[highandtight]

Curious where you guys come out on this.

I generally conduct dates one of two ways: by building comfort with the girl, where she feels safe and comfortable with me, or by building tension, where the girl thinks I'm a little more "edgy," for lack of a better word, and where I don't give her too much, making her guess and building more sexual tension.

I am sure everyone would advocate for the tension approach to maximize SNLs. But I've had a lot of spectacular flameouts with that approach, too. Also, sometimes I've built so much tension that there is just a ton of pressure for the first kiss, first grope, shirt off, etc., and the whole thing stalls. Sort of a smashing success or dismal failure approach. I think, at times, its because I haven't built enough comfort with the girl to assuage her worried-about-being-a-slut radar.

I've lately been doing more of the comfort approach. Definitely a lower return for SNL seekers, but the likelihood of banging the girl (even if 2-4 dates may be required) skyrockets. I like to kiss early, even hand hold and generally be a little sweeter. Leads to great sex and nice repeat business.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: hand holding?? kissing?? feelings??? Highandtight is a beta!!!

Is anyone feeling me on this? Any favored approaches?

[soup]

(12-06-2012 08:58 PM)highandtight Wrote:  

Curious where you guys come out on this.

I generally conduct dates one of two ways: by building comfort with the girl, where she feels safe and comfortable with me, or by building tension, where the girl thinks I'm a little more "edgy," for lack of a better word, and where I don't give her too much, making her guess and building more sexual tension.

I am sure everyone would advocate for the tension approach to maximize SNLs. But I've had a lot of spectacular flameouts with that approach, too. Also, sometimes I've built so much tension that there is just a ton of pressure for the first kiss, first grope, shirt off, etc., and the whole thing stalls. Sort of a smashing success or dismal failure approach. I think, at times, its because I haven't built enough comfort with the girl to assuage her worried-about-being-a-slut radar.

I've lately been doing more of the comfort approach. Definitely a lower return for SNL seekers, but the likelihood of banging the girl (even if 2-4 dates may be required) skyrockets. I like to kiss early, even hand hold and generally be a little sweeter. Leads to great sex and nice repeat business.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking: hand holding?? kissing?? feelings??? Highandtight is a beta!!!

Is anyone feeling me on this? Any favored approaches?

Contrast is king.

If you are a physically intimidating guy, build more comfort. I've seen this happen with a very good player friend of mine who has to play the opposite of his thug look.

If you aren't physically intimidating, you probably have to ramp up your asshole game. Normal, smaller looking guys should contrast with aloof attitude and body language.

[Jam Man]

I would agree that building lots of comfort leads to repeat business and even relationships. That is how I gamed women before I knew about "game." Still trying to master building tension and being an asshole but have already witnessed its affects for SNLs. I think its a matter of what you really want from her. ONS or GF?

For me it depends not only on the girl but the situation. If I can tell one way or another is going to work better I go with that. Drinking at a bar? Asshole game. Having her over for a movie? More comfort but still plenty of sarcasm and teasing.

[highandtight]

(12-06-2012 09:11 PM)Jam Man Wrote:  

I would agree that building lots of comfort leads to repeat business and even relationships. That is how I gamed women before I knew about "game." Still trying to master building tension and being an asshole but have already witnessed its affects for SNLs. I think its a matter of what you really want from her. ONS or GF?

For me it depends not only on the girl but the situation. If I can tell one way or another is going to work better I go with that. Drinking at a bar? Asshole game. Having her over for a movie? More comfort but still plenty of sarcasm and teasing.

This is a good point: one of the flameouts was a chill at the house, drink wine, watch a movie date. I'm thinking: guaranteed bang, right? So I was building tension, not giving her too much interest, giving her lots of shit, etc. She was digging it, tons of sexual tension, but there was just too much pressure and I fell far short of home plate.

Key to the comfort approach is not being too doting. That just leads to friendzone. But if you've established high value with plenty of confidence, giving them some positive reinforcement isn't a bad thing, I'm thinking.

[Jam Man]

(12-06-2012 09:20 PM)highandtight Wrote:  

This is a good point: one of the flameouts was a chill at the house, drink wine, watch a movie date. I'm thinking: guaranteed bang, right? So I was building tension, not giving her too much interest, giving her lots of shit, etc. She was digging it, tons of sexual tension, but there was just too much pressure and I fell far short of home plate.

Key to the comfort approach is not being too doting. That just leads to friendzone. But if you've established high value with plenty of confidence, giving them some positive reinforcement isn't a bad thing, I'm thinking.

Exactly. If Im hanging out with a girl at my place I keep it chill. Light, funny conversations with teasing. I also usually go for the kiss at an unexpected time. Like mid conversation. I think they like the randomness and confidence it displays. Then things can progress before you build too much tension.

[20Nation]

I don't see why you can't do both, these aren't exactly opposites. By tension I assume you are talking about sexual tension leading up to a kiss or sex? Comfort you just have to build after you know she is attracted to you, if you are getting laid with any girl that isn't a slut, then you have built comfort whether you know it or not. I'm not sure if we have the same idea on building tension, but usually it works best over multiple dates(more time, more tension). It's a good way to make a girl fall in love with you because the first kiss/sex will be amazing cause she has been anticipating it.

Building comfort you have to do every time to get her ready for sex. You just build huge amounts of attraction, then switch to comfort and sharing shit, all the while escalating, then all you need is a location for sex and its over.

[XXL]

Why not building comfort and tension at the same time. Those two complement each other perfectly.

My way..
Stay chill, don't push or rush, have a good time, fuck around, appreciate AND tease, keep the physicality at "being comfortable in each other space" level and only from time to time use bold expressions like verbal ones.. "you're so cute i'm so cool our kids will be awesome let's go make them some now" or physical ones.. kiss, neck kiss, picking her up, dancing and groping each other, etc. But the whole interaction in general has the "unanswered question" vibe.

So because I play with how much I give her, the girl gets confused and she's not sure what to expect. The curiosity is planted. She experiences contrasting feelings about me [does he like me? did I do something wrong? but he almost kissed me..] and that's exactly where I want her to be. That's her whole fun, to keep on figuring the guy out, to keep on guessing what's next.

So comfort is there due to time spent together. And tension is more like anticipation. It's like watching a movie with a lot of twists in the plot which makes it exciting to keep watching to the very end since you have no idea how it will end.

Besides I'm patient to do all that stuff cause I hang out with girls I'm very attracted to that I want to see again. So I enjoy all that mating dance cause, damn, having tall beautiful graceful stylish girl next to you is very pleasurable.