[Sphere]

Guys, I'm having a complete brain fart on this.

I read this forum voraciously and yet I apparently can't translate what I'm reading into practice. Paralysis by analysis perhaps?

Here's what happened. I have GREAT gray hair down below my shoulders in a pony tail. I hear a girl walking up beside me and then next to me. She looks at me, opens me with "you have really great hair". I smile and say "thanks very much", pause for a second and then ask her whether she's enjoying the cool fall weather. That was boring and it ended quickly.

I know I'm supposed to take this in a different direction and after the fact I can think of at least a few things to say that might have kept the conversation going longer than it did. I also know that if I've done it once I can do it again. I just haven't done it once.

What would any of you have done with that opener from her? Give me something to start with that I can build on. Doesn't have to be specific. Just a direction to go in that I can move a fun conversation forward with.

Thanks.

[ABDada]

I also have long hair (down to my shoulder blades) and get regularly opened by women when I'm out in public.

My usual response (to guys or gals) is "Of course I do, I'm Mr. Hey Ponytail Guy."

When they (obviously) have no idea what I'm talking about, I go into the story about "Hey Ponytail Guy" that happened once in 1993, but since I sold the story to many people since then, it happens more and more often as I run into people I've only met once before and they use that phrase.

It's a DHV of sorts, especially when it happens outside of my usual cities (running into people I met on a cruise or at a beach, etc).

There are a LOT of responses to keep her talking: "Thanks, I don't really use any products either, unlike you people who love to cover yourself in creams and lotions and conditioners" or "You're probably wondering if it's a wig. Ok, ok, go ahead, give it a pull, but don't tell anyone."

[Vicious]

This isn't unusual when new in the game. This happens because you do not expect success. And that is something you have to train for as much as conversation flow, confidence and cold reading. Mostly it's about state control. Being calm and collected those few seconds that will allow you to craft a usable response.

When you're good all that comes naturally, but that requires experience and until you get there you need those precious seconds. Pre-crafting responses is not the way to go because then you will be caught entirely off guard all over when you're opened with something you haven't foreseen.

What it all comes down to is that this is a passive skill. It has to be in you when you walk out the door.

[Sphere]

ABDada;

Thanks! I immediately thought about asking her advice on hair products or telling a story as soon as she was lost to me, but as Vicious points out those few seconds of contemplation escaped me and I defaulted to old habits.

Vicious;

I understand your reticence to advise a specific response and that I should be ready going out the door. Good solid advice. However, I learn by doing and if I have something that I have confidence in for this, I can use it when it happens again AND I'll be able to generalize from the example to other situations.

You get an A for identifying that I do not expect success. We are all guilty of that in the beginning.

Once I find something that works I will stick with it and will experiment with it. I guess in a way, I have initial meeting oneitis. That is to say, I want so desperately for every event to be successful that I'm not looking at the horizon. On the horizon is the abundance mentality, that THIS event doesn't matter. All that matters is going forward, learning and improving.

Thanks to you both and to anyone who still has input for me.

[WestCoast]

As you improve your looks and style you'll transform. Right now you are "startled" when you receive a complement. As soon as you received it your brain said

"Omg a cute girl is talking to me"
"Crap how do I hit on her"
"Shit say something say anything"
"How do you like the weather..."

In the future your reaction will be
"Oh thanks I have been thinking about doing xyz with it what do you think?"

Or someone will open you with some other crap and your initial reaction is no longer going to be startled but one of swagger.

You'll immediately start talking about bullshit.

You'll regress back and forth, we all do, but you'll get better. I would wager lots of money that even the seasoned players would be startled by a knockout opening them with a complement.

With that said, no need to be so hard on yourself. You got a complement from a girl you deemed cute, how is that a bad thing. Shit that should tell you to continue going for the cute ones!

I'be said it before an I'll say it again long-term, game should be fun. You start by shoveling garbage but after many years or just becomes a fun side hobby. So your story was not a failure to me it was a confidence booster if anything, most guys are so ugly they would never be opened, be happy my man and have fun!

[el mechanico]

Her: You have really great hair!

You: Great! My hair would like to take you for a drink
or
You: It's a wig pull on it
or
You: I'm donating it to locks for cancer patients next week. We should probably make a date now.

[Giovonny]

(10-02-2012 09:10 AM)Sphere Wrote:  

I read this forum voraciously and yet I apparently can't translate what I'm reading into practice. Paralysis by analysis perhaps?

Reading theory is only half the battle. They more important half is to go out and practice. There is no substitute for real world experience.

(10-02-2012 09:10 AM)Sphere Wrote:  

Give me something to start with that I can build on.

Here is the answer to your prayers:

(10-02-2012 11:10 AM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Her: You have really great hair!

You: Great! My hair would like to take you for a drink
or
You: It's a wig pull on it
or
You: I'm donating it to locks for cancer patients next week. We should probably make a date now.

Also, you said that afterwards you thought of a few things to say..???

(10-02-2012 09:10 AM)Sphere Wrote:  

after the fact I can think of at least a few things to say that might have kept the conversation going longer than it did.

What did you think of after the fact? They probably would have worked fine.

You just need a bit more practice. Real life practice, not just reading the forum!

[ABDada]

I think you're also dealing with what I coined µne-itis -- micro oneitis.

If you "lock up" when talking with new women, you're basically putting way too much weight into them. Your confidence is low because you're "hoping" that they'll go out with you. Too much pressure.

This is why it's important to get to the point where you're spinning plates. When you have a few go-to women (or come-to-you women), the pressure with new ones is greatly lowered. Your confidence will grow. Confidence can breed higher charisma, and charisma is what you're trying to show when you're meeting new women.

It's not a chicken-and-egg problem like you may think, though. To get women you need to have women but if you don't have women you can't get women? Bullshit. Just get over your "µn-eitis" and realize that every new gal you meet is just another random stranger and there's no pressure to try to convert. Whether she digs you or not is unimportant as after she crosses your path there are dozens of other women ahead walking in the same direction she was.

When I don't have a quick witty response to a woman (or even some random guy on the street), my go to response is to lock eye and just smile and let them continue with what they were saying. That smile is my "trigger" to think a little harder at what I should say in response to their opener of me.

[Sphere]

(10-02-2012 11:10 AM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Her: You have really great hair!

You: Great! My hair would like to take you for a drink
or
You: It's a wig pull on it
or
You: I'm donating it to locks for cancer patients next week. We should probably make a date now.

Great! My hair would like to take you for a drink.

Simple but effective. Is it really that easy? I shall find out. I have lived too long in the shadow of fear of 'what if she thinks I'm a creep?'.

Marilyn Monroe said that if you can get a girl to laugh you can get her to do anything. I can do that all day. Just have to close.

Case in point, I just got my left ear pierced. Teased the fuck out of the little morsel that did it for me. Even gave her a hug at the end and didn't ask her out because I don't have any time in the next week. Idiot. Could have got the digits. I will get this.

[presidentcarter]

(10-02-2012 04:20 PM)Sphere Wrote:  

Case in point, I just got my left ear pierced. Teased the fuck out of the little morsel that did it for me. Even gave her a hug at the end and didn't ask her out because I don't have any time in the next week. Idiot. Could have got the digits. I will get this.

Left is right, right is wrong, right?

[LoveBug]

This happened to me a few months back... girl of my dreams - in every which way - opened me randomly at some store, commenting something about the magazines on display.. I was shocked and couldn't spit out any words.. Usually girls don't open, and if it is a girl you want you are even more taken aback.. Atleast when you are doing the opening, it is premeditated and you go over what to say and how to say it

[MrXY]

(10-02-2012 10:20 AM)Vicious Wrote:  

This isn't unusual when new in the game. This happens because you do not expect success. And that is something you have to train for as much as conversation flow, confidence and cold reading. Mostly it's about state control. Being calm and collected those few seconds that will allow you to craft a usable response.

When you're good all that comes naturally, but that requires experience and until you get there you need those precious seconds. Pre-crafting responses is not the way to go because then you will be caught entirely off guard all over when you're opened with something you haven't foreseen.

What it all comes down to is that this is a passive skill. It has to be in you when you walk out the door.

This^^^ . Dealing with unexpected openers from girls, whether a compliment or a neg, was to me one of the hardest game skills to learn and probably will be one of the last you will master. I still screw it up sometimes.

If you get compliments regularly about your hair i think you should come up with a couple of cocky/ funny responses. but as Vicious says, a lot of times you'll get hit with an opener you don't expect. So the only real solution is to develop strong Inner Game. Once you have that, the words that will come out of your mouth with little or no conscious thought will amaze you with their wit, confidence, and dominance. It's no longer a technique-it's you.