it. He would pull the hottest women ever and I'm sure it was because they always let their guard down around him. I saw him with a new chick every two weeks. Eventually in residence people stopped gossiping about him being gay and started getting jealous cause the guy was a beast. He never had a lot of guy friends at school but he really didn't care. Its pretty unconventional but it could work.

I was also wondering if maybe its just a maturity thing and you are just in the wrong venues, or with younger people?

I second this.

Guys are gonna hate because you ARE different. That's fine. If anything you will be noticed by more women because of this.

Use the attention to your advantage. Plow plow plow through the hate till you find it humorous.

Second, you need to travel around your area. Don't go to the closest bars because you will act different around your home town. Drive an hour away for a night and find a new place to expand your horizons.

[savilerow]

Even in most bigger cities, guys aren't that into style. It's always in the business sense, hipster, or don't really care. Rarely do you see the edgy LA/Vegas club style, or the GQ Manhattan style. A lot of guys put on a suit, and all of a sudden think they have style. Not realizing, anyone can do that and a suit at the wrong time always comes across out of place.

There's also a grand canyon of difference in the way a Brooks Brothers suit fits & looks opposed to Dolce & Gabbana, even if they are the same fabric.

[Alpha Hunter Zero]

HiFlo, who cares what they say? Let your actions speak for themselves, not your words. Let them see that "gay" guy swoop all the good looking girls in town. I'll bet most of them are just jealous that you do better with women than they do. The rest of them are probably just so culturally behind from being in the sticks for so long that they refuse to change their style and instead mock yours. Forget them.

[savilerow]

Don't get me wrong I totally understand the OP. You have to undeniably be alpha in every way - even if you aren't traditionally alpha given your region.

You could goto Spain for example, and the alpha guys there probably dress beyond anything you'd see in even NYC or LA.

[reino341]

What happened to the problem where people thought you're weird?

If you managed to desensitize yourself to that one, this should not be a big deal either.

Regarding social proof, nothing ruins my state better than trying to get girls solely to induce jealousy in specific girls in order to get back at them. It's hard to resist thinking about it because the effect of preselection is so powerful, but at that point getting a girl becomes a means to an end and girls sense that I'm approaching them for the wrong reasons.

[edited]

[Mujeriego]

In my experience you'll run into this anywhere the local male population dresses like shit. I think it's a net positive because you're always going to get attention which you can convert to bangs. Don't let it get under your skin and play the sophisticated man angle.

[Parlay44]

Haters secretly want to be you. I'd say move the fuck out of that shit town or
or bang the hottest known girl there. It'll get around pretty quick. Either way
fuck those shit-kicking rednecks. Let's see what they're fucking.

[Aliblahba]

(12-08-2012 05:51 AM)Mujeriego Wrote:  

In my experience you'll run into this anywhere the local male population dresses like shit. I think it's a net positive because you're always going to get attention which you can convert to bangs. Don't let it get under your skin and play the sophisticated man angle.

I have done exceptionally well by dressing well and acting differently in small roosterpoop towns in the South. Walking in a bar, most guys there are wearing:

1. Ed Hardy
2. Nascar hats/tshirts
3. Camo from Walmart
4. Carhart
5. Wranglers

It's a stark difference when I roll in with a peacoat, Lucky Brand jeans, and Nason's. Girls take notice. Add some stories of war, travel, and living abroad, and the deal is sealed.

[Duke Castile]

I still don't get why you haven't moved.

[MrXY]

(12-08-2012 11:00 AM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

It's a stark difference when I roll in with a peacoat, Lucky Brand jeans, and Nason's. Girls take notice. .

Yes they do. I wear precisely that outfit frequently, maybe with a Hugo Boss shirt or a light turtleneck. Looks dashing, manly and stylish

[Sebastian]

Imagine those kinds of people hanging out in LA. they will be looked down. 'LOL look at these rednecks from country side'
So I guess it's about the place you live in.

To be honest, if you live in small cities in U.S, wearing trendy clothes is not very good.
I can understand they can look at me as just 'different' but questioning my sexuality because of that?

I just accepted it's just part of living in U.S. If you dress trendy, people might question about you being guy and Gays will throw eye signal to see if you will be interested.

[Aliblahba]

^^^ It's also how you carry yourself. Project masculinity and it's all good. If gays are eye-fucking you, something is missing. Gay dudes won't come anywhere near me.

[Sebastian]

I just try to act normal and don't try to act like a 'man' like those shaved head, tattoo wearing, ufc fighter wannabe guys.

I think they question it when a guy is trendy. I notice more eyes when I dress nice. (maybe it's just in my head. they are just checking out clothes)
Of course, if I just wear plain boxy jeans, boxy shirt like most average joes, hats backward and skethers shoes, I wouldn't have to worry about those.

(12-08-2012 10:57 PM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

^^^ It's also how you carry yourself. Project masculinity and it's all good. If gays are eye-fucking you, something is missing. Gay dudes won't come anywhere near me.

[Vicious]

The more they will talk the more curious girls are going to become about you. Never interrupt an enemy while he's making a mistake.

There's a great scene in Easy Rider depicting this exact situation.

[Duke Castile]

(12-08-2012 10:57 PM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

^^^ It's also how you carry yourself. Project masculinity and it's all good. If gays are eye-fucking you, something is missing. Gay dudes won't come anywhere near me.

I have the opposite reaction. Gay dudes love me because I'm masculine and completely straight. Hiflo is running into this because his inner game isn't complete.

[46.]

(12-08-2012 12:43 AM)delicioustacos Wrote:  

People thinking you're gay is an asset, not a liability.

They are saying: this is a person who is more stylish and artistic than me, who understands women better than me. He must be a fag.

Yup. It's a complement. I think back to being 19 years old and calling other staight dudes gay in a dismissive manner. Why did I do it? In retrospect, I realized that me and my boys were doing it out of insecurity. By rule, any dude who is better looking or more stylish (& not as good at sports) than me has to be gay.

So I was doing it because I was afraid I couldn't compete with them. And If I'm afraid I can't compete with them, I'm a p----y. (maybe the textbook definition of a p----y) So the whole effect was to protect my ego. Rather than improve myself and pick up some of the strengths of the guy I think is “gay,” I engaged in pansy-@ss chick-like gossip moves to better my own position.

Then in a small town, you have another factor at play; most dudes feel “locked-in” to a small town culture (some feel trapped) and are resentful of others who can get past it for whatever reason. So defining masculinty in a narrow way makes them feel better about themselves for basing their entire sense of self on a shaky concept.

So now you have dudes threatened by a double-whammy; a style they feel chicks are liking AND a worldview threat. That's a lot. You can deal better by getting into football or something that bridges the distance, or maybe by smiling less, etc. But f--- 'em, really. Actually I befriended some haters telling them that "yeah, it look soft, but women like it...whatever works dude." Men understand that.

Not long ago I felt a similar hate rolling up in plaid pants and v neck sweater. S--- was bold. I'll never forget one dude looking at me in complete disgust. But I know its because their ladies got a little hot under the collar and they didn't like it. Ha ha, now I welcome the hate.

[DVY]

Honestly, its just like fat girls calling hot girls sluts.

People do it to cover up their own deficiencies. Just ignore it.

Game as usual. Promise you, girls will come over and talk to you to "find out" if your gay.

Just continue as normal, and put on a sexual edge to the girls and just kind of tune out guys. Girls have good gay-dar...so dont worry about it.

There is no greater victory to show haters than living (or f-ing) well

[MikeinMKE]

Get a job in new Orleans that's a cool ass city and it's booming post Katrina with all the govt money and private investors

[RouteBackwards]

(12-07-2012 10:28 PM)HiFlo Wrote:  

This has been killing me recently. I live in a small city in Louisiana where the appropriate male clothes to wear is a camoflauge hunting jacket, carhart jeans, and heavy duty boots. Heaven forbid you dress contemporarily, not even metrosexual, but that you gave more than 0.1 second to dressing cool & getting a cool hairstyle and wear fitted modern clothes with an athletic build.

All the time people - mixed groups, all-male, all-female - will look at me and start gossiping "he's gay." I dont want to defend myself here and I'm not gonna about bodylanguage, not looking faggoty, etc - it's the culture I live in: you're an outsider and probably gay if you dont look like you're about to go on a fucking duck hunting trip. Mind you, I didn't grow up here so I'm not an insider, but I dress normal/hip for anyplace other than a conservative southern redneck small city.

I know this shouldn't bother me, but it does. If I'm in a good state either doing day or nightgame and my eagle ears pick up on this gossip, it kills me state and my mood goes down the gutter. I've tried playing mind games with myself saying in my head, "those chicks are fat what the fuck do they know" or telling myself im awesome: "this is just like johnny rotten moving to pasadena California and fucking loving it cause it was so odd (yeah, that's a true story BTW)" Nothing helps and I cant pick my state up off the ground. I still feel my spine keeling over and it doesn't straighten up.

Any tips other than move someplace else? How do I just not give a fuck about what people think & gossip about me? It really does kill my damn self-esteem.

gracias...

When reading this I instantly thought about your body language.

How are you conveying yourself? I dress questionable, I wear a lot of florescent dress shirts, classy dress pants and always have new shoes or boots on.

However, my body language is manly. I always have my chest puffed, walk like my dick is slapping between my legs and always take up space wherever I choose to sit. So even if men are jealous/uncomfortable with my dress style, women know from the get go that I am a man (not a homosexual) who happens to dress nice.

I meet a lot of dudes who are new to game, and when they wear clothes they are not usually comfortable in, flashy shit especially, you can tell they are more reserved because they are uncomfortable about what people think about them in them, and they end up seeming really closed in. They act almost female like in their new clothes, and that makes you look like a homosexual.

I work with rough and tough construction gentlemen, and whenever we are drinking outside of work they dress in country-boy type of gear, and I'm always dressed in my usual flashy shit. While they initially comment how I am a pretty boy, the fact that I carry myself like a man and act like one usually stops that conversation right there.