[1bliss]

I'll keep as short as possible but it'll still be long...

-we will call her HB
-know HB through mutual friend (a girl, they are very close)
-seen her a couple times, she is very hot
-one random night I meet up w/ a fuck buddy, and by coincidence HB is w/ her. HB is all over me, asks for my facebook, adds me on the spot, and tells me I better accept
-I do, she writes something on my wall, I then private msg her
-HB goes out with my fuck buddy again and fuck buddy messages me to come. I say maybe. I flop
-Same night HB facebook messages me saying she thought I was supposed to show up
-I give her my #, she immediately texts me. We go from there, we end up meeting up one night, me + my friend + her + her friend. She is all over me all night, we hold hands and all that gay shit all night, kissing up on my neck, feeling each other up, etc.
-We were all going to crash at my buddy's house, but I had something to do at home really early so I had to leave. Before I left, HB and I hung out 1v1 and smoked, and talked for a good 30-40 minutes. She pretty much was feeling me up and telling me she's really attracted to me, and that mutual friend was warning her about me because I am younger and a player. I had to go.
-She sometimes takes hours to reply. And she randomly will decide to stop texting in the middle of a convo (not too often but it's happened)
-She isn't a slut (according to the mutual friend, who btw is a very close family friend) and is a wifey type girl
-We were supposed to meet following weekend but she ended up showing up at like 2am so I had left.
-I've invited her out (on a date pretty much) 1v1 many times on the weekends but she always 'has work until very late' on weekends (she isn't lying about this but still annoys me. and weekdays are kind of hard for me)
-She flopped on me last minute this weekend because she had late work again and thought it was too late by the time she got home, but she was still showing lots of interest when we do have convos.
-She has initiated a few text convos since we met, but most of the time it's me. I haven't spoken to her since she flopped (2-3 days ago)... Right now I don't plan on texting her next until she initiated next time.
-I consider myself a player, but I feel like the tables have turned this time and this girl is trying to play games w/ me for some reason. Or she is worried about the mutual friend not liking the situation (the mutual friend thinks I'm hot), or the mutual friend is cock blocking by telling her I'm a player, blabla.
-I feel like I am chasing too much, but it is because I KNOW she wants me because she has clearly told me she's attracted to me and has actually showed up 2/3 times we planned something. And when she initiated convos, it's to make plans to hang out. If she actually doesn't want me then she's a better player than I am. But like I said, she is known to be a quality girl.
-She is 2 years older than me (24 - 26)
-I know most guys on here are against relationships, but she's the type I wouldn't mind getting into one with. So I feel different about her than with random ONS and fuck buddies.

Basically, should I suck up my pride and continue being persistent, and initiating convo with her more than she does with me (because it seems to be working slowly but damn I hate the feeling of me chasing too much)... should I keep chasing (because I know she wants to see me, I'm 100% sure)? Or should I 'move on'', disregard her and hope she will initiate contact next?

Tried to make it short but that's the best I can do. I feel like some small details might make a difference in opinions. It's a stupid soft noob issue but I like hearing opinions from different perspectives.

[Deluge]

Don't text her again, delete her number. Go out and get more girls. You wouldn't be putting up with her bullshit if you had other chicks in your life.

Also, do you really think a girl's friend is going to be honest about how slutty the friend is? It is not in her best interest to be honest with you about her friends sex life. Plus, she smokes (big indicator of sluttiness imo), is two years older than you and is playing a lot of games with you, she is NOT LTR material.

Oneitis's are only possible when the chick in question is the one and only prospect you have, you wouldn't be in this position otherwise. Go out this weekend, make out with a chick, do some daygame, get some numbers. Rinse and repeat till you've forgotten all about her.

[OGNorCal707]

This is where I think you fail:

"I give her my #, she immediately texts me. We go from there, we end up meeting up one night, me + my friend + her + her friend. She is all over me all night, we hold hands and all that gay shit all night, kissing up on my neck, feeling each other up, etc.
-We were all going to crash at my buddy's house, but I had something to do at home really early so I had to leave. Before I left, HB and I hung out 1v1 and smoked, and talked for a good 30-40 minutes. She pretty much was feeling me up and telling me she's really attracted to me, and that mutual friend was warning her about me because I am younger and a player. I had to go."

It sounds like you were being way to passive, this girl sounds like she was all over you and you could have easily escalated and fucked her that night. Instead of having a good 30-40 min. conversation, you should have made a move on her and fucked her or at least fingered her pussy and sucked on her tits if you two were hanging out 1 on 1.

I've learned the hard way many, many times that you got to strike when the iron is hot. Women are not like us, they are extremely fickle, it's hard to understand, it's completely illogical, but they can go from sweating a guys' nuts, to being totally over it and not into him in a very short period of time, sometimes even a matter of a few days.

My take is that this chick basically wanted you to make a move, you dragged your heals, she lost a bit of interest, and now she's kind of stringing you along, because she knows you are way more into her than she is into you, this has kind of turned her off, and she feels like she is the dominate one in the situation. Chances are if she's really hot, she's got a grip of other male suitors out there, so she'll be easily distracted by other men.

I would take a step back, and letter her engage you, if you set up another date and she flakes, then fuck her, move on, and get over it.

[1bliss]

Thanks for the replies. I should mention the mutual friend is very close to me and ive known her my whole life (family friends). We were raise together and our siblings are best friends. So she has my back just as much as she has HB's.

Also, I meant smoking weed. She has only done it a handful of times in her life so doing it with me was an experience for her. She really enjoyed it she said. Oh and she mentions mutual friend ALOT. But mutual friend told both of a separately to "take care of him/her. Cuz I like you both and I don't wanna take sides!".

I also met her friend one night who came with her to come out w us. All night her friend was trying to get us to hook up/make out, so I already know she told her friends she at least is crushing on me. So I don't think that's the problem.

But yes I should have made a stron move that night for sure. I definitely regret it but shit happens and I can't dread on that mistake.

I do still go out and that night she flaked on me I actually went to a friends birthday at a club and made out w her.

I will definitely disregard her until she initiates next. Because like both of you said, I think she feels like she is in control because I am chasing. Maybe I'm coming off as too desperate for still chasing/inviting her out a lot. So I'll cut communication to show her i tried and IDGAF anymore. Hopefully she bites haha.

[j r]

I read the entire thing, but I can't find the part where you escalated.

[1bliss]

(10-01-2012 12:44 AM)j r Wrote:  

I read the entire thing, but I can't find the part where you escalated.

Like I said I didn't make a closing move. But I escalated with all the kino during predrink and at the club. She completely opened up and wouldn't let me go all night.

But no, I did not even attempt to f-close or anything after the club because after we smoked up I had to leave right away. It was 430am and I had to be home at that time lol (and i live 30 minutes away from where we were downtown). Anyway no excuses but that's just how it happened.

[megatron]

Yep, move on.

1: why didn't you go for the fuck close? Always go to fuck her ASAP. It's a rule I've made years ago and it's always served me well.

2. Delete her number, as another poster said. Her interest in you is low right now: like 40%, if you avoid her totally, it'll jump up 20 points minimum. I bet she'll contact you, but you're going to gave to bone up your game if you hope to succeed with her.

3. Then again, this could all be a lost cause and you should totally move on. Girls who are interested make it very easy for you to see them. They make time. This girls isn't making any time for you. You don't give her gina tingles anymore. Sad but true and you're going to have to accept this. She's likely focusing on another guy right now. So don't project: you as a guy can focus on several girls at once, girls only focus on one main guy at a time.

[j r]

(10-01-2012 12:59 AM)1bliss Wrote:  

(10-01-2012 12:44 AM)j r Wrote:  

I read the entire thing, but I can't find the part where you escalated.

Like I said I didn't make a closing move. But I escalated with all the kino during predrink and at the club. She completely opened up and wouldn't let me go all night.

But no, I did not even attempt to f-close or anything after the club because after we smoked up I had to leave right away. It was 430am and I had to be home at that time lol (and i live 30 minutes away from where we were downtown). Anyway no excuses but that's just how it happened.

I have no idea whether the girl is playing games. I usually just assume that all girls are playing some kind of game. Really though, trying to figure out a woman's intentions (at least at first) is pointless. Treat women like a black box. Ignore what's going through their minds and proceed soley based on their actions.

There's only one way to find out if she's an attention whore or if she's DTF (she's probably both). And remember, a woman is only going to give you so many chances to close before she writes you off.

[1bliss]

It's a shitty situation because I know for a fact she wants it. She has told the mutual friend we both know that she likes me, who then told me. She has clearly told all her girlfriends about me because they have all tried to get us to hook up when we go out. She returns all my calls (though not many have been made). She replies to all my texts when I initiate, but will sometimes randomly stop replying... but it's not like she stops at a bad time, she just stops when she doesn't really need to say much (although I'd still prefer if she said ANYTHING). She has only flaked once, I flaked once. The other times she actually made the effort to come.

So as much as I want to ignore her until she initiates next, I feel as though me chasing her isn't so much a bad thing if I play it right and make it clear that even though I'm initiating with her, I still got other shit going on other than her. My shit doesn't revolve around her. So if I decide to initiate later this week, I'll probably call her and just talk to her without asking her to come out (again). Get her wondering why the fuck I didn't invite her out again this time.