[Angry Beaver]

Hi!

I have been lurking around these threads since July, stumbled upon the forum through some couch surfing threads.

I have a severe problem with doing anything in the public: if feel it's inappropriate and furthermore, I feel like I'm closing doors when somebody else sees me. It doesn't only apply to drunken college parties, without the option to isolate (e.g. neither of us live in the building), but last time I was out on town just with a girl I had to really push myself to kiss her among total strangers.

I'm rather sure that is partly connected with couple of my past relationships, where I was kind of dating a married woman and another girl in LTR ( another issue altogether ), but I can't seem to shake off the sensation, that I'm doing something "taboo", not acting my age (whatever that might be) or smth like that.

Any comments, suggestions?

[the Dagda]

I see you are in Sweden so I can't answer for you there. However, I never worry about making sure I get the kiss in public or with other people watching. It's not like it is a requirement for girls to come back to your place (at least not here). I do touch the girl but kissing her with other people watching is not necessary for every situation. Do what you want though. Just make sure youre not projecting any nervous paranoia

[Angry Beaver]

Hi!

Thanks for the input. I'm talking about the situations where I should be kissing her, bu really don't want to do it public. Yesterday clubbing was a perfect example, dirty dancing and the girl was moving in for a kiss and I had to force myself to proceed, felt very unnatural.... Whereas after isolation I have no problems at all...

Kind of stuck in the thought pattern, that if somebody sees me, they automatically associate me with that *one* particular girl and I'm closing doors....

[the Dagda]

Oh I see. Yeah I wouldn't worry about it. Do it more often and it will become more natural. And if you are talking about "closing doors" on other potential girls (I'm assuming), think about it this way: you could also be opening doors by the same action. Hope that helps

[XXL]

No worries man. From my experience restraining from sexual escalation in public can only work to your advantage. Just keep your physicality at tasteful level where both of you are physically comfortable in each other space. Examples.. she sits on your lap, you hug her and pick her up, you stand very close to each other and tease, she gives you massage, you kiss her tenderly for 3 seconds and pull back, stuff like that, but these are just expressions to make it clear it's sexual relationship. in some semi intimate moment you can even emphasize your capabilities by saying "..not here" which implies that you could but you won't (here). So it's clear that you're not gay friend haha you just keep it

- you show some social intelligence - it's public place she might feel being judged for promiscuity and getting groped / molested.

- you build curiosity and sexual tension - if she gets a little bit intrigued why this cool fun sexy guy doesn't push for more EVEN THOUGH HE CLEARLY COULD then it's good news for you as she's feeling good and having fun and at the same time she's confused and self conscious (not feeling good enough), doesn't know what's up, it makes her want to see what happens next like how it will end. It's kind of like you see a promising movie trailer with those little short flashes of action that makes you want to go to see the movie.

- less sexual/aggressive physicality prevents flaking - since you keep her emotional state at fairly normal/sustainable level she's more likely to meet up with you again.

- you fly under the radar - you can pickup new girls in the same venue where you're current date hangs out no problem. Also reputation issues become irrelevant cause you're not doing anything flashy/over the top.

- by slowing it down at first you speeding it up at the end - you both spend time with each other so she gets so open and physically comfortable with you that the intimacy becomes natural so you both end up in at her/your place where you can pull the trigger when she's totally ready.

Basically good rule of thumb is to escalate hard ONLY IF you know that you both can and will have sex within 30 minutes from that moment (logistics are good and she's turned on). Then it's fine to go hard. However when you assess it's not likely to happen then keep it low until you got her in isolation or preferably in private place where something can actually happen.

This is my style. Full invisible game. Another advantage is that there is no major difference between nightclubs, daygame and social circle game.

[Angry Beaver]

(12-02-2012 02:14 PM)XXL Wrote:  

No worries man. From my experience restraining from sexual escalation in public can only work to your advantage. Just keep your physicality at tasteful level where both of you are physically comfortable in each other space. Examples.. she sits on your lap, you hug her and pick her up, you stand very close to each other and tease, she gives you massage, you kiss her tenderly for 3 seconds and pull back, stuff like that, but these are just expressions to make it clear it's sexual relationship. in some semi intimate moment you can even emphasize your capabilities by saying "..not here" which implies that you could but you won't (here). So it's clear that you're not gay friend haha you just keep it

- you show some social intelligence - it's public place she might feel being judged for promiscuity and getting groped / molested.

- you build curiosity and sexual tension - if she gets a little bit intrigued why this cool fun sexy guy doesn't push for more EVEN THOUGH HE CLEARLY COULD then it's good news for you as she's feeling good and having fun and at the same time she's confused and self conscious (not feeling good enough), doesn't know what's up, it makes her want to see what happens next like how it will end. It's kind of like you see a promising movie trailer with those little short flashes of action that makes you want to go to see the movie.

- less sexual/aggressive physicality prevents flaking - since you keep her emotional state at fairly normal/sustainable level she's more likely to meet up with you again.

- you fly under the radar - you can pickup new girls in the same venue where you're current date hangs out no problem. Also reputation issues become irrelevant cause you're not doing anything flashy/over the top.

- by slowing it down at first you speeding it up at the end - you both spend time with each other so she gets so open and physically comfortable with you that the intimacy becomes natural so you both end up in at her/your place where you can pull the trigger when she's totally ready.

Basically good rule of thumb is to escalate hard ONLY IF you know that you both can and will have sex within 30 minutes from that moment (logistics are good and she's turned on). Then it's fine to go hard. However when you assess it's not likely to happen then keep it low until you got her in isolation or preferably in private place where something can actually happen.

This is my style. Full invisible game. Another advantage is that there is no major difference between nightclubs, daygame and social circle game.

Pretty much summarized my take on the whole situation, thanks! It's just so deep in the skull, that it feels unnatural to proceed in the public, although I'm a big fan of "under the table tactics": teasing girls, plus adding the risk factor of detection to the mixture. Practice-practice-practice, I guess....

[XXL]

There 2 conditions though to not be friend zoned:

1. Use positive & negative expressions. Compliment/appreciate and also tease/neg. Keep it within the socially-accepted-things-to-say range. Be flirty.

2. Show her that "not yet" is 100% YOUR decision. She needs to see that you can but you don't want yet (not other way around). For the most part keep the touch it subtle but from time to time make few spontaneous bold moves to make her see you're capable.