[MasterOfNone]

So, whats the general consensus when it comes to following up on numbers? I've always preferred the call, since I feel it comes across as bolder and more direct, but I've heard others say that texting is the way to go since you can more carefully control what is said and the tone you project through your word choice. What's working for you guys?

[Ben Kenobi]

First one should always be a call I would say. I feel like texting just shows too much fear of rejection. Its pretty easy to send a text, but I'm sure plenty of us here still get nervous before we call a girl for the first time.

[Trotter]

Meh, texting is something I do with my friends. And my opinion is that it's easier to ignore a text.

[Roosh]

My ongoing experimentation with text shows it has lower yields than calling. I'm almost ready to say it's worth than emailing

[twigman]

You can get more organised in a short call than a few texts. It would take 5 - 6 texts to clinch a time and place.

And then you don't have someone giving a verbal promise they'll be there, which is worth something in a human interaction.

[leJend]

What I've noticed to be effective is shortly after acquiring her number, send a short text about something fun, or whatever you want, just to get her used to seeing your number/name on her phone. Then, when you call, she will feel less pressure picking up.

[Trotter]

That could be a viable tip.

[broken]

I"m anti-phone personally.

If you got a strong #, i'd call the next night and say what's up, chat for a second, tell her you're going out, and cut it short. Next call set up a meet.

If you got a weak # close, i'd put her on your "mass text" list, and send out the "hey what's up" to all of your friends and associates. If she responds, reel her in.

But you need to handle your logistics and her obstacles, cause without her own personal investment into to the 2 of you, phone #'s are pointless - and give her way too much time to control the situation.

[zorgon]

Texting annoys me. I'm just that much of an old fart at 26. What a lame way to have what ought to be a real human interaction. Well, that and I don't bother paying for texting service and yet I still get charged when people send me texts, which I can't prevent them from doing. I must have missed out on the texting revolution, because all the kids are doing it and most of the people I know don't text.

The worst are the girls who you see texting in bars/clubs. Actually, I recently used that in a conversation with this one girl recently... I made fun of her friend for texting when they should be out having a good time. So the standard excuse is that texting girls are trying to hook up, but in this case her reply (unless I heard her wrong?? I really don't think I did?) was the opposite, that people who are *not* texting are trying to hook up, which would have implied that she was trying to hook up (presumably with me?). This was after I had already gotten a few mild positive signals. I was so thrown off by her remark that I didn't properly capitalize on it. I think that one was a lost opportunity...

[Djonna]

I don't think it's appropriate for women to call men UNLESS they are merely friends. Regardless of the "this day and age" theory; I don't believe men, for the sake of a relationship, enjoy being called by a woman. It might boost their ego; but, in the dating world, I do believe the "old" standard of men calling the woman, is a man's preference in the dating world. Texting or Calling? Either would be acceptable; that's my opinion; and, I'm sticking to it.

[Trotter]

Traditional dating lobbyist?

A guy wouldn't mind a woman doing the first call back. Because women seem to think it's out of the realm of tradition is the reason why the dating game can be such a hassle. Now if this is an ongoing thing where after a date or two the guy doesn't want to hear from the woman then we're no different from women in that respect.

But I'm vehemently against traditional dating. Or as a lot of women put it "free dinner". On some level it disgusted me listening to my women friends brag about getting "free dinner" at the expense of some guy. One girl shared a story about how she was broke and agreed to a date with a guy that's been after her for a while just to score a "free dinner". On the other side of it I'm disgusted at the guy for checking his balls at the door. But traditional dating is just a classic failure amongst young people.

Back in the days when it was expected for people to get married in their 20's, have their 2.5 kids, and the white picket fenced house traditional dating was a social dynamic that allowed members of the opposing gender to negotiate the terms of a relationship. Hopefully, there was some love involved. However, because social dynamics and expectations are vastly different these days I believe that also changes the traditional dating aspect. That's why you'll find on these type of websites where we discourage paying for drinks and dinners. Partly because of the change in dynamic, partly to teach men not to get taken advantage of by a woman.

I think it's astounding at the volume of women that still expect men to pay for their drinks at a bar. Even if there's to be no significant level of social interaction. That falsely empowers women into believing they're the shot callers and control the world around them, so they use that power to take advantage of others. I was at a bar not too long ago and the bartender walks up to me and says the lady at the other end would like to have a drink. I just looked at him and said "Great me too. Make mine a double."

He just looked at me like I'm some kind of douche and walked away. While I'm sitting there I see two other guys pay for her drink and she barely even acknowledges them. She just looked in their direction and smile. Now the good thing is I think a lot of young women aren't into the traditional dating either. Mostly your 18-mid 20 somethings and it's not until they hit their late 20's to 30's that they prefer traditional dating. But I have my ideas as to why that's the case (which I won't share atm).

[Djonna]

(09-27-2008 04:05 PM)Trotter Wrote:  

Traditional dating lobbyist?

A guy wouldn't mind a woman doing the first call back. Because women seem to think it's out of the realm of tradition is the reason why the dating game can be such a hassle. Now if this is an ongoing thing where after a date or two the guy doesn't want to hear from the woman then we're no different from women in that respect.

But I'm vehemently against traditional dating. Or as a lot of women put it "free dinner". On some level it disgusted me listening to my women friends brag about getting "free dinner" at the expense of some guy. One girl shared a story about how she was broke and agreed to a date with a guy that's been after her for a while just to score a "free dinner". On the other side of it I'm disgusted at the guy for checking his balls at the door. But traditional dating is just a classic failure amongst young people.

Back in the days when it was expected for people to get married in their 20's, have their 2.5 kids, and the white picket fenced house traditional dating was a social dynamic that allowed members of the opposing gender to negotiate the terms of a relationship. Hopefully, there was some love involved. However, because social dynamics and expectations are vastly different these days I believe that also changes the traditional dating aspect. That's why you'll find on these type of websites where we discourage paying for drinks and dinners. Partly because of the change in dynamic, partly to teach men not to get taken advantage of by a woman.

I think it's astounding at the volume of women that still expect men to pay for their drinks at a bar. Even if there's to be no significant level of social interaction. That falsely empowers women into believing they're the shot callers and control the world around them, so they use that power to take advantage of others. I was at a bar not too long ago and the bartender walks up to me and says the lady at the other end would like to have a drink. I just looked at him and said "Great me too. Make mine a double."

He just looked at me like I'm some kind of douche and walked away. While I'm sitting there I see two other guys pay for her drink and she barely even acknowledges them. She just looked in their direction and smile. Now the good thing is I think a lot of young women aren't into the traditional dating either. Mostly your 18-mid 20 somethings and it's not until they hit their late 20's to 30's that they prefer traditional dating. But I have my ideas as to why that's the case (which I won't share atm).

I guess I would have to tell you I'm one of those women who doesn't take advantage of a man nor have I ever. When I go to dinner with a man, I ALWAYS offer to pay my share; and, if he won't allow that, then if we continue our evening to shoot pool, I will pay for the pool. But? I DON'T think it's appropriate for a woman to call a man to ask them out for a date; that's only in the beginning of the relationship. Of course, things will change as the relationship extends; but, in the beginning, it's by NO means appropriate, in my opinion, for a woman to call a man. It makes a man feel more like a man if he pursues the woman. Yes, a woman can pursue the man; but, 9 chances out of 10; that relationship won't last.

I think the "traditional" way of doing things is the best way of doing things and has the best outcomes. Sorry; but, that's my take on it being a woman and in the dating scene. A man respects a woman FAR more if she lets him pursue her, which has nothing to do with buying dinner. You have the jerks that will leach off women; then, ya have the women that leach off men. That's life.

[twigman]

I just went on a 1st date, just today.

Forgot my wallet and my money as I rushed out of the house to meet her. I had just come home and I was 5 mins late to see her.

Cred to this chick - She paid for everything. Including the tickets to the show we were seeing and coffee afterwards. I said to her - does this get me a big black mark? She said you don't even know my criteria. We had a laugh about it. She could have taught me something about cocky funny.

It was so refreshing. She did get to bust my balls about it, which is fair and appropriate. She asked me whether I had enough money to get home. It was fun. I think she will be getting asked out again.

[Trotter]

Sounds like a good catch.

[zorgon]

(09-27-2008 04:05 PM)Trotter Wrote:  

But I'm vehemently against traditional dating. Or as a lot of women put it "free dinner". On some level it disgusted me listening to my women friends brag about getting "free dinner" at the expense of some guy. One girl shared a story about how she was broke and agreed to a date with a guy that's been after her for a while just to score a "free dinner". On the other side of it I'm disgusted at the guy for checking his balls at the door. But traditional dating is just a classic failure amongst young people.

Agree. The closest I would go to doing a "dinner date" these days would be desserts at a cafe or maybe a *really* casual kind of place. To give an example: unfortunately they closed it just recently, before I was able to give it a try on a date rather than just hanging out with the guys, but they used to have a taco stand at one of the bars on West 6th here. You could get some tacos for $6 or so and then get a $2 beer from the bar. Then of course there are other bars nearby, so plenty of other places to go. I would have tried that, but those morons closed the awesome taco stand so they could open a real "restaurant"-ish location somewhere else.

They still have another location near campus with the same tacos, but it's indoor rather than just an outdoor truck, you can't order alcohol, and it's within easy walking distance of several other places you can get a drink, but now that's starting to get pretty borderline for me. Now you're getting too close to the "free dinner" danger. I might still try it as a date once or twice to see how it goes, but I think I have better options.

Look, there's a reason I will tell the girl that I want to "hang out" rather than, say, "take her out." Namely, I'm not a chump. The feminism genie is out the bottle. If girls want guys to "take them out" and pay for an expensive dinner date in the hopes that they might get somewhere, sorry, you're living in the wrong decade.

For 20-something guys like most of us apparently are on this forum -- traditional dating really is totally dead.

Quote:

I think it's astounding at the volume of women that still expect men to pay for their drinks at a bar. Even if there's to be no significant level of social interaction.

The one that totally blew me away recently: it was pretty empty. Weeknight. There was me, there was a group of 3 fairly hot girls, and there was a huge bunch of frat guys (with a few not-hot girls) doing a 21st birthday celebration. The girls start dancing suggestively in front of the guys, but not grinding. After maybe a minute or two one of the girls asks: "So how many free drinks do we get?"

We all ignored them, but what a total attitude problem! I was tempted to make a snarky reply back -- didn't bother.

[Roosh]

(09-27-2008 11:08 PM)twigman Wrote:  

I just went on a 1st date, just today.

Forgot my wallet and my money as I rushed out of the house to meet her. I had just come home and I was 5 mins late to see her.

Cred to this chick - She paid for everything. Including the tickets to the show we were seeing and coffee afterwards. I said to her - does this get me a big black mark? She said you don't even know my criteria. We had a laugh about it. She could have taught me something about cocky funny.

It was so refreshing. She did get to bust my balls about it, which is fair and appropriate. She asked me whether I had enough money to get home. It was fun. I think she will be getting asked out again.

But did you put it in and the end?